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"Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear!
I thought that you'd want what I want I'm sorry my dear!
Quick, send in the clowns...
Don't bother ... they're here!"
Yes! They are here! In my nightmares! I have not liked clowns since I was a kid. I think it all started with a little coin bank my parents gave me, which was shaped like a clown head. A dismembered head, staring at me in the darkness of my bedroom. I swear I could sometimes hear it laughing at me.
I can't sleep, clowns will eat me!!
My philosophy on clowns and BBQ:
Never trust anything that needs to hide under that much make up. A middle aged man who likes to dress up in funny clothes, big shoes and put gobs of make up on his face, just to play with kids - - there is something wrong there. Three words for you: John Wayne Gacy. Sure your parents tell you that clowns are funny. It's a learned behavior. They can't help that they were misinformed as children. Break the cycle people!!! Clowns make sick children laugh and the elderly pee their pants. Clowns aren't all sunshine and flowers. There is a dark side. When the sinister side of a clown surfaces, there is nothing to do but run for your life! Trust me, I know. If clowns were so innocent why would they so often be portrayed as evil in the movies?
BBQ, an establishment that has to hide the food under copious amounts of spicy sauce. You never know what exactly you're eating. Sure they tell you it's pulled pork. But where is it pulled from? It could be a pig snout. Perhaps the dreaded piggy tail? Maybe a hoof? Hey, if they chop it up finely enough, will you ever really know? Maybe it's because I'm a displaced Yankee in the South and I just don't understand the fascination with this Southern delicacy. I'm from Chicago where we are famous for our hot dogs. Yes, I'll eat a hot dog before I eat BBQ. Smother the hotdog in sauce and I'll have to rethink it. Would I really know it was a hot dog or something more sinister? Dare I say it??
Sometimes when I read GAB, I'm laughing inside... like a sad clown. Everyone knows clowns aren't really happy. They are usually medicated, high on smack or some other drug or drunk. Look at Bozo; do you think he came up with that hairstyle sober??? Yes, my friends, there is a dark side to clowns. "Never underestimate the power of a dark clown!!"
www.trippingtherift.com
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad." - Jack Handy
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
31 votes
4.8
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0 votes
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John Hargrave 128,742  73
09/18/2002 02:43 PM
Clowns horrify me.
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0 votes
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Stormtrooper in Drag 17,582 13
09/18/2002 02:55 PM
This article made me wet my knickers.
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0 votes
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SalsaShark, Won Ton Pickup 6,518 11
09/18/2002 03:10 PM
clowns are very creepy (thank you, stephen king!) nevertheless, i didn't really chuckle at this article until the part about clowns being all messed up on drugs.
but that's just me. i'm a hard-hearted harbinger of haggis.
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0 votes
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Ms. Trixxie LeMay Latrine & her Venomous Butthole 65,021 15
09/20/2002 10:39 AM
All right there little Missy, I tolerated you dissing the clowns, but when you start ragging on Barbeque - you done gone too far - prepare for your spanking
btw, I don't use the tomatoe based, spicy gooey barbeque sauce, I marinates my meat in a sherry, or bourbon/soy sauce, seaseme oil, ginger, garlic marinated, then thicken what's left over with a little sugar and apply as a sauce just before the meats done. Yummy
Straight Man's Barbeque - It's About the Fire, Bro!
Gay Man's Barbegue - It'th all about the marinade Girl!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Feeble, possessed by the demon Chackens 32,400 15
09/20/2002 11:08 AM
I cannot imagine worrying about clowns. They are rather patheticly unfunny in most cases.
John Wayne Gacy was a killer not because he was a clown, but because he was gay. Haven't you kept up with the "chainsaw" column at godhatesfags?
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0 votes
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Trae, just Trae 156,785 17
09/20/2002 12:09 PM
Yeah, but the whole reason he lured the little boys in was because he'd scope them out at their birthday parties, AS A CLOWN!!!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Feeble, possessed by the demon Chackens 32,400 15
09/20/2002 03:11 PM
<action>Plays "Toccatta and Fugue in D Minor" to set dramatic mood</action>
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Feeble, possessed by the demon Chackens 32,400 15
09/21/2002 12:32 PM
That is probably the funniest clown story I've ever heard. Did he give you clown rabies? That's where you fear fire extinguishers and boutenaires, not water.
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0 votes
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No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
05/12/2004 04:47 PM
Dude, you need a new keyboard.
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0 votes
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Gavvo 1,789 12
05/12/2004 05:18 PM
"Killer Klownz from Outer Space" was the one that did clowns in for me. Ugly clowns with their twisty staws of death. Still make me shakey...
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0 votes
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Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
05/12/2004 05:20 PM
The scene were the clown is waving to the little girl, still dominates my nightmares.
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0 votes
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WhoaDude 497 9
05/12/2004 07:45 PM
I've always hated clowns, they're not the least bit funny or entertaining.
And they're evil of course.
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0 votes
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Balls Deep 194 9
05/14/2004 10:42 AM
I can't sleep, clowns will eat me
A click for the Alice Cooper song reference.
Great article, I don't know anyone that likes clowns.
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0 votes
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Molly Whittaker 156,785 17
05/14/2004 10:59 AM
Thank you Mr. Balls.
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0 votes
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NaClDave 3,588 9
09/19/2004 11:43 PM
Trae...don't EVER look at my website....I'm warning you.....
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/19/2004 11:50 PM
<action> shrugs. Realizes she doesn't know who that person is.
Ok.
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0 votes
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Crushing Black Oblivion 1,294 8
09/23/2004 02:24 AM
I always thought that saying something like "clowns scare me" was just an easy way of looking sensitive to the ladies.
Just punch those Emersons. They'll never catch you in those huge shoes they wear. Chicks dig clown killers too.
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0 votes
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johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/17/2005 01:57 PM
I sell clowns on Ebay!!!
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Store
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