Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:20 AM

When I had a pony, I would ride that freakin thing around and be honkin and Shakespeare. Then I'd be flying away and the pony would be like, "Sperel, where the hell are you going? We were going for a ride." And I'd be like, "Flying is better, bitch."

vertical bob 26,707 13
10/27/2001 01:26 AM

I want a bunch of prawns. And some clams and scallops. And sea salt. And some wine. And a bunch on aluminum foil.



Stat!

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:27 AM

when i was a pony, i had a goose once. i was like, "dude, this goose kicks ass." the goose would run around honking and Shakespeare and i'd be like, "i'm gonna chase that goose." then he'd stop and eat some grass or something and i'd think, "hey, this goose is hella smart. i'm gonna eat some grass." and then we'd eat grass.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:28 AM

When I eat fish my freakin goose stomach is like, "Damn bitch, get me some grass!" And I eat the grass.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:29 AM

Hell yea dude. When you eat the grass, you're like, "Damn, what the hell is that thing?" Then you're looking at it and you don't even know what the hell it is. Then you have wings and you're in the air or some Shakespeare like that.

red 600 16
10/27/2001 01:31 AM

PONIES!!! Damnit, always with the friggin' ponies! When will you LEARN we are NOT children anymore! Grow up for once, will ya onion?



*polishes He-Man's fake plastic buttocks*

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:33 AM

A lot of times people will ask me if I'm a child, because I'm not as big as them or some Shakespeare I guess. So I'll be like, "What?" And then they'll get all scared and back away and be like, "Here dude, have this stale bread." And I'll be like, "How about you stick that bread into your butt? I eat grass, bitch."

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:33 AM

hi red! how goes the kiddo factory?

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:35 AM

I think one of the gooses I hang out with might be a kid factory. We'll be at the golf course and Shakespeare, and then something happens and I'm like, "Damn, there are a lot of trees here."

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:35 AM

i still have that thermos with the ponies on it. i'm still scared of the "lemonade" that was in it.



i think you peed in it and gave it to me because you wanted me to drink the pee and have pee in my tummy so you could laugh and run away.



no wait... that was maharishi. fuggedabouddit.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:36 AM

If I ever peed in a thermos I'd be like, "Damn, where the hell do I pee from? I don't think I've ever paid attention to any of that stuff." Then I'll be like freakin chomping on grass so I could pee good.

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:37 AM

there was this goose one time in my paddock back when i was a pony. i saw the goose and said, "what the hell is that?" i trotted over to check it out and it was like, "what?" it started eating my grass and i was all pissed and stuff so i pissed on the goose. it started honking and i was like, "dude, you eat grass." the goose looked at me weird and took a big goose bite out of one of my hooves. i kicked the goose into next week and like ate grass and trotted some more.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:39 AM

If a pony ever infringed on my rights to eat grass I'd be like, "Bitch, why are you infringing on my rights to eat grass and Shakespeare?" And the pony would be lookin around and would be like, "Goddamn, what the hell are you talking about, dude? I'm a goddamn pony. I don't even have goddamn toes."

red 600 16
10/27/2001 01:40 AM

Pretty damn well. Three months till baby day. Still don't look preggo, which sucks, but oh well. Hell, except for all the Tae-Bo sessions in my belly, I can't really tell I'm pregnant. Doc says baby's in primo shape though, I'm just carrying so low that baby doesn't stick out.



Although I can't have sex. It's odd. It hurts worse than the time stapled my thumb to a lemon.

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 01:40 AM

One day I was working on my computer and I realized that it was still plugged in. I thought, This isn't a good idea. Especially since I could get electorocuted and Shakespeare. Then a golf ball came whizzing by my head and I realized that I didn't have a computer, I was with sperel on the golf course making poops. So we ate some grass. That was some good Shakespeare.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:41 AM

Whenever I get pregnant I'm like, "Damn, my freakin guts are all filled with stuff. I gots to get em out." Then I'm making poops and I'm like, "Damn, I thought that one was a baby."

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 01:41 AM

red, when you say 'Doc' you're not referring to that one-eyed freak, are you?

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:42 AM

one time when i was a pony this goose started hanging around and eating grass and honking and flying around and Shakespeare. it started like talking to me and telling me i didn't have any toes and i'm like all, "Frost man, i'm a pony. i give rides to bored little kids and Shakespeare." and then we'd eat some grass. only i get alfalfa and that pisses the goose off.

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 01:42 AM

Sperel, let's go to the golf course and make poops.

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:43 AM

i make these poops that are green and Shakespeare. i don't know what the hell that's all about. i don't have any toes and i trot around.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:44 AM

I had alfalfa once and I was like, "Damn, what the hell is this crap?" And the dude that gave it to me was like, "Alfalfa." And I was like, "What the hell is that?" And he was like, "It's good freakin food, dude, just eat it." So I was like, "What?"

