Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 07:34 PM

i am sleewsrtralck and oi like tp type with myu knuckles,. it'sd fun!@

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 07:34 PM

Yo, what up, aush-dog here.



I gots me some mad auditing skilz.



turn-onz: getting freaky wid it

turn-ofz: skanky hos messin wid my men

Peon 6,076 13
10/31/2001 07:35 PM

Hi, I'm Peon.



Some people call me Bo, I answer to just about anything. I'm nearly 30, 5'11", brn hair/brn eyes, n/s.



The major detraction other than my foul mouth and obsessive compulsive disorder is that I'm a musician.



You can always email me at uncle.floyd@zdnetonebox.com. Me look forward to hear you from.

da_pope 1,483 13
10/31/2001 07:36 PM

my name is pope. i'm unemployed, divorced, and living near detroit.



ya know, i'm just going to find a length of rope now.

da_pope 1,483 13
10/31/2001 07:36 PM

peon, zdnetonebox is shut down.





dude.

5,580 13
10/31/2001 07:37 PM

Hi! I'm 20 years old! I go to college, my major is early childhood education! I'm fun, spontanious, and not modest or shy!

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 07:37 PM

heheheheheheh

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 07:37 PM

My name is Sleestack. I want to be your baby's father. Prepare to dive.

Peon 6,076 13
10/31/2001 07:38 PM

>zdnetonebox is shut down



Exactly.

Jinx, lover of sailor boys 5,835 13
10/31/2001 07:39 PM

Actually, a GABber did answer my personals ad. I'm not telling who without permission.

Candie Kohrne 8,640 15
10/31/2001 07:42 PM

Someone in Boston?

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/31/2001 07:42 PM

Its okay. You can tell them Jinx.

Candie Kohrne 8,640 15
10/31/2001 07:44 PM

I've been stunned so far. I joined this online service less than a week ago, and I've already found two guys on it that I've met before or seen regularly around town. One of them I went to high school with. I kinda love this small-town town.

Jinx, lover of sailor boys 5,835 13
10/31/2001 07:44 PM

No hints, not telling, no, no, no.

Candie Kohrne 8,640 15
10/31/2001 07:45 PM

Dial, dial



Hello, Mrs. Chouggy?

Declan McManus 131,867 36
10/31/2001 07:46 PM

My name is Declan McManus,

You may call me Declan.



I am 41, 5' 8". I am over

(the "election" of 2000)



I have a college education, lots of books, a killer smile. I observe basic North American standards of presonal grooming.



I know how to cook- in the kitchen, and cook (in another way entirely) in the bedroom!



I have a three-legged orange and white cat, and a 1994 Plymouth Paidfor.



My real life friends (I have at least one, which is more than certain GABbers can claim) say that I have good manners and listen well.



'belches, scratches hairy chest'



I neither smoke, nor drink the alcohol. I am addicted to a text driven "comedy" board.





Did you say something?



Looking for fur covered human male for hibearnation.

Fisty McButtpunch 2,438 13
10/31/2001 07:49 PM

Sup, baby? I's Tavis. I's 22, 5'6", 160 lbs, half Asian, and a Virgo.



My dream date witchu's goin a lil sumpin' like dis:



I's all rollin' up in yo' hood, an there you's be all lookin' fine an' redheaded an' Shakespeare. "Yo baby, come an' get in my ride," I yells atcho' window from down on da street.



We kick it on ova' to Jimmy's, this fly ass diner my auntie Chan an' her Jewish ass husband run out by the Mobil on 51st. They's got a mean ass chili-covered steak sanwich on th' menu at that place! Fo' dessert y'all can have tha choco-taco. Hells ya, I's pullin' out all the stops fo' you, babe!



After you pay the check, you drive us on ova to the 7-11 fo' drinks an' condoms. I gets us a coupl'a 40s an' some Kool-ade fo' mah kids. You ain't met tha shorteez? Damn, woman! They's some fly ass munchkins, all slant-eyed like me an' red headed like they momma! Li'l Hiroku already got's her some o they dumb white kids in she class payin' her lunch money to do they math homework an' Shakespeare! God bless them Chinee genes, right?



