Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
02/18/2003 12:11 AM

You have too much free time, hargrave.

¼ £r w/g's 1,677 10
02/18/2003 05:27 AM

Seeing as how John is probably the guy in the office that gets everyone starbucks, I'd suggest when you bring back that triple mocha half-caf decaf with extra whip, that you add a slightly chewed tootsie roll to it. When the person finds it, apologize profusely and promise that's the last time you'll take your dog fifi with you to get coffee.

salvage NLI 28,986 12
02/18/2003 10:11 AM

Neat! You crushed his dreams and humiliated him.

salvage NLI 28,986 12
02/18/2003 10:14 AM

I'm sure you know this one, the loop fax? You get a couple of black pieces of paper or some paper with many thin black lines, or you can even add a message you feed it into your fax machines and then tape it into a loop so it feeds into itself until turned off. Call your victims fax and send it off. Most fax machines keep broadcasting and most fax machines keep reciving as long as there's a signal. So overnight you can cover someone's floor with faxes of blackness or a repeating message.

Trae - Pixel Perfect! 156,785 17
02/18/2003 10:27 AM

Hi Mookie.

Vermin 71 10
02/18/2003 10:31 AM

We have a guy in the office (we'll just call him Hargrave to make things easy) who had one of those pin-art things, you know, where you press your face into one side, and it makes a 3D pin-impression out the other?

Well, we had another guy who's wife worked at an adult novelty shop. So she acquired the most realistic-looking rubber penis she could find and dropped it by the office.

At every opportunity, one of a select group would sneak the pin-art down off the wall of Hargrave's cubicle, and press the rubber penis into it, making an obscene impression for all to see. Sometimes it would be done right behind Hargrave's back while he was talking to somebody else. And since only about 4-5 people knew the truth, crowds would gather around Hargrave's cubicle, arguing whether or not the impression was made by a real penis, and who's it was. To this day, Hargrave still does not know who's penis (or rubber penis) it was.

blandysnorhal 82 11
02/18/2003 06:50 PM

This is a gag we used to do in highschool. But it's not like I've matured any since then so here it is: This works best with laserjet printers. Using whatever office software is on your computer print up a page with pictures of sharks, or another picture of your choosing. In large letters type "Your paper has been sharked!" across the page. Print it out. Take the sheet and put it back in the paper tray and continue on your day. You'll know the prank has worked when you either see or hear someone discovering their work has been "sharked". Their nuisance = your laughs. Also, try printing out a sheet that says "Help! I'm trapped in the printer!" and just leaving it for people to find. If all else fails, just start punching people.

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
02/18/2003 07:02 PM

If only there was some button you could press to indicate that something was funny.

Mythology 4,891 11
02/18/2003 08:08 PM

Couple of months ago we did this: We took someones computer,and using his password we d/l one of those prank apps. So everytime he hit the space bar, the cd tray opened and the computer made a fart noise.



It was pretty funny until he threw the computer off the roof, yelling "Take that, stinkhole"...He did get fired and was recommended for couseling.



Today we await our next on the verge victim.

Mythology 4,891 11
02/18/2003 08:16 PM

Another popular one, is we pryed open the keyboard of a co-worker, and removed the rubber punching pad.

Keyboard still registers find upon bootup, but nothing happens when he punches the keys.



It was pretty funny until he jumped off the roof...

Werehamster 2,321 13
02/20/2003 11:42 PM

Take a paperclip and make a a few dozen photocopies of it. Mix them up with normal, unused paper. Watch people go crazy trying to find the paperclip that's stuck in the photocopier.

john_shaft 795 13
02/21/2003 04:27 AM

set everyone's home page to this

John Hargrave 128,742 73
02/21/2003 09:12 AM

If you've got some free time at the office -- and who doesn't? -- I've always found it fun to redo the obnoxious little signs that people print out and hang around the office.



At my previous office, for instance, there was a sign that read "This bin for recycling paper ONLY: reports, faxes, printouts." One day I changed it to read "This bin for recycling paper ONLY, Frostnuts: reports, faxes, printouts." Then I waited to see how long it took for someone to discover it (about three days).



If you're going to do this kind of stunt, it's important to match the look of the old sign exactly: copy the font style, size, spacing, etc.

marko 57 11
02/22/2003 10:07 PM

A subtle little thing. If you have two computers in close proximity, switch all the cords between the two. Then turn both on. Imagine the fun when someone puts in a disc and can't access their files, while the guy the next cube over suddenly sees "John's Nude Pixx" in his D:. Or worse, one person takes off early and shuts down his computer only to find it not turning off, while the guy the next cube over screams in frustration as he's lost all his work.

FlipperOnAPlate 100 10
02/26/2003 07:42 PM

This is a classic prank that works best in the office setting.



All you need to do, is go to your local grocery store, and buy a LARGE amount of gelatin (not jello, just clear disgusting tasting gelatin).



