Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 10:28 AM

Today's John's Journal:



Thursday, May 16, 2002



I recently started listening to The Feynman Lectures on Physics [buy it], a series of cassette tapes made from the actual classroom...

vertical bob 26,707 13
05/17/2002 10:29 AM

Today's journal not found.

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
05/17/2002 10:31 AM

Just like porn or Warez, Half our page don't work.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 10:33 AM

"The page you are looking for is not here because John ruined Zug!"

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 10:33 AM

After hikacking some pics from everyone's favorite flash craze, "Gonads & Strife," I've been fond of my 404 page.

shoelace414 10,080 13
05/17/2002 10:35 AM

I'm thinking.. Larry Kings hair.

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 10:36 AM

ideas galore!

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 10:36 AM

"Jim Morash Rulez!"

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 10:36 AM

Stick figures . . . . nothing but stick figures.

+15Chickens, wearing kilt 286,208 61
05/17/2002 10:37 AM

goatse is the first thing that comes to mind, which just goes to show how mind twisting this place can be.



I WAS A GOOD BOY ONCE!!!

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 10:38 AM

"Move along, nothing to see here."

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 10:38 AM

Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants Pants

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
05/17/2002 10:38 AM

Once upon a midnight dreary, Gabbing till I was weak and weary.

Offered suggestions of Fdisk and goatse.cx they implored

I clicked a link, suddenly there came a warning

And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear sweet Zug

"This isn't happening" I muttered As I passed out on the rug.



Quoth the Server, 404

vertical bob 26,707 13
05/17/2002 10:38 AM

"You idiot!"

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 10:39 AM

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 10:39 AM

"All of these things are just written in the sand behind me."

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 10:40 AM

"Every time this page is loaded, God kills a puppy."

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 10:40 AM

"Order your SUPER DUPER NEW ZUG.COM T-shirt today!

Only 12.99 plus 8.95 s/h

US Dollars only, please. We're not stupid, you know!"

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 10:40 AM

<cont>

40. In modern industrial society only minimal effort is necessary to satisfy one's physical needs. It is enough to go through a training program to acquire some petty technical skill, then come to work on time and exert very modest effort needed to hold a job. The only requirements are a moderate amount of intelligence, and most of all, simple OBEDIENCE. If one has those, society takes care of one from cradle to grave. (Yes, there is an underclass that cannot take physical necessities for granted, but we are speaking here of mainstream society.) Thus it is not surprising that modern society is full of surrogate activities. These include scientific work, athletic achievement, humanitarian work, artistic and literary creation, climbing the corporate ladder, acquisition of money and material goods far beyond the point at which they cease to give any additional physical satisfaction, and social activism when it addresses issues that are not important for the activist personally, as in the case of white activists who work for the rights of nonwhite minorities. These are not always pure surrogate activities, since for many people they may be motivated in part by needs other than the need to have some goal to pursue. Scientific work may be motivated in part by a drive for prestige, artistic creation by a need to express feelings, militant social activism by hostility. But for most people who pursue them, these activities are in large part surrogate activities. For example, the majority of scientists will probably agree that the "fulfillment" they get from their work is more important than the money and prestige they earn.

<cont...>

vertical bob 26,707 13
05/17/2002 10:41 AM

Don't Panic. Take a few deep breaths. Back away slowly. Now . . .



RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
05/17/2002 10:41 AM

We would love to help you find the page you are looking for but We are too busy laughing at your inability to operate the internet.

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 10:42 AM

"Enlarge your penis in just 14 days!"

+15Chickens, wearing kilt 286,208 61
05/17/2002 10:42 AM

Since 404 basically means you have screwed up, I choose this picture.

Fronzel Neekburm 15,959 13
05/17/2002 10:42 AM

Hell, I don't know where your page is. Try looking on Google.

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 10:43 AM

"Since 404 basically means you have screwed up, I choose this picture."



Or just get a pic of Mariah Carey.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
05/17/2002 10:43 AM

Welcome to the second last page on the internet.

Therlin 12,200 13
05/17/2002 10:44 AM

How about the classic "You suck at the Internet."

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 10:45 AM

Skinna ma rink a dink a dee, skinna ma rink a d'oh!

4     0         4 !

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 10:48 AM

Or just "D'oh!" in size 72 font.



NOT 48, not 96, but 72!

