Squeamish 38,986 14
02/20/2002 10:30 AM

Especially if you're Frost-ing Jay Leno.

vertical bob 26,707 13
02/20/2002 10:31 AM

Triangular?

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/20/2002 10:32 AM

...on hold for a while.

+18Chickens 286,208 61
02/20/2002 10:32 AM

Check your email, Jinxie

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 10:33 AM

Sex is like shopping at Walmart.



It's brightly lit, there's some Emerson on the intercom reminding people to buy condoms, everyone wears blue vests, and some bitch freak old lady is stabbing you in the neck with a perfume atomizer.

+18Chickens 286,208 61
02/20/2002 10:34 AM

...Lasagna. All hot and gooing and scruptious.

vertical bob 26,707 13
02/20/2002 10:34 AM

... a wild monkey with a whipped cream hat and a bag of newts.

Julio the Microbus driver! 13,428 12
02/20/2002 10:35 AM

...my penis is some womans butt

aushie 5,580 13
02/20/2002 10:36 AM

sex is, like, nonexistent.

Merkin 10,008 13
02/20/2002 10:37 AM

...my relationship with your sister.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 10:37 AM

Sex is like touching tongues or some Shakespeare.

Julio the Microbus driver! 13,428 12
02/20/2002 10:38 AM

... a can of flat soda

286,208 61
02/20/2002 10:39 AM

...Advertising. Mostly wrapping with little payoff.

vertical bob 26,707 13
02/20/2002 10:39 AM

Friday at eleven.

Julio the Microbus driver! 13,428 12
02/20/2002 10:43 AM

a pair of comfortable old shoes

aushie 5,580 13
02/20/2002 10:44 AM

My momma always said sex was like a box of chocolates.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 10:44 AM

A wet dog.

Julio the Microbus driver! 13,428 12
02/20/2002 10:46 AM

I like wet Poe so I drown cats

Bonky 75,728 15
02/20/2002 10:51 AM

. . . dirty dirty naughty bad rotten dirty!

vertical bob 26,707 13
02/20/2002 10:52 AM

Sex is like shopping for groceries.



Which, I suppose, explains why I've been banned from several supermarkets.

vertical bob 26,707 13
02/20/2002 10:52 AM

WELL I CAN GROW MY OWN MELONS, ANYWAY!

Bonky 75,728 15
02/20/2002 10:54 AM

"We need some more Calgon!"

"Ancient Chinese Kama Sutra, huh?"

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 10:55 AM

I think it was Willie Nelson who wrote the top 40 song "Glans deep in a honeydew".

Trae (El Diablo es en mi pantelones) 156,785 17
02/20/2002 11:04 AM

.......like a roller coaster.





Lots of ups and downs and once you're strapped in the ride really gets fun!

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 11:05 AM

Until the kid behind you pukes on your neck.

....entonces...Jinx! 5,835 13
02/20/2002 11:12 AM

strapped in?





like a roller coaster?





90 seconds long and then a bunch of other people get to ride?

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/20/2002 11:13 AM

Whore

Crescent Fresh +6 10,666 13
02/20/2002 11:16 AM

Sex makes babies.. None for me thanks!

Trae (El Diablo es en mi pantelones) 156,785 17
02/20/2002 11:16 AM

Whiney toe bastard!

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 11:21 AM

I stick my toe in your BUTT!

aushie 5,580 13
02/20/2002 11:21 AM

Sex makes BABIES?? WHAT?!?!?

Trae (El Diablo es en mi pantelones) 156,785 17
02/20/2002 11:21 AM

....and I like it!

el juevo de onionshake 12,319 12
02/20/2002 12:46 PM

...a pony.

Some Guy 19,242 12
02/20/2002 12:49 PM

...something I've never experienced.

Gonzo. Loco hombre! 20,522 17
02/20/2002 12:49 PM

...leaning back in a chair, and leaning just a little too far, losing your balance, and having absoluitely no idea which way you are falling for a microsecond.

1bigdork 7,825 12
02/20/2002 12:57 PM

Sex is when people who love each other very much touch each other in their swimsuit areas.



No, wait. Sex is ... well all things reproduce themselves. And bee spread pollen from folwer to flower. And warthogs, er I mean birds ...



Shakespeare! I'm going to have to come up with a better explanation in the next 4-8 years. Maybe I'll just give my son a link to this thread.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 12:58 PM

Sex is what happens when a single mother needs help with the bills.

SpumoniBoy 2,485 12
02/20/2002 01:00 PM

Sex is like...











one of my perfectly-golden brown calzones; all hot and gooey, and you have that anticipation of the first bite....