So we's back chillin at my pad all piss drunk on malt liquor Kool-Ade, an' granny ain't payin' attention cause she too damn busy takin' care o' Hiroku an' Lee Lee Chan or whatever he call'd. An' granny be blind an' Shakespeare an' senile too, so she don't notice while you's blowin me, and then we get Buster the pimp from downstairs an' trade him a shot at yo' ass fo' an 8-ball.



Call me, baby!

(909)IMA-PIMP

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 07:49 PM

But enough about me. What about you? What do you think of me?

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/31/2001 07:51 PM

> I neither smoke, nor drink the alcohol



You're no fun, eh?

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 07:52 PM

They's some fly ass munchkins, all slant-eyed like me an' red headed like they momma



That's the first click I've ever given you.

onion 12,319 12
10/31/2001 07:53 PM

yo, i'm onion. 5'8", 140lbs, red hair, and a hellova mouth on me.



college educated, plays four or five instruments, owns a lotta books, laughs hysterically at pretty much anything.



self-proclaimed shegeek. works at a large CLEC making DNS servers go boom. loves solaris, doesn't give a crap about linux.



can smell a bad sense of humour a mile off.



wants kids.



chances are, i don't want anything to do with you.

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/31/2001 07:53 PM

I suddenly have the urge to kick the Shakespeare out of Tavis.

Fisty McButtpunch 2,438 13
10/31/2001 07:54 PM

You're too kind, Miss Spoonhanger.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
10/31/2001 07:55 PM

werehamster?

Fisty McButtpunch 2,438 13
10/31/2001 07:55 PM

Chouggy's just jealous of my fly ass hooptie.

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 07:56 PM

Well. That may not be true.



It's the first one I've ever admitted to, anyway.

Declan McManus 131,867 36
10/31/2001 07:56 PM

Chouggy-



There's all sorts of fun.

I just like to be able to remember whom I insulted yesterday.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
10/31/2001 07:56 PM

Um, hey. This is Scooter Brown or some Shakespeare. AND IIIIII... woops, sorry.

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/31/2001 07:56 PM

> a hellova mouth on me



Why do I have the urge to unzip my pants?

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/31/2001 07:57 PM

> my fly ass hooptie



That's almost as good as Boo-Yah!!

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
10/31/2001 08:04 PM

Hi. Do you meet the following requirements?:



1. Degree in math, physics, or some other type of engineering that requires you to at least take a 3 course sequence in calculus based Physics including modern physics



2. Sing well, play at least one instrument, at least like Dream Theater and Loreena McKennitt. (Metallica = bonus)



3. Expert in Wushu or some other highly acrobatic martial art



4. Hotter or as hot as this girl



5. Love dogs and cats, but don't want kids









I didn't think so. I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
10/31/2001 08:04 PM

Myyyy hooptie rollin, tail pipe draggin

Heat don't work and my girl keeps naggin

Sperel the goose 2,909 11
10/31/2001 08:08 PM

Here is my ad.

"My name is Sperel the goose. I am a goose. I like to Frost ass hard."

Candie Kohrne 8,640 15
10/31/2001 08:10 PM

Hi, I'm dawn and I like to chew my toenails when no-one's looking. You want me so bad.

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:11 PM

Hi. Do you meet my requirements?



1. Must be female.

2. Must be funny.

3. Must be willing to sleep with me at some time after marriage.

4. Must have reflection in mirror.

4. Must be able to number items correctly.

F. Must be flexible. No skeletal structure a plus.

Ded_Freex 2,863 12
10/31/2001 08:14 PM

Where do you get Sleestack type humor from anyway ?

Jinx, lover of sailor boys 5,835 13
10/31/2001 08:14 PM

What is an "F" or "C"?

Good-looking, disease-free, super-horny, 29 yr old WM seeks F's or C's for a no strings attached mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Very accomodating if you like fantastic sex, I promise you will not be disappointed. If interested, e-mail me

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
10/31/2001 08:14 PM

I can do the splits, Sleestack.



