Merkin 10,008 13
02/20/2002 10:51 AM

Piledriver!

Bonky 75,728 15
02/20/2002 10:53 AM

I was flipping through the channels the other night and saw what looked to be some type of wedding ceremony with some big oaf and a nice little JAP.

The audience kept interjecting, "What?" while the big guy spoke.



I wonder if it was real.

aushie 5,580 13
02/20/2002 10:54 AM

Oh my god, that reminds me of what a friend of mine said:



They need a pig on all flights. That way, if an Islamic terrorist crashes the plane, the pig will go down too, and their burial site will be unclean, and they won't go have sex with virgins in Paradise.



To avoid accidental crashes where ordinary Islamic people would suffer the same fate, there would be an "eject" code that only the pilot knows that, in case of dire emergency, would shoot the pig far away enough from the plane to avoid making the burial site unclean in case of an ordinary accident.





That, or everyone has to shake hands with a menstruating woman before getting on the flight, making them ritually unclean. It would suck for the fundamentalist Jews, but they would have a chance to purify themselves as long as they didn't crash the plane.

vertical bob 26,707 13
02/20/2002 10:55 AM

It's Los Luchadores! We're saved!

vertical bob 26,707 13
02/20/2002 10:55 AM

Bwaaaaahahahahaha!



"We're going down! Eject the pig"

Bonky 75,728 15
02/20/2002 10:56 AM

That'd be a cool job if you think about it.

I could have a recliner parked in front of the security check, and charge $25 per handshake. I'd only have to work 4, 5, or sometimes 7 days a month!

AND, I'd get the admiring looks from those gay airline guys!

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
02/20/2002 10:56 AM

I never travel anywhere without my menstruating pig.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/20/2002 10:59 AM

what?

Merkin 10,008 13
02/20/2002 11:01 AM

Bonky, the wedding thing you saw wasn't real. It was part of the "story line" (think of WWF as a prime time soap opera, but for men, and with more tits and folding chairs).



The couple was renewing their vows (cause they're married in the show).



The "what?" interjections are from Stone Cold Steve Austin's lastest catch phrase.



Sorry to say, I am a college educated middle class white guy, and I watch WWF.



...in my trailer.

Bonky 75,728 15
02/20/2002 11:03 AM

Why'd you cut that rabbits hair so short?

aushie 5,580 13
02/20/2002 03:02 PM

This thread has more potential than this, so I'm streaming it into the gifted classro . . . I mean, I'm bumping it to the top.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/20/2002 03:08 PM

Ladies and gentleman, please form one line for boarding, and step quickly through the Curtain of Bacon.

dinesh 24,862 16
02/20/2002 03:19 PM

of course, to minimize costs, they would just use the same woman all month long, and you'd have no way of knowing whether she was menstruating or not. so it would be more like a crap shoot whether or not you got to muslim heaven or not.

Feeble, Master of Spline Curves 32,400 15
02/20/2002 05:08 PM

There are other ways to make a muslim unclean. For example, we could make everyone touch a corpse.



postbear would cheerfully work as the supplier.



However, this wouldn't do a thing to stop the IRA terrorists. Dirty Irish!

Bonky 75,728 15
02/20/2002 05:10 PM

Hehehehee heheeh eheh eheheheh hhahah Dick Poe.

Feeble, Master of Spline Curves 32,400 15
02/20/2002 08:14 PM

I just realized that Aushie's plan could lead to the following exchange:



"When will it be safe to use commercial air?"



"When pigs fly."

Some Guy 19,242 12
02/20/2002 08:17 PM

I'd only have to work 4, 5, or sometimes 7 days a month!



BullShakespeare. You'd work 365 days a year.

Feeble, Master of Spline Curves 32,400 15
02/20/2002 08:17 PM

Are you suggest Bonky would be worked until she was on the ragged edge?

Dirk Lately 14,001 13
02/20/2002 08:19 PM

Except for the feeble puns, this is a great thread.

Feeble, Master of Spline Curves 32,400 15
02/20/2002 08:20 PM

OK, back to the original suggestion - would Pro Wrestlers have all their magical powers if they weren't in their special costumes?

Some Guy 19,242 12
02/20/2002 08:39 PM

Pro Wrestlers wouldn't know what to do without a script.

She-bot 909 13
02/21/2002 12:39 AM

Jess Ventura's resume just got updated.



"I love to fly."