SpumoniBoy 2,485 12
02/20/2002 01:00 PM

I'm confusing sex with lunch again, aren't I?

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 01:02 PM

That's explains the marinara sauce on your doodle.

Candie Kohrne la Leona Roja 8,640 15
02/20/2002 01:02 PM

Does this mean I had like-sex with you and Jinx?

Sleestack 30,342 13
02/20/2002 01:02 PM

...ice weasels.



The good kind.

....entonces...Jinx! 5,835 13
02/20/2002 01:13 PM

I likey the sex Candie, and you?

Candie Kohrne la Leona Roja 8,640 15
02/20/2002 01:16 PM

El sexo es mucho bueno.

Father Muerte 11,939 13
02/20/2002 01:22 PM

Sex is like one of those poor Messican farmers who has a carrot dangling from a fishing rod hanging in front of his donkey.

Special Olympic Peon 6,076 13
02/20/2002 01:22 PM

"Muy" bueno.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 01:25 PM

My bueno hurts!

Special Olympic Peon 6,076 13
02/20/2002 01:26 PM

Taint so.

SpumoniBoy 2,485 12
02/20/2002 01:27 PM

The payments to Jinxy are killing me though! She keeps raising her rates under the pretense of time vs satisfaction level...





Damn she's expensive...

Special Olympic Peon 6,076 13
02/20/2002 01:31 PM

When she starts charging you lasagna, cut your losses.

....entonces...Jinx! 5,835 13
02/20/2002 01:32 PM

well, if you woudn't keep making me wear the blond wig and carry a wooden stake and tell you you're naughty...those are "special requests" you know.

Gonzo. Loco hombre! 20,522 17
02/20/2002 01:34 PM

Sex is like the line on the form where you circle "Male", "Female" or "Werehamster".

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
02/20/2002 01:42 PM

Sex: Not enough

Sex: Yes please

Sex: Two days ago

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
02/20/2002 01:50 PM

Um, as regarding a serious survey

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/20/2002 02:15 PM

Sex is like the Piper's flute. Do it right and she'll follow you anywhere.

DoverChilde 385 12
02/20/2002 02:24 PM

...scuba diving in a river of warm pudding.

The Lady (Voodo Mama) Trixxie 65,021 15
02/20/2002 02:42 PM

Sex is like eating raw oysters and sipping mint julips on a French Quarter balcony on a sunny spring day, with an Eartha Kitt album on in the background; or, if it's bad sex, like getting jabbed in the ear with a pencil.

piglet 104 11
02/20/2002 02:59 PM

...what Chouggy's kid saw.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 03:01 PM

"Sex is like... I just took a slam"

piglet 104 11
02/20/2002 03:03 PM

Squeamish has hacked Scooter Brown's account.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 03:05 PM

earlier today:



"Sex is like... footage of Britney's tits"

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/20/2002 03:09 PM

I've often ruminated on the idea that no righteous god would make the afterglow from a good Shakespeare and a good Frost feel exactly the same.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/20/2002 03:10 PM

I suppose they both stretch your ass the same way.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/20/2002 03:11 PM

God damn it.

piglet 104 11
02/20/2002 03:39 PM

Ford walked right into that one and right out of the closet.

SU(T) 1,768 12
02/20/2002 03:41 PM

Nutty, that's the funniest thing you have ever posted here. Thank you for a belly-jiggling laugh at someone else's expense.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/20/2002 03:43 PM

All the effort I put into writing Shakespeare here and one offhanded, cheap, obvious comment is the funniest thing I've ever said?



Why do I bother?

SU(T) 1,768 12
02/20/2002 03:44 PM

Why do I bother?



Don't worry, it doesn't show.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 03:46 PM

Sex is like... campaign finance reform

froglord the tard 9,243 13
02/20/2002 03:49 PM

Sex is like....

Numeric Palindromes

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 03:53 PM

Sex is like shooting an elephant in my underwear.



How the elephant fit into my underwear is anyone's guess.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 03:53 PM

with a little imagination:



Sex is like being injected with the deadliest poison known

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/20/2002 03:53 PM

Sex is like The prank e-mail to Nestle's, in today's John's Journal!

Feeble, Master of Spline Curves 32,400 15
02/20/2002 04:54 PM

...a sneeze, only the snot comes out lower.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 04:59 PM

Heheheh.



Think back about two years, Mr. Feeble. Would the "X-2 years" Mr. Feeble have ever imagined he would make such a comment as that?

sexhead 12,287 12
02/20/2002 05:03 PM

sex is like....

going to the DMV to renew you license and while you're filling out the form, seeing the line in the "changes in personal info" section that says "check here if your sex has changed in the past five years." And then you stand there laughing for five full minutes that they even have to ask that, before finally getting on with the whole business.

