Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/12/2002 10:04 AM

Hahahahah!!!!!

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 10:05 AM

If you laughed out loud you have to give me clikies, Ted. It's the rule.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/12/2002 10:15 AM

Actually it's a reverse thing.



I don't find the loss of innocence funny at all.



I find it funny that you have the need to expose your family's pain on a comedy web board.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 10:21 AM

You hurt me real bad, Shrek.

Ayahuasca 0 0
09/12/2002 10:22 AM

So what exactly does banging your poodle have to do with your kid finding out about a national tradgedy?

Captain Biffington 19,936 13
09/12/2002 10:24 AM

you didn't have a TV for him to watch last year?

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 10:26 AM

"Screwed the pooch" = screwing up badly





As in: Bob, you really screwed the pooch when you invested your life savings in Enron stock.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 10:27 AM

Actually, no. We have one tv in the house that has regular reception. The kids watch videos, but not the crap they put out for kids these days. They do tend to watch the news with me pretty regularly, so I don't know how he never picked up on it.

Ayahuasca 0 0
09/12/2002 10:28 AM

Yeah, it really would be a mistake to Frost a poodle. For one, their bladder control rivals that of a Depends-wearing grandmammy, meaning carpet stains, for another, beastiality is a felony.

Captain Biffington 19,936 13
09/12/2002 10:29 AM

I guess I should've deducted that from the fact that your kid is homeschooled.

Squeamish 38,986 14
09/12/2002 10:33 AM

Bestiality is not a felony in most states.

Squeamish 38,986 14
09/12/2002 10:33 AM

I, uhhhh, heard.

Miss Trixxie LeMay Chakens 65,021 15
09/12/2002 10:34 AM

If I had known that you home school your kids, I never would have agreed to meet you in Atlanta?



Home Schooling



7:00-8:00

reading, writing, rithmatic

9:00-11:30

munitions

11:30-12:00

lunch

12:00-2:30

White pride, taken our country back from the "mud" races

2:30-3:30

P.T.

Captain Biffington 19,936 13
09/12/2002 10:37 AM

don't forget young earth creationism!

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/12/2002 10:41 AM

They do tend to watch the news with me pretty regularly, so I don't know how he never picked up on it.



I bet this is how they're gonna learn about sex too.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 10:54 AM

*bites back urge to say he already knows all about that*

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 10:56 AM

Actually, living on a farm, they have a pretty good grasp of the birds and the bees already. Not the human aspects, but they know about breeding the goats and sheep and have attended more than one birthing.



I'd say they are better informed than most kids their ages.

Captain Biffington 19,936 13
09/12/2002 10:58 AM

frankly I'm glad most kids don't know about Frost-ing goats and sheep.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/12/2002 10:59 AM

So...



Death doesn't factor into their education when you slaughter a sheep or a chicken?



"Daddy? Where's my chicken?"



"Visiting friends in New York. Pass the drumsticks, darling."

Chackenbutter 181,255 35
09/12/2002 10:59 AM

It's always a good idea to shelter your children from the bad stuff in the world. It makes it much more fun when they find out about it eventually.



Dear mother

Dear father

What is this hell you have put me through

Believer

Deceiver

Day in day out live my life through you

Pushed onto me what's wrong or right

Hidden from this thing that they call life



Dear mother

Dear father

Every thought i'd think you'd disapprove

Curator

Dictator

Always cencoring my every move

Children are seen bur are not heard

Tear out everything inspired



Innocence

Torn from me without your shelter

Barred reality

I'm living blindly



Dear mother

Dear father

Time has frozen still what's left to be

Hear nothing

Say nothing

Cannot face the fact i think for me

No guarantee,it's life as is

But damn you for not giving me my chance



Dear mother

Dear father

You've clipped my wings before i learned to fly

Unspoiled

Unspoken

I've outgrown that Frost-ing lullaby

Same thing i've always heard from you

Do as i say not as i do



Innocence

Torn from me without your shelter

Barred reality

I'm living blindly

I'm in hell without you

Cannot cope without you two

Shocked at the world that i see

Innocent victim please rescue me



Dear mother

Dear father

Hidden in your world you've made for me

I'm seething

I'm bleeding

Ripping wounds in me that never heal

Undying spite i feel for you

Living out this hell you always knew

Captain Biffington 19,936 13
09/12/2002 11:02 AM

All foods go to heaven.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 11:02 AM

Death doesn't factor into their education when you slaughter a sheep or a chicken?



Never said that, but thanks for putting the words in my mouth.



The are very aware of the death part too. They are very aware of where the lamb chops in the freezer come from.



But no, he wasn't prepared for the loss of human life that was 9/11.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/12/2002 11:02 AM

Poop goes to hell.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/12/2002 11:05 AM

I'm just saying you can't cover all the bases in one go.



"Daddy I'm tired..."



"We haven't talked about torture camps or random car accidents yet!"