Mix Masta' Microcube 13,428 12
05/17/2002 10:52 AM

just two text boxes labled administrative log-in and password



they wouldn't do anything, but they'd confuse the Frost out of people. espicially lame h4x0rz



if you put stuff in the field, and pressed enter, "you suck at the internet" would pop-up, and it would open goatse.



or something like that

Her Holiness The Lady Trixxie LeFlambe Bedet 65,021 15
05/17/2002 10:52 AM

Two Words: Chicken Butt & a pic of smoogie





jon.truxillo@gte.net

Dead Robot 67,630 16
05/17/2002 10:54 AM

Load a sound file of cheezey elevator muzak. Add a really badly pixelated animated gif of some office pleb digging around a filing cabinet (make it look like you pulled it from another site). Then for text have:



"We value your page view. Please hold while we pull this non-existant page out of our asses."





(Yeah, I've been on the phone to the govt all morning)

vertical bob 26,707 13
05/17/2002 10:55 AM

You've reached the super secret happy fun page! Yay for you!



Now go away.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 10:56 AM

Just a big, badly distorted picture of Rudy from The Cosby Show and nothing else.

Sleestack 30,342 13
05/17/2002 10:58 AM

"The only 404 page on the web."



- or -



(waves hand)

You don't need to remember this error page...



(waves hand)

This isn't the error page you're looking for...



(waves hand)

You should go about your business.



(waves hand)

Click the Back button.

dr froglord 9,243 13
05/17/2002 11:00 AM

"Get back to work. Your boss told us to remove this page so that you could get some work done."

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 11:02 AM

"The King of all error pages!"

Mix Masta' Microcube 13,428 12
05/17/2002 11:04 AM

just foreward it to hampster dance.

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 11:07 AM

"The page you are trying to reach contains explicit images of beastiality and scat. Your attempts to access this page have been logged and forwarded to the proper authorities.



We advise you to leave the country as soon as possible."

dr froglord 9,243 13
05/17/2002 11:10 AM

"This page has been assimilated."

Therlin 12,200 13
05/17/2002 11:12 AM

"Your typo made baby Jesus cry."

Therlin 12,200 13
05/17/2002 11:12 AM

fdisk

Stormtrooper in Drag 17,582 13
05/17/2002 11:16 AM

My first entry.

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
05/17/2002 11:18 AM

How about this:



WELCOME TO ZUG'S SECRET MILLION-DOLLAR CONTEST PAGE!



By making your way to this page, you now have the privilege of answering the following questions for ONE MILLION DOLLARS (payable as $40,000/yr for 25 years, no interest)



Which site does ZUG hate the most? (Hint: It's Cool Site of the Day!)



What GABber, named Marvin the Robot, has THIS icon? [show marvin's old icon]



HURRY AND E-MAIL YOUR REPLIES TODAY! CONTEST ENTRIES MUST BE DELIVERED BY MARCH 14th, 1998 TO BE VALID!





(Small print: ZUG.com reserves the right to award or not award any and all cash prizes based solely on the whims of John Hausenfepfer Hargrave. The page you are looking for was not found and we are putting you through Interweb hell because you are ignorant. 404, yo. It ain't just the number of men in the gangbang anymore)

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
05/17/2002 11:21 AM

Or you could just show a picture of a grinning Hindi playing in cow manure with the caption:



"THE MIGHTY GANESH DERIDES YOUR ABILITY TO FIND PAGES ON ZUG.COM! PRESS BACK ON YOUR BROWSER AND TRY AGAIN OR NEVER REACH NIRVANA!"



**This message brought to you by the 404-armed Bodhisattva of missing web pages.

Marilyn 12,471 13
05/17/2002 11:39 AM

A serene picture of a log buring in a fireplace.

Wako, Laptop Nemesis 12,056 12
05/17/2002 11:41 AM

Blue Screen of death with

IRRETRIEVABLE ERROR 404:

Press Any Key To Format Disk.









Or Press Back To Return To Zug, SINCE THIS PAGE DON'T EXIST!

squidlog 44 11
05/17/2002 11:41 AM

You're just one click away from LIVE, NUDE, SQUIRRELS!!

Wako, Laptop Nemesis 12,056 12
05/17/2002 11:43 AM

[big font]

The ZUG Secret Page!!!









[small font]

...Isn't here. This page doesn't even exist. It's a big 404. Thought you had something, didn't ya?

vertical bob 26,707 13
05/17/2002 11:45 AM

This page does not exist. Please stick your mouse in your pants, raise your keyboard over your head and shake vigorously for twenty seven seconds. Then click your back button and all will be well.