Come to Brownbutter.

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:16 PM

There's a store down the street that sells government surplus funny. I can get a gross for around fifty bucks.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
10/31/2001 08:17 PM

Hi Lovely Ladies of GAB!

Do you have a pulse?

Then call me at 555-desperate.



Love, Adrian

Candie Kohrne 8,640 15
10/31/2001 08:19 PM

What's the county code for Sweden I need to dial first?

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:20 PM

010-FERDE-FERDE

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:22 PM

That's supposed to be "FERNDE-FERNDE"



The way I wrote it makes no sense.



Thank you.

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 08:23 PM

Hey Sleestack:



is this flexible enough for you?



(Yes, my hands are palm downward. No, this has not been altered. I just got the SO to take it.)

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:29 PM

Next on Discover: Bizarre Mating Rituals of the Elusive Raven-Haired Brit.



Sound: "Ka-WAAA! Ka-WAAAAAAA!"

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/31/2001 08:29 PM

That's just a little freaky.

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:34 PM

Mating Ritual continued: The display of double joints.

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 08:35 PM

You should see what I can do with my tongue.

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:38 PM

Mating Ritual continued: The licking of the fish.

Chouggy 5,183 13
10/31/2001 08:38 PM

*faints*

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 08:40 PM

oh. my. god.



that should be in the album.



Candie? You seeing that? That should be in the album.

Ded_Freex 2,863 12
10/31/2001 08:44 PM

aushie spoonhanger



10/31/2001 7:35 pm





You should see what I can do with my tongue.



AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH



HEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:46 PM

Mating Ritual continued: The careful, thoughtful preparation of the Zen Mating Garden.

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 08:46 PM

That's right--I can strangle Ded_Freex from across the Atlantic.



I'm that good.

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 08:47 PM

ooooh, nifty.

that works, slee.



I've always wanted a zen rock garden.

Jinx, lover of sailor boys 5,835 13
10/31/2001 08:48 PM

Heheh...adorable expression on Sleestack's face.





Dude, what's on your monitor?

Ded_Freex 2,863 12
10/31/2001 08:48 PM

Matrix Screensaver

Cap'n Stuby (MAJIN GO!) 17,826 13
10/31/2001 08:49 PM

22 year old 6'2" 220 pound white boy looking for a girl who can suck a golf ball through 10 feet of garden hose. Guaranteed 6" worth of erection. Doesn't mind poopdick. Not financially stable, but your money is my pleasure. Twins and best friends welcome, menage a trois a plus, but not necessary. I have 2 cats. Take that any way you want to.



Call 1-900-LUMBERMAN, ask for Beef McStudcakes, ext. 27.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
10/31/2001 08:49 PM

WooooOOOOOOoooooAAAAAaaaAAA!



Candie wants me! This ad thing really works.

Sleestack 30,342 13
10/31/2001 08:49 PM

Matrix screensaver! Ha-HA!

Jinx, lover of sailor boys 5,835 13
10/31/2001 08:50 PM

Hmmm...Cap'n Stubby, I think I've read your profile somewhere before.

Cap'n Stuby (MAJIN GO!) 17,826 13
10/31/2001 08:51 PM

Why does Sleestack look so happy to rake the Linux penguin turds?

Feeble 32,400 15
10/31/2001 09:00 PM

I'm more interested in Aushie's face, sans spoons, than in her flexible hands.



You're a cute 'un, gal.

aushie spoonhanger 5,580 13
10/31/2001 09:10 PM

awww, feebs

</blush>



no more. I'm off to BED.

bulLsh|t paTroL 12 12
10/31/2001 09:14 PM

No ad for me, my pic speaks for it self.....

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
10/31/2001 09:20 PM

Hi, My name is Fronzel. 25. 5'11" ish. 220 pounds. Socially inept. I'm a pretty resourceful person. I lean toward bitter cynicism.



I don't drink. I don't smoke. No real need to. I fall down all the time by myself.



I have a fairly bizzare sense of humor that very few get. I also remember all sorts of weird stuff.



