Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 06:53 PM

Now, to address Deon Warwick Prefect. Since you deemed it necessary to address me on the board, I will do the same. Your gross incompetence on the subject of me or anything concerning my life has been made painfully evident once again. Your comments on the outcome of my future are entirely unfounded and are only the result of your hostile and ignorant stance. Sadly, I've come to expect to read words dripping with negativity and obvious envy from the likes of you. If I ever read anything different, I think I might die of shock.



You are quite the hypocrite to paint grim pictures of my own future when one mother on this forum has openly admitted to receiving financial aid on behalf of her child due to the negligence of her now ex-husband. She was married at the time of her child's birth and, according to your narrow-minded standards; this fact exempts her child from ever being in a single-parent home. Things didn't work out between Amy and her spouse and now she is the evil recipient of the very program you condemn yet you choose to spare her as a target of your judgmental ramblings. But you know what? I'd bet my arm that she is a fantastic mother who is an excellent provider and puts the needs of her daughter above all else. I hold the highest regard for her as she is holding down one of the world's toughest jobs - being a mom and she's doing it on her own.

What does this mean to you?

It means you know nothing.

You have no crystal ball that would tell you if Rick and I will be apart after 6 months or together after 30 years yet you choose to repeatedly make a fool of yourself by sitting on your high ground dispensing knowledge on subjects of which you have absolutely no background on.

Feeble [forbidden by the Geneva Convention] 32,400 15
02/17/2002 06:54 PM

Well. THAT sounds pretty good. Better than a lot of people start a marriage out.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 06:55 PM

Admittedly, I can never be sure if your dismal words are born of concern or contempt. My guess is the later in which case I am very sorry for you. I've never done anything to you and will never grasp your motives.

I believe in the willpower of the individual. While it may be true that there are those in the world who accept defeat and take advantage of others I know that I am not one of them. In fact, I will go out on a limb by saying that no one on this forum is one of them. The people here are smart, creative and motivated. Your lack of confidence in human willpower seems to overpower your personality and while I wonder why this is so, I can't preoccupy myself trying to figure out why you behave the way you do.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 06:55 PM

You are a dreadful person, Gerard. Why you treat people the way you do will always be a mystery to me. However, I refuse to turn out like you. In fact, it will bring me great joy to prove you wrong for people like you do not bring me down but motivate me to set my goals ever higher.

One day you will have to eat your words and I hope, for your sake, that they aren't as acrid as I anticipate them to be.



The naysayers may post what they will but they will never destroy my spirit. I WILL persevere, I WILL succeed and you can bet your life on it.



It's a pity you may never accept this and a shame you will never know me as the extraordinary person that I am. I love myself and those closest to me. I am fortunate to reap the rewards of that love tenfold and I wish the same for you. If your life contained only half of the optimism and encouragement my life is filled with you may not be the contemptuous, hate-filled person you portray.



I suggest that you do me the favor of moving on to another recipient of your counter productive disparagement. As far as I'm concerned you're wasting your time and digging your own grave. I thank God that I am far too smart to take your words seriously.

Feeble [forbidden by the Geneva Convention] 32,400 15
02/17/2002 06:56 PM

Oh boy.



I have never seen ANY Gabber stop badgering someone because that someone said it bothered them.



You need to write some code to delete all Ford posts before you read them.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 06:57 PM

1) The very first post of your pregnancy thread said "flame away"



2) This is a comedy board.



3) Give it a couple of years before claiming Ford is wrong in his predictions.



4) Ford only lashes out at you because his mom never put enough mayo in his tunafish.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 06:58 PM

I completely understand and accept the negativity of this board. I just want to get my words on the table, since no one has yet to talk with me about any of this. That's all.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 06:59 PM

5) If you're not taking Gerard's words seriously, why did you just make such a huge post defending yourself against his words?

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/17/2002 07:00 PM

Odd that the "I'm getting married thread" did not precede the "I'm knocked up" thread.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:00 PM

You're right. I will rephrase. I have, in fact, taken his words seriously. I have not, however, taken them to heart. My mistake.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 07:00 PM

Also, of all the things Gerard may be feeling, I hardly doubt he's "envious" of you.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 07:01 PM

Just curious, did Rick ask you to marry him before or after you got all bent out of shape because Jew-boy was getting married?

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:02 PM

I don't think he's envious of me. But I do believe there is a great deal of envy for those who are happy in his criticisms.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/17/2002 07:03 PM

2: Why single Ford out? Other people talked a lot more Shakespeare than Ford. Ford just said it before it actually happened.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 07:03 PM

As far as I know, Gerard predicted that your goal in life was to get knocked up so you could become a stay-at-home mom.



Tell me again, where was he wrong?

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/17/2002 07:04 PM

I wish I was pregnant.

aushie 5,580 13
02/17/2002 07:05 PM

Can I ask about the record label?

