jellytot 3,504 11
01/21/2003 01:07 PM

Ask Brooke, hers is a classic.

virnomine 79,386 11
01/21/2003 01:08 PM

yeah, reading about manny Shakespeare-ing and puking at the same time.

salvage: Interweb Surfer Extreme 28,986 12
01/21/2003 01:09 PM

I've done a lot of stupid things in my time but I haven't Shakespeareed my self since I was three or four.



I seem to be master of my bowels.



Huh... I'm being IMed by someone name Fate about temping... oh could be a job!

virnomine 79,386 11
01/21/2003 01:10 PM

Like we're supposed to believe this story chi-chi. I mean come one, you have a hot wife? That's stretching it a bit. I was born at night, but not last night.

Jazzy Jazz and the Halftime Niggaz 11,939 13
01/21/2003 01:12 PM

I remember when I was 17 my older brother took me to a party. I ended up drinking something like half the bottle of this rubbing-alcohol vodka Shakespeare and being, well, 17 years old and drunk. Not that this has anything to do with anything, but it was also the first time I blacked out. When I came to I was lying fully clothed on mah bed. Well I drank some juice, tried to remember what exactly happened and ate some Rice Krispies. Perhaps because my brain had not yet jumpstarted a connection with my stomach, I had not woken up feeling ill. Nay, this feeling slowly made its way up to come around at the most unexpected of times. That time, of course, had to be when I was about to hop into the shower. Halfway in, my bowels start gurgling like a small baby. I quickly hop out and park my skinny ass on the john. Cha-goonk went the first turd. Cha...cha...what's this? My...my...stomach?! What's going on?! I'm Shakespeare-ing, I shouldn't feel the need to vomi---BWAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

salvage: Interweb Surfer Extreme 28,986 12
01/21/2003 01:16 PM

BWAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!



I'm going to get that tattooed on my ass.

Jazzy Jazz and the Halftime Niggaz 11,939 13
01/21/2003 01:17 PM

To my credit, however, my instincts quickly kicked in and I gave myself enough room between the legs and moved my junk outta the way.

virnomine 79,386 11
01/21/2003 01:18 PM

I'll get Cha-goonk, I couldn't finish the story after I read that I was laughing so hard. Thank god most of the office is gone.

salvage: Interweb Surfer Extreme 28,986 12
01/21/2003 01:18 PM

Your junk?



I don't think I've ever heard it called that.

Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
01/21/2003 01:19 PM

"Okay, heres a little story for you Frosterz. Commander Bond is snuggling with me in bed. Which is bad, because he only does that when he's about to puke. He starts licking his lips often and whimpering. Then the heaving starts. By the time I fully awaken and grab him, mounds of vegetation erupt from his toothy maw. It must have been heat seeking puke because almost none of it landed on the bed and floor. Covered in puke I make a very unmanly sound of displeasure and run to the bathroom. I turn on the water and step inside, still fully clothed in shorts and a KISS T-shirt. This is when the smell hits me. My gag reflex kicks in, I start vomiting up the Italian Sausage I had for dinner last night. Someone inside me cranks up the "vomit accelerator" a bit too high and, from the heaving, a vessel in my nose ruptures. Standing in wet clothes, dog puke, my puke, and a couple dashes of blood, I start singing "Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten in a tree." It's little scenes like this in my life that I am thankful for. They keep me honest. Kinda like the time I slipped in the same pile of dog Shakespeare twice within 10 minutes. Or the time I squirted contact lens cleaner up my nose. Or the time I gave a neighbor a lawn job in my front wheel drive car and accidentally ran over a tree.

" - The Dirty Vicar

Jazzy Jazz and the Halftime Niggaz 11,939 13
01/21/2003 01:20 PM

It's because you Canadians are too gosh-darned polite to even think about giving your genitalia and grotesque name.

salvage: Interweb Surfer Extreme 28,986 12
01/21/2003 01:23 PM

Well... grotesque is fine, but derogatory?