Her Holiness The Lady Trixxie LeFlambe Bedet 65,021 15
05/17/2002 11:47 AM

Poo IS Funny





jon.truxillo@gte.net



I would like to point out that up to now only my two entries qualify:





AS I AM THE ONLY ONE TO FOLLOW THE FREAKING RULES NUMBNUTTS

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 11:47 AM

<meta http-equiv="refresh" content="0;url=http://www.zug.com">

Merkin 10,008 13
05/17/2002 11:48 AM

"AS I AM THE ONLY ONE TO FOLLOW THE FREAKING RULES NUMBNUTTS"



I'd rather not post my email address to a medium that I cannot control.

Her Holiness The Lady Trixxie LeFlambe Bedet 65,021 15
05/17/2002 11:51 AM

So then I guess so not a winner can be you

vertical bob 26,707 13
05/17/2002 12:06 PM

I just noticed I can't access the email account in my address with the filters I have set up. I bypassed Proxy and saw the first popup I've seen in a looooooong time. After that they were still messing up, presumably because I won't allow third party cookies. Too damned invasive. I suppose I should set up another account at Yahoo or something.

Barking Pumpkin [Rock Soldier] 19,242 12
05/17/2002 12:08 PM

How about:



I'm sorry. I looked everywhere. On top of the refridgerator. Under the couch. I even dug all the junk out of the closet and I couldn't find the page you requested. Why don't you have some nice ham instead?

vertical bob 26,707 13
05/17/2002 12:08 PM

In my address? Profile. My profile.



</John Barrymore>

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
05/17/2002 12:53 PM

Since the page you requested either does not exist or is no longer available we will be providing you with suplimentary content.





< Insert video of Squeamish doing the cabbagepatch here >

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
05/17/2002 01:14 PM

"SMOOTH MOVE, EX-LAX, you DONE BROKED ZUG.COM with your 404 PAGE NOT FOUND CHICANERY!"



"Please enter your name and address below so we can send you the bill for fixing it!"

Trae 156,785 17
05/17/2002 01:33 PM

"We reckon you done somethin' wrong, Bubba."

641 12
05/17/2002 01:40 PM

Q: I own much of Greenland, and am looking for male specimens to begin populating the island with a race of super-intelligent monkey-pigs. Can Computer Stew help me?



A: Of course!

Cap'n Stuby 17,826 13
05/17/2002 01:40 PM

Southern-impaired people are prohibited by law from saying "reckon"

44 11
05/17/2002 01:49 PM

404 - Something went bad and its probably your fault. :(

Lindsey 988 13
05/17/2002 01:49 PM

I like Stormtrooper's entry.

Trae 156,785 17
05/17/2002 02:14 PM

I like Stormtrooper's entry.





He does have a way with the ladies..

Trae 156,785 17
05/17/2002 02:16 PM

"Error! Error! So long to red dye #2!!"

blandysnorhal 82 11
05/17/2002 02:26 PM

"Have you seen the bridge?"

Sleestack 30,342 13
05/17/2002 02:31 PM

405 error - Because 404 is just so last week.

Marilyn 12,471 13
05/17/2002 02:32 PM

Cadbury easter bunny.



*bock bock bock bock

Declan McManus 131,867 36
05/17/2002 02:35 PM

an animated of two porcupines Frost-ing.



you wern't careful, so we'll show you how to be careful.



and this is a 404 error.



bigboiinkent@yahoo.com

+15Chickens, wearing kilt 286,208 61
05/17/2002 02:55 PM

"You have attempted to reach a site blocked by your system operator. You should not be attempting to view porn anyway, you sicko. A report has been sent to your boss, your church elders, and your mother. The report can be canceled by hitting the back button in the first 2 seconds after reaching this page."

Yippy, Bonky's Toady 3,028 13
05/17/2002 02:57 PM

My entry.

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:27 PM

Hey psst! Buddy! Your are...



THE ONE



*nods a couple of times slowly*

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:31 PM

TOLD YOU NOT TO CLICK THAT!!! DIDN'T I TELL YA!!! MH!! DIDN'T I!!??? I FRIGGIN TOLD YOU! YOU!!!!! YOU!!!!

......



....



404-er!

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:32 PM

....Do not pass go. You will not collect 2000 dollars.

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:33 PM

You ARE.....the weakest link.

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:33 PM

I AM...the weakest link

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 03:33 PM

1100010010001111010000110101010000010001 1000100101000010101010010101001010101100100110



and 1 to grow on!



the_bonky@hotmail.com

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 03:36 PM

"Whatch doin' in this darkness, baby? When you know that ZUG will set you free.