At least, that's what sex has always been like for me.

Brown Noser 84 12
02/20/2002 05:11 PM

This sex you speak of...who or what is it?

Brown Noser 84 12
02/20/2002 05:13 PM

with a little imagination:



Sex is like being injected with the deadliest poison known



Yeah, if you're the catcher. Or were you speaking in more of a poetic nature?

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 05:13 PM

sex is like ramming your dick in and out of a moist vagina.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 05:13 PM

Sex after funf, but before sieben.

postbear 10,158 13
02/20/2002 05:23 PM

ford stole mine.



just add in some piss, cigars and loud, angry music and maybe a jar of mayonnaise.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 05:26 PM

I wonder how well piss would work in a humidor charger...

sexhead 12,287 12
02/20/2002 05:27 PM

ewwwww....



maybe we could ask mr. cliton?

sexhead 12,287 12
02/20/2002 05:27 PM

holy freudian typo, batman!

Shoveling Dead Penguins 698 11
02/20/2002 06:03 PM

...is like an umberella, when ya have it ya dont need it and when you dont have it you need it badly.

sexhead 12,287 12
02/20/2002 06:05 PM

sex is like chinese food -

it can be very tasty, but if you don't know what's in it, it can make you pretty sick.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/20/2002 06:05 PM

Plus, sometimes it involves a dog.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 06:07 PM

Here's your Tang, Mr. Armstrong. Would you like some poon with that?



*shotgun blasts*

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 06:07 PM

Sex is like--Frostin' 50 bucks, man.



I ain't got no scratch. Ain't got no love.



I've got those semi-funky suburban white boy blues...

Dead Robot 67,630 16
02/20/2002 06:11 PM

Sex is interesting.



The bigger they are, the harder.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/20/2002 06:11 PM

"Good luck, Mr. Gorskey!"

Alienyst 2,371 12
02/20/2002 06:14 PM

..a bowl of cherries. Sometimes your face gets red and other times it doesn't.

sexhead 12,287 12
02/20/2002 06:15 PM

sex is like a bowl o cherries...











ONLY if you're some extremely lucky terrorist....

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 06:16 PM

"Um, honey? It would seem your hoohah has a bloody nose. You'd better pinch the clit and tilt back."

Feeble, Master of Spline Curves 32,400 15
02/20/2002 08:08 PM

... is a misdemeanor. The more I miss, the meaner I get.

Candie Kohrne la Leona Roja 8,640 15
02/20/2002 08:10 PM

And thank you Jeff Foxworthy.

Declan (Now With Cookies) McManus 131,867 36
02/20/2002 10:37 PM

the most fun two men can have in the dark.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 10:39 PM

Sex is like making love with Nutbutter.

Chouggy, Thumb Boy 5,183 13
02/20/2002 10:45 PM

.... a sore wrist.

Declan (Now With Cookies) McManus 131,867 36
02/20/2002 10:46 PM

Cum to Declan, Chouggy!

Chouggy, Thumb Boy 5,183 13
02/20/2002 10:58 PM

Haha...



You scare me, Declan.

Declan (Now With Cookies) McManus 131,867 36
02/20/2002 11:03 PM

Good.



as it should be.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/21/2002 12:51 AM

Sex is like a box of chocolates

Julio the Microbus driver! 13,428 12
02/21/2002 10:28 AM

...sticking your dick in the ocean.





real loose and you might get bit by something

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/21/2002 10:30 AM

Sex is like... throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

</Haber's 'husband'>

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/21/2002 10:40 AM

I'm trying to decide who is the stranger person:



The Gabber who gave me an Otto for my "Sex is like a wet dog" comment.



Or the Gabber who took it away.



Probably the former, because my silly comment "spoke to them".

Gavia immer 803 13
02/21/2002 10:43 AM

...is like a far away dream.



I don't care if it's two months early, kid. OUT, OUT OUT, I SAY!

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/21/2002 10:46 AM

Wasn't it sex that got us here in the first place?

Gavia immer 803 13
02/21/2002 10:52 AM

sings like N'Synce



I want libido back bidoback bidoback bidoback......

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/21/2002 10:55 AM

hehe.



You're cute when you try to pretend you understand pop culture.

Gavia immer 803 13
02/21/2002 11:03 AM

so what if I can't spell.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/21/2002 11:04 AM

I think you would be better off immitating that Britney Speedo chick.

Bust 'Em Up Rodriguez 17,826 13
02/21/2002 11:05 AM

Sex is like inserting your penis into a warmed watermelon, except that the watermelon won't cry when you leave early the next morning and don't call it back.