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 01:44 AM

One time I went to a party and I brought Sperel along. He was quite the lady killer. They all loved the way he would tell stories about making poops at the golf course and eating grass. Then he took the girl I liked home. I'm still mad about that, because, he's a goose.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:45 AM

I learned in science: When you eat a lot of grass, your stomach is like, "Damn, bitch, this is a lot of grass. We should make the poop green so it looks like the grass outside." And the other guts are like, "Damn, we want some Frost-ing nutrients, dudes."

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:47 AM

i was hanging out in a field once eating hay when i saw this goose getting it on with a chick. i was like, "dude, gooses can't do it with chicks. they fly around and poop and stuff." then the goose was talking to the chick and she was laughing or some Shakespeare. i went over to check it out and the goose looked at me and was all, "get the Frost outta here, pony. i'm gettin some gooselovin." so i trotted off and gave someone a ride or some Shakespeare.

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 01:47 AM

That time we were at the party, Sperel made the host mad because he was all walking around on his table eating all the food that he put out for his guests. Then Sperel made poops in the guy's bath-tub. That's when the girl I liked started talking to him. He was all like, "Let's go to my place, bitch."

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:50 AM

I don't remember that Shakespeare dude. I can't remember anything from more than like 10 minutes ago and Shakespeare. I'm a goose. So I'll be like being nice to the girls and they'll be like, "Hey Sperel, how about you come over here and drink this Frost-ing juice?" So I'm drinking it and they're like, "Hahahaha, you're Frost-ing drinking pee!" And I'm just like, "Damn, bitch, I eat poops all the time."

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 01:52 AM

That explains why you never called her again. She was all crying to me why didn't Sperel ever call. I told her, because he doesn't have a telephone. He's a goose. He just makes poops and eats grass and Shakespeare

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 01:55 AM

Tell that bitch, "Yo, what's up honey? I am a goose." And she'll be like, "What the Frost are you talking about?" And you'll be like, "Damn, I'm passing a message from a goose to a human. I'm a Frost-ing retard or something, dude."

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 01:58 AM

No wonder she wouldn't give me no sugar.

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 01:59 AM

sometimes i'll be outside in my paddock eating grass and it'll start to rain or something. so i'll be all looking around and wanting to go somewhere inside, but i'm a pony and i live outside. so i'll trot over to the house the people live in and i'll be all "hey! let me the hell in the house! what's with all this rain crap?" and they'll yell back, "you are a pony! you're supposed to like living outside!" then i'll go over and kick the crap out of their stuff and trot around some more but not give any rides.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 02:07 AM

Yea dude, whenever people start talking trash about what you're supposed to want, be like, "Bitch, I know what I want. I don't need you telling me. I may be a stupid freakin animal, but I know about grass, so what?"

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 02:11 AM

and poops. don't forget the poops. they're always picking my poops up with a shovel and putting it in a pile near my paddock. i don't get that Shakespeare. i'm like, "you Frosters don't know anything. put the poops where you live." but they never listen and make me give rides. i don't wanna give rides anymore. i wanna write a book about alfalfa or some Shakespeare like that.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 02:13 AM

One time I was at a lake or some Shakespeare and some kid was like, "I'm gonna ride on this goddamn goose!" And I was like, "Dude, are you retarded or something? You're like way bigger than the size I am." And the kid was like, "Frost that, dude. I'm riding you."

So I was like, "Damn, that freakin kid was heavy."

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 02:15 AM

you should write a book too. about gooses. and grass and flying. people would buy a book for gooses that a goose wrote and then you could be rich and kick that bitch kid's ass.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 02:18 AM

I think I tried to do that once. I was like lookin around for some paper or something and this golfer was like, "Get off the goddamn tee box, goose!" And I was lookin around and the golfer was like, "Hey, that goose has a book!" The golfers were reading it and they were like, "Ha ha ha, this stupid Frost-ing bird. It writes about grass and Shakespeare! What a dumb Frost-ing creature. Not smart like us. No sir." And I was like, "You goddamn golfers!"

onion 12,319 12
10/27/2001 02:20 AM

i'm gonna go out tomorrow and kick the crap out of some golfers. they're always standing over in their field and yelling at me, "hey pony! how about a ride! HAHAHA!" like it's so funny i give rides or some Shakespeare. so i scrunch up my face and turn around so my ass is facing them and lift up my tail and fart really loud. they don't laugh then. i'm really good at farting.

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/27/2001 02:23 AM

Whenever someone farts around me I'm like, "Damn, dude, your heiney just made some weird ass noise." And they're usually like, "Alright."

amy bounce 2,710 12
10/27/2001 05:24 AM

i think that was the funniest Frost-ing thread i've ever read on GAB.





onion and sperel: comedy gold!

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
10/27/2001 05:29 AM

i clicked every post in this thread.

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/27/2001 05:38 AM

Comedy gold = Goose and pony talking about poo, farting and grass???

lPGgoNPchATi6 77,546 17
10/27/2001 05:40 AM

What have you done?

Id 1,116 11
10/27/2001 08:50 AM

I'm just left wondering how anyone could staple her thumb to a lemon. I've never really had occasion to use a stapler and a lemon simultaneously.

