Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
04/05/2002 11:45 AM

Jesus loves you :-)

Squeamish 38,986 14
04/05/2002 11:48 AM

Been reading your cell ohone again, Nut?

Only 96% as Feeble 32,400 15
04/05/2002 11:48 AM

Why, thank you, Nutbutter. He loves you, too, just not as much as me. That's because I at least talk to Him once in a while.



You never call, you never write...

Squeamish 38,986 14
04/05/2002 11:48 AM

That guy really has a pair of ohones!

Only 96% as Feeble 32,400 15
04/05/2002 11:51 AM

Did you send Nut that message, Squeam? You shouldn't tease him that way. He's lost 23 cell phones throwing them across the room.



You see, if the name "Jesus" appears on something Nutbutter is holding, his hand starts to burst into flames. Sort of like Voldemort and Harry Potter.

The Dirty Vicar 17,446 13
04/05/2002 11:51 AM

I sent Jesus a birthday card and it came back with reindeer feces smeared all over it and the words "Die Asskisser" scrawled on it with gold ink.

Only 96% as Feeble 32,400 15
04/05/2002 11:56 AM

Next time, put in some money, DV. Any televangelist will tell you that Jesus only loves people who give Him money, especially if they route it through said televangelist on the way.

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
04/05/2002 11:56 AM

You sent Jesus Morandez that card? Shakespeare, man, NO ONE wishes the leader of the Crips a happy birthday and lives to tell about it!

1bigdork 7,825 12
04/05/2002 12:01 PM

When I had my laser vision correction strategy Mrs. Dork was there to pick me up. She was going to have the surgery a month later and she wanted to check out the procedure.



The operating area has an observation window where prospective patients can watch the procedure being done. It's very civilized -- they serve coffee, tea, and fancy cookies and they have comfortable seats for the observers. It's like an operating room at a teaching hospital crossed with Starbucks.



So I'm geting my procedure done with an audience of a half-dozen people, plus Mrs. Dork. I'm getting a good moral support vibe from the missus, but the rest of these folks look like Cletis the Slack-Jawed Yokel watching TLC.



When I get done with the relatively painless procedure I get out of the operating chair. I take one step toward the observation window, scream, and fall to my knees cupping my right eye. One woman sprays coffee, another looks like she is going to throw up. The rest look shocked.



Mrs. Dork on the other hand rolled her eyes so hard that she didn't need the procedure to be done after all.

Scooter Brown- #1 Genius Scientist in the Universe 19,936 13
04/05/2002 12:03 PM

I've said many more words to God than he's ever said to me.

Only 96% as Feeble 32,400 15
04/05/2002 12:03 PM

I watched my brother have that done. From close range - they let me sit right next to the operating chair.



It is rather disquieting to watch them peel your brother's cornea back with a scapel.

Squeamish 38,986 14
04/05/2002 12:06 PM

My parents, wife, and mother-in-law watched my cornea transplant on the monitor in my recovery room.



My m-i-l couldn't even watch. She faced away from the TV and did needlepoint.



My parents squirmed and made "ewww" noises and were generally grossed out.



C said "cool! Look at the goo coming out when they cut it!"



It was then that my entire family knew that she and I were meant for each other.

Squeamish 38,986 14
04/05/2002 12:07 PM

In a cornea transplant, they have this little thing that's basically a cookie cutter that they stab down into your eye so that it removes a perfectly circular portion of cornea.



Being awake for the whole operation was the best part.

Only 96% as Feeble 32,400 15
04/05/2002 12:09 PM

As my father used to say, "Where there is no sense, there is no feeling." Which is why Squeam requires no anesthesia.

Squeamish 38,986 14
04/05/2002 12:13 PM

They only time they put me under was to numb my eye and steal my wallet.



I saw that big-assed needle and was glad I would be asleep for it.

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
04/05/2002 01:46 PM

What you do is start pumping your arm and say "Look at that blood move now!"

+15Chickens, hillbilly extraordinaire 286,208 61
04/05/2002 01:54 PM

Dork! I did the same thing. No observers allowed though. I waited till I was walking across the waiting room with the nurse holding my arm. I looked over towards the people waiting for their pre-op exams and wimpered, "Oh God, that hurt so bad."



Three of them when sheet white before I admitted I was just kidding.

Only 96% as Feeble 32,400 15
04/05/2002 02:46 PM

When she asked if it hurt, I said "No, but this tube here running along my arm is definitely warm." She blanched for that, I don't know why.



I must be borderline hemophiliac, BTW, because I fill the pint bag in about 3 minutes.

postbear 10,158 13
04/05/2002 03:34 PM

with blood or chicken fat, feeble?



dork: great story. that i would have enjoyed seeing.

1bigdork 7,825 12
04/05/2002 04:47 PM

No finer honor in this arena than the postbear Seal of Approval.

Vlad the Impaler 19,599 12
04/05/2002 04:51 PM

Did you get PYT's number?



That was a Michael Jackson song!!!

Only 96% as Feeble 32,400 15
04/05/2002 07:05 PM

My blood cannot be distinguished from chicken fat except by highly trained phlebotomists.



No, I didn't get PYT's number, I'm married, she was there with a guy, and I'm twice her age.



I did introduce myself to a woman who turned out to be the chief media rep for the University, though. She was truly babelicious.

1bigdork 7,825 12
04/05/2002 10:51 PM

Did you say, "Hi, I'm Feeble"?