181,255 35
02/17/2002 07:05 PM

Don't get too used to me, shelby. I wont be around for long.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 07:05 PM

Record Label = Record store

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/17/2002 07:05 PM

Since you are getting married, I will now shift the focus of my ire from your single-motheredness to the fact that you will be ruining your baby's life by not raising it as a Scientologist, the one true path to salvation.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:06 PM

Ford Prefect

2/15/2002 10:42 am

Next comes either no marriage or divorce shortly thereafter, and Mel will make sure she gets her child support and she'll go on WIC, she'll never have to work again till the kid is grown, and she can put all the responsibility for it on somebody else. The fact is the system is set up so that getting pregnant by the right guy is a low-ambition solution to all your problems. Have a baby and there is a lower threshold for how bad it can get or how responsible you have to be. Have one and you get free money, and you get even more if you can identify the father.



I disagree. The picture I have painted is very far off from his own.

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/17/2002 07:07 PM

Let's see...



He's named Rick

He's been out of the spotlight for a while

He's older

He's in the music business



Oh my God, Melanie is Jessie's Girl!!!!

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:08 PM

aushie, I will tell you about the label in NY in private but not on the board. No way are the wankers on this forum harrassing him through his website.

aushie 5,580 13
02/17/2002 07:08 PM

Mel, seriously, the best thing to do might be to let it go and post yearly updates.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 07:09 PM

Do you actually think you'll still be happily married a couple of years from now?



I mean, honestly? And when the "record label" stops doing so well and "Rick" can't afford the child support payments, then what?



Have you thought of any of this or do they spike the water in Happy-Fun Land?

aushie 5,580 13
02/17/2002 07:09 PM

True--not posting his details might be the best choice.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/17/2002 07:12 PM

I guess, Shelby, I honestly hope everything works out the way you think it will but my cynical nature says that it wont. And since it doesn't seem like this is all very well thought out I think you are doing your baby a disservice.



I could be wrong though, I hope I am. I doubt I am.



Please prove me wrong.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/17/2002 07:13 PM

That's a second prediction that he made after prediction his previous predicitons came true. So far he's got a perfect record, we'll see if this one holds up and if it does, he'll have to have to duel with Bonky for the psychic champ title.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:13 PM

I fully intend to, Nitwitter.

da_pope 1,483 13
02/17/2002 07:14 PM

record label isn't doing that well.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:15 PM

So, if I continue to work Squeam will flame. If I stay home with the child, Gerard will flame. Guess I'm out of luck either way.

LeVertGecko 0 0
02/17/2002 07:15 PM

"Do you actually think you'll still be happily married a couple of years from now?"



I'm sure Amy's family and friends told her the same thing about that "Emerson Jim" she was going to marry. now you knocked her up so she can't leave.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:20 PM

Remind me to give you a funny clickie when you log back in, EP.

Reek Stankleberry 3,653 12
02/17/2002 07:20 PM

What's wrong with having babies?

Trae (unemployed bitch) 156,785 17
02/17/2002 07:39 PM

accept the negativity of this board.



I never noticed all the negativity but I do now that you mention it. I for one Mel, wish you the best in both your marraige and family. You are lucky to have a man who is willing to do both so close together.



It is true that being a single Mom is difficult but starting a marraige and family at the same time is a huge undertaking. The fact that you've known eachother so long will help I'm sure.



This IS a comedy board, and maybe sooner or later someone else besides the regular comedic contributors will step in and help out in that regard.





Life IS funny.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 07:40 PM

Thank you, Trae, for your refreshing optimism. I give you many cyber hugs!

Dangeo 2,691 13
02/17/2002 08:33 PM

May the force be with you Mel.



Name it after me?

Manhattan Fever 11,939 13
02/17/2002 08:41 PM

y'know after reading about two sentences of that jargon i shudder to think how you're going to raise your kid



"if someone says something to you, never ever forget it! remember it til the day you die, thinking of multiple responses and reactions you could have said or done! and if you have the chance to be spiteful, jump on that Shakespeare! wait, scratch that, you always have the opportunity to be spiteful and petty about the smallest things! pick something apart til you have a searing migraine! let one person's actions or words control your ability to sleep peacefully at night!"



some of you guys are really sick, sad individuals. seriously, some of you belong on an episode of seinfeld with the way you express yourselves.

Mr. Ref 756 11
02/17/2002 08:41 PM

Two things:



"I will, thankfully, be able to be a stay at home mom due to the record label doing so well"



I predict there will be a Jerry Springer show within the next three years like "Napster and Morpheus destroyed the music industry and made me a crack whore"



Also, I can't believe Feeble said this:



4) Ford only lashes out at you because he never put enough mayo in his mom's tunafish.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/17/2002 08:44 PM

I can't believe it either. Probably because Nitwitter said it.

Mr. Ref 756 11
02/17/2002 08:55 PM

Euh, yeah, that's what I meant.