Chi-Chi Fellipe, the Muffin Man 161,353 14
01/21/2003 01:25 PM

My first supervisor in the Air Force told me of his first trip home on leave. He and a friend were at a party when suddenly his friend, after having disappeared for a while, rushed up to him and said with urgency, "We have to leave... NOW,". Apparently his buddy, entirely too intoxicated, had made his way to the bathroom to take a Shakespeare. Half-way through, he realized he was going to puke, so he lept off the toilet and stuck his head in the bowl in order to evacuate his gut. But the reflex of puking caused his sphincter to open up, and he sprayed hot diarrehea out of his ass and onto the wall of the bathroom just as someone else walked in.

Chi-Chi Fellipe, the Muffin Man 161,353 14
01/21/2003 01:45 PM

Another friend of mine, Nate, who I also knew from being in the Air Force had tons of great Shakespeare-ing stories. The place we worked at was a controlled area, meaning only those with a badge were allowed on site. The area was gated and one unlucky person a week was detailed to sit at the gate shack and check identification. Poor Nate was there when the original guard shack was being renovated, and so he was stuck in the old one that didn't have a phone or, more importantly, a bathroom. After the morning rush of traffic, he could hold his Shakespeare no longer. Relief had not arrived (no pun intended) and he knew that if he didn't take drastic action, he would Shakespeare his pants. So he ran to his car and popped the trunk, locating some oily rags and a plastic bag from Wal*Mart. He ducked back into the shack and squatted over the bag just enough so that he could still watch for on-coming traffic. Then his ass exploded into the bag, filling it with hot Shakespeare. He wiped his ass with the oily rags and dropped them into the bag along with the soupy diarehhea that had just squirted from his bum. One problem solved, he realized he had another problem. The shack reaked of ass, and the bag was making things even worse. Desperate, he ran out side and attempted to heave the Shakespeare bag over his shoulder and onto the other side of the fence. Unfortunately, he didn't quite clear the ten foot fence and the bag hung up on the barbed-wire, oozing Shakespeare for all to see.

Jazzy Jazz and the Halftime Niggaz 11,939 13
01/21/2003 02:04 PM

This buddy of mine, Devan, had to be one of the craziest mother-Frosters of all time. No shame whatsoever. Imagine if you will a number of grungy-ass mother-Frosters living together in a Shakespearehole of a house where anything goes. Well at the time Devan was dating this chick Allie who is now the lead singer of our band, What she saw in him is beyond me, he was a great friend and taught me many things throughout the course of our friendship, but the things he would do....



This one day we're all at the house and him and Allie were involved in one of their many fights. Well, the tension was pretty high this particular time and we were all keeping our distance from the both of them. As Allie was about to leave in a huff, Devan exits the bathroom. I was outside enjoying what was a beautiful sunset. A moment of bliss, if you will. This was interrupted when the smell of Shakespeare crept into my nostrils. I look to the front door and Devan is, no Frost-ing joke, holding a medium-sized turd in his hands. He's got this detached borderline-sociopathic look in his eyes as he meticulously "carved" a small dip in the top end of his poop. With a twinkle in his eye he walks up to Allie's car, Shakespeare behind his back and motions for her to roll down her window. "Allie," he says and brings the turd around for her to see "poop canoe!" he says almost gleefully with a hint of childish satisfaction in his voice. To punctuate such an accomplishment he tosses the poop canoe in the air and catches it with both hands. Toss, catch, toss, catch. Allie, admitting defeat drives off and Devan, like an infant losing interest in a new toy, leaves the now infamous poop canoe behind and goes back inside.

virnomine 79,386 11
01/21/2003 02:44 PM

Funniest.Thread. Ever.



At least to me. I haven't laughed this much at Gab ever.