Will you stay on this page forever, drownin' here for all eternity . . . . ."



Mr. K and I will share the shirt!



bonkykowalczyk@live.com

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:39 PM

ohhhhh....you're WAY off! Mhhh. Let me see...you go...to the third one on the right! oh. No! Sorry second! Second one! Second one on the right, then directly left..and then...you walk straight through to the sixth. There you'll see a sign with an arrow on it. Pointing to the left. Yea..go there and then... still with me? Good! Well then you...

Barking Pumpkin [Rock Soldier] 19,242 12
05/17/2002 03:41 PM

You'll rue the day you tried to access that page, Mister! We don't think you have proper clearance to view that page. We have taken the liberty of reporting you to the proper authorities. Expect a knock on your door in the wee hours sometime next week, buddy. You're Busted!

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:45 PM

click mouse 673 times to start music.

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:47 PM

learn how to spell man. Sjeesh.

Barking Pumpkin [Rock Soldier] 19,242 12
05/17/2002 03:49 PM

You could always have your 404 pages automatically go to the Amazon.com site that gives you money for click-throughs. That ought to stir up some Shakespeare.

Professor Nutbutter 181,255 35
05/17/2002 03:52 PM

"Coming soon to a 404 page near you: More of John's high school articles about Jesus!"

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:56 PM

Argh!

Sleestack 30,342 13
05/17/2002 03:57 PM

Black page with large text:



"It is now safe to turn off your computer."

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 03:57 PM

don't you hate those 404's?

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 04:06 PM

oopsie.

cableclair 101 13
05/17/2002 04:07 PM

(or just the Loser sound of a corny tv gameshow)

Trae (Salami factory tour guide) 156,785 17
05/17/2002 04:28 PM

Great, now you've gone and done it. You've

broken the Internet. Way to go!





TraeL67@yahoo.com

Trae (Salami factory tour guide) 156,785 17
05/17/2002 04:29 PM

Sometimes we like to get a little crazy and

type in totally random URLs to see what happens.



This is what happens.





me again

Jay Cornelius 411 13
05/17/2002 04:45 PM

Hey John,



I made a little page HERE



Feel free to use all or part as you wish!



Jay



jaycornelius@hotmail.com

Trae (Salami factory tour guide) 156,785 17
05/17/2002 04:52 PM

Apparently, this page is not

compatible with any browsers



TraeL67@yahoo.com

Barking Pumpkin [Rock Soldier] 19,242 12
05/17/2002 04:54 PM

Apparently, you thought this page existed.



Boy were you wrong!

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 05:14 PM

FIRST TO POST!

Sleestack 30,342 13
05/17/2002 05:17 PM

<huge graphic>

BIG BLACK BERTHA'S HOUSE OF DISCIPLINE



<tiny text>

...regrets to inform you that the page you were looking for cannot be found (Error 404).











you worm.

Candie Kohrne and a Bag of Chips 8,640 15
05/17/2002 05:43 PM

I didn't even think about doing something like this before. I figured out how. I'll eventually think of something better.

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 05:43 PM

"You're a tard. Die of ebola."

Trae (Salami factory tour guide) 156,785 17
05/17/2002 05:57 PM

HAIKU!!!



The Web site you seek

cannot be located but

countless more exist.

Candie Kohrne and a Bag of Chips 8,640 15
05/17/2002 07:45 PM

My submission (dawn@dawnsbrain.com):

dear sir,



introduction:-i am tony foster,i am the marketing manager of phillips art intitution.i know this mail will come to you as a suprise.



well we want your company to help us in raising some money for us so that we can organise a art exhibition here in nigeria and we need companys like yours to invest in our exhibitions.we want the world to know we good artists and cloth designer that are good who are africans but without the exhibition they can not be know as artist and designers.



the little we have can not be enough for the exhibition that is why we need your help,to help us fufill what we have,sir i will be very grateful if you can help us out,please grant our proposal sir.



your's faithfully

tony foster



ps. 404 error

Haggis 702 11
05/17/2002 08:19 PM

Eat sh1t and die you fvcking assh0le. This 404 error has been brought to you by the TRUTH campaign.

Vlad Tepes: Jester of Darkness 19,599 12
05/17/2002 08:23 PM

This page is touch-screen compliant. To go to the page you requested, please press firmly here (picture of a thumb print.)





Vlad's idea is funny AND interactive!!!