Some Guy 19,242 12
02/17/2002 09:02 PM

Mel, can you get me Rick's autograph? Tell him I really liked "Born to Run"

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/17/2002 09:04 PM

ehehehehehehehehhehe

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
02/17/2002 11:02 PM

so it really wasn't a breadstick with a plus sign magic markered on the end!

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
02/17/2002 11:11 PM

That was a very Fordalific post up there. I zonked out.



I think it had something to do with robots.

Phuc 237,915 21
02/17/2002 11:55 PM

You are a dreadful person, Gerard. Why you treat people the way you do will always be a mystery to me.



from Websters:

duh

Pronunciation: 'd&, usually with prolonged &

Function: interjection

Date: 1974

1 -- used to express actual or feigned ignorance or stupidity

2 -- used derisively to indicate that something just stated is all too obvious or self-evident



It's because Granny S. Preston Esquire kissed him a little too much when he was a kid.



You're way too uptight about this, kid. And if this is where you go for feedback, your life is headed for a quick slide down the Shakespeareter, let alone your marriage or impending motherhood. Go make some normal friends. Hang out at the laundromat or something.

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/17/2002 11:57 PM

One summer in college my da d had a job on a pipeline.



One day the other guys asked if he was "funny" because he didn't want to go to the laundromat to pick up women.

Dirk Lately 14,001 13
02/18/2002 12:09 AM

Your dad was a fag?

LeVertGecko 0 0
02/18/2002 12:13 AM

And so we learn the reason Squeamish was adopted, his daddy was in a sham marriage and liked the mangina.

Dirk Lately 14,001 13
02/18/2002 12:14 AM

What kind of "pipeline" was this, anyway?

EvilPanda 4,807 13
02/18/2002 12:17 AM

I'm logged in now, Mel.



You're still an idiot.



Smooches.

Feeble [forbidden by the Geneva Convention] 32,400 15
02/18/2002 12:19 AM

Comedy is almost always a little hurtful. Having said that, some people seem to be so convinced that Melanie can't do anything right, that they are convinced nothing can be good about this, either.



Mel, your mission is clear. Raise your child to be a doctor, so she can pull the plug on certain negative-minded people.

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
02/18/2002 12:32 AM

Actually, Nubutter's exhibiting a clear case of jealousy. He's locked into an unholy union with a slavering greasebeast (I know she's a Butter Magician, I saw the GABFest pics) and is upset that he can't leave Calorie Dungeon to find a young girl to knock up and marry so he can announce it here.





It's OK, Nutbutter, there are still those among us who are fairly certain that you're a man and not just a ripening snack for that lumbering Saturated Fat Bandit...

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 12:34 AM

well, she is pregnant. I mean I swear I saw pictures of her before where she was a normal size.

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
02/18/2002 12:37 AM

Yeah, so she's pregnant.



It doesn't give her any right to devour entire hogs whole.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 12:39 AM

at least without killing them first

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
02/18/2002 12:39 AM

the UN has laws that prevent cruelty to living beings.

AmyPoo 2,710 12
02/18/2002 12:43 AM

But you know what? I'd bet my arm that she is a fantastic mother who is an excellent provider and puts the needs of her daughter above all else. I hold the highest regard for her as she is holding down one of the world's toughest jobs - being a mom and she's doing it on her own.





hey thanks, mel! that's high praise indeed.

Yiddle the Yiddish Cop 355 11
02/18/2002 12:45 AM

Yiddle would be a good name for a boy.



Preston would be a good name for a goy.

postbear 10,158 13
02/18/2002 12:46 AM

"Odd that the "I'm getting married thread" did not precede the "I'm knocked up" thread."



preach on, scooter.



maybe the world will be lucky and it will just be a tumour.

Mr. Ref 756 11
02/18/2002 01:17 AM

Tumours are tumors from Quebec, and can say things like "bon jour" and "voila"!

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 01:22 AM

Damnit Michelle, I've watched your stupidity from afar for the longest time, playing nice, hoping you'd somehow grow out of it, but all I can say now, is that you should leave, if you sense so much animosity here for you. It's a comedy board. COMEDY. Humor, however ill-mannered, vile, or disturbing, is still humor, yet in most every post you make, you're trying to be serious, with just a very little bit of your own odd humor thrown in, but you make such a stance of defending yourself whenever someone disagree's, or you feel personally threatend, that you mild take on humor ends up making you look like a really serious flake, who is way to emotional. Get the Frost over. Lots of people think bad of me, because of my past, the way I am, the way I think, and things I do. Do I care, no. Do I persevere, yes. There are people from this board I consider friends now, despite our differences, that years ago, I could not stand, and likely would've physically and psychologically tortured and murdered sheerly for fun, and considering when I first started on here, I was a raging hick-minded homophobe who could actually tell you the taste of different qualities of human meat, that's a grand development. I've become a pacifist, I've managed to suppress my bloodlust, and actually feel ill and the sight of human inards now, most of the time. I feel again, I allow my mind to expand, instead of simply thinking supressing what intellect I had. For the longest time I tried to fit into society, so I could be more myself. Nobody notices the quiet, average, everyday joe. It's easier to be the outsider when you blend. That sounds a little strange, but is very true.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 01:23 AM

