The GigaCleanse™ Diet: Day 5

In the first four days of the GigaCleanse™, I have already broken my caffeine habit, lost six pounds, and my skin has begun to radiate a fresh lemon scent. Now we're on the back half of this revolutionary "back half" cleanse.

Making breakfast. (And lunch, and dinner.)

DAY 5. Starting weight: 149 pounds. Good Lord, I have lost ten pounds in five days. Today my mom, who has actually done a 30-day fast, wrote me the following e-mail:

John,

I just read ZUG. As your mother, and an expert at cleanses, I'm asking you not to do a colon cleanse while you're doing the Master Cleanse.

Since I know you'll do it anyway, please drink LOTS of water and watch yourself carefully. The body can become dehydrated (remember Jade & me at the marathon). The body has electrolytes that have to balanced. You could drink some Gatorade, too.

I'll be reading to see how it's going.

Love you,
Mom

I wrote her back:

Dear Mom:

Today I attained enlightenment.

Love,
John

During my ten minutes of self-hypnosis this morning, I did in fact attain a profound sort of cosmic insight about the interconnectedness of all humanity, and in fact all the energy in the universe. Fasting gives you a queer (queer strange, not queer gay) sensation of emptying your mind at the same time you're emptying your belly. You feel calmer, more focused, more "still." Or maybe you just don't have the energy to move.

At any rate, I caught a glimpse of the Divine Intelligence underlying all things, so I suppose that was worth another day on this crazy program. Then I pulled up my pants, flushed, and went on with the rest of my day.

"The cleansing power of lemons."