The GigaCleanse™ Diet: Day 3

DAY 3. Starting weight: 156 pounds.

Without a doubt Day 3 has been the most difficult so far. I had to go back to work today, and "work" for me is synonymous with "coffee." Coffee fuels work, and work fuels America. Without coffee, therefore, the economy collapses and everyone dies.

These are the kinds of thoughts that went through my brain, which felt like it was running in maple syrup (which it is). Co-workers would come to me with urgent matters, and it would require great concentration and effort to comprehend what they were saying. It sounded like this: "Hey John, furzlehumph blurble COFFEE schlurzle googoo COFFEE COFFEE zazzle schlurpy building on fire!"

Then I would hear the fire alarms and evacuate to the parking lot. But not before taking the time to evacuate my bowels, which I must do consistently every morning, thanks to my colon cleansing supplement, and the salt water solution.

I'm not going to lie to you: even with the affirmation statements, Day 3 was tough. I found comfort when I went online and Googled "Day 3 Master Cleanse" and found these words of encouragement:

"When you feel like giving up, remember that Day 3 is the hardest. Persevere and you will succeed. Beyond Day 3 is accomplishment, and beyond accomplishment is victory. You can do it!"

Then I found out it was a spammer who had posted identical blog entries for every other day of the fast, just so he could link to his weight loss pills. Curse you spammers, and the mouth-watering meat you are named after!

I've come to call it "Power Juice."