This place has had a profound impact on my life, and where I used to simply know, and show people how much better I am then them, and belittle them, take them down, make them feel their inferiority, I now use what superiorities I have to lift others up, to show them their good sides, and what's wrong, and how they can fix it. I counsel troubled teens that not 3 years ago, I'd have seduced, and pushed to suicide. I rarely use my PC anymore, and I've been using msg boards and what not since early '86. I rarely watch TV anymore, and I used to spend days in front of the thing. I read, I think, I meditate, I listen to music, I work on my art, etc. You still rant and rave, and bitch and moan and groan. I'd hoped you'd have grown. I play friendly, I chat with you from time to time, because you do have some admirable qualities, and now you're ripping on ford for his bad sense of humor. If the man really hated you, as you seem to love implying he does, I can honestly say I think there'd be some physical evidence by now.Lots of us have been there for you, but even we know can't help but stand apart. In ford's defense, the man understands. He's not so smug he doesn't get things, contrary to some people's point of view. He just doesn't care. Why should he, this is a comedy board. I take very little here seriously, but you, you're so hostile. How can someone like me change, and you can't? What holds you back, I wonder, what makes you tick? You'll probably even respond to this post with something about me "attacking you", although it's not, this is simple observation and commentary, but you'll not take it that way.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 01:23 AM

Lots of people are going to, and have made comments on things I'd love to say myself, because you had so much potential, but I give up. I pity you. I, of all people, pity you. How sad is that, Shelby? Truely?



However, I would like to say, if anybody deservers welfare, it's an emotionally needy, shallow, self-centered Coleridge-hungry mother, who gave her right arm to defend another mother. A one-armed mother deserves welfare. Abida-abida-abida-abida-that's all folks!



[This post brought to you by NAFTA. Negro's Against Frost-ing Tard's Accumulating.]

Mr. Ref 756 11
02/18/2002 01:24 AM

There. The universe's entropy's been restored.

5,097 15
02/18/2002 01:26 AM

Oh, and can you send me the afterbirth? Or just the whole damn thing, if it's a miscarriage?

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 01:29 AM

I don't know what's worse...





1. The fact that I've become gab's psychotherapist?



2. The fact that mine and shelby's posts alone would've been enough to achieve critical mass?



or...



3. The fact that my imps are funnier than I am?

Microcube - self medicated! 13,428 12
02/18/2002 01:33 AM

simple perfection.



gab needed another one of these threads!

Chouggy, Thumb Boy 5,183 13
02/18/2002 01:44 AM

Why do you guys post such personal Shakespeare?



You're too funny. I love it.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 01:54 AM

I never really post anything personal. I give people fake picture, and tell fake stories, and give fake advice, because I'm really just a highly sophisticated bot running on a server somebody set up as part of a psychological experiment, and your question was the kill code. Either you happened to get lucky, or else you're my own personal god come to take me home.







Or maybe I'm just a pathological liar.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 01:55 AM

Of course, maybe I'm not. I could be lying.

Microcube - self medicated! 13,428 12
02/18/2002 02:05 AM

its a paradox!



*starts smoking then explodes*

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 02:22 AM

All cretins are liars, and DD is definately a liar.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 02:47 AM

This coming from an authority on the subject of cretins. All X is Y and Z is definitely Y, however, Z does not neccissarily equal X. And this from a high school drop out, ladies and gentlemen.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 02:53 AM

wow, how could a high school drop out manage to say something so brilliant.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 03:01 AM

Yer naybors dun bin tootoring me.

aushie 5,580 13
02/18/2002 08:58 AM

Wait a second here.







Ford predicted that Melanie would get "knocked up" just so that she could become a stay-at-home mom.



But then, in a recent thread, Ford said that he only wanted a relationship where the mom stayed at home with the kids.



I think Ford wants Melanie!

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 10:39 AM

I think I speak for everyone, Melanie, when I say



"Raphael is cool, but rude...Michaelangelo is a party dude!"

Phuc 237,915 21
02/18/2002 11:00 AM

Since Mel can't seem to leave GAB, even though she is at odds with the values and politics of most of the people here, I got an idea that would benefit both her and the good citizens of GAB:



Put a Webcam in the baby's room. In the Webcam intereface, give GABbers the ability to decide when robotic devices will feed, change, burp, hold, and otherwise nurture the child.



I promise, we'll be good parents.



Just deny Ford any access and your kid is well on the way to being president, prime minister, Dark Lord, or anything he/she/it will chose to be.



I'm getting a warm feeling already.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 11:28 AM

Whatever.

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 11:29 AM

Al, your irritable bladder...uh.



