ZUG Live
Comedy ConversationRude people
Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 01:39 PMso anyway, I was standing infront of the ticket office looking at the times for the movie I was going to watch (a beautiful mind) and a woman starts railing me about how I was blocking people from getting out of the line, and then she walks away.
so I follow her and say "I'm sorry I ruined your day"
I get no response, so I say "I'm really really sorry!"
then still nothing. so I say "Cant we hug and make up?"
nothing! how rude can these people get?
so I say again "please!! I need a hug! you're hurting my feelings by not responding to me"
NOTHING! god thats annoying
so I drop to my knees and beg forgiveness from her for getting in her way.
she walks away from me. I hate it when people do that
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vertical bob
02/18/2002 01:42 PMIf you really cared you'd have followed her around all day.
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Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 01:42 PMwell I did until security escorted me out
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Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 01:48 PMat one point I was following her around, while crying and asking her where the love is.
you have to remember I'm 6'6" and 250 pounds. and I had spiked my hair 3 inches off my head that day
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Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 01:49 PMand the woman was about 5'2"
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1bigdork
02/18/2002 02:24 PMThat's the problem with a civilized society. Short people think that they can get away with anything.
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Feeble, Master of Spline Curves
02/18/2002 02:26 PMShe needs to learn the meaning of fear.
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EvilPanda
02/18/2002 02:29 PMYou're my new hero, Cube.
I once let a woman into traffic ahead of me and DID NOT GET A WAVE! I was so upset, I had to follow her for 15 miles, until she pulled into a Target parking lot. I pulled in right next to her, got out, and asked her :
"Where's my wave?"
"What?"
"I let you into traffic, 15 miles back, and you didn't wave! Where's my wave?"
"Young man, if you do not get away from me, I will call the police!"
I keyed her car while she was inside shopping.
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Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 02:35 PMits in my family. my dad saw some guy flick a cigarette out his window in fire country... (everything burns here)
so he followed the guy home about 45 miles out of his way, pulled into his driveway and railed him about it.
its a wonder we're all not dead from gunshot wounds
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Scooter Brown
02/18/2002 02:42 PMI once let a woman into traffic ahead of me and DID NOT GET A WAVE! I was so upset, I had to follow her for 15 miles, until she pulled into a Target parking lot. I pulled in right next to her, got out, and asked her :
"Where's my wave?"
"What?"
"I let you into traffic, 15 miles back, and you didn't wave! Where's my wave?"
this is the part where she should whip out a buck and say "here's a damn dollar for letting me in traffic" and then wad it up and pop you between the eyes with it.
That's what cool people do.
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Scooter Brown
02/18/2002 02:42 PMforgot my damn quotes
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The Lady (Voodo Mama) Trixxie
02/18/2002 02:44 PMIf Microcube followed me around all day, I would go in the men's room and pretend to pee pee, just to show him little trixxie.
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Feeble, Master of Spline Curves
02/18/2002 02:44 PMI have a friend who got cut off (as in "driving on the shoulder to avoid collision level cutting off), so she followed the guy and called the police from the 7-11 he stopped at.
Deb is perhaps 5' tall if she stretches really high. If, however, the guy had messed with her, I'd bet on Deb in 1 round.
Meanness over strength.
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shoelace414
02/18/2002 02:48 PMI hate it when I'm being rude to people and they are rude back to me. I usually just walk away, and then they keep following me. so I just pretend they aren't there.
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Squeamish
02/18/2002 02:52 PMA friend and I once picked a random woman at the mall and obviously followed her home and sat in the car in front of her house for like 15 minutes.
6 years later I bought the house next door to taht house. I'm pretty sure it's the same lady.
Should I confess?
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Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 02:57 PMlittle people are funny
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The Lady (Voodo Mama) Trixxie
02/18/2002 03:10 PMAnd Big People are Yummy, I personally believe they were place on this earth for little people to look up at and say, "I am getting ready to climp you, but I am going to be camping out for a while half way to the summit."
