Squeamish 38,986 14
03/24/2002 03:16 PM

Do Not: Go swimming within 1/2 hour of eating.

Squeamish 38,986 14
03/24/2002 03:17 PM

Do: Post topless pictures of yourself

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:23 PM

Be: afraid of squeamish

Vlad the Impaler 19,599 12
03/24/2002 03:24 PM

Drink: Blood. It's full of iron, calcium, and 12 other nutrients and vitamins. Blood, it's what's for dinner.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:26 PM

do: call onion a rug-muncher



dont: ask if princess trixxie is really a woman

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
03/24/2002 03:27 PM

First rule of Gab is: You do not flood the board.



Second rule of Gab is: You do not flood the board.



The third rule of Gab is: when someone brings up "Hitler" or mentions dry anal rape, the thread is over.



Fourth rule is of Gab is: Threads go on as long as they have to.



Fifth rule of Gab: Post in one thread at a time.



Sixth rule of Gab: You do not talk about politics or religion.



Seventh rule of Gab: Do not ask about the sex life of Postbear, Trixxie, Squeamish, or Nutbutter.



And the eighth and final rule: If this is your first post on Gab, don't be a Frosttard.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:30 PM

sixth rule apendix: dont even stray near those subjects if ford prefect or faber is around.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:31 PM

so, who's up for some dry anal rape?

SalsaShark - a.k.a. "Viv Savage" 6,518 11
03/24/2002 03:33 PM

I almost - ALMOST - wish that we could impost a 3 or 4 day "waiting period" on newbie posting. I know it took me at least twice that long before I a) figured out who's who, how this place worked, etc., and b) worked up the nerve to post something worthy of the very, very funny people on this board. In any event, I know it would never fly because it's just not fair, but in a perfect world, I'd sponsor a "GAB Brady Bill." Except maybe I'd call it the Pobble Bill. Or something.

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
03/24/2002 03:34 PM

There should be a rule in there about asking that hot Werehamster chick out.



We could probably make that a subclause of rule 6.

Phuc 237,915 21
03/24/2002 03:35 PM

Noobies:



This board has survived longer than most online communities. Despite it's often acerbic and petty character, it is one of the most diverse message boards there has ever been. It's a place where love, hate, joy, anguish, pain, and pleasure coexist and even revel in each other's company. Those who have been around since the beginning and those who have been around since last week all share a common bond--the bond that if asked to explain what it is, the answer can only be, "If you have to ask, you'll never know."



Now Frost off. It's time to shove a pineapple up Squeamish's ass.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:35 PM

be closer to 7.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:36 PM

great, I just shot yogurt out of my nose, thanks to you phuc







and I wasn't even eating yogurt

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
03/24/2002 03:37 PM

Shakespeare. I meant to save 7.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
03/24/2002 03:37 PM

Don't be alarmed if a thread goes off topiCarrollil we've seen you post a few times, we don't care what kind of car you drive, how L33t you are, how big your penis is, or how many sex partners you've had. Once we get to know you, that's pretty much ALL we'll ask about.

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 03:37 PM

Nothing wrong with being new!

You get this treatment in every walk of life.

When you start school, new job, and when you enter a new circle of people like on Gab.

My Wavelength may be different and out of tune but I enjoy Gab and am learning as i go.

Truly I exspect not to be excepted .

Like one poster said I try too hard well that is true but when I log on to Gab and read the threads I cant help but post like it or not.

Being a grade eighter in a new highschool is kinda fun all over again.



John I think your idea is a good one however it wont decrease the the level of pain all noobs will feel.

Enjoy being a noob cause it wont last for ever.

Phuc 237,915 21
03/24/2002 03:37 PM

Glad to oblige. Got any granola to go with that yogurt?

Squeamish 38,986 14
03/24/2002 03:38 PM

Do me a favor and put the bottom in first, please.



It makes it much easier to get out.

Nutbutter 181,255 35
03/24/2002 03:38 PM

One thing you may want to try, which I've seen in other boards, is to not let new people start threads until they've posted a few (ten, twenty) times in other threads. This gives people a chance to get the feel of Gab before starting threads of their own.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:39 PM

9: dont bother trying to fit in till you have atleast 2000 posts.

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
03/24/2002 03:40 PM

It is an initiation ritual.



It was either this or the "Walk of pain rods" If you understand my drift.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:40 PM

I second nutbutters idea

Traelicious 156,785 17
03/24/2002 03:47 PM

Don't make the baby jesus cry.



Don't lose your job.



Don't get pregnant.



Don't look at porn.



Don't talk to Kenshin.



And before you ask: NO, I will not show you my breasteses. Pay no attention to what the other male Gabber's have said. We just don't do that sort of thing around here.

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 03:51 PM

will you show me your boobies?

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/24/2002 04:16 PM

All noobs should be fitted with a pair of flameproof underwear.

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 04:19 PM

Radiation Bombarded Chicken Embryos

Microcube (same great taste) 13,428 12
03/24/2002 04:19 PM

my underwear has rocket ships on it

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/24/2002 04:23 PM

hence the blast out of your ass?

Superkitten 3,425 0
03/24/2002 04:26 PM

10: If it's your first post, you have to give Superkitten a rimmer.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/24/2002 04:28 PM

Dont build snowemen this ugly!

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 04:41 PM

This man is ugly

Ded_Freex 2,863 12
03/24/2002 04:43 PM

Is that skully-face ?

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/24/2002 04:51 PM

#1: Use the word 'Frost' a lot. It's a cool sounding word and we all dig it.