Chouggy, Thumb Boy 5,183 13
05/17/2002 08:26 PM

"Did you try the mute button?"

Chouggy, Thumb Boy 5,183 13
05/17/2002 08:27 PM

"Yes, you have been banned from ZUG."

Lindsey 988 13
05/17/2002 09:23 PM

Candie, that "You Are Here" spot on your 404 page is cute as all hell.

Mixed Metaphor Man 2,863 12
05/17/2002 09:26 PM

What the Frost ?



The swear bot even works on a Frosted up 404 ?



Your Frostin lost, try a Frostingain..





Ded_Freex@hotmail.com

Dead Robot 67,630 16
05/17/2002 09:27 PM

"Welcome to the Stewpid Refugee Camp"

Candie Kohrne and a Bag of Chips 8,640 15
05/17/2002 09:48 PM

Thanks, Lindsey!

Bonky 75,728 15
05/17/2002 10:13 PM

In spray painted effect, "Mike Moon was here!"

cableclair 101 13
05/18/2002 04:22 PM

soon you're going to realise that ending up here was a *VERY* bad idea. Oh will it suck to be you. Soon, my friend. Soon.

Squeamish 38,986 14
05/18/2002 04:51 PM

Error 403.9



The page you are looking for was almost found.



We really thought we had it, but we didn't.

The Frogg 0 11
05/19/2002 09:24 AM

People like you don't deserve to live.

The Frogg 0 11
05/19/2002 09:29 AM

Are you really this stupid or are you doing this to annoy us?



or



JESUS CHRIST! What the hell is wrong with you? You just wasted more of our bandwidth!! This bandwidth costs us money!! Oh, I know... you think the Internet is your god given right... Well I got news for you, buster... It's NOT!!!



Click the back button, you ungrateful spatula.

Sexhead, Blood Sprite 12,287 12
05/20/2002 03:27 AM

Page Not Found.



The page you seek may have been abducted by aliens, placed in the FBI's witness protection program, or is too busy getting a BJ from G. Dubya (who is a little confused about the whole Presidential Sexual Favors thing.) However, chances are you're a tard, and this error was most likely caused by something you did.



Assuming that you haven't broken the Interweb, you could try the following:



If you typed the page address into the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly. Actually, screw that. After all, that's probably how you got yourself into this whole mess.



Click the refresh button. Even though it's a waste of time, and never works, you could go ahead and pretend that we suggested it as a viable option. Snicker, snicker.



Open the www.zug.com home page, and look for links to the information you want. Look, we even linked it for you, since we all know you have typing issues, most likely caused by the fact that you were a chronic bed-wetter until you hit the double-digits.



Click the back button to try another link. Back button, not back door button. Clicking on the back door button will not only get you a QTA application emailed to you, but it will also bring you directly to goatse, and believe me, that's even worse than being here.



Click search to look for information on the Interweb. "What's the Interweb?" you ask? This would be the part where we wearily rest our heads in our hands, and tell you to just back away from the computer.







HTTP 404 - Keys not found.

Sexhead, Blood Sprite 12,287 12
05/20/2002 03:41 AM

My suggestion for an image for the 404 page would be of Corky from the hit series Life Goes On, starring Patti LuPone. And don't forget, "The Girl From Ipanema" is the key soundtrack to any bureaucratic, red-tape, rigamarole bullschitt. Ever. And yet, somehow manages to add a touch of class, and helps to soothe what couls otherwise be a very heated sitaution, indeed.

Rear Admiral d8uv 3,011 13
05/20/2002 03:54 AM

HTTP ERROR 4004:



You just set off all nuclear bombs in the wor...



Oh, sorry, damn typos!

Bonky 75,728 15
05/20/2002 08:32 AM

evolution

A gradual process in which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form.



2002 error404.com

Bonky 75,728 15
05/20/2002 08:37 AM

Bonky (ERROR) likes (404) vanilla pudding.

Squeamish 38,986 14
05/20/2002 05:40 PM

My 303.9 error should also have a picture of Maxwell smart and a "Missed it by that much" caption.

GonzoXP: Indoor or Outdoor use Only. 20,522 17
05/24/2002 01:13 PM

Take a bunch of your currently used graphics. Also, grab a bunch of the older ones, too. Rotate them. Skew them. Make a couple of tiny screenshots, and a draring of the "Zug Janitor" pushing a broom.



"Hey! You're not supposed to be back here."



You seem to have take a wrong turn somewhere on ZUG. This is our storage room, and you aren't supposed to be here.



...etc.. etc... You get the idea.