I'm fairly well read. Not all of them smart guy books.

Feeble 32,400 15
10/31/2001 09:31 PM

Can you distinguish between well read, and broadly read?

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
10/31/2001 09:54 PM

How about:



I'm literate. I know a lot of Shakespeare. I'm smart enough to not use words like Shakespeare.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
10/31/2001 09:57 PM

(almost) 32 year old white male who has long ago given up on any hopes and dreams seeks attractive female 23 - 43 who has slightly more of a will to live and can handle a man who has a constant need to cry and who can take me to the special happy place once in a while.

bridgie 223 11
10/31/2001 10:00 PM

Sleestack! I know that this is a little late, but I've never heard anyone else say "Enough about me, let's talk about you, what do you think about me" before. My friends and I say that all the time when we're making fun of this guy that was trying to pick me up. Come on, admit it, you're Kristen.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
10/31/2001 10:01 PM

"Not all of them smart guy books."



Doesn't that clear it up enough?

bridgie 223 11
10/31/2001 10:13 PM

Hi, I'm bridgie. You can call me bridgie. I like to talk about myself (ask anyone, talk about me, please.). I'm 20 years old, 5'2", 110 lbs. You could call me and we can talk about me.



























Honestly, I'm a nice person, I love kids (no pedophile jokes please),and I want to be a high school history teacher. I'm a little too sensitive sometimes, but I'm working on it (those budgie jokes don't even bother me anymore. hehe).

GibletNugget 12,005 12
10/31/2001 10:34 PM

You are one sneaky bastard, bullShakespearepatrol. Too bad we'd be voting for aushie.

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
10/31/2001 10:45 PM

21, 6'0", 170 lb whitebread from middle tennessee. drinks often, doesn't smoke. have most of my teeth. faded jeans, thrift store t-shirt, sneakers, baseball cap is typical attire. collegiate soccer ballah, working towards mechanical engineering degree...slowly. i poot. pizza, steak, pasta, bread.....mmmmmmm. don't wanna make little ones for a while. can pop most of the joints in my body. and stuff.

Deranged Dolphin 4 11
10/31/2001 10:55 PM

Don't forget sleeps about 18 hours a day.

I think he's a vampire, serious.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
10/31/2001 11:36 PM

heh, giblet......you would be voting for me. BP is my other/old alias. Had to see if I could fool the rankings.



Too bad Codeslaves stat page is down, I will never know if it worked.

LeVertGecko 0 0
10/31/2001 11:55 PM

good god Aushie... did your parents meet in the circus sideshow?

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
11/01/2001 12:02 AM

oh yes. and i sleep like a mother-Froster.

vertical bob 26,707 13
11/01/2001 12:04 AM

Sleestack's Mating Ritual has left me feeling very confused. And somewhat anxious.

Sleestack 30,342 13
11/01/2001 01:19 AM

It's a complex ritual, ventricle bob, and takes a lot of patience. For example, right now I'm in the middle of the hardest part, the "Mating Recitation of the 15,234 different Eskimo words for 'freakin' cold'."

Chouggy 5,183 13
11/01/2001 01:29 AM

My name is Chouggy. I'm 35 yrs old, 4'6", 400lbs with blond greasy receding hair. I have tits that won't quit, an ass that shakes harder than California and more chins than China.



I'm looking for a women who can roll me over periodicly and care for my bedsores. Someone who loves ride the waves on my belly once the rhythm starts.



My hobbies include surfing porn all day and eating.



If your interested, please call. Let it ring alot, it takes me awhile to get off the couch.



1-900-FAT-SLOB

Callie Mollari 14,455 13
11/01/2001 01:31 AM

Slee do you happen to know the Eskimo phrase for "it's so cold my nipples fell off" ?



And would anyone happen to have some nipple glue handy?

amy bounce 2,710 12
11/01/2001 01:32 AM

hi, i'm amy bounce, and bounce me you may. i'm 22, i smoke AND drink, and i've been told i have a nice ass. looking for financially stable guy who is funny and likes kids. MUST HAVE HIGH SEX DRIVE.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
11/01/2001 01:34 AM

Im here for you, amy.....