#2: Repeat after me: "Frost Jesus Christ up his Frost-ing Emerson". Very good.

#3: We don't like you. Eat Shakespeare, go to hell, and die.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/24/2002 04:52 PM

No HIV jokes.

EvilPanda 4,807 13
03/24/2002 04:53 PM

Do expect to be accused of being the alter-ego of a regular.



Don't let Ford come and visit you.



Don't bother arguing with Squeamish. He is the black hole of circular reasoning, from which no logic can escape.

Cap'n Stuby AND MR. HYDE 17,826 13
03/24/2002 04:54 PM

The third rule of GAB should be:







Don't be a moron

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/24/2002 04:54 PM

Firtation may be expected.



Hello Evil Panda! Can you send me your nudes please?

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/24/2002 04:55 PM

Don't be a moron



Fourth rule: Expect to break your own rules.

EvilPanda 4,807 13
03/24/2002 04:58 PM

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, Mr. Robot, would you hold it against me?





Do expect to be hit on by the Princess Trixxie. She's like the GAB welcome wagon.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/24/2002 04:59 PM

Maybe an oath is better.



"I do solemnly swear to Frost the baby Jesus up his stupid Frost-ing Emerson, look at lots of porn and show at least an appreciation for the many variations of porn that make the world a rainbow of porny goodness. I swear to use foul language frequently and often creatively such as inventing curse combinations such as 'assheadShakespeareFroster' or 'bitchy CarrollShakespeareter'. I swear to piss off individuals in ways that are amusing to the group. I swear that I will not be a bitchy CarrollShakespeareter when people talk about a topic I wish they would not talk about."

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 05:00 PM

Rule: Be warned that the memebers of the community known as GAB have a tendency to "flame" newbies for acting stupid, which includes using acronyms like "LOL" and using emoticons.

1,686 13
03/24/2002 05:01 PM

I really hope no one finds out I have an incredibly small penis

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/24/2002 05:01 PM

"I swear I will never use the term 'intelligent humor' to make myself sound like a snotty Emerson."

Candie Kohrne with New Hole in Head 8,640 15
03/24/2002 05:14 PM

1. Know who Lenny Bruce was and why he was a genius.

2. Know who Richard Pryor is and why he is a genius.

3. Know who Steve Martin is and why I want to make sweet sweet love to him.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 05:14 PM

Warning: As a newbie, be prepared to hear phrases such as "Shut up Moon" and "Come on, admit it. We know you're Kenshin". We have a number of members who think every new user is just an old user with a new account.

Candie Kohrne with New Hole in Head 8,640 15
03/24/2002 05:15 PM

4. Never disagree with Empress Candie.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/24/2002 05:17 PM

8. Give up and go bug Metafilter.com

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 05:24 PM

Dont forget that when noobs do say something funny or witty Oldtimers will hack on you anyway because you are not allowed to be funny until they think so.



Part of being new.

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/24/2002 05:29 PM

Perhaps the best advice I could give a newbie is: Don't give a rats ass what people say and post anyway.











That'll be $50, please

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 05:33 PM

Been doinit all along.

Cheque is in the mail Canadian dollars. hee hee hee!

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/24/2002 05:35 PM

YOU WORTHLESS CANUCK! YOU AND YOUR STUPID QUARTERS, JAMMING UP OUR ARCADE MACHINES!

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 05:49 PM

Civil Intercontinental Terrorism!



"tiptoes back over the border... grinning"

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
03/24/2002 05:49 PM

I've said a lot of things I think John shouldn't do, but here's one thing I think he should do.



John, I don't know if you foot the whole bill for Zug over and above the donations you got last year, but as far as all of us know, this is YOUR party. You bought the hors d'ouvres and beer, and you picked the song list.



Perhaps you should write a journal about what you'd LIKE Gab to be. Your perfect Gab day, where the board entertains you the whole time and doesn't make you wonder why you bother.



You won't get it of course, but I wouldn't be surprised if a great many of the Gabbers wouldn't try to move in that direction. If you said "I feel like I have wasted my time and money on the days when I see people talking about sodomizing Jesus" then I for one would stop doing Shakespeare like that just out of respect, just like if in some alternate Universe you'd actually invite me to a dinner party, I wouldn't wipe my ass on the drapes. But decorum isn't as easily defined here, so if you have a mission, you should be very clear about what it is.



</My suggestion>



My newbie suggestion is: Don't come in here and just post. Direct your post at someone. If you feel ignored it's because you need to develop some open dialogues with other users. Start interacting with individuals and soon people will be doing the same to you.

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
03/24/2002 05:50 PM

God dammit! I was going to do a bit on this! Cursssssssssssssses!

Wyldnfryd 1,323 12
03/24/2002 05:52 PM

Example on how to interact: Ford, Frost you.

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/24/2002 05:53 PM

Zoofer...



Your Canuck quarters cost me the chance to beat "House of the Dead 2" at the local arcade last night.









That and your beer sucks too

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
03/24/2002 05:54 PM

Frost you too you Frost-ing Frostity-Frostwad Frost

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/24/2002 06:04 PM

OK, Newbie survival guide:



1) Read a few threads before posting. Look at the "top poster list", and notice how much crap they take. Don't expect anything different.

2) Understand that any opinion you can possibly express is flame bait. Sometimes seriously, sometimes for fun. Learn the difference, but be able to handle flame either way.