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Ford Prefect
02/18/2002 03:29 PMCouple years ago I was with my mom and brother at a hardware store. I was standing in an aisle looking at something I was considering getting, and this woman shouts from behind me "EXCUSE ME!!!"
I was blocking her way, but there was no way for me to examine the merchandise without standing where I was, so her outburst was pretty uncalled-for. Especially considering the angle which made it so I couldn't even see her approach.
When I moved she very sarcastically yelled "THANK YOU."
I said in my best, loud stage voice "YOU'RE SO VERY WELCOME!!"
Her husband didn't like that. He said something to me about apologizing to his wife. I thought that was pretty stupid because first, she was clearly wrong, second, I spoke politely back to her and simply imitated her tone. Plus, he was older and small enough that demanding I do anything, and not getting backhanded across the room, depends on me being too civilized to do it, which is a pretty stupid and intrinsically degrading position to put yourself in.
So naturally I said "Shut up."
He started getting really mad so I asked him if he'd like to retreive his dick from his wife's purse and force me to apologize.
I have to admit by that point it was starting to get really fun. The guy quit at that point, though.
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Scooter Brown
02/18/2002 03:32 PM
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02/18/2002 03:33 PM
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He stared telling hes story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.
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Squeamish
02/18/2002 03:36 PMI was in Pat O'Briens in N.O. one time with a girl who was drinking a hurricane from one of those huge glasses. She has just gotten it and it was full.
We were sitting in the piano bar when this 40-ish guy comes ambling over and totally runs into her, koncking most of the bright red drink all over her. He loks at her and kind of makes a face like "Oh, well, Shakespeare happens."
He sits at the table behind me so I count to 10 to keep from punching him, turn around and politely explain that since he knocked a drink all over my friend and didn't even have the decency to apologize about it, I think it would only be fair that he pour his own drink on himself (he's wearing a suit).
He laughed and ignored me so I helped him out, soaking him.
He jumps to his feet, I jump to my feet, he realizes I'm about 75 lbs. his better and sits down. I sit down and turn back around.
Bitch didn't even give me head for that.
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Ford Prefect
02/18/2002 03:37 PMI think I'd get along with Squeamish in person.
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Squeamish
02/18/2002 03:38 PMYou can admit it Ford, I know it was you.
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Squeamish
02/18/2002 03:38 PMI was so hammered at the time, i probably couldn't have kicked Kenshin's ass, though.
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Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez
02/18/2002 03:55 PMOnce, in Books-A-Million, I was standing at the back of a line of about 10 people and the lady in front was trying to write a check. The register next to us opened and I waited for about 5 minutes. I then went over and the cashier began checking out my purchases.
5 or 6 of the people from the old line filed in behind me and an old man commented "That was nice of you to cut in front of us like that."
Oooh, Stubenheimer was irked. I looked at him and said "I'm dreadfully sorry that you're too old and slow to see when another line opens. I waited for 5 minutes and no one moved, so I did. The race usually goes to the swift." My glare and my 50 pound weight advantage made him back down.
I felt good and the cashier just laughed.
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Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 04:01 PMI find hugs work very well in all circumstances.
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Nutbutter
02/18/2002 04:02 PMOh oh oh! an I play?
One time I was in a make believe store and a make believe guy made believe he was rude to me so I pretended to do something even ruder back and then he pretended he was going to kick my ass but I pretended to stand up and made believe I was bigegr than he was so he pretended to sit back down.
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Microcube - self medicated!
02/18/2002 04:04 PMyou look like you need a hug nutbutter.
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Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez
02/18/2002 04:05 PMMy turn!
Once I thought I was cool and my mom said so and I got drugged and had to get married to a woman and now I am cool because my mom, my wife AND my yesmen all say I'm cool! No one is more coolest than me is!
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Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez
02/18/2002 04:05 PMHeh.
It DID happen. I saw the old poot and his wife about 2 weeks ago, standing in line at Waldenbooks. I hope the cashier laughed him right out of the store.