Chi-Chi Fellipe, the Muffin Man 161,353 14
01/21/2003 02:56 PM

One more story about good ol' Nate:



Nate had picked up this girl one night and managed to have her spend the night. On the drive back into town the next day to drop her off, things began to get a little hot and heavy in the backseat. Nate tried and tried to squirm his hand down the front of her pants, but dammit! They were just too tight. So hey employed an alternate route, worming his hand down the back of her pants. But he couldn't quite reach that holiest of holes, so he picked the next best thing and thrust a finger or two into the nether regions of her puckered brown-eye, and she LOVED it. So he continued working his finger magic for the entire trip back to her home. On the return trip, the driver of the car noticed a pungent aroma of Shakespeare dancing in the air the way flies buzz around a carcass. Nate shoved his poo-stained fingers into the drivers face to get a confirmation of the source of the reek. It was indeed his fingers that were stinking up the entire car, and so Nate was forced to wear a thick, gauntlet-style leather work glove for the rest of the car ride.

froglord 9,243 13
01/21/2003 02:59 PM

No great stories about crap. Vomiting on the other hand....Well vomiting on the other hand would be gross, but a beautiful tale of regurgitation...



Several friends threw a birthday party for me, many years ago. There were a large number of my friends, as well as several girls I had admired from afar as I thought they were out of my league. After several hours of drinking more than a person should be allowed to drink, I thought chatting up the hotties was a good idea. I was standing there chatting away when someone told my stomach that there was an emergency and everything had to leave...NOW! I spun to head to the bathroom and started to lose my balance. The girls caught me and when I opened my mouth to thank them for this, I puked all over one of them. The other girl, having a weak stomach, was grossed out enough to also puke.... on me. Well, that was fair I thought. The combination of me puking on her and her friend puking had a bad effect on the first girl. She promptly lost it also. Needless to say, I didn't make a great impression on these girls.

Jazzy Jazz and the Halftime Niggaz 11,939 13
01/21/2003 03:38 PM

Thanks for bringing up vomit, froggie, I was looking for a segue into this bit. A bit in which the previously mentioned house threw one of the biggest, rowdiest, dankest parties I have ever been to. Fights, booze, bitches and drugs galore. My recollection of this event is hazy at best, but it reached a climax in which words were exchanged between friends of mine and another group of equally hammered individuals. Well it goes without saying that when one person got the ball rolling, everyone jumped right in. What ensued basically reminded me of a twister, composed of drunk belligerent teenagers swinging, hitting and missing. Thing is, this twister moved under the volition and direction of some incomprehensible force of nature. There were no witnesses to such an event, for this brawl-ball would move to and fro, sucking in the unwilling and spitting out the weak. It got so bad at one point that it actually moved to the backyard, and from what I remember massive amounts of dust were kicked up. So much dust that one would mistakenly hit one's comrade in a blind flurry. To wrap this story up (mainly because I can't remember 3/4 of it) I remember getting sucked in, hit in the stomach by a good friend of mine, rushing to the bathroom and vomiting. Few days later I return to the house to discuss the night. I'm greeted by the residents who tell me to clean the puke off the bathroom wall. Yes, MY puke.

Chacken of the Interweb 286,208 61
01/21/2003 03:52 PM

hahahahahahahahahah























poop canoe

ha

Chacken of the Interweb 286,208 61
01/21/2003 03:59 PM

On vomit:



Frat days at halloween. My roomie and I get the grand idea of hollowing out pumpkins, and wearing them on our heads. We swore we wouldn't take them off. The drinking game of the night involved doing shots at each room of the house after completeing that room's putt-putt course. Well, due to the pumpkin, I was doing said shots through a straw and getting snockered.



Many mixed drinks + having your head inside a raw pumpkin = not a good thing



Then, I got sick.



You have never seen a jackolantern till you see it spewing several mixed drinks out the mouth, nose, and both eyes. I smashed the thing off my head cause it was holding lots of the spew and making me sicker.



It was a bad night.

John Hargrave 128,742 73
01/21/2003 06:36 PM

Hilarious thread.



Chi-Chi, you're killing me over here.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
01/21/2003 06:52 PM

Chi-Chi's story of the Shakespeare in the Wal Mart bag is the best one.