That's not a warm EMOTIONAL feeling. It's going to get cold, soon.

Bonky 75,728 15
02/18/2002 11:35 AM

So, Michelle, are you concerned about the potential damage from the cigarettes and alcohol you've consumed or have you admitted somewhere that the "potential three-way" was a story you copied from The Onion?

Bonky 75,728 15
02/18/2002 11:37 AM

Also, when is this spawn due? When when when?

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/18/2002 11:40 AM

Smarch 11th.

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 11:41 AM

I'm sure we'll hear of a heart-wrenching tale of hardship and ogre-slaying, followed by a difficult decision to give the wee bairn up for adoption by Gypsies...

Gavia immer 803 13
02/18/2002 11:50 AM

*Reads through thread. disregards the main point. Looks at Stuby, drooling, and goes to sharpen a carving knife.*

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 11:51 AM

I'm hardly an ogre.



More like an impish Pooka.

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 11:52 AM

Gavia drools when she thinks of me?





Stupid must be contagious! I'LL INFECT ALL OF YOU!

Gavia immer 803 13
02/18/2002 12:00 PM

Must I diagram everything?!



He's locked into an unholy union with a slavering greasebeast (I know she's a Butter Magician, I saw the GABFest pics),/i>



and



It's OK, Nutbutter, there are still those among us who are fairly certain that you're a man and not just a ripening snack for that lumbering Saturated Fat Bandit...

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 12:01 PM

But, but...Butter Magicians are supposed to be friendly cholesterol-clotted slugabeds!



Not mean droolybeasts!

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 12:02 PM

Honey, keep in mind this is the confused teenager who is "insulting" you.

Gavia immer 803 13
02/18/2002 12:03 PM

Bwahahahahaha. No wonder I had to diagram the humor.



Don't worry. I'm hardly offended.

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 12:12 PM

I'm not a teenager anymore.





Laugh it up, you who are not human, but play one on TV!

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 12:26 PM

I finally trudged my way through that thing up there at the top. For someone who doesn't take my words seriously she sure has a lot to say about them.



My ex-girlfriend's sister had the same story about being engaged or almost engaged for a month before she got pregnant. I think everybody who uses it thinks they invented it. I was dating the pretty one out of the three sisters, and I remember the hollow look in her husbands eyes every time I met him. He Did the Right Thing. Of course she got Pregnant On The Pill(TM) and They Were Engaged Anyway(R). Everybody publically accepted that and privately knew better. You'll get used to that.

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/18/2002 12:33 PM

>I finally trudged my way through that thing up there at the top.



Now you know how we feel.

Phuc 237,915 21
02/18/2002 12:34 PM

That was definitely good for a few smilie clicks.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 12:34 PM

Yeah, yeah.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 12:38 PM

Ohh.. so I just found out what being "Maharishi'd" is like.



Up two, down two.. go go go!

Microcube - self medicated! 13,428 12
02/18/2002 12:40 PM

all my posts get maharashi'd

Microcube - self medicated! 13,428 12
02/18/2002 12:44 PM

see, that pee tube will drain and second now.

Microcube - self medicated! 13,428 12
02/18/2002 12:44 PM

and = any

Phuc 237,915 21
02/18/2002 12:44 PM

Here's the father!

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/18/2002 02:18 PM

He's got beautiful eyes!



































In his right front pocket...

AmyPoo 2,710 12
02/18/2002 02:35 PM

well, the baby sure is helping your ranking anyway..

The Lady (Voodo Mama) Trixxie 65,021 15
02/18/2002 02:38 PM

did anybody Really read any of the above Shakespeare past the first four sentances ?

just goddamned onion 12,319 12
02/18/2002 03:16 PM

"I was dating the pretty one out of the three sisters"



what in the HELL does that have to do with ANYTHING? why do you feel the need to wave you Coleridge around so endlessly? i thought you hired someone to ooh and aah over it so we could get some damned respite from it already.



christ on a CRUTCH but you're an unrelenting weasel.

Phuc 237,915 21
02/18/2002 03:18 PM

(clicks on Onions smiley face for ten straight minutes)

Reek Stankleberry 3,653 12
02/18/2002 03:19 PM

It's good to be proud when you get the prettiest sister. If she's the ugliest, you don't say that, right? What are you, a hippocrite or something?

38,986 14
02/18/2002 03:20 PM

It matters because the pretty one isn't the one that gets knocked up out of wedlock.



The one that gets knocked up is the slightly uglier sister that's jealous of the pretty one and treats her insecurities by sleeping around.

38,986 14
02/18/2002 03:21 PM

I think it's fairly obvious now which sister Onion is.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 03:21 PM

Onion is the Funk Soul Sister

just goddamned onion 12,319 12
02/18/2002 03:22 PM

onion is an only child.



she gets to play all three sisters.

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/18/2002 03:22 PM

Check her out now.