3) You are not the smartest person on this board. You probably aren't even top 20. Don't think you are, or act like you are. After a while, you'll have a better idea of who is smart about what subjects.

4) People's biographies give next to no clue about them. Read them for fun, not education.

5) Remember God loves you, and has a wonderful plan for your life.

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 06:05 PM

Hey sorry about your game.

But as for your beer... It is like making love in a canoe!













































Frost-ing close to water

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/24/2002 06:12 PM

6) Any thread, on any subject, can morph into a thread on an entirely different subject, in less time than it takes you to say "Supercalifragalisticexbealadocious", especially if you're a chronic stutterer.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/24/2002 06:13 PM

look Zoofer, I know you're an american and you're proud of it, but that's no reason to be putting down Canada and its people the way you've been doing here. There are a lot of Canadians here and they, just like you are a proud and noble people. They do not deserve all of your anti-Canadian bile.

da_pope 1,483 13
03/24/2002 06:14 PM

5) Remember God loves you, and has a wonderful plan for your life.



you wonder why the realists on the board have to be so vocal? it's like a sickness, he can't stop selling his feces.

Alienyst 2,371 12
03/24/2002 06:16 PM

someone is selling feces? How much?

Alienyst 2,371 12
03/24/2002 06:17 PM

wait a minute - people are always giving me Shakespeare for free, why should I pay for it?

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 06:18 PM

Scoot I 'am Canadian wake up Eh!

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
03/24/2002 06:18 PM

I'll sell it too



"if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing."



Galatians 5:2

Alienyst 2,371 12
03/24/2002 06:19 PM

Remember: at any time the perception people have of you can change - yes even with just ONE post!











Do: wear flame retardent underwear when posting.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/24/2002 06:21 PM

I think I should explain something. The last time me and my last girlfriend had the sex, when should should have screamed out "OH GOD!" ("OH SCOOTER!") she was all "OH BABY JESUS! YES! Frost ME HARDER!". I had to break up with her. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE CHEATED ON ME WITH THAT PUNKASS BABY JESUS! I'LL GET YOU CHRIST! YOU HEAR ME!? I WILL BE THE LAST TO LAUGH YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/24/2002 06:29 PM

I'm afraid da_pope doesn't recognize an ironic reference to the old "Four Spiritual Laws" booklet. That's not realism, pope, it's ignorance with a touch of grimness.



But thanks for flaming.

d8uv the h8d 3,011 13
03/24/2002 06:34 PM

Don't make a thread announcing yourself to the rest of the community.



Don't expect everyone to like you.



Do make fun of the size of my penis.

3,011 13
03/24/2002 06:34 PM

Damn! That thing is so big, you could probably Frost an entire cave system!

Ford Prefect 5,475 13
03/24/2002 06:35 PM

What if God's wonderful plan is that your life serve as a warning to others?

d8uv the h8d 3,011 13
03/24/2002 06:35 PM

Don't say that.

Herr Referenz 756 11
03/24/2002 06:39 PM

The thing about having a "newbie survival guide" at the new account screen is that most people may skip it. How many people read license agreements and new account rules when installing software or signing up for a new service on the net? The idea about not being able to post new threads until one has posted to 10-20 new threads sounds better.



Another idea would be having an assigned "mentor" that walks newbies through the first few weeks and makes sure they don't get in much trouble. Several people could help with the mentor role, it wouldn't have to be always the same person. For instance, I can take care of the young, nubile females who like to take off their clothes randomly, while Squeamish can take care of the scheissenfilm lovers, and Trae and Candie can take care of the Van Diesel lookalikes. Fair?

Herr Referenz 756 11
03/24/2002 06:40 PM

Vin Diesel. I knew it wasn't a Dutch name.

Herr Referenz 756 11
03/24/2002 06:43 PM

Another idea: newbies get their own "welcome wagon" thread where they can post and be flamed to death before they venture forth to the rest of Gab.

Marilyn 12,471 13
03/24/2002 06:46 PM

Is this actually a problem that needs fixing?





John, me thinks you're taking being a proud papa too seriously.



Wow, look at the time!



*leaves thread before catches any diseases.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/24/2002 06:46 PM

How bout we rig it up so that whenever a newbie tries to post they are instantly killed. That way they won't post and get flamed.

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/24/2002 06:49 PM

Ford has reminded me of a joke.



There was a church where two of the "pillars" were hypocrites of Pecksniffian magnitude. They were wealthy, and the reason was that they were greedy and unscuplous, along with a whole boatload of other vices.



Finally the day came when the older brother died. The younger brother came to the pastor and said: "I'm prepared to pay for the construction of the new education wing for the church, since you're doing my brother's funeral. There's just one condition - during the service, you must say my brother was a saint."



The pastor took the check and cashed it. During the funeral, he said "We are here to bury a man who cheated on his wife, cheated in his business dealings, was a liar, a bigot, a wife beater, and hated by his children. But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."

Phuc 237,915 21
03/24/2002 07:14 PM

Rule #347: No fat chicks!

d8uv the h8d 3,011 13
03/24/2002 07:18 PM

Especially if they are wearing party hats.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/24/2002 08:01 PM

1) Be intelligent...



heh heh ha hahahahaha!



John, you ARE funny. If you were requiered to be intelligent on GAB the only one posting here would be codeslave, squeamish and Ford.

EvilPanda 4,807 13
03/24/2002 08:04 PM

Rule #1 should be: Learn to express yourself coherently.