Miss Trixxie LeMay Chakens 65,021 15
09/12/2002 11:06 AM

I believe that if poop has lived a good, humble and pious life, it is not denied the kingdom of heaven

































*goes to hell*

Captain Biffington 19,936 13
09/12/2002 11:07 AM

If the WTC had been full of kittens, I'd still be in a fetal position today.

Chackenbutter 181,255 35
09/12/2002 11:09 AM

In another year or two I plan on pulling a Clockwork Orange on Seamus in hopes that it will desensitize him in one fell swoop.



It took me fifteen years of violent video games and R rated movies before my stomach got strong enough to watch the Bud Dwyer video. I'm hoping it will be no different than Teletubbies for him.

Squeamish 38,986 14
09/12/2002 11:10 AM

There were 2 pet stores in the shopping cetner, Scoot.

Trae (El Pollo Frito es en mi pantelones) 156,785 17
09/12/2002 11:11 AM

Coincidence,that Chickens,of all people,used the phrase "Screwed the Pooch"??





I think not.

Trae (El Pollo Frito es en mi pantelones) 156,785 17
09/12/2002 11:11 AM

,

Chackenbutter 181,255 35
09/12/2002 11:11 AM

I'm pretty hurt that Scooter didn't give me a clicky for the lyrics I posted.

Captain Biffington 19,936 13
09/12/2002 11:13 AM

I just clicked you, but next time leave some off so I can participate.

Chackenbutter 181,255 35
09/12/2002 11:14 AM

It's a deal.

Miss Trixxie LeMay Chakens 65,021 15
09/12/2002 11:15 AM

I confess, I've never been able to make it all the way through Bambi.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 12:00 PM

You should get you one of those new rabbit penis extentions. Then you might be able to reach all the way through Bambi.



Glad to help.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/12/2002 02:18 PM

Who turned on the click bot?

Missus Peec0ck 12,287 12
09/12/2002 03:32 PM

Chackens, really...





That hippie homeschooling crap really is unbecoming to a Republican such as yourself.





At the very least, you don't call it "homeschooling," you call it, "intense tutoring," and it's done not by your wife, but by some latina spitfire that you pay under the table and keep forgetting to talk to your friend in the INS about that greencard you promised her.

I'm Leppy, and I'm a GABaholic. 12,056 12
09/12/2002 03:33 PM

All the homeschooled kids I've known have been by strong conservative folks.



All the liberals pay for them to go to really crappy private schools.

Superbowl Shuffle 19,936 13
09/12/2002 03:34 PM

damn. this is one pee-happy thread. Not that I'm complaining.

Trae (El Pollo Frito es en mi pantelones) 156,785 17
09/12/2002 03:36 PM

I got pee for a comma.



*Wonders what gift would be bestowed for an exclamation point*

Trae (El Pollo Frito es en mi pantelones) 156,785 17
09/12/2002 03:36 PM

!

Miss Trixxie LeMay Chakens 65,021 15
09/12/2002 03:39 PM

Feh I say, Fair Weather Liberals send their kids to private schools.





A real true, limp wristed, bleeding heart liberal sends his kid to an inner city public school even though he lives in the suburbs.

Admiral Feeble 32,400 15
09/12/2002 03:42 PM

Homeschooling is for control freaks, which is why Fr0d always thought it was a good idea.





<action>Activates lurkbot</action>

Superbowl Shuffle 19,936 13
09/12/2002 03:51 PM

FrOd thought private schools were a good idea. Not homeschooling.

Dirk Lately 14,001 13
09/12/2002 04:43 PM

I homeschool my children. Well, the five-year-old, anyway.



It is totally cool - I get to watch my children's minds grow. They can learn with astonishing speed.

Superbowl Shuffle 19,936 13
09/12/2002 04:44 PM

go Frost a tree, hippy!

SalsaShark, Chacken Nugget 6,518 11
09/12/2002 04:45 PM

i think i peed in a lot of tubes in this thread - for some reason, you all just seemed to deserve it.



maybe it was the large hazelnut coffee i drank this morning.

Miss Trixxie LeMay Chakens 65,021 15
09/12/2002 04:45 PM

Now your training is complete young Scooter, Not only do you look like Cartman, you sound like him.

Mr. Big 19,242 12
09/12/2002 06:30 PM

Until I have proof, you're a liar.



</Sleestack>

Feeble, possessed by the demon Chackens 32,400 15
09/12/2002 08:17 PM

Homeschooling is for people who are smarter than the average teacher and willing to spend more than 12 minutes a day teaching their child, which is about the amount of individual attention you'll get in most schools.



I realize this rules most of you out.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/12/2002 08:24 PM

Did I mention that I thought abortion was wrong?



No?



Well it aint.

Phoenix Dark 457 11
09/13/2002 01:26 AM

I think I speak for EVERYONE when I say that we came looking for a nice beastiality discussion, but instead you're talking about PARENTING?!

What kind of monsters are you people?!

Declan McManus 131,867 36
09/13/2002 01:37 AM

There is a reason they are called GREAT Pyranese.