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
01/21/2003 07:09 PM

At school several years ago, I was summoned by a group of friends to witness a foreign object in the men's room. This was a common occurence; however, the turd which greeted me in stall number 2 that day was unlike anything I have ever seen in my life. It was enormous. Monolithic. If turds were cars, this one was a '28 Duesenberg. It stretched the entire length of the bowl, had not a single kink or bend in it, and was as big around as my forearm. The mere sight of it gave me the strong urge to scream "From the heart of Hell, I stabbeth thee!" but I was somehow able to refrain. Anyway, the thing drew such a huge following amongst the students that it attained icon status, almost appeared in the yearbook, and is still talked about fondly to this day. It was quite the piece of Shakespeare.

salvage: See you next year Trae! ha ha! 28,986 12
01/21/2003 07:10 PM

Grossest vomit story of all time. You have been warned.



When I was 11 my best friend was a guy I shall call V. (I call him this because that's what we called him. He was East Indian and his real name was far too much of a mouthful. Yes Trixie, like you.) V had two pets. He had a lovable mutt named George and a hamster named also George. (This was, I think, a family joke, they named all pets George. I never asked they never told)



It was a beautiful summer day, one of those days when you just weren't sure what day it was. Everyday was Saturday as far as we were concerned.



Naturally we were bored beyond belief. I had the idea of building George the Hamster a maze out of a bunch of old tube we had found the other day in the basement. We would construct a maze, put hamster treats at the end and see how quick George would run 'em. We went upstairs and got George the Hamster, brought him to the basement and begun or own little Skinner style experiment. To make it more interesting we added some GI Joe and Star Wars toys.



George the Hamster wasn't too thrilled with the plan. I'm not sure if it's possible for Hamsters to worry but he may have noticed the damaged toys and realized that as far as young boys went me and V were not the most diligent. In fact next to Star Wars toys, blowing up Star Wars toys was out favourite pastime.



Rest assured we had no intention of blowing up a hamster. We were not monster of that stripe.

salvage: See you next year Trae! ha ha! 28,986 12
01/21/2003 07:11 PM

So we made our maze and coaxed George the Hamster into it. At first it took a little gentle persuading (V holding the tube, me squishing his furry little ass in) but after a time George actually got into it. He scurried back and forth, and after he discovered the first Hammy treat; well he was a believer.



Like all boys raised by TV we got bored soon enough. And wandered off to find some of those Jell-O Puddin' Pops that Bill Cosby was always going on about.



Three hours later.



A scream from the kitchen.



V's Mom was high strung in the sense that if she were a guitar string the only noise she would make would be snap. She never stopped itching and scratching. The rule was, that if she was in the house, it was quiet play.

salvage: See you next year Trae! ha ha! 28,986 12
01/21/2003 07:11 PM

We ran to the kitchen, incorrectly surmising that whatever had happened we could not possibly be responsible as we had done nothing prohibited that day.



The scene that met us was burned into my young memory like a Manchurian Candidate post hypnotic trigger. While we may never know what exactly happened, this I have surmised, after years of therapy;



We left George the hamster in the basement, playing in the tubes. The door was closed, and the basement finished so escape was unlikely. George had been left out of his cage before and he always went back in when thirsty or tired.



What we didn't know was the George the lovable mutt was down there, under the couch, perhaps, to escape the heat. He must have noticed the tubs moving back and forth and a furry head popping out once in awhile. This must have awakened some primal force within George the lovable mutt's anima psyche.



The problem was George was not used to a diet of hamster, and when he went upstairs to the kitchen, George the Hamster came back up.



In pieces.



This caused V's mom to screech and just as we came in, vomit herself.



My chums, you do not know horror until you have seen a partially digested hamster surrounded by dog bile and bits of chewed cardboard.



Oh and that reminds me, the tubs? V's dad was an architect, between our handling of those tubs, George the Hamster's chewing and George the lovable mutt's rampage to get at Harvey the Hamster we must have destroyed a quarter of the man's past work.



And people ask me why I got a vasectomy.

Sideshow Troy 4,643 11
01/21/2003 07:20 PM

Ew ew ick. Reminds me of the time when I was about eight and I kept stick insects (walking sticks? - I wasn't responsible enough for much else). I didn't really like them, and rarely put in fresh leaves. Their rage and anger towards me must have built up, because one day I came home from school to find that they'd taken it out on each other. There were no remaining living insects, just completely mutilated carcasses. There were broken legs and parts of head all over the cage, it was like an insect massacre. Being eight and of delicate nature, I vomited right there and then into their little tub home, making it an even worse sight for my mum when she discovered it.