This means spellcheck your posts, and learn the basic rules of grammar. There are people who post here for whom English is a second (or third) langauge, yet can form better sentences than some of the native English speakers.

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 08:04 PM

Now I Know why you were ran off the site before.

Sleestack 30,342 13
03/24/2002 08:04 PM

There used to be two great rules on the old BBS Fidonet that still apply:



1. Thou shall not be overly offensive.

2. Thou shall not be easily offended.



Both of these rules have exactly the same importance.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/24/2002 08:08 PM

EvilPanda, this is a message board, not a novel. and worst off, this is GAB, not a typical message board.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/24/2002 08:09 PM

those two shoud definitly go in the noob manual.

Declan McManus 131,867 36
03/24/2002 08:11 PM

"Rule #62 "Don't take yourself so damm seriously."

Declan McManus 131,867 36
03/24/2002 08:11 PM

Die already, KenShakespeare.

EvilPanda 4,807 13
03/24/2002 08:14 PM

Kenshin is the Cuisanart of the English langauge.

94 11
03/24/2002 08:14 PM

Oh please dont run me off gab again I want to be your freind.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/24/2002 08:14 PM

Is he like Motzart?

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/24/2002 08:15 PM

That's one of the great sources of Gab humor, along with goatse.cx. How could we ban that? We may as well ban ebay and Onion links.

EvilPanda 4,807 13
03/24/2002 08:15 PM

Yes, yes he is! Tell your friends! Run and tell them, right now!

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/24/2002 08:17 PM

I already emailed Timon, Ford and Moon, I also told my cats.

131,867 36
03/24/2002 08:18 PM

'chops EvilPanda for that misspelling.'

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/24/2002 08:22 PM

I like the two rules about offensiveness. I think we also need to add a warning: "Some gabbers will warn if a link is not safe to view at work. Others will not. Use "mouse-over" to check a link before clicking on it, and never, ever click on the link 'goatse.cx'".

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 08:25 PM

Rule # 654: Lay off Kenshin. There's nothing more pathetic than to see grown men arguing with (and losing to) a 19-year-old.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/24/2002 08:26 PM

Hey here's a sudden idea...



Why not allow <font color=white> tag for hiding offensive bits?

131,867 36
03/24/2002 08:26 PM

Who said we're arguing with he tard?

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 08:29 PM

Who said we're arguing with he tard?



Ok, if you prefer, we can call it "whining and complaining about like 2-year-olds" instead of "arguing with". You say "potayto" I say "Potahto"

Declan McManus 131,867 36
03/24/2002 08:30 PM

Lets call the whole thing off!

d8uv the h8d 3,011 13
03/24/2002 08:36 PM

Add a link to 'The GAB Lexicon' thread.

Alienyst 2,371 12
03/24/2002 08:45 PM

maybe we could make them read everytyhing here before lurking even...

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/24/2002 08:46 PM

Um, you are arguing with me, and for no reason, I'm just an 18 year olf who uses this board to blow my steam. I mean, imagine If I were like "kenshin" in real life... Wait, nevermind, I am.... I guess I'm not blowing off steam, I'm posting here because I have the privalige to post here, And I can mispell all I want.



I'm gonna add a couple rules to the book,



1) If you are an uptight, bitter gay person, then you are not allowed in GAB, we don't need anymore of those.



2) Lesbo's can join in on GAB only if they are hot and interested in testing it out with a guy like Kenshin. Otherwise, we already have Onion and Dawn, so go away.



3) Always obey emails sent to you by John or Codeslave, otherwise, there will be an immediate ban.



4) Spell however you want, like haX0rs, Kenshin, or even emoticon users, This is GAB! John supports free speech, so use your keyboard how YOU want to, As long as we understand!



5) Kenshin is funny, sexy, Ebert and Roeper gave me two thumbs up (heh heh, get it?) So if any of you ladeys want to get to know me... feel free to email me, kenshin@cfl.rr.com



6) If Kenshin likes people on GAB, that means it is safe to talk to them, otherwise, beware of the beasts.



7) Postbear looks at Child porn.



8) I'm running out of idea's...



9) When Kenshin runs out of idea's, he does something stupid like Tell GAB that pobble was raped... (Which I still laugh at every day!)



10) Moons secret prank involes giving him money. D'oh!

John Hargrave 128,742 73
03/24/2002 09:23 PM

Sleestack, those two rules are great. There were a few others that seem useful, as well. Keep them coming.



As to Ford's point about me writing how I'd like GAB to be, that's not what I want GAB to be. I want us to discuss those areas of GAB that could be improved -- not just change things in the way that I want.



For instance, I think that Herr Referenz's idea about "newbie mentors" is absolutely fantastic, and something I never would have thought up on my own. I'm not sure how practical it is (What would mentors do? Would they really be able to handle the amount of new registrations we get, which is suprisingly high? Would newbies be required to contact mentors, or would it be optional?). The point is, it's a very creative and innovative possible solution to several problems.

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 09:55 PM

I tried what Herr Referenz suggested with my introductory thread "Hack On The Newbie" But when you are new you realy dont get alot of what others are saying.

Unless it is Evil Panda telling you to goaway because you are "boring" But I found it good to get ribbed bring it on!

How about Dictionary of some of the Gab terminology.

Ded_Freex 2,863 12
03/24/2002 10:19 PM

GAB terminology constantly changes. How in the hell would you pull that off ?

Viscous 595 12
03/24/2002 10:32 PM

Actually, Zuke, I think a terminology or history guide to Gab would be great. Maybe something collaborative, with some of Jinx's particularly stunning Flashes, or descriptions of certain Gabbers and Gab events written by the regulars.



