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This bit is a test to see how stupid I can sound when I type longer than one paragraph
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In this, my article of supreme and profound numbskullery, I shall examine the ways in which a normal person (in the mental sense) becomes addicted to and infatuated with GAB.
While the work-a-day Joe Six-Pack has no need for any recognition beyond that of Bowler of the Year or possibly that of "Child Molesting Sumbitch that Cheats at Poker," there are those among us that need a constant and unceasing stream of attention. While most of those starving people go about it the correct way (drugs, suicide attempts, violent crime and amateur porn), there is a minority that needs not physical means to irradiate their sad hearts with the searing atomic rays of Interweb posting boards.
There are many distinct classes and categories of boards in every imaginable topic, ranging from scat porn to general topic boards (for example, why exactly YUO=FAG0+), but GAB is distinctive in its claim to be the funniest place on the Interweb for the purposes of humorous discussions on any sort of subject.
GAB is a curiosity at first. Unlike other not fun message boards, GAB always has at least one or two people posting at any time, so the feedback to your inane blatherings is almost immediate. From the very beginning, you realize that GAB is no ordinary Coleridge-stroking daisy-chained self-esteem hyphenfest like, say...Codeslave.com is. In a merest matter of minutes, your post has been made fun of and cast down upon the dusted ground to be tread upon like the head of the serpent.
But since your entire existence depends on attention from other antisocial sociopaths, you keep posting and posting, searching for that recognition your empty soul craves. You may use one of many tactics, such as: flaming (my own tactic), joining a GAB Clique (whereby an entente of mutual defense and funny clicks is formed), you may post things about your personal life for the purposes of derision, or you may simply post seriously and attempt to show the rest of GAB how cool you are because you can ___________ (fill in the blank.) Only rarely will or should someone actually try to post something intelligent here. The key, though, is to be funny, or you'll be ostracized and made fun of by retarded children who are glad that they're not you (please see Kenshin for the best example.)
In any case, once you've been here for awhile, one of three things happens.
1. You receive the attention you seek and continue to post here.
2. You're ignored and you go away and we dance and piss on a small voodoo effigy of you every time your name is brought up after your celebrated and encouraged exodus.
3. You occasionally post to let us know how you're doing but seek attention elsewhere at some other inferior site such as Codeslave.com
If you fall into the second category, then immediately proceed to the nearest crowded area and pretend that everyone you see is secretly laughing at your humilating face and pathetic intelligence. This would accurately simulate what we are doing right now.
If you are in the first category, then CONGRATULATION A WINNER IS YOU!!! Continue posting and one day you might just be able to tell your grandkids how many jobs you lost because you couldn't stop posting here instead of working!
If you fall into the third category, then please switch to one of the others. You're not as much fun, otherwise! And so concludes this, my FIRST GAB "BIT"
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
16 votes
4.9
/live?func=new_user&msgid=390164
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14 Comments on "GAB Dynamics"
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Hilarious
0 votes
4.0
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John Hargrave 128,742  73
02/25/2002 08:50 AM
Well, I think the test was successful.
This, by the way, is the definition of "looking a gift horse in the mouth."
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0 votes
0.0
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Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
02/25/2002 10:27 AM
Mr. Stuby, that was beautiful.
You're still not in the Cool Kid's Club though.
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Hilarious
0 votes
4.0
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Kaizokukanchou Stuby 17,826 13
02/25/2002 11:56 AM
Woo hoo!
I'm an OFFICIAL MORON!
NUTBTUTER=FAG0T
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=390693
+18Chickens 286,208 61
02/25/2002 03:30 PM
*cries tears of joy*
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0 votes
0.0
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Some Guy 19,242 12
02/25/2002 06:33 PM
Full Pee-tube for Stuby.
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0 votes
0.0
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Warpraptor 1,010 16
02/25/2002 07:59 PM
Hell-freaking yes. Ladies and Gentlement, now THAT is a bit.
THAT IS A FREAKING BIT!
J!
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0 votes
0.0
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Mike/Moon, Directed by John Woo 4,366 14
02/25/2002 08:21 PM
I like to think of me as the sole member of group 4. The "post as 600 different people" group.
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Chuckleworthy
0 votes
2.0
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the Society to Rid the Earth of Celine Dion 676 12
02/27/2002 01:03 AM
You forgot the all too important "ignored, but refuses to go away no matter what, just to annoy everybody else" category.
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0 votes
0.0
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Kenshin 2,469 13
02/27/2002 05:05 PM
Codeslave.com has GAB too stuby. And trust me, there are way funnier message boards with WAY more people online then Gab.
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Chuckleworthy
0 votes
2.0
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HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
02/27/2002 05:33 PM
i remember i said one good thing about you a waaaay long time ago. i take it back.
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Chuckleworthy
0 votes
2.0
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Ford Prefect 5,475 13
03/29/2002 08:02 PM
You're the best writer on Gab. Hands down.
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0 votes
0.0
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Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/29/2002 09:09 PM
<Stares, mouth agape, in awe.
Ten minutes later...
Lights cigarette>
Damn!
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