Chouggy 5,183 13
11/01/2001 01:37 AM

Me too, Amy.



Just let me get off this couch......

Sleestack 30,342 13
11/01/2001 01:37 AM

Callie, I do know the phrase, but vocalizing it properly makes your teeth shatter. It starts like this, "D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d..."

Callie Mollari 14,455 13
11/01/2001 01:37 AM

I'm Callie. I'm 33, 5'4". 38DD and highly oversexed (at least that's what my husband tells me). I like gardening, sex, baking, sex, good books, sex, cat juggling, sex and curling up by the fireplace and singing my clothing off with embers then having sex.



P.S. I'm only a novice cat juggler, one is my current limit.

Callie Mollari 14,455 13
11/01/2001 01:39 AM

I think I'll skip learning that phrase then, Slee. My parents would kill me if I shattered my teeth, since they paid all that money for braces when I was a kid.

Epsilion 14,139 11
02/24/2003 02:42 AM

highly oversexed (at least that's what my husband tells me).





Dont tell me for one second hes complaining?





Oh, right. Hes usually at work right?

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
02/24/2003 05:34 PM

Hi, I'm Mr. Gardenback. I'm 6'2", 175 lbs, and I'm the living personification of man's inhumanity to man. Every relationship I have ever had has ended with either weeping or a rooftop battle to the death. I'm the sort of person that doesn't care if a thread is two years old and no longer pertinent. And I wuv oo.

Daggy 86,684 14
03/28/2003 10:22 PM

Hi, my name is Daggy.

I'm 38 going on 12.

Big boobs, no arse.... but have given up trying to suck from one end to the other.

I'm good looking.... well.... I haven't made anybody sick yet.

Call me, we can sit around and eat crap.

Phil Collins Rocks My World 11,939 13
03/28/2003 11:03 PM

Hi, I'm Manhattan Fever. I live in a cozy studio apartment that was once monitored by the local police department because one of the apartments was used as a meth lab. My hobbies include spitting on retards, drinking bottles of Nyquil to get a buzz going and bubble baths. If you think you can handle my simple honesty and biting wit then maybe we can sit around listening to Zeppelin on my four track and play darts. Love to hear from you.

red the opinionated and her trained bush 600 16
03/28/2003 11:22 PM

Hey there, guys. My name is red, cuz umm...I'm a redhead. 5'4, 130 pounds, my turn ons include candles, incense, thai food, fat hairy comp. geeks, bondage, best foods mayo, women in fuzzy pink panties, and puppies. Turn offs include grape-nuts, native-americans, blacks, indians, japanese, puerto ricans, germans, russians, south africans, canadians, alaskans, anyone born on an island, missing teeth, straight people, onions, and guys from Portland Oregon who attended Portland State University named Timmy.

If at First You Don't Succeed, Trae, Trae Again 156,785 17
03/28/2003 11:31 PM

I'm Trae, 5'8" tall, weight proportionate to height and have a nice rack (36D). Looking for rich, single well hung man to be houseboy/love slave.



Must do windows and laundry and not mind the occasional whippin.

Pants 14,252 17
03/28/2003 11:36 PM

I'm Trae, 5'8" tall, weight proportionate to height and have a nice rack (36D).



Proportionate UNMENTIONED weight.

If at First You Don't Succeed, Trae, Trae Again 156,785 17
03/29/2003 12:14 AM

148lbs you dickwad



Happy now??

Daggy 86,684 14
03/29/2003 05:44 AM

Whats 55kg in lbs?

I'm that.

Spicey McHaggis 117,695 36
03/29/2003 08:43 AM

55kg = 121lbs.

Daggy 86,684 14
03/29/2003 09:07 AM

Oh ok.



And I'm 3'4"..... so how does that work out?

Virnomine the Haberdasher 79,386 11
03/29/2003 09:15 AM

That works out to you being my little love spud.

PhartSack 13,787 15
01/25/2005 01:16 AM

Come to Brownbutter.





Isn't Brownbutter what's left over after anal sex?