As in,"The Fall of Kenshin" As Told By Postbear, "The Massive Networking Coleridge" As Told By Ford Prefect, etc.



It would give some of the verbose Gab personalities a chance to skewer each other in new, creative ways. And lots of fun for new and old Gabbers.

Ded_Freex 2,863 12
03/24/2002 10:33 PM

Also, knowing some of the old inside jokes would be kind of nice.



I feel so left out sometimes.





ok, I feel left out all of the time.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/24/2002 10:34 PM

The fall of Kenshin would be by ME, not postbear, because I actually know what was going on behind the scenes.

Viscous 595 12
03/24/2002 10:36 PM

Well, yeah, Kenshin. It would be fun/funny for there to exist competing versions of the Fall of Kenshin... one by your and your friends, one by some of your not-so-friendly-friends. O, the humanity! O, the pathos!

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/24/2002 10:48 PM

But there is only one story, the true story. This isn't a point of view type of thing, this is a message board and a thread I started. I am the only say in what went on.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 10:49 PM

Please don't use Flash animations on GAB.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 10:55 PM

As for mentoring, perhaps each person could choose how many people he/she is willing to mentor at any one time.



But the problem would still remain, how do we implement it? Forcing all of the "mentor applications" through a single person (like John or Codeslave) would overwhelm that person.



Maybe something where we could log in to our profile and check a flag that says "we are accepting GAB apprentices" or some Shakespeare, which we could set to "off" whenever we feel we don't have time to mentor more people.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 10:57 PM

The Fall of postbear By Dead Robot



The Fall of The Rockin' Donkey By Cap'n Stuby



The Fall by The Winter

Viscous 595 12
03/24/2002 11:05 PM

Lost Innocence: How the GAB Dashed My Naivete Against the Rocks by Brooke



The Prolapse of My Uterus by Melanie



A Nice, Loose Rectum in Ten Easy Steps by QTA

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/24/2002 11:07 PM

The rise and fall, subsequent rebirth, second fall, second rebirth, third fall..... of The Rockin' Donkey By Barking Pumpkin

Chouggy, Thumb Boy 5,183 13
03/24/2002 11:12 PM

They Call Me Fat co-authored by Chouggy/Squeamish

Zoofer 94 11
03/24/2002 11:17 PM

DESTINED TO BE A NEWBIE FOREVER writen by Zoofer/ Edited by Zukeman/ Illustrated by Palazukeenee.

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 12:26 AM

how about you just get rid of kenshin, john? that would make this board a lot less hateful, if you care to read its posts in this thread.



as for newbies: let them take care of themselves. mollycoddling people will do nothing to protect them from the world.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/25/2002 12:28 AM

how about you just get rid of kenshin, john? that would make this board a lot less hateful, if you care to read its posts in this thread.



How about we take a look at some of your posts so we can see how he came so far so fast.

Squeamish 38,986 14
03/25/2002 12:29 AM

I am willing to mentor all underage female noobs.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:29 AM

What happens when you're given somebody to mentor and they turn out to be somebody that you really want to flame the dogShakespeare out of?

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/25/2002 12:30 AM

Put stuby on the case.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:32 AM

I think what I'm trying to say is that's one of the stupidest ideas in the history of mankind and we're all a little more retarded for having witnessed: #1: somebody seriously make the suggestion #2: some dumbShakespeares take the idea seriously

Squeamish 38,986 14
03/25/2002 12:33 AM

I repeat.



I am willing to mentor all underage female noobs.

Squeamish 38,986 14
03/25/2002 12:33 AM

"Mentor" means the same thing as "bugger," right?

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 12:39 AM

yeah, donk. i'm sure there's no reason to hate something that flooded the board and violated someone's privacy for no reason whatsoever.



by the standards to which we're all asked to adhere on this board, it should have been gone long ago.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 12:41 AM

Wow papercut, the hate would actually end if you stopped talking about me, it's your choice to keep hate on the board. I cannot be banned for doing nothing wrong. If you want less hate on the board, then it's your choice to keep it off by not talking about it.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/25/2002 12:48 AM

I find it oddly appropriate that I just slammed a noob when this thread was on the board.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 12:49 AM

WHEN THE Frost DID I EVER FLOOD THIS BOARD!? And I am not an it... atleast, no more than you are, just look at you, you're a sick disgusting ugly piece of Shakespeare that is absolutely worthless to society. I throw out ideas for GAB, you whine. there is a huge difference between us.



Go ahead and keep complaining, it's not going to solve anything, because the more you mention my name, the more I will post. I will become addicted to GAB just like in the beginning, and there will be no Frost-ing way to stop me.



You are the most disgusting creature I have ever seen, I'm glad you're a homo, because anything related to you should die. Heck, if you weren't gay, I'd wish for someone to smash your Frost-ing testicles.



Postbear, I have refrained from saying, this, but IT IS WAR. You and your buddies, no matter how hard the bash will not take me down. so keep trying you childFroster. And shave that disguting lump og garbage you call a beared off.

Zoofer 94 11
03/25/2002 12:50 AM

That was your way of being funny Hypocrite!

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 12:55 AM

it will die, and it should happen soon.



my suggestion is simple: god was banned for flooding, so should kenshin be banned for the same act. what it did to pobble should not have been allowed here. it is the most hateful thing here, and needs to be disposed of soon.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 12:56 AM

When did "it" ever flood?