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Squeamish
02/18/2002 04:06 PMNutbutter, you need to be on the ass-kicker side instead of the ass-kickee side a few more times before you're allowed to make up stories like that.
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Squeamish
02/18/2002 04:11 PMThe maddest I think I've ever made anyone (other than C) was the time this guy cut me off getting onto the Interstate so I flipped him off.
He followed me to my house (parents' house, I was 19 or so at the time), pulled in behind me in my driveway and proceeded to tell me he was going to kick my ass for flipping him off and that ehe didn't cut me off because I have to give him 500 yards to get over after he merges onto the Interstate or some other bullShakespeare.
This guy was huge so I was getting ready to haul ass inside if he came any closer, but I just couldn't resist responding to "I'm a police officer" with "That's not my fault, you should have gone to college."
Luckily he called me an Emerson and left.
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Special Olympic Peon
02/18/2002 04:20 PMI was crossing the street last week at the pedestrian crosswalk, and this SUV comes speeding straight towards me. The guy honks and gestures frantically; I merely extend my middle finger, because I have the right of way.
I should be out of the wheelchair in a couple of months.
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Scooter Brown
02/18/2002 04:24 PMA few weeks ago I tailgaited a guy in the left lane for about 30 miles before he finally got in the right line. No, there weren't any other cars on the road.
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Demon Disciple
02/18/2002 04:28 PMIt scares me sometimes how much little cubism reminds me of me. I think I could get along IRL with stubz, and ford (he just strikes me as the type who's generally more polite than people give him credit for), but squemish thinks way to highly of himself, and despite all the fun I could have debating politics, society, and religion with him, I'd still like to bash him in the face with a 9 iron, simply because he's an arrogant Frosttard who goes to NO and gets drunk in pat-O's like a Frost-ing tourist.
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Ford Prefect
02/18/2002 04:29 PMWow Squeam. That reminds me of something that happened in high school. This guy was behind me and a friend of mine as I pulled into my parents neighborhood. I swear that I have no idea at all what set him off. Everything I'd done or seen was normal. He didn't like the way I pulled into my sub but I wasn't speeding and the turn I made was pretty square. Just normal driving. The guy follows me to my house, pulls in the driveway and starts harranguing me about driving like a maniac and starts yelling about how many people he knows at the police station. He was a big fat guy with one of those fat flaps that hangs down over his willy, so Brian started making cracks about when was the last time you saw your dick, old man?
One good thing about Brian is his dad was a karate instructor, so when he ran his mouth you never had to worry about it.
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Demon Disciple
02/18/2002 04:30 PMSUV doesn't really look that mean.
Ba-dum-ching!
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Ford Prefect
02/18/2002 04:34 PMAs far as getting cut off, one thing that I've been doing this winter is: You know when people zoom up the lane they know is going to have to merge and then try to dart in at the last minute and sort of scare people into making a gap? Well, I'm driving a car I literally do not care about at all this winter, and it's huge and safe.
The really kickass thing is we have a new "road rage" law in Michigan that specifically includes people doing asinine things like that. So if he hits me by running out the lane and trying to force a merge from the shoulder, it's his ticket. And I don't care at all if he hits me. So when they feint at me like they'e going to force an opening I just don't move at all. I keep hoping one of them will hit me. That would rule.
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Scooter Brown
02/18/2002 04:40 PMOne time like a week after I got my license, I cut a guy off as I was coming into the loop that goes around the mall. You know, because I was a crappy driver. So he got right on me and was following me. I guess he was planning on yelling at me or beating me up when we pulled over. So I just drove around the loop about 10 times until he got bored and left.
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Dirk Lately
02/18/2002 04:42 PMOne time someone woke me up by sneezin', so I shot 'im.
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Squeamish
02/18/2002 05:00 PMHere is a diagram of the intersection I have to go through to get to work.