Jinx, underwear specialist 5,835 13
02/18/2002 03:22 PM

Could somebody please summarize this thread for me so I don't have to read it?

38,986 14
02/18/2002 03:22 PM

>onion is an only child.



You just answered a lot of questions.

Special Olympic Peon 6,076 13
02/18/2002 03:23 PM

Check it out, now.

Special Olympic Peon 6,076 13
02/18/2002 03:23 PM

Beaten by Squeamish.



How humiliating.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 03:24 PM

Just like MS. Squeamish!

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/18/2002 03:26 PM

MS is the only software company that turns out out products bloated and unintuitive enought to bear the name Squeamish.

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/18/2002 03:26 PM

I personally use MS Squeamish XP, I like the pretty interface.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 03:33 PM

She was the pretty one she was the pretty one she was the pretty one she was the pretty one

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 03:33 PM

Ms. Lansing?

Special Olympic Peon 6,076 13
02/18/2002 03:35 PM

Apparently, somebody found the fugly ones attractive enough.

Dirk Lately 14,001 13
02/18/2002 03:38 PM

Coleridge waving is funny imagery. Like Coleridge high-fiving, or Coleridge sign language.

Kenshin 2,469 13
02/18/2002 03:53 PM

So let me get this straight, you've known this rick guy for 10 years, you get drunk, he knocks you up and then you have to get married so your baby won'y be a bastard? Miss cleo's right, you ARE a whore!

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 04:15 PM

shut up moon

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 04:17 PM

All my posts get maharashi'd too. Why is HBO.com trying to give me 74 cookies?

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
02/18/2002 04:30 PM

Two words: Fat Angst.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 04:48 PM

Mwah-ha-ha. You all are feeding into my plan quite nicely. Thank you all for posting well over 100 posts in both my recent threads.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 04:50 PM

Plan?



Can we now trade in Gab rankings for food stamps?

+18Chickens 286,208 61
02/18/2002 04:51 PM

Urine tubes are gold.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 04:53 PM

why does anybody care how many posts their thred gets? Does anybody actually pay attention to the volume of posting rankings anyway?

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 04:54 PM

So, are you concerned about the potential damage from the cigarettes...



That one came outta left field. I've never smoked a cigarette a day in my life. And, yes, the "three way" story was not true. I did, indeed, copy it from the Onion. Not our splendifirric onion but the Onion I don't like.



When is this spawn due?



Spawn is due mid October.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 04:54 PM

thread

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 04:56 PM

Since this is a time for honesty, I was Farber, Melanie in this thread.

aushie 5,580 13
02/18/2002 04:59 PM

You really did take it from the Onion?



I SO called it!

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 04:59 PM

Like we wouldn't have guessed on our own.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 04:59 PM

alas, I was Nutbutter in this thread.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 05:00 PM

That was definitely a three-point shot, Aushie.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:02 PM

Sorry, aushie, but I lied again. I never read the Onion. I'm full of surprises.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:03 PM

Recent lies Shelby has told:



1) I took it from The Onion



2) I was almost in a three-way



3) Don't worry, I'm on The Pill

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:05 PM

I never said I was on the pill. You guys are slackin'.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:05 PM

"because I can't really ever expect to have anything in life without entrapping some poor bastard dumb enough to unload his seed in me. "



That deserved to be copied and pasted.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:06 PM

So how did you convince this guy to not pull out?



Or is he really that much of an idiot?

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:06 PM

The last one, Nitwitter.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:07 PM

Well if he's too dumb to ask if you're on the pill before he inserts his willy, he deserves to have his soul sucked out.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:08 PM

You know, Shelby, it may not be too late to jump up and down.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:08 PM

I know this may hurt your head, Scoot, but baby was part of the plan.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:10 PM

your plan.



What about his plan?

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:10 PM

One in the same, I'm afraid.

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/18/2002 05:11 PM

Melanie Haber

10/09/2001 6:43 pm



I will never, ever be dependent on a man or anyone else for that matter since such behavior is surely unreliable.



Capricious Nefarious Jones

2/17/2002 5:53 pm



I will, thankfully, be able to be a stay at home mom due to the record label doing so well.



Well, at least he's in an industry that's reliable, non-cyclical. and non-failure-prone like music/recording. I'm sure the techno music he produces will be a constant source of revenue for many decades.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:11 PM

bull Frost-ing Shakespeare

aushie 5,580 13
02/18/2002 05:11 PM

Sorry, aushie, but I lied again. I never read the Onion. I'm full of surprises.



Curses, foiled again!

Reek Stankleberry 3,653 12
02/18/2002 05:11 PM

Whenever I run in a marathon, right before it I like to have someone smash me in the leg with a rock. That makes the race more difficult, and thus, more fun.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:13 PM

I'm not dependent on him. Partners are not dependent on each other for survival.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/18/2002 05:14 PM

hehehehehhehe

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:14 PM

"I know this may hurt your head, Scoot, but baby was part of the plan."