Squeamish 38,986 14
03/25/2002 12:56 AM

Hate is good.







No, wait, I'm thinking of meat.

Squeamish 38,986 14
03/25/2002 12:57 AM

I think about meat a lot.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/25/2002 01:02 AM

Postbear, I don't care what Kenshin has done. I'm sick of seeing your bitter, lame attacks, and I'd imagine that I'm not alone. They don't help the matter. John seems to have decided to allow Kenshin to stay here, and apparently feels differently about the situation than you do. It's his site, and I suggest if you don't agree with his decision you either ignore Kenshin or leave outright.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:02 AM

I give cool people funny clicks.

1,686 13
03/25/2002 01:03 AM

I hope Kenshin notices that I'm sticking up for him! He's SOOOO dreamy! I hope he lets me suck his massive (well...not really) anime loving Coleridge!

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 01:07 AM

donkey -- maybe john needs to hear this to decide what should be done with it.



god was banned for flooding and violating the tos. why are all posters not treated equally?



this is especially pertinent given the current debate regarding the tone of the board.



too bad you don't like my posts. i don't like it.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:07 AM

Gee I wonder who that imp is...

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:08 AM

Postbear, Stop avoiding my question. When did I ever flood the board? and how am I at all related to God?

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/25/2002 01:11 AM

When did Kenshin ever flood the board to the point where it was unusable? Sure, he had a few threads where he posted nonsense to "up" his ranking, but I don't recall him ever flooding the board to the extent that God or even Thread Police once did.



As for the situation with Pobble, "Kenshin" just posted that he was going to reveal an unnamed "secret". I believe it has since been revealed that it wasn't actually Kenshin who started that thread, but one of the several people who had access to his account at the time.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 01:14 AM

"I suggest if you don't agree with his decision you either ignore Kenshin or leave outright."



Or, just keep doing what you're doing now. Which is cool by me.

94 11
03/25/2002 01:15 AM

I just went to do a gab search onthe the topic "Kenshin flooding the board"...

And my internet connection melted!

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/25/2002 01:19 AM

What the televangelist said. As far as Im concerned IT cant leave/die soon enough.

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 01:21 AM

the thread flooding went on to the extent that several people complained about it. do you not remember, donkey, or do you choose not to remember?



we are responsible for our log-ins. when i loaned my log-in to nutbuster, i would have been forced to own whatever he had posted. if kenshin didn't post that Shakespeare, that's not pobble's problem, and she shouldn't have been made to suffer for it.

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 01:22 AM

thanks for the support, guys.



it can't go away soon enough for my liking.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/25/2002 01:23 AM

I have yet to see anyone offer any kind of evidence that Kenshin ever flooded the board to the point of unusability.

Barking Pumpkin 19,242 12
03/25/2002 01:24 AM

the thread flooding went on to the extent that several people complained about it. do you not remember, donkey, or do you choose not to remember?



I do not remember. Show me the threads.

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 01:27 AM

do your own homework, bub.



i was there and saw it.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/25/2002 01:27 AM

Here

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:30 AM

I was being supervised by codeslave at that time, I told him I was gonna start pointless threads, and he said not to go overboard. I believe I started only 10 threads in a row.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:30 AM

Other then that, no, I don't hold old grudges between text exchanged on a website.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:33 AM

So you see? I was not doing anything wrong, because I was in a tighter spot then you were at the time. Codeslave was fighting with me, because he, as well as any sane person knew, it's MY sense of humor. As much crap I have learned from all of you, Rape was just a tiny joke.

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/25/2002 01:36 AM

Rape was just a tiny joke.





It is? Than let's rape your Mom, video tape it and mail it "American's Funniest Home Videos"

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 01:36 AM

thanks, adrian.



oh, i guess it did happen. but here it still is....

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/25/2002 01:37 AM

The only thing I see is that you get to operate under a different set of rules than the rest of us do. But, thats hardly news to any one.

1,483 13
03/25/2002 01:38 AM

But that would be a thread of you guys talking about kenshin flooding. Not kenshin flooding. Heresay in any court of law.



Kenshin never flooded the board to the point of effecting it's usability.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:40 AM

No I don't, I just got it good because I was the most well behaved for the longest! I showed appreiciation for the board.



I served my time, I left GAB for 3 months. I'm back, so it's time to forgive or forget. OR just keep on being a baby.



Talk about raping my mom all you want, it's freedom of speech.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:42 AM

But it's only going to make you just as immature as I, do you want to sink to my level?

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/25/2002 01:42 AM

True, but he did flood it. And Mookie got varned that he would be banned for doing the exact same thing as IT. Namely filling the board with 1 post nonsence threads.



Can we say double standards?



I know we could.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 01:42 AM

10 threads in a row... is that flooding?

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/25/2002 01:45 AM

10 back to back threads in the manner you did so, yes. That is flooding. 1/3 of the board was taking up with you non-sensical posts. Granted, this wasnt up to God's level, but it still breaks down to flooding. But because you're Codeslave's life partner, you got away with it

Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/25/2002 01:57 AM

Okay. I don't know this whole history. Honestly I'm too lazy (stoned) to look it all up. And, while I have formed opinions based on what little I've heard/gleaned from this conversation, I won't bother posting them because I know that I don't know the whole story and therefore have no real business making an opinion. But... one thing out of this whole flame sticks out at me:

I was being supervised by codeslave at that time,



?!?