El Volante 10,315 10
01/21/2003 07:21 PM

(V holding the tube, me squishing his furry little ass in)



This could have been the greatest story ever if only this one line had been ever so slightly differently phrased.

Emperor Norton 984 10
01/21/2003 08:11 PM

Who assigned a poop essay?

G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t 12,005 12
01/21/2003 08:29 PM

Troy, didn't you ever see Alien: Resurrection? They were trying to get out. It's just that, in their malnourished state, they forgot that they didn't have acid blood.

G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t 12,005 12
01/21/2003 08:31 PM

Also, once I pooped into my hand because my dad was in the upstairs bathroom and I knew I wouldn't make it downstairs in time.

Sideshow Troy 4,643 11
01/21/2003 08:31 PM

I think I probably fell asleep in that movie. But I had so many nightmares after that, I used to wake up thinking they were on my face and...oh my God! What is that scuttling across the wall in the darkness?



It would make a pretty crap movie plot:



Walking Sticks From HELL!

G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t 12,005 12
01/21/2003 08:32 PM

ik hope he ets out soon its startind to melt

Sideshow Troy 4,643 11
01/21/2003 08:32 PM

Of course, that's funnier for me and the few other foriegners here...brings up images of poor old men in the street trying to fight off their own sticks which have developed big teeth and...and feet and stuff.

G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t 12,005 12
01/21/2003 08:33 PM

You're alone in the woods...in the dark...and they can snap themselves!!!

G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t 12,005 12
01/21/2003 08:34 PM

p.s. -- the amazing walking stick invention also exists in America.

Sideshow Troy 4,643 11
01/21/2003 08:35 PM

Yes, but we don't call those insects walking sticks. They are, strangely, stick insects.



And you took a Shakespeare in your own hand? Never ever make me food.

G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t 12,005 12
01/21/2003 08:37 PM

TOO LATE

Sideshow Troy 4,643 11
01/21/2003 08:47 PM

<action>falls to knees, arms stretched heavenwards...</action>







NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Chacken: defender of the one true faith 286,208 61
01/22/2003 06:46 AM

On poop convenience:

I worked a construction job during one summer of college back when McDonalds served Big Macs in styrofoam containers.



Construction sites haven't always required a port-a-potty, so we had the option of driving to a local convenience store, or figuring out something on site. A big mac styrofoam box at the bottom of one of the holes in a cinder block makes for a quite adequate toilet and the box can be closed for transport and disposal. Just don't forget and leave one in your car overnight.



It's a good thing. </martha>

jellytot 3,504 11
01/22/2003 08:32 AM

My boss was asked to take a stool sample to the hospital one time. They were supposed to mail him a little sample tube, but they forgot and he didn't actually know what to do. so he took a shoe box, had a Shakespeare in it and took it to the hospital on the bus.

When he arrived with his, oh so delicate, but slightly fragrant sample, they sat him down in the waiting room for 20 minutes before he was called.

So he put his sample down on the table by the bed, got undressed as instructed and a nurse came in and asked him for his sample. He gave her the box and she looked slightly surprised, opened the lid - saw his pride and joy - closed the lid and disappeared.

So he then spends the next forty minutes behind his curtain, listening to whispered conversations "check it out", "look at this". Followed by barely concealed laughter.

When the doctor arrived he could barely keep a straight face and my boss gets his exam, gets dressed and finds everyone in the entire hospital seems to be staring at him.

John Hargrave 128,742 73
01/22/2003 02:35 PM

I've probably shared this one, oh, seventy or eighty times, but here goes again.



I was nine. My family was moving from Georgia to Ohio, and staying at the house of some family friends in the meantime, who were generous enough to let us use their home while they were away on vacation.



Like most computer nerds, I had severe allergies as a kid, and my allergist had asked for a stool sample to be sent in for advanced allergy testing. We tried for several days to get a poo in a jar, but it's more difficult than you'd think, especially for a nine-year old. (The poo had to fall in the jar without touching the water.) I was trying to move my bowels as we moved house, so it was double the challenge.