Go in to your bathroom at work (this works best with the mens urinal/stall combo bathroom) and put it in the toilets. Like i said, you need a lot -- I use 3-4 "servings" per toilet (this is still quite inexpensive).



Within minutes, the water in the toilets will have congealed into a CLEAR, yet hard substance.



Now, when someone goes in to a stall (which means, of course, that they have to expell solid waste) their feces will fall out, bounce up and hit them (well, not really), but it will SIT on top of the toilet 'water' stinking like hell!



This does no permanent damage, all you have to do is scoop about 1/2-2/3rds of the congealed water out, and flush, and it's gone.



Oh, and it works even better if the gentleman decides to urinate while he is expelling his solid waste, since the force of his Shakespeare hitting the gelatinous toilet bowl will send a bounceback of urine all over him...





it's mean, but in terms of havoc and side splitting laughs, it can't be beat.

FlipperOnAPlate 100 10
02/26/2003 07:47 PM

Oh yea,



Icy hot on the toilet seats.

Pants 14,252 17
02/27/2003 12:25 AM

This one takes some real planning and can only be attempted once. Go into work early and line the coffee pot with Antifreeze. I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to contain your laughter as a third of your office starts dumping coffee all over the place in syncronized convulsions.

0 10
03/01/2003 10:20 PM

This one only worked because the giver and receiver of the prank were brothers, so neither of them could actually kill the other with a clear conscience.



On the poor sap's (we'll call him Matt) birthday, his brother (let's name him Mark) got a stripper to come by the office. He put his brother in the boss's private offer and told the stripper to go on in.



Now this stripper, Candy, looked hot. As good as a woman can get. That's important to know. She looked like one of the hottest women on the planet.



Mark and I stood guard outside the door to make sure no one went in. After a few minutes, there was a horrified scream, and Matt flew out the door with his pants falling down around his knees.



What he found out in there was that it's really easy for your brother to find a beautiful hermaphrodite on the Internet and pay her $1000 to come down and give some unsuspecting birthday boy a lap dance.

Angakok 13 10
03/02/2003 01:06 PM

Walk up to someone, ask them what time it is. When they look at their watch, smack them in the face and run away. There's not much too this, but finding good oportunities to smack people good and hard is always something we should strive for

Gonzo - I KABOOM ALWAYS! 20,522 17
03/04/2003 07:59 AM

This one is simple, but ver effective. Even more so if the victim has been on vacation, and away from computers for a while.



Simply switch the "M" and "N" keycaps on their keyboard. Most office owrkers these days only patially touch-type.



It's a big bonus if thier password contains an "M" or and "N". Their frustration at not being able to login is hillarious.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
03/07/2003 07:50 PM

Lightly dust the keyboards of coworkers with Kool Aid powder.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
03/07/2003 07:51 PM

File the scissors so they're too dull to cut through one sheet of paper.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
03/07/2003 07:55 PM

Rerecord the voice mail message on an unsuspecting coworker's phone using a fake French accent. Don't change any of the wording. Most passwords are easy to figure out.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
03/07/2003 07:58 PM

Bake cookies for everyone. Divide the dough. For one batch, bake normally. For the second, add cayanne pepper, Tabasco sauce, pepper corns, or whatever floats your boat.

El Volante 10,315 10
03/07/2003 07:59 PM

Trick a coworker into having sex with an Orangutan, then take his name placard from his desk and change it to read "Mr. I'm so High and Mighty, but I Frosted an Orangutan." Also tell his wife.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
03/07/2003 08:00 PM

Go to the dime (dollar) store, and purchase a bunch of cheap plastic ships. Flood the bathroom sinks and float a couple of the boats in each as well as the toilets, urinals, etc.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
03/07/2003 08:10 PM

Change desktop wallpapers to this or this (nice tush by the way) or <a http://www.btinternet.com/~digital.wallpapers/jim_carrey_001.htm>this</a>.

She-bot 909 13
03/07/2003 10:55 PM

Printer Prank:

Purpose: Start an untraceable rumor.



Using company letterhead, print a long list (at least three pages, ten pages is better) of street addresses in red ink. Make sure they're the addresses of current employees.



Leave your 'mistakes' in the bin by the printer. Obviously, you intended to print those addresses on envelopes and screwed up. Wait three days. If the lay-off rumors haven't started, repeat with another block of names.



If caught, deny everything.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 12:55 PM

I've already mentioned this one elsewhere, but it belongs here.



We hijacked one of the tech support guys' machines while he was out sick and took a snapshot of his desktop, made that his wallpaper, then hid all of his icons and the taskbar. When he started up his computer the next day he clicked and clicked on everything, to no avail.



Much hilarity.

