Knobatron2k 14,139 11
12/16/2002 04:31 AM

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Madam, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." The president laughs, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" The president agrees, "Sure, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls aren't square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

Knobatron2k 14,139 11
12/16/2002 04:31 AM

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.



She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."



Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10am today I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

Zappa Krappa 1,896 12
12/16/2002 04:42 AM

ooooh, alllllriiiight.



so a priest and a rabbi get seated next to eachother on a flight and get to talking.



priest: so, uh, you guys still don't eat pork, huh?



rabbi: no, it's against our dietary laws.



priest: ever try it?



rabbi: well, yes, i'm ashamed to admit i have.



priest: it's pretty good, huh?



rabbi: yes, i guess it was.



*time passes*



rabbi: so, you guys still don't have sex, huh?



preist: that's right.



rabbi: ever have sex?



preist: well, yes, i'm ashamed to admit i have indulged in pleasures of the flesh.



rabbi: a lot better than pork, isn't it?

Declan McManus 131,867 36
12/16/2002 05:26 AM

The rabbi gets a new car. His friend the priest sprinkles it with some Holy Water.





A few weeks later, the priest (diocean, so can have some possesions) gets a new car. The rabbi comes over with tinsnips and takes an inch off it`s tailpipe.

Knobatron2k 14,139 11
12/16/2002 04:02 PM

Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come

this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

froglord 9,243 13
12/16/2002 04:20 PM

"Rectum, hell. It killed him."





"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."





"So, I'm banging these turtles...."

pianomikey 201 10
02/21/2003 03:46 PM

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Man who pee uphill get feet wet.

Man who take woman on camping trip have naughty intent.

Man who put nose to grindstone has flat face.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who eats a banana has appeal.

Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who lie on back screw up.

Man who push piano down mineshaft get A Flat Minor.

Man who go on 7 day honeymoon make one whole week.



cmon, one of those is worth a laugh...

salvage NLI 28,986 12
02/21/2003 03:48 PM

Yet here we are, laughless.

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
02/21/2003 03:58 PM

There's a salesman going from farm to farm He gets to the last farm on his route and knocks on the door. The farmer opens it and lets him in. The salesman notices a pig with a wooden leg.



"Why does that pig have a wooden leg?"



"That pig saved my family when the old barn caught fire and we were trapped inside."



"That's amazing, but how did he lose his leg?"



"When the old silo fell over and almost crushed my son, that pig pulled out of the way just in time."



"That's one amazing pig! But how did he lose his leg?!"



"Well, you don't eat a pig like that all at once."

Dr. Virnomine 79,386 11
02/21/2003 04:23 PM

This bum walked up to me in my neighborhood and asked me for some change. I told him that true change comes from within. Then he stabbed me with a Phillips head screwdriver. That son-of-a-bitch didn't change at all.

BunnyL 5,695 11
02/21/2003 06:01 PM

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?

















































A Milk Dud.



Don't thank me, thank the jokers at Cracker Jack.

Declan McManus is dancing on broken glass,barefoot 131,867 36
02/21/2003 06:03 PM

Naah.



What do you call a cow that doesn`t give milk?











Alpo.

14,139 11
03/08/2003 01:27 AM

Poot!

Beowulf 67 10
03/08/2003 01:53 AM

The Bunny And The Snake

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest glen, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.



One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.



'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am.'



'It's quite OK,' replied the snake. 'Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.'



'Oh, that would be wonderful' replied the bunny.



So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit.'



'Oh, thank you! Thank you,' cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, 'Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me.'



So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be French'.

Spicey McHaggis 117,695 36
03/08/2003 09:44 AM

Superman was flying around Metropolis, horney has hell. He was wondering what to do about it when I spotted Wonder Woman sprawled out naked in the park. He figured that he could do the deed fast enough that she wouldn't know what happened. So he flew down and banged her super-speed and flew off. Wonder Woman exlaimed, "By Hera, what was that?!"



The Invisible Man replied, "I don't know, but my ass is killing me!"

Fluro 14,139 11
01/07/2004 04:47 AM

This is one of my bestest threads.

Frogpop the Snowman 173,148 25
01/07/2004 07:57 AM

with some of teh oldAst jokes.