I come in and usually hit the light waiting in the lane marked 1. Both 1 and 2 are turn-left only lanes becaues the street coming towards you is one-way towards you and the intersecting street is one way turning left.
he lines on the road clearly show that lane 1 can go to either lane A or B and lane 2 can go to lane C or D.
EVERY Frost-ing DAY some idiot (at least one) tries to go from lane 2 all the way over to lane A (where I have to go to get to my office) and then looks puzzled otr mad when you honk and flip them off.
I swear every time that I'm going to start driving the jeep to work so I can ram them and not worry about it, but I never do. Maybe when the weather gets warmer I'll have to put my plan into action.
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sexhead
02/18/2002 05:50 PMonce upon a time, back when i was a teenager, i was a cashier in a grocery store. this one particular day was extremely busy, and i was the only express register open. it must have been memorial day weekend or something, cause the place was just MOBBED. at any rate, my line was backed up halfway down the first aisle. i was busting my ass, though, and getting the customers out pretty quickly, considering.
well, this one old lady comes up. there is always an old lady like her - the one who knows you're doing your damnedest, but simply insists on being a shiesty, baldy Carrollasaurus for the sheer evil of it. i greet her, ask her how she's doing, blah, blah, trying to make the best out of the situation. her response is, "you know, i had to wait an awfully long time for being in an express line." my response is along the lines of, "gee, ma'am, i am awfully sorry." whilst thinking to myself, is this bizzotch for real? or just completely oblivious to the chaos surrounding her? she then continues... "maybe you should open up a few more registers." now, it always cracks me up when people tell me this. i always want to shake their hands and say, "THANK YOU!!! I would have never thought of that brilliant idea all by myself." not to mention, this place is so packed - seriously, at least 17 of the 20 registers were open. quite frustrated at her, i said, "well, we have all of our available people ringing right now." so she actually says, "well, maybe you should hire more people." i could have jumped over that register and strangled her bitchy little neck. but i remained cool and composed, and simply replied, "we are accepting applications at our service desk right over there if you'd like to fill one out."
that pretty much shut her yaphole. but quite a few people behind her chuckled. i especially love being overly-nice to emersons like that. i was extra special certain to wish her a wonderful weekend.
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Ford Prefect
02/18/2002 05:54 PMYou got a click for Carrollasaurus and what you said at the end there.
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1bigdork
02/18/2002 05:56 PMThe wisdom of flipping someone off is preportional to your distance from work.
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sexhead
02/18/2002 05:58 PMno clickies for the "baldy" in front of Carrollasaurus?
i'm not complaining. i'm happy i got clickies at all... thanks!
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The Mad Sipper
02/18/2002 06:07 PMOK, now I'm registered.
You're all Frosted!
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Nutbutter
02/18/2002 06:09 PMSeems appropriate you'd register as a pee sipper, Maha.
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postbear
02/19/2002 12:45 AMthis thread has postbear bait written all over it.
i'll let an earlier thread speak for me.
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Julio the Microbus driver!
02/22/2002 10:11 PMI cant believe one of my threads got in the top 20 funniest threads.
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Some Guy
02/22/2002 10:22 PMOne time I ran a stopsign and a cop saw me do it. He pulled into the driveway behind me. I got into his car and said, "Please officer, don't give me a ticket! I'm sorry I'm so stupid".
Cops dicks taste funny.
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+18Chickens
02/22/2002 10:34 PMI have a weakness for cop humor. I was driving down a 35 mph business strip with a buddy of mine, okay he was driving, back in college. We were doing something like 80. A cop pulls us over. He has a turbo Fuego.
Cop sauters up, jacks up his belt, and pops off, "All right, Mr. Earnheart, out of the car."
I bout Shakespeare myself laughing.
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+18Chickens
02/22/2002 10:35 PMAdd an "n" back in there somewhere.
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Capricious Nefarious Jones
02/22/2002 10:35 PMYou wouldn't be laughing if the cop had said that late last February.