People don't plan to get married and then plan to get pregnant the next day unless they got married in vegas the previous night.

People who planned to get pregnant don't say "I think it's pretty safe to say that my life can't get any weirder than this. " when they find out they're pregnant.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:14 PM

Something doesn't add up here.



You're due in mid-October? that would make you less than one month pregnant.



Six months ago you were dating a jewish guy. A month ago you were upset this Jewish guy was getting married.



A month ago, or so it would seem, you and some guy named Rick agreed to have a baby.



Again, somthing doesn't add up.



I figure:



1) you're putting us on to get a rise out of us.



2) You and "Rick" discussed the baby thing for a full ten minutes, you Frosted once, and you tested positive the very next day.



3) Wait... no... if I think any more my head will explode.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:15 PM

perhaps more accurate to say "couples who plan to get pregnant".

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:16 PM

The next day? What are you talking about?

People who are surprised at the timing of the pregnancy post things like, "my life can't get any weirder than this".

Squeamish 38,986 14
02/18/2002 05:16 PM

>I'm not dependent on him. Partners are not dependent on each other for survival.



One partner having a job and one not is the textbook definition of "dependent."

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:18 PM

N-n-no, Nitwitter. Ze'ev and I broke up almost a year ago and I was more surprised at his choice than devastated over his decision. I believe I posted at the time that he is the first ex of mine to be married.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:18 PM

wait! I know what my third point was going to be!



3) You told Rick you were on the pill and it was ok to shoot inside you. Now you're knocked up and he thinks the only thing to do is to marry you

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:19 PM

Not at all, Squeam. If something happened to Rick my life would carry on. If something happened to me, his life would carry on as well.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:20 PM

And by "carry on" you mean "I would go on welfare and my kid would have no health coverage."

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 05:20 PM

Firstly, if he's the only one making money that is needed to buy food in today's society, you're dependant upon him, unless you suck dick for Rally Burgers while he's at work.



Secondly, mad props lila, for the funniest post in this thread. "Capricious Nefarious Jones 2/18/2002 3:48 pm Mwah-ha-ha. You all are feeding into my plan quite nicely. Thank you all for posting well over 100 posts in both my recent threads." Implying that you actually think ahead, and plan things? Pure Comedic Genius.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:21 PM

No, implying that you guys will believe anything I post. Did I mention that I have wings?

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:22 PM

you should really change your name to Succubus

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:23 PM

You lying about getting knocked up and having a welfare baby is like Marilyn lying about doing tequila shots or onion lying about building a Unix server.

17,446 13
02/18/2002 05:23 PM

Doesn't it make you wonder why the people here believe you when you claim to have done something stupid?

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:24 PM

Do I wonder? Never. Online persona, ole!

3,653 12
02/18/2002 05:27 PM

Gab refuses to punish people for pulling big lies. You'd think people would be more upset, considering how seriously most people take this place, when others use them in their little social experiments.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:28 PM

Well I'm glad to know it's not true, because if it was true you'd have to admit that you were one dumbassed soul-sucking sack of Shakespeare if it were true, eh Mel?

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:28 PM

Lies, when used at pranks (i.e. Mr. Chicken's death prank) work best when it's somethign hard to believe.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 05:28 PM

and you're generalizing. my triple post when I first joined the thread was made only after reading your first two posts. I don't believe half of what you say, and neither do most gabbers. Me calling you immature and childish, and straight out Frost-ing stupid, is purely in reference to your actions, the obvious psychological responses that show through in each and every one of your posts. You're what society considers normal, and it's long since been proven that society is nothing but a large deluded Shakespearehole with a few brilliant Froststicks in the middle who have become too jaded to care how bad it's all gotten. You're not abnormal, you're just another everyday imbecile, who's somewhere she doesn't belong. We don't seek you out to Frost with you, you seem to enjoy doing it to everyone else without any help. I used to be like that, shelly, in a word, CHILDISH. Grow up, move on. I don't care what's going on in your life, and I don't intend to hear about it. If you'll not leave when it's so blatantly obvious that no one wants you hear anymore, than I shall. I rarely post here anymore anyway. It's nice to know that anytime good people find a bastion of hope in this Frosted up world, pathetic egocentric individuals such as yourself shall drift along and Frost it up for them out of spite.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:29 PM

Suckered again. You believe it's not true? It's true, it's not true. I could go back and forth like this all day.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:30 PM

No offense, DD, but you're the last person on the board I would take advice from.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/18/2002 05:31 PM

I guess I don't much care.



If it isn't true, good for you for tricking us all.



If it is true, I stand by my comments about you and he being idiots and this child having no future.

Chouggy, Thumb Boy 5,183 13
02/18/2002 05:31 PM

Pregnancy hormones do that to you.

Demon Disciple 5,097 15
02/18/2002 05:32 PM

Scooter and others will be glad to know, this is truely My last post here ever. Been ZUGGING since long before the msg board ever went up, because of the people, the humor, the thoughts, and ideas. The realization that reality can creep into any aspect of life I seek to preserve my childish utopian idea's in, Online, or off, has ruined this for me, it was one of the few things I had left. Those who give a Frost know how to find me, those who don't, good riddance.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:33 PM

Re. DD's last post:



BWAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:34 PM

Hey why would you ignore me like that, Mel? I mean, you have to admit, you painted a pretty grim picture of yourself there. Don't you want to fess up to a job well done?

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:35 PM

Hmm? Oh no. I'd much rather you guys fret over it. Much funnier.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:37 PM

No, I think I've gotten all the answer I need not to be unsure of what the truth is.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 05:39 PM

Scoot, I honestly thought you would be the number one disbeliever in all this. Have you, at any time, been convinced that this is all true?

17,446 13
02/18/2002 05:41 PM

Weeeeee!



I go forwards and backwards!

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/18/2002 05:42 PM

I know it's true. You are one knocked up bitch.

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
02/18/2002 05:57 PM

Mel doesn't have the imagination to lie about this, but regardless, I think we all have to admit. If it's true, this really is a wonderous day for comedy.

+18Chickens 286,208 61
02/18/2002 06:13 PM

I'M NOT DEAD!

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/18/2002 06:23 PM

Smilie clicks for Scoot.

Fisty McButtpunch 2,438 13
02/18/2002 07:05 PM

Quit buggin' my Melanie. Otherwise I might have to go "chink" on ya.

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
02/18/2002 10:09 PM

i'm gonna quote my head nigga, richard pryor, on this one.



"i don't give a FUUUUUUCK!"

30,342 13
02/18/2002 10:20 PM

What all of you do not see, but The Blinding Ray of Truth does see, is that there are aw Frost this who cares...



(stomps off)

AmyPoo 2,710 12
02/19/2002 01:18 AM

I'm not dependent on him. Partners are not dependent on each other for survival.



honey, sorry to tell ya, and i say this in the nicest way possible:



if you aren't working, and aren't independently wealthy, and he's responsible for paying all the bills, etc. then you are, most definitely, DEPENDENT on him. and let me tell you, that's not a good place to be.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/19/2002 02:16 AM

sa aid

IIIIIIIIIIII

know what to do oooo

I'm gonna Frost Frost Frost Frost you

Frost you

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/19/2002 09:25 PM

is that envelope sorting thing for real?

Phuc 237,915 21
02/19/2002 11:19 PM

You should wait until three months into your pregnancy before announcing it to friends and family.



You should wait until your child is old enough to legally buy porn before announcing it to GAB.

Declan (Now With Cookies) McManus 131,867 36
02/19/2002 11:44 PM

Here I was PRAYING that this was all a hoax, and that our dear Shel was just boosting her ratings.





I am so glad that I am more than likely not ever going to reproduce.

Therlin con la cabeza afeitada 12,200 13
02/20/2002 12:03 AM

first poST!

Squeamish 38,986 14
08/31/2006 04:57 PM

>You have no crystal ball that would tell you if Rick and I will be apart after 6 months or together after 30 years



I haven't kept up, how did this turn out?

Jolson 16,163 11
08/31/2006 05:07 PM

They put me in an accelerated grown program and now look at me, I'm all growds up!







I still haven't mastered the potty training bit though. Do you realize what a bitch it is to find pull-ups in my size?

Bean 8,503 19
08/31/2006 07:55 PM

They're called "depends"

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
08/31/2006 09:25 PM

Christ, I missed you Squeamish.

Squeamish 38,986 14
08/31/2006 09:37 PM

That doesn't answer the question.

Millie 116,984 28
09/01/2006 12:05 AM

Ooooh, why did you bump this thread tonight when my head is splitting open? TOO MANY WORDS!



Meh, I didn't read it, anyway.



Sorry, Lila, babe. I'm glad you have adopted a much more concise posting style in the past couple of years.

Dogs Akimbo 211,155 32
09/01/2006 12:30 AM

2/17/2002 6:53 pm



Holy Shakespeare. We had an internet back in 2002?

Squeamish 38,986 14
09/01/2006 09:52 AM

Nobody knows?

SHP - searching for my FAP 181,718 70
09/01/2006 11:23 AM

Dude... are you serious?





Lila dumped Rick when she found out that he was the real reason that Luke & Laura got divorced. Then, she hooked up with Jason, the mob guy, and fell in love. That didn't last because he wouldn't choose between her and his cool leather jacket. Then she met Matt, brought him to a GAB gathering, noticed that we didn't break him, so she married him.

DUH.

SHP - searching for my FAP 181,718 70
09/01/2006 12:29 PM

Oh, and I think she sold the baby to Ollie.

Phuc 237,915 21
09/01/2006 01:01 PM

And she's preggers with my spawn.