After many frustrating days of trying to capture the elusive poo, we finally got one sealed up in a sturdy Mason jar. My mother was going to prepare it for mailing to the allergist, but we were leaving the house that day, and in the confusion, my mother left the poo jar on the mantle, where it remained even after we had locked the door and put the key back in through the mail slot.



Imagine letting your friends borrow your house while you're away on vacation, and returning to find not a thank-you note or a thoughtful gift, but a jar of Shakespeare on the mantlepiece.

Chacken of the Interweb 286,208 61
01/22/2003 02:37 PM

I laughed harder at that than anything you've done in a long time Hargrave.

virnomine 79,386 11
01/22/2003 02:39 PM

That's all we are, just another poo in the jar.

Daggy the fizznox 86,684 14
01/24/2003 11:21 PM

Bat turd!

EatmorChickens 286,208 61
08/21/2003 03:36 PM

Holy Crap this was a funny thread.



Includes the now infamous Poop Canoe story.

EatmorChickens 286,208 61
08/21/2003 04:00 PM

Common folks. It was a canoe made of poop. This man really knew how to treat a lady.

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
08/21/2003 04:01 PM

I'm taking notes...

Peccavi 2,263 10
12/06/2003 06:15 PM

It is my civic duty to maintain classic threads such as this.

Chit4Brainz 178,732 15
12/06/2003 08:50 PM

I worked with a buddy, that was into sailing bigtime, and even convinced me to race with them on wednsday nights for over a year,

One day on the way to the Alameda marina, he told me a tragic story about heading to the same boat on a prior race night. It goes as follows :





He was racing on one of his buddies boat's, but they were tight enough that



he knew the combination and was allowed



access to the boat if he beat the owner there on race night ever .... One night on his way,



he was blindsided by sudden need to be already seated on a toilet, yet, still 10 mins from



the boat, he was forced into cold sweats and lots of squirming ......Finally he got to the



marina, jumped from his car, grabbed his gear, and ran down the docks to the boat to drop



his load in peace, as he was pretty sure that he beat all the rest of the crew to the docks.



He barely had it in him to get the locking chickenwire gate unlocked, and was into the home



stretch, down the dock, doubled over with a sail bag full of 60 plus lbs of foul weather



gear etc... He spotted the finish line and it looked like he was 1st there, so he hopped on



board the boat, dropped his bag, and proceeded to the combination lock that closed off the



cabin of the boat from the top deck area. Once he opened it, he removed the wood slats that



create the access to the cabin, 1 , 2 , 3, 4, pieces of teak wood, thrown over his shoulders



one at a time as he sprinted to the "Head" (term for a toilet on a boat)

Chit4Brainz 178,732 15
12/06/2003 08:50 PM

As he neared, he



was unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants and and pulling them down, and in the last



2 stepps he was bare assed and into his 180 degree turn, to position himself over the bowl,



and having pulled off the spin move brilliantly, he let loose the worst intestinal



explosion, he personally had ever endured. With his eyes popping out from the release of all



the pressure, he quickly sensed, something was not right. Unfortunately, at this time



stopping the flow from his ass vent, was a non-option, as physics had already taken over, and



he was merely a spectator now. He could only watch the events unfold now. What he had



precieved as being,



that wrong feeling to him, was quite possabally the wave of warm liquid that was careening



off the walls and his legs etc... Skipping over the "What might that be" question, as it



appeared obvious to him, he quickly was at the "How the Frost" query, and brief visual



investigation, through the space between his legs, uncovered that mystery in no time, as it



was clear, the toilet lid, was in the "Poe Whipped" Position, (toilet lid was down) and



everything he was passing through his battered sphincter, was ricocheting, off the lid, and



spraypainting the confines of the "terlet" area (to quote Archie Bunker), and his lower half



of his body as well !! He said he had time to quickly change, and mop up a bit, but everyone



onboard that night, commented so much on how the the bilge was reaking of something horrid,



that the owner was forced to have it professionally inspected, fearing a fuel leak or exhaust



problem, or something very dead, might be the cause. To this day, he still claims he never let on to being the source of the funk!!

