Long and Strong:
The Best Penis Pill Ads in the World
By Chi-Chi Felipe
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The Winners
For weeks, the ZUG mailbox had entry after entry thrust deep inside, harder and faster, until we couldn't take it anymore.
But finally it was time to pick a winner. Now, this was a two-part contest. $500.00 cash money went to the funniest MagnaRX testimonial (as judged by reader's clicks and a committee of Nobel laureates).
The winning entry was submitted by user Dave's Not Here, who wrote the following testimonial:
Dear Magna RX+:
I recently purchased your product while my wife left for a month to visit her mother, thinking I'd surprise her when she got home.
Unfortunately before I could begin taking the product her pet dachshund Oscar got a hold of the package and swallowed the whole thing. Well, it works. What I'm hoping for now is an antidote.
I think the poor little guy is now 30% larger, and I'm talking about the animal as a whole, not just the affected area.
He couldn't even walk without the thing dragging on the ground. Every time he snagged the tip on the rug I'd wince in sympathy. I tried taping it up against his belly, which was better than the drag and snag thing, but then he looked like he was jousting. He tried to play with the little girl next door and suddenly she's running down the street screaming something about icky touching and uncle Phil. I don't even know what that's about.
For now I've taken one of my son's old toy fire trucks out of the attic and taped it to the thing, so at least it's off the ground. Stairs are a problem but at least he won't get those friction burns. Only thing is every time his balls bumped it the siren goes off and scares him silly, and now he's so agitated he won't let me near it to take out the batteries.
I hope you can help, because other than plowing the vegetable patch in record time this isn't good. My wife comes home next week, and I think rather than explaining this Oscar may just have to go missing.
And the winner of the $500.00 cash prize for funniest ad went to user Brian M, who submitted the following:
As long as there has been movie theater popcorn, there have been studious young men sticking their junk through a hole in the bottom. Nice work, Brian M. Enjoy your $500.00.
Big, big thanks to those of you who submitted, and a big, firm, turgid, swollen, throbbing, veiny, purple-headed thanks to MagnaRX for making all of this possible.
So, do those penis enlargement pills really work? Check out The Penis Prank, in which our
brave reporter risks his penis for science.
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