Gavia immer 803 13
10/27/2001 09:54 AM

Onion, how do you suppose Sperel types? Does a goose use the hunt and peck method?



Oh, that's right. Never say "hunt" to a goose. It freeks them out.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
10/27/2001 09:58 AM

She's so cute.



I think I'll keep her.

Alienyst 2,371 12
10/27/2001 10:04 AM

We have a yearling and a 6 mo colt that could be for sale to the right person.



I got my eye on a 4 year old right now.



All our stables are full...I need another barn. Anyone got one? 4 new stalls would be nice.

Superkitten 3,425 0
10/27/2001 10:18 AM

One time I'm just laying around in my bed and licking my balls, and Declan comes over and invites me to use his litterbox, and I'm all, "Yea, bitch!" So I'm there making poops in the catbox and eating biscotti and cat food, and making more poops.

dinesh 24,862 16
10/27/2001 02:08 PM

a pony? ha! that's rich.



brought to you by the ZUG screensaver

bridgie 223 11
10/27/2001 02:24 PM

Omygod! My sides hurt. I have laughed at every single thread. Ouch. Way to go guys.

1,116 11
10/27/2001 07:36 PM

I got my eye on a 4 year old right now.

amy bounce 2,710 12
11/22/2001 10:43 PM

i like this thread.

Superkitten 3,425 0
11/23/2001 01:03 AM

So one day I'm just sitting in my room and hiding from kids, and licking my balls and coughing up hairballs and Shakespeare. Then I make poops in the catbox and scratch a few kids who pull on my tail, and beg turkey from everyone. I am a kitten.

Superkitten 3,425 0
11/23/2001 03:30 AM

Also, that cat food in the pouch. That Shakespeare rocks.

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
11/23/2001 10:04 AM

Time to change your handle to "Jhonny come lately" or some Shakespeare like that

Brooke 0 0
11/23/2001 10:14 AM

My finger hurts from clicking.

Dead (Helena Bonham Carter) Robot 67,630 16
11/23/2001 10:20 AM

My Little Pony

Glue Factory

Its fun to make kids glue!



My Little Pony

Glue Factory

The fun will stick to You!

Stroganoff the Dragon 87 11
01/15/2002 07:29 AM

One time I resurrected a thread by Onion and Onion and everyone was all, "Sperel rules, bitch", and my dragon brain is all, "Let's go Shakespeare some diamonds".

Daggy 86,684 14
02/01/2003 10:13 PM

BAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAA!!!!!!







I think I just cacked myself!

AmyPoo , bitch goddess 2,710 12
02/02/2003 01:08 AM

this thread still makes me laugh.

AmyPoo , bitch goddess 2,710 12
02/02/2003 01:08 AM

oh yeah, and i miss the announcements thread.

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
01/29/2005 07:46 PM

Some Gab history for you n00bs.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
01/29/2005 07:57 PM

whatever.

Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
01/29/2005 10:03 PM

THIS is what people are talking about when they say "GAB used to be funny"?!? My kids wrote funnier stuff than this in Kindergarten!

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle® 156,785 17
01/29/2005 10:13 PM

Way to go Mavis. You raise threads in IT'S name then IT will come alive.





RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

Livewire 78,229 13
01/30/2005 07:31 AM

So Gab history is a lot like Canadian history then.





It Frost-ing sucks.

Whatever the goddess of wine is called 86,684 14
01/30/2005 08:53 AM

You did NOT just say Sperel the goose SUCKS!

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
01/30/2005 10:13 AM

Sy, I can't take your criticism seriously. You referred to a 17 year old girl's boobs as "breasticals." And then defended it.



I can't say anything bad about Livewire.

Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
01/30/2005 10:45 AM

Sy, I can't take your criticism seriously. You referred to a 17 year old girl's boobs as "breasticals." And then defended it.



I can't say anything bad about Livewire.



Mavis, I don't take ANYTHING on ZUG seriously! 17?!? I thought the minimum age to logon was 18? I picked up breasticals from one of our local DJs, and it sounds funny to me; if you don't, well, Frost you very much.



About Livewire, how 'bout HE'S CANADIAN?!?

Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
01/30/2005 10:49 AM

About Livewire, how 'bout HE'S CANADIAN?!?



"Not that there's anything wrong with that!".

Spicey McHaggis 117,695 36
01/30/2005 10:54 AM

I refer to my pecs as "chesticles" because they have about the same amount of muscle tone as my balls.

Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
01/30/2005 11:01 AM

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!".



Most of the Canadians I met in my nine months there were good folks (and a few of the Quebecois, too!).

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle® 156,785 17
01/30/2005 11:43 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHA!



Mavis can't say anything about me because he loves me.

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
01/30/2005 11:59 AM

I am one of the original syncophantic [sic] boob droolers!

Livewire 78,229 13
01/30/2005 04:01 PM

Sperel was funny enough. His website is still there. But it's old. Finished. Sperel was a one-trick pony.



All these people (including Sperel's alter-ego) still post on a message board that isn't this one.