Dr. Joseph Richard, GYN 882 12
09/13/2002 03:59 AM

"There were 2 pet stores in the shopping cetner, Scoot."



Yeah, one called 'Pets' and the other named 'Other Smaller Animals To Feed To Your Pets.'

My hubby is gay 1,522 10
09/13/2002 04:19 AM

The third one is "Smaller insects and stuff"



the wee ones need their nourishment as well.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/13/2002 05:11 AM

We should pair up all the noobs (and gabbers, I know there are some who use to) who talk to themselves so it looks like they're having a conversation.

Manhattan Fever 11,939 13
09/13/2002 05:15 AM

oh man my nutzor itchezzz1!!!! who wantz to scrtch them!!!

Manhattan Fever 11,939 13
09/13/2002 05:18 AM

Never never NEVER shake a baby.

My hubby is gay 1,522 10
09/13/2002 05:34 AM

I gotta go to bed.



But before I do that, I thought that was the inane inanimate beings from suburbia invasion.



I was skeered.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/13/2002 10:19 AM

We homeschool because the local schools are happy if they can teach the local farmhand's kids to stop rubbing cowShakespeare into their hair.



And there are two distinct factions to HSing. The conservative christians and the hippy freaks. The CC's tend to overdo it and force their kids to be jr. geniuses to justify it all to their parents who take it personally when their kids don't send their kids to public schools. The Hippys tend to un-school. Just keep the kids at home and hope they learn by osmosis by "participating" in life.





There are a bunch of ignorant hippy kids running around.

Neal Obstat 2,492 11
09/13/2002 10:40 AM

I handled the 9.11 issue a little differently.



My son and I built 3 really, really tall towers out of blocks. Then, we wrapped our towels around our heads, and crashed balsa wood airplanes into the towers.



They don't teach that in those right wing home schools.

Chackens, Original Recipe 286,208 61
09/13/2002 10:52 AM

Effective though. I'm impressed.

Feeble, possessed by the demon Chackens 32,400 15
09/13/2002 07:34 PM

If you've ever been to a HSing book sale, the conservative Christians outnumber the hippies about 5-1, at least in Colorado.



There's hope for us yet.

Superbowl Shuffle 19,936 13
09/14/2002 06:07 AM

Hope for who? Certainly not the human race, by those figures.

Feeble, possessed by the demon Chackens 32,400 15
09/14/2002 09:25 AM

I'm not feeling the love, here.

salvage: Pigs in Space Creator 28,986 12
12/01/2002 08:18 PM

You're morons I think if not...



They're not my morons. They are their own morons.



But thank you mysterious post for I had missed this thread and it's pretty Frost-ing funny.

Trae (please return me to my upright position) 156,785 17
12/01/2002 09:09 PM

Your MORONS





Oh reeeeeaaaally???





*holds up mirror to mystery poster*

Feeble, Knight of the Old Code 32,400 15
12/02/2002 02:50 AM

Yeah, well, having just driven across Utah, I can say that you're NOT Mormons, and you should be GLAD!

TurkDuckChackens 286,208 61
12/02/2002 09:56 AM

Mystery guy deserves a click or two for Frost-ing up a thread where he calls other people stupid.

14,139 11
04/22/2003 06:14 AM

<action>woah</action>

Lunchbox 14,650 10
03/19/2004 08:11 PM

god...this thread it hilarious...bump

Livewire 78,229 13
03/20/2004 04:32 AM

Aha! Caught you reading Dead Robot's funniest posts!



I do it too. All the time. When there's nothing on the board I'm interested in, I see who's on and go (re)read their funniest Shakespeare.

Pr0n 1,722 11
05/04/2004 06:53 AM

he's Frost-ing right, that's the depressing thing.

illiers; Queen of Weird 208 9
05/04/2004 07:10 AM

it kinda reminds me of how *I* learned about sex.



I walked into my brother's room to ask him a question--it was a split second thing. Door opens.. door shuts..



Then I started crying because I thought my sister in law had eaten my brother's penis and that's why he'd been moaning in the way he had.



-twitch-

Fluro 14,139 11
09/01/2004 10:43 PM

Bump, for the people who have forgotten that this thread will make them laugh

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/02/2004 12:12 AM

I was really "on" in this thread.



I wonder what happened...

Frogpop 173,148 25
09/02/2004 02:16 AM

Here's ya problem.. this robot was set to "Evil".

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
06/28/2006 11:23 AM

Bump so that some funny will be on the board today.

SAVIORA, Lord of the Knives 4,599 8
06/28/2006 01:32 PM

<action>shares a spiritual secret</action>



(Home,Public,Private)schooling=possibly Frosted up kids



Catholic schooling=definitely Frosted up kids





Do what you feel is right, but for the love of low therapy bills, keep them away from the clergy!

Chickens throws hatchets with deadly accuracy 286,208 61
06/28/2006 02:13 PM

You know what was funny, everyone working Chackens into their name for the month. We should do that again for July.