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Consciousness, that annoying time between naps. We all enjoy sleeping, right? Some more than others obviously.
My life is full of various sleeping problems. I will attempt to explain a few and perhaps you can identify.
Sleeping Problems
They say students who are sleep deprived excel in school, maybe parents should start sneaking rocks and pins under the sheets of their lazy offspring.
1. You try to sleep but cannot get comfortable because somehow your bed has turned into a concrete slab and your pillow is now a wooden log. Yet, the night before it was a giant boobie, soft and warm.
2. You close your eyes and try to catch some ZZzzs, but you cannot fall asleep whatsoever. You open your eyes periodically to see that time is passing by slowly until finally it is time to wake up and get ready for another wonderful day.
3. The DAMN ITCHING! It feels like something is biting you, you quickly scratch the area that is driving you insane and distracting your sleeptime. All you want to do is sleep but you are losing you FREAKIN MIND TO THE POINT OF VIOLENCE!
4. You are so comfortable in bed and excited about getting to sleep that you do not sleep because you are enjoying the time you get to spend in your peaceful bed. If you fall asleep, you know the rest will be over and you will have to wake up.
5. You cannot seem to find which side you can sleep on. You try your back, stomach, your left and right side. How do we know what our body wants. It is rejecting all previous sleeping positions until you find one that you can sleep with only to wake up halfway paralized from loss of blood.
6. You're either freezing your ass off or you're quickly dehydrating from the heat causing your sheets to become wet and sticky. Kinda like carrot cake!
7. You are annoyed with every little sound. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DAMN NOISE??! Somehow your hearing has becomg super-human and you can hear the world spinning. You activate your special high-velocity outdoor super fan to drown the noise of the world. But, it refuses to silence the brain-piercing sounds of your own breathing and heartbeat.
That is why I sleep with my best friend in the world, Mrs. Sedatives.
See you in dreamland!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
14 votes
4.7
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0 votes
0.0
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Sloba Muh Knoba 0  10
11/10/2002 01:40 PM
what is the point of this article? I'm just wondering, but it is good.. and I do belive i've suffered from all the damn things you wronte about there too! Sweet
dreams!
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0 votes
0.0
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Sleestack 30,342 13
11/10/2002 04:17 PM
I've learned the secret of falling asleep in an instant. All you have to do is think abo;m?v cx
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Agent Spaz: Special Member 3,290 11
11/10/2002 06:01 PM
This article has no purpose really. Someone may find it interesting though. Who knows.
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0 votes
0.0
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I'm Leppy, and I'm a GABaholic. 12,056 12
11/17/2002 04:39 PM
i can teach you some self hypnosis meditation techniques to put yourself out in 5 minutes, no problem.
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0 votes
0.0
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StormTrooper in a Bag 3,290 11
11/18/2002 01:32 PM
I prefer to just masturbate myself to sleep.
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0 votes
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Kiddo 2,859 12
12/29/2002 06:24 AM
Fantastic. I died laughing.
As to any sleeping problems you may have, I highly recommend limiting the amount of sleep you get for weeks at a time. Think no more than four hours a night, and from 10pm to 2am. After awhile, it'll get so that you can sleep in any situation-- in class, while driving, standing up...
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0 votes
0.0
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Dirk Lately 14,001 13
12/29/2002 09:55 PM
encrustationinglicious
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