Guillermo Wako 12,056 12
02/21/2002 01:12 AM

In a similarly unrelated note, i wondered a while back about the actual threat of indian/pakistani nukes. Aren't both of their countries full of cows? so you know they're both bluffing.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/21/2002 01:52 AM

pakistan is muslim isn't it? They don't give a Shakespeare about cows.

postbear 10,158 13
02/21/2002 01:59 AM

sedate everyone on board -- sleeping people don't pull carpet knives on anyone.



i would sit next to the pig.

1bigdork 7,825 12
02/21/2002 02:02 AM

Since the womyns libbers started beating up the airlines, I have seen many stews, er flight attendants, that would qualify.

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
02/24/2002 12:06 PM

Sedation is expensive and dangerous.



Handcuff everyone to their seats.



Give the flight attendants whips.



Air travel would go up. The masochists would fly so they could be bad and be whipped, the sadists would fly so they could watch, and everyone else would at least be glad that they didn't have to watch something like "Austin Powers 3".

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/24/2002 12:51 PM

Eject the pro wrestlers instead.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/24/2002 03:56 PM

I want to buy a Piper Pawnee, (a cropduster, soaring clubs use them to tow gliders too cause of the P/W ratio), load the tank with 300 gallons of pig blood, and do several passes over Mecca.

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
02/24/2002 04:00 PM

Mr. Responsible speaks, we listen

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/24/2002 04:04 PM

We do?

da_pope 1,483 13
02/24/2002 04:07 PM

it'd be like 'carrie III, carrie does allah'.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/24/2002 04:14 PM

This is the most funnest thing I ever did in an airplane.

Capricious Nefarious Jones 78,550 13
02/24/2002 04:22 PM

I'm not impressed. The people on Fear Factor do stuff like that every week.

Show me pics of you covered in scorpions and I'll be impressed.

Scooter Brown 19,936 13
02/24/2002 04:32 PM

being covered in scorpions sounds like the least funnest thing you could do on an airplane.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/24/2002 04:42 PM

I would be happy to impress you. Please fill out <A HREF=http://www.state.tn.us/humanserv/hs0169.pdf">this</a> form in triplicate and I'll get back to you.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/24/2002 04:43 PM

Or this one.

Feeble, Master of Spline Curves 32,400 15
02/24/2002 05:00 PM

I believe the Saudi Government has some rather unpleasant AA stuff around Mecca just for people like you, Ford.



I think testing the stealth capabilities and ECM of a Piper is a wonderful idea.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/24/2002 05:55 PM

I don't need ECM, I could just paint a big camel on it

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
02/24/2002 06:06 PM

I think the people who blew up statues of Buddha because of strictures regarding idolatry might be able to bag a camel.

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
02/24/2002 06:19 PM

No they'll think it's friendly see

Sexhead Maryam Peron Madrid Descamisados 12,287 12
02/24/2002 06:24 PM

I have a friend who had to take camel-riding lessons once.



He and his friends ended up racing them. They got into a lot of trouble.

Dirk Lately 14,001 13
02/24/2002 07:08 PM

Camel jockeys.

Sexhead Maryam Peron Madrid Descamisados 12,287 12
02/24/2002 07:18 PM

yep.

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
02/24/2002 08:14 PM

If you want to buy a used camel, do you go to a Camelot?

Sexhead Maryam Peron Madrid Descamisados 12,287 12
02/24/2002 08:15 PM

Dunno, but I could ask him.

5,097 15
03/12/2002 02:57 PM

They're killing tons of people on suicide missions because they think it's their holy duty. They already think they're special warriors, thus defiled burial sites mean Shakespeare, they still think they're gunna get in. Also, for accidental crashes, the airline company would likely get sued horrendously. Lastly, all the other loonies would care less about a pig. All in all, a really bad, poorly thought out idea. You stupidity has earned you funnie clickes. Yes, I laugh at retards in public.

aushie 5,580 13
03/12/2002 03:00 PM

huh hmm wha?



Not my idea, my friend's idea.



But you're right, it was rather poorly thought out. Too bad this is a governmental policy making board instead of a comedy board.



*gets whispered to*



What? It IS a comedy board?



Oh, well, in that case, you're a Frosttard.

aushie, freakin' zz top troll-boy 5,580 13
03/25/2002 02:23 PM

DUDE!! My friend's idea is on snopes!

Alienyst 2,371 12
03/25/2002 02:38 PM

I think my friends ideas are on drugs...or was that my ideas are on drugs...or was that my idea was more drugs for my friends...or forget it