Virnomine is not the droid you are looking for 79,386 11
12/22/2003 09:20 AM

I think I need to nominate this for best thread of the year. I still almost peed my pants laughing at it. And I think poop canoe is much better than flappy cooch.

thursday 125 10
12/22/2003 10:05 AM

I got a fairly good story.

last semester I had a couple of friends from home visiting me at school. it was a thursday night, and since thursdays are the happening night where I live, we all decided to go out to the bar.



so we get to the bar and meet up with about 10 of my brothers. it's still pretty early mind you, but the bar was pretty packed. so as you can imagine, everyone starts drinking and enjoying themselves. one of my brothers meets a decent sorority chick (I'd give her a C+ at best). he runs his game and ends up making out with her in front of everyone.



here's where it gets good. my brother and his girl break from sucking face for a moment. she turns away to talk to a friend. my brother turns toward our table. he's going to be sick. so he grabs an empty drink cup and vomits into it. he only threw up a little, but still enough to fill the cup. he puts the cup back on the table and turns back around and resumes making out with ms. C+.



so I guess you know where this is going. sure enough, one of my other brothers comes and joins our table a few minutes later. he's jewish and tends never to purchase anything so as soon as he saw a full drink with no one claiming it, he went after it like a rabid dog. before I could warn him of what was in the cup, he had taken a massive gulp... which he then proceeded to spew all over the table, the floor, and the dozens of people around us.



needless to say we were asked to leave.

godot (maha ghandi) 15,434 11
12/22/2003 11:11 AM

cliffs notes of thread



Chi-Chi - Dimed sized fart squirt



Virnomine: Shakespeare and puke is funny



Salvage is the BOWEL MASTER



JAzzy JAzz calls his penis junk and managed to puke around it while Shakespeare-ing. He must be irish.



Alpha quotes for clickies



Chi-Chi is the scat-master. Liquid Shakespeare walmart bag. OH the IRONY!!



Jazzy Jazz live with a man that was so impressed by his poo - he wanted to show his girlfriend... and then left it on the curb for the world to see.



Virn Laughed



Chickens was Puking Jack from nightmare before christmas



Salvage does in three what it takes all else to do in one. Oh and dog bile.



Troy puked on his neglected dead insects.



G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t

poops in his hands.



John can Shakespeare in a jar...

Virnomine is not the droid you are looking for 79,386 11
12/22/2003 11:25 AM

hey, this is a poo thread, don't be polluting it with vomit stories unless they involve poo as well.

Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
12/22/2003 11:30 AM

Cliff notes modifications.



Chit copies and pastes, without even bothering to edit.



Alpha quotes for nostalgia, that all might admire the true master, and aspire to such levels of comedy.



Salvage does in three what it takes all else to do in one, and as such gets THREE TIMES AS MANY OTTO'S.



Troy = not a guy, Frosttart.



G i b l B e o t n N k u y g g e t = gibletnugget.



ANYONE can Shakespeare in a jar, John just tells us about it 25 years after leaving it for the neighbors.



Godot = far dumber than the original maha. This one sullies his good [hated] name.

Virnomine is not the droid you are looking for 79,386 11
12/22/2003 11:33 AM

heh, aside from poop canoe, Gardenback has the next best line: From the heart of Hell, I stabbeth thee!



When you use that line in reference to a turd, that is comedy gold.

godot (maha ghandi) 15,434 11
12/22/2003 11:37 AM

This one time at gab camp



I Shakespeare in Alpha's mouth -



and hesheit puked.

Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
12/22/2003 11:43 AM

<action>wishes, once again, for an "ignore facetious, obnoxious, ignorant, angst-ridden tardlings, who think by being cutely offensive, they'll be accepted, when in reality, their insults are poinltess, as nobody gives a flying reindeer Frost what these insignifigant peons think" feature, and sighs loudly...</action>And the best line in the thread my be bardengack's, but the best Shakespeare-story related line I've ever heard was tucker max's "I am shiva, destroyer of worlds" quote.

Virnomine is not the droid you are looking for 79,386 11
12/22/2003 11:44 AM

tucker usually has at least one brilliant line per story.