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My mission: to use Ropex to set the world record for male ejaculation distance. However, magic Swedish roping formula or not, the pills smelled like feet. And I don't mean the freshly-washed feet of an attractive woman. I mean Rosie O'Donnell's woolen gym socks. I had to do my best to mask the smell. I tried taking the pills with semen-like vanilla yogurt.
I tried using Bailey's Irish Cream.
I tried masking the scent of the pills with delicious tapioca pudding, which reminded me of sperm for some reason.
To be perfectly honest, although the pills smelled bad, they didn't really taste bad. I had an ulterior motive. My girlfriend doesn't make tapioca pudding for me very often, and this was a great excuse. "Honey, I need tapioca pudding for semen-related purposes. Make some or you'll have to hear me explain why I need it." After roughly seven days of taking the Ropex, I started to notice results. This really surprised me, because usually slogans like "100% natural and completely safe" mean "doesn't do anything." I was also somewhat surprised that I hadn't died yet. Unregulated supplements: 1, FDA: 4 billion. Although I could feel and see a difference, I hadn't yet considered how I was going to measure the results. It's not like I could post mere heresy and speculation on the Internet. That sort of thing doesn't fly on the Web. I needed something scientific. Or at least something that looked scientific. So I hired an assistant.
We worked long and hard, but eventually we came up with what will surely be my Nobel Prize winning method of measuring ejaculate volume and distance.
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