Miss Trixxie(Amateur Physiologist )LeMay 65,021 15
03/14/2003 12:56 PM

Here's a great one, Apply for and recieve a government job. Then go to work (HAHAHA) actually go to a governement building, daily harass the hard working middle class taxpaying public with as many stupid useless and annoying regulations you can think of, it helps to attach huge fines they have to pay when they can't comply, p.s. make sure compliance is impossible. Then waste tens of thousand if not millions of tax dollars on stuiped wasteful projects, and the rest of the time just screw off, like posting to GAB and Shakespeare, and draw a paycheck.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 01:00 PM

Here's another one...



When I worked in NYC for a hooge insurance company, I worked on a floor with 75 or so people I didn't know. We had one fridge for the entire floor, and some jerkoff kept drinking my milk that I'd bring in.



I tried everything to deter them, from leaving a note saying, "Please stop drinking my milk," later upgrading to a poem that ended with, "Today I am sick, and what did I do--put my mouth on the spout, so you'll get it too."



Later I tried putting it in a paper back stapled and taped shut, with a huge skull and crossbones drawn on it, but nothing would deter the milk thief.



Finally one day I bought some laxative powder and dosed the milk, and later that day I noticed the carton was significantly lighter. I know it's not an original prank, but it was satisfying nonetheless.



However, I realized that as easy as it was to dose my own food, someone else could dose my food just as easily. I started buying single-serve cartons and drinking them at my desk from then on.

Chickens 286,208 61
03/14/2003 01:00 PM

That one actually sounds like a good one, SheCab.





And Trix, that would be funny if it weren't so damned true.

Stinky 7,952 12
03/14/2003 01:05 PM

I punched the pregnant bitch from Operations in the stomach and told Human Resources I didn't do it. That was a good prank.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 01:06 PM

Oh, one more...



I had just started a job and got along well with my coworkers. My workplace was such that we were allowed to spruce up our workspaces as we saw fit, so I bought a wooden set of farm animals and people, complete with fences and tractors, etc. I set them up in a central location so people could feel free to play with them.



I had just bought a digital camera and was having a grand old time with it, snapping many candid photos of not-so-enthusiastic coworkers.



One afternoon I returned from lunch and the evil IT guy had used his admin powers for evil. The guys in the web department had rigged up my farm animals with bondage gear made from post-it notes, rubber bands, paper clips and mouse cables, taken photos of some questionable liasons and set it as my wallpaper.



The farm scene itself seemed untouched, except they left the implements around for me to find over the course of the day. A little post-it mask from the cow was found hanging rakishly from my desk lamp, a few bondage rubber bands still clung to little Suzy Farmer's dress, which was on backwards.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 01:10 PM

This isn't really a prank, but it was funny. My last company got a microwave connection between their buildings and were testing it out. They sent a print job to the printer they thought belonged to Tech Support, huge read letters reading



YOU

SUCK!



Except it went to the printer of the 60-ish, everyone's favorite memre very mild-mannered and computer unsavvy shipping manager, who get very confused and hurt that her printer was telling her that she sucked.



I guess you had to be there. I just remember Ruthie saying to me, "Do I suck?" with this really pitiful look on her face.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 01:10 PM

Yeah, read = red.



I

suck.

If at First You Don't Succeed, Trae, Trae Again 156,785 17
03/14/2003 01:14 PM

Office pranks...hmmm ok...here's one:



I had this software development job at this huge insurance company. We used to pass emails around with jokes and stuff. We had this wonderful email system called Lotus Notes, see. Lotus Notes has this equally wonderful feature where it automates the address of the recipient. Ha ha..that's a great feature.



Well anyway, I get this email and it makes me laugh so hard I about fall out of my chair. So I decide to send it on to my friend Terry. But instead of Terry Smith, it's Terry B. and by the time I realized it, the email was gone.



It was great. It was of a French hand lotion commercial .mpg (one more reason to hate the French) with sexual innuendos. So anyway, the next day I get called to HR. Turns out the other Terry thought it would be funny to report it to her boss, who then reported to HR and who in turn, fired my ass and the guy who sent it to me.



HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I still laugh when I think about that one.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 01:21 PM

Joke's on you, huh Trae? That sucks.



And their HR department was full of crap. I had a friend who worked for DEC a while back and he ran the firewall...said the two most common types of Internet access from within the company were for porn sites and professional wrestling.



Why people spank it at work I may never know.

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
03/14/2003 01:21 PM

Once when I was interning for a communications company I had a problem similar to that of SheCab. There was guy in Marketing who would constantly steal parts of my lunch; not the whole thing, of course, but just enough for me to notice that something was going on (For example, if I brought in a ham and cheese sandwich, I would find at lunch time that the ham had been stolen). I had a suspicion of who was doing this, so I set up a camera to start recording when the refrigerator door was opened, and sure enough, Larry in Marketing was stealing my ham. One day in the break room, I played the tape for him