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The best freshman college prank ever (that resulted in no deaths or property damage):
It were my freshman year of college, a year of mystery and excitement and wonderment at the magicked world of sorority breasts and dorm-room chicanery. As a sparkly-eyed 18-year-old, I was intent on capturing every last drop of the college experience by getting to know my floormates and making new friends. My attempts at communication included English, my limited French and an improvised belly-dancing that left most of my floormates praying for a quick death.
I quickly found, however, that pranking each other was the simple and primitive way that the freshman college male communicates with his peers. Other than the requisite "leave food outside his door so when he steps out, he steps IN the food!" and the "mayonnaise on the doorknob trick," there were...nuclear warheads of prankness. My roommate was the master of pranking and a friendly competition betwixt he and another room escalated into what was known as "Holy Shakespeare, 'Dre almost got kicked out of college."
One day I came to my room to find that the door to it had been coated with shaving gel and in the foam were choice words about our sexual orientation-which I, to this day, VEHEMENTLY dismiss as a simple period of exploration and NOT a permanent lifestyle CHOICE! Well, Dre (my roommate) borrowed some markers from our RA and proceeded to make signs like such:
"USC STUDENTS: having trouble "coming out?" Are you shy or ashamed of meeting people of similar interest for intimate purposes? Well, call "Gay J's" Therapy at 544-____. We prefer one-on-one sessions and will accomodate any size. Fats and fems welcome"
The names of the two hoodlums Dre was pranking were both named Jason...this was perfect. He made a quantity of these signs and proceeded to post them all over the dorm and in a few other places outside. He then left fake messages on their answering machine while the two hapless victims were in class. All was well until....
The RA saw one of these newly-minted advertisements and, with the masterfulness of Sherlock Holmes, sniffed it. Sure enough, the mixed cocktail of grape, lemon, mint and chocolate (hereafter known as the "Scent of the Damned, Whose Judgement Cometh and Rightly Soon") gave away who did it.
It is apparently not nice at a school to violate PC rules and make fun of minorities or homosexuals. The two Jasons were homicidally upset, since there were many MANY more phone calls to be dealt with for months afterward. A quick complaint brought up a board of inquiry against my victorious roommate and he very nearly got kicked out of the dorm and almost got suspended from school for a sensitivity training session. It were known as the greatest thing of all time, but we were both lucky that the Jasons drank so much that they quickly forgot about the incident...or I'd be dead right now.
I saw this prank-and others like it-and their aftermaths. I loath being physically harmed by fists, feet and makeshift weaponry so I cleaned my act up and went straight.
I got voted "Resident of the Year" for my refusal to participate in the wars. So, in the grand scheme of the GREAT HALL WARS OF 1997-98, I was Switzerland, hoarding Nazi gold and turning Jews away at the border..and for that, I am the superior man.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.4
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7 Comments on "COLLEGE PRANK"
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0 votes
0.0
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Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287  12
03/29/2002 09:28 PM
"about our sexual orientation-which I, to this day, VEHEMENTLY dismiss as a simple period of exploration and NOT a permanent lifestyle CHOICE!"
Phew! Thought I was the only one...
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0 votes
0.0
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Viscous 595 12
03/29/2002 11:29 PM
One of my favorite pranks that swept the dorms of my college a couple of years ago was this: people would sign there friends up for promotional materials from Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, and other super-evangelical religious factions, and thus the victims would be constantly bombarded with phone calls and packages of religious tracts and Bibles.
Similar pranks included signing each other up for introductory subscriptions to gay mags, sending away for STD info, and so on. Really classy bunch of folks!
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0 votes
0.0
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Sexhead, Succubus-In-Training 12,287 12
03/29/2002 11:46 PM
My friend pulled the fire alarm on her 21st birthday.
The administration's counter-prank involved booting her out of the dorm, and generally giving her a really hard time with graduating.
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Hilarious
0 votes
4.0
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Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/30/2002 12:11 AM
When I was in the Army, we used a little device, known to the poor mortals who got in contact with it as: The Infamous Cracker Bomb(tm)
Dorm wars, or in this case, barrack wars tend to get out of hand when the dorms/barracks are filled with a dozen of testosterone laced men in their early twenties. Add access to all kins of explosives and fire arms and you have a mix similar to Beirut. So, one night we come back to barracks after having honored a local bar with our charming wits and stunning look, only to find that some Emerson have glued our door shut. The fact that our neigbors, C-plaaton is hanging out from their windows, laughing thei collective asses off, leds us to belive they are behind this cowardly assult on our innocent door. After finally getting the door open, the time has come for our sweet revenge.
cont
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Hilarious
0 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=435038
Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/30/2002 12:25 AM
Only one problem....its 4 am, we dont had much to work with in term of destuction. But, after poking around for a while we find A: a box of "Marker shots" (ie: pretty powerfull firecrackers, used to indicate grenades or artillery fire during training) and B: a big box of rye crackers. With the assistance of a roll of duct tape we soon had the weapons for our revenge ready to go boom! Little did the morons in C know what awaited them......Armed with our Mcgyver style bombs, four of us advances on the enemy, four fuses are lit, and four cracker boms fly through the open windows.
KABLAM!
And so, with the image of a mushroom cloud of crumbs on our retinas, and the sound of our defeated enemys cursing ringing in our ears, we went to our well deserved rest.
We got some Shakespeare for this, of course, but it was well worth it. I meet my Lt a couple of years later, and he told me that they still found crumbs in there more than a year later.
Sweet.
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0 votes
0.0
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Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/30/2002 02:33 PM
Thank you, Master.
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