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Some Guy
02/22/2002 11:36 PMI would have.
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Gonzo
06/04/2002 06:21 PMSounded like you passed a thread, there.
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Dirk Lately
06/04/2002 06:47 PMThis is a great thread.
Turns out everyone on GAB has a dramatic and immediately noticeable weight advantage over all others we meet. That's nice.
I wonder how many of the wispy and rude people described in this thread were carrying handguns, and backed down not out of fear of our overwhelming bulk, but out of fear of getting our urine and tears on their shoes after shooting us in the left knee.
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Wako (and his big Rifle)
06/04/2002 06:58 PMI don't know why I didn't remember this story before, cause it's the only one I really have that's any good of this persuasion...
Me and about 5 other guys were sitting around this table outside of our science class, and this retarded redneck walked past and said something stupid to which I gave some backhanded comment.
Anyway he immediately used the witty retort of Fags!, to which my friend Ryan replied "We sure are!"
It just sorta went from there.
redneck:Hey Frost you guys!
Me:would you? we like retards in overtight jeans!
Now he started really getting mad.
R:How bout I kick your ass?
Me:Oh, like it rough, huh, ok!
He really didn't have the mental accuity of a turnip truck, so he continued..
R:you think you're smart huh Emerson?
Me:yes, I think I'm a smart person. Emerson would be the thing you have your balls tucked in to fit in those jeans.
It went on like this for a while before he finally gave up, but he never did realise that we were just gonna agree with whatever he said.
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Wako (and his big Rifle)
06/04/2002 07:00 PM...And then I stood up to him and he saw my size and backed down. He wasn't a very good judge of size I guess.
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Cap'n Stuby
06/04/2002 07:01 PMIf they're middle-class white folks, they'll shut up and like it.
It they're negroes or white trash, I'll usually get the hell out before I catch a shiv in the neck. The most dangerous people are the ones with nothing to lose...
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Cap'n Stuby
06/04/2002 07:02 PMI'm only 6'2" and 206 pounds.
But I frequent a lot of midget-owned businesses.
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Gonzo
06/04/2002 07:06 PMI think short people are scary. And Frankensteins.
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Dirk Lately
06/04/2002 07:23 PMYou think short people are Frankensteins?
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Manhattan Fever
06/04/2002 07:46 PMThe only rude dipf*ck I've encountered was this complete f*ckwit about a week ago downtown. I'm a bit pissy, in the mood where when I look at someone they can usually get the impression right away that I don't want to have anything to do with them. So there's this little underpass that connects downtown to this fairly busy avenue that gets a lot of foot traffic. Well, on the pillars holding it up there were flyers posted for a band or something. These two Messican kids were walking the opposite direction, coming my way and ripping off the flyers. Like I really gave half a damn until one of the punks has the audacity to walk right in front of me, making ME stop short so I half to look at his ugly 18 year old face. I mean obviously he wanted to start sh*t or he would have walked out of my way ahead of time. Instead of being witty or intimidating, I did something I've been practicing....that icy, cold, soulless stare that just screams sociopath. That stare where YOU hold THEIR eyes and don't let go. You won't let it go. They can't even Frost-ing move because along with making their balls jump into their stomach, you made them realize how much of a goddamn Poe they really are. Too much of a Poe to even hold a stare. The little f*ck just walked off, didn't look back and didn't say a word.
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Wako (and his big Rifle)
06/04/2002 08:01 PMToo bad he had your wallet at the time, otherwise that would be really cool.
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Manhattan Fever
06/04/2002 08:04 PMOoooohhhh, snaps!
I think Wako's a bit bitter after getting blue-balled by Trae.
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Miss, Throw me sumtin Mr. Trixxie
08/11/2008 10:58 AMMy God, we had a lot of Emersons in the old days.
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BillSalamie
08/11/2008 11:01 AMSo, nothing's changed.
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Ravos, in the study, with a candlestick
08/11/2008 11:07 AMAnd that is why Trixxie is still here.
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