The fact that you even need to be supervised, at 18 freakin years old, says something about your ability to behave properly.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 02:00 AM

Hollywood actors need supervisors, so do tourists, besides, my mom was busy being raped at the time.

Kenshin 2,469 13
03/25/2002 02:03 AM

God started just over 300 threads.... and you call 10 flooding? I did not recieve any complaints from John. Or codeslave, or ANY emails for flooding. Just that one thread... Yeah, I'm just as evil as GOD.

Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/25/2002 02:05 AM

<sighs heavily.>



Silly me. Here I thought that you might actually "get" my point. I am sorry.

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 02:08 AM

"i didn't flood the board."



proof is proffered.



"i did flood the board, but not as much as that other guy did."

Flange My Naked Nutwart 12,005 12
03/25/2002 02:08 AM

Sexhead, you are right.



You are stoned.

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/25/2002 02:09 AM

*Clicks for postbear*





Why don't you quit the bar and get a job working as a lawyer or something?

postbear 10,158 13
03/25/2002 02:12 AM

i can't be a lawyer.



i'm not that nasty.

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/25/2002 02:14 AM

I'm sure if you imagined the other attorney as Kenshin, you'd rack up a undefeated streak of like 145-0 and or something

Flange My Naked Nutwart 12,005 12
03/25/2002 02:19 AM

Yeah but then he'd be walking through his law firm, and he'd find the locker room with Wittman, Price, and Hadad, last season's winners.

Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/25/2002 02:21 AM

The thing that seems to be so utterly bug-Frost about this situation is that it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. On the one hand, you have Kenshin, who seems to get on the nerves of so many here. So, Gabbers try to ignore him. He then floods the board. Maybe not in a major way; yet he did it with malice, for the sole intention of pissing people off. And it was flooding, in the sense that it was pointless, and took up space, Kenshin. And then... you go and have the gall to say "if you don't want anymore floods, then please post in my threads." That's blackmail, no two ways about it.



Flange, I'm obviously not stoned enough....

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/25/2002 02:23 AM

*Passes the bowl back to Sex Head*



I'll help ya get there...





*Plays 'Brian Damage'*

Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/25/2002 02:28 AM

Thanks!!!!!



*Takes big hit. Takes another. Slaps forehead at hypocrisy for postng opinions based on half-stories. Takes another hit. Decides to remain evermore in corner when Kenshin's in tha ring. Repacks bowl, takes another two hits. Understands with the kind of lucidity only brought on by the jibber that Kenshin is the biggest stooge ever. Takes another hit and passes back to OGVHKYU.>

Alienyst 2,371 12
03/25/2002 02:29 AM

the more organic altitude the better I always say...

Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/25/2002 02:29 AM

*....> Exactly. That bowl's work is done.



And who the hell is Brian?

Oscillometric Digital Blood Pressure Monitor 1,686 13
03/25/2002 02:31 AM

*Takes the bowl again and tokes. Sighs from typing BRAIN wrong and tokes extra hard*







*Plays Korn's cover of "Earache My Eye"*

Candie Kohrne with New Hole in Head 8,640 15
03/25/2002 03:05 AM

Sexhead's already quoted this, but it bears repeating:

Kenshin



10/03/2001 8:31 pm





If you don't want anymore flood's, then PLEASE post in my threads! yeeeash

Candie Kohrne with New Hole in Head 8,640 15
03/25/2002 03:06 AM

Take that, Mr. "Hate To Point Out."

Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/25/2002 03:31 AM

Yeah, yeah. What Candie said.





Which is what I was trying to say. Except I didn't really know that's what I was trying to say until Candie said it.

d8uv the h8d 3,011 13
03/25/2002 03:37 AM

*grabs grass from lawn and lights it on fire*



This is gonna be good...

3,011 13
03/25/2002 03:39 AM

*** NEWS FLASH ***



Half of Anchorage Alaska tonight is up in flames after a freak forest fire started near 10:35 in East Anchorage.

+17Chickens, token hick 286,208 61
03/25/2002 05:02 AM

#406- Admit to being a Christian/Pagan/JW/Cannabal right off so the rest of us can guess who's alter ego you are.

SU(T) 1,768 12
03/25/2002 05:23 AM

I believe that John needs to show some leadership on the issue of Kenshin.



For example, Kenshin's post of 3/24 @ 11:49pm is one of the most hateful things I have read since coming to GAB. Postbear does not need me to stick up for him in this case, where John's own rules, as set out in the 'All About GAB' section, indicate clearly that "acting like Hitler" will not be tolerated.



There are sufficient grounds to believe that some people get treated differently, presumably because of their ties to the powers that be at zug.com. If the rules apply equally to all GABbers, then why not Kenshin?







Yes, it's a fine line between one person's comedy and another's sensitivities, but if the rules are to have any integrity, these kinds of comments cannot remain unchallenged.



If this is how the board is getting back to the basics of intelligent comedy, something is severely wrong with GAB.

Sleestack 30,342 13
03/25/2002 08:28 AM

For example, Kenshin's post of 3/24 @ 11:49pm is one of the most hateful things I have read since coming to GAB.



Take a look at point 9 of his 3/24/2002 7:46 pm post.

John Hargrave 128,742 73
03/25/2002 10:12 AM

Actually, I'd like to thank both Kenshin and Postbear for proving the point about "intelligent humor" more eloquently than I explained it.



This thread has proven to me that some changes need to be made. While I was hoping they would be made voluntarily, the example above leads me to believe that's not going to happen.



Part of the problem, I believe, is that GAB has grown organically from our original experiment, and is now getting to the point where there are too many people for the old model to work as well as it once did. When people are talking about raping each other's mothers, and sending hate-filled homosexual retorts, something is wrong.



I am coming to the belief that of these three values -- free speech, anonymity, and civility -- you can have any two. I am not willing to sacrifice civility.

vertical bob 26,707 13
03/25/2002 10:14 AM

I think you're right. The problem is, those who are most in need of a guide to acceptable behavior are the very ones who are least likely to follow it.

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/25/2002 10:19 AM

"Hate filled homosexual". By this you mean postbear?

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/25/2002 10:23 AM

I would like to repeat my prior comments (another thread) about how another board handles this.



1) No anonymous posts.

2) You can choose to ignore a user.

3) You can have several userids with one account, allowing different persona for humor (or whatever) purpose.



Also, John, instead of doing the "Superclicks" idea, you could simply grant yourself "God" mode privileges, find posts that meet your idea of "smart & funny", and award them extra clickies.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
03/25/2002 10:30 AM

I think Postbear and Kenshin's posts are an example of a kid too young to know better vs. a guy who should know better, but doesn't.

Only 97% as Feeble 32,400 15
03/25/2002 10:32 AM

I think that knowing that you will be ignored by anyone you offend too often will moderate most of the extremely offensive behavior.



In the history of Gab, I think I would have used my ignore button twice.

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 11:22 AM

I think Postbear and Kenshin's posts are an example of a kid too young to know better vs. a guy who should know better, but doesn't.



Best. Post. Ever.

The Lady (Most Holy) Trixxie 65,021 15
03/25/2002 11:22 AM

Has everyone lost their mind and forgotten that kenshin isn't even a real person ?

John Hargrave 128,742 73
03/25/2002 11:25 AM

Feeble, I will take those points into consideration.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:18 PM

You should make your god mode clicks a different color so we don't have to take them seriously.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:22 PM

*rapes John's mother*





Yes, all this mother raping never would have happen back in the old days before Gab grew organically and the old model stopped working. Jackass.

The Lady (Most Holy) Trixxie 65,021 15
03/25/2002 12:22 PM

Having more than one persona per account solves nothing *whacks feeble with a moist kleenex*

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:24 PM

I don't think I've ever seen Scooter Brown quite this bitter. Except for that time that I said Metallica sucked.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
03/25/2002 12:26 PM

I'm wondering what brought on Scooter's sudden bitterness towards John.

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:28 PM

I'm thinking it is a holdover from the Computer Stew "Napster" song.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
03/25/2002 12:29 PM

He reminds me of a child whose mother told him not to touch something and he's mocking her by putting his hand as close as possible to it.



Up the meds, Scooter. And show some respect.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:29 PM

I've always hated John. The subject is just coming up more frequently than usual.

The Lady (Most Holy) Trixxie 65,021 15
03/25/2002 12:30 PM

I wana be the Meat in Your Tuna Salad Sammich

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:30 PM

He reminds me of a child whose mother told him not to touch something and he's mocking her by putting his hand as close as possible to it.



Scooter's Mom: Don't touch that honey, it's hot.



Scooter: Augh!!! It burns! It burns!

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:30 PM

I never watched computer stew.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:32 PM

Show some respect? Why?

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:32 PM

Scooter, you're starting to remind me of.. well... ME.

The Lady (Most Holy) Trixxie 65,021 15
03/25/2002 12:36 PM

Now, I really have a question, how can you hate John when he provides this board which you are a very frequent user to. Sounds irrational and contradictory.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
03/25/2002 12:36 PM

You seem to have this attitude that Gab on Zug would run just fine without John.



That might be true if he wasn't the guy with the FTP password.



I suppose he can fight his own battles and I shouldn't be doing this, but i'm just curious what he did to earn your hate.



Or is this just a rebellious "Fight The Power" thing?

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:41 PM

This board has existed just fine before without John. The only thing I'm afraid of is him pulling some lame Shakespeare that only drives half of us away.

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:41 PM

Scooter's too busy "lifting" to answer.

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:41 PM

This board has existed just fine before without John.



What alternate universe did this board exist in without John?

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:44 PM

Computer Stew got canned. There was no Gab for quite the while. Jinx had a board. Most of us were there. It was good.

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:45 PM

Why don't you go there then?

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:45 PM

Incidently, that board would never have existed had it not been for John, since it was created as a place for us to hang out until GAB 3.0 was up and running.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/25/2002 12:47 PM

I honestly can't believe you are posting such crap.



I think you are the ultimate Masocist:



"I hate the guy who runs this place. I think I'll keep going back and see what's going on."



You remind me of the nitwits we ban from the bar who repeatedly come back thinking they have a right to do so. This place is a privelege.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
03/25/2002 12:48 PM

Spend a week posting to Metafilter and you'll want to suck Hargrave's dick for making Gab what it is.



Gab is us, true, but John created Gab and brought us all here. There is no better message forum.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:48 PM

Right. So John has outlived his usefulness.

Spool Pigeon 2,859 12
03/25/2002 12:50 PM

Right. So John has outlived his usefulness.



If that's really how you feel, you ought to leave. Now.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:50 PM

I hate the guy that runs the place. I like the place. Masochist? I don't see how.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/25/2002 12:50 PM

Scooter, John can pull the plug at any time he wants. I would say that he's pretty useful right now.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
03/25/2002 12:51 PM

"If that's really how you feel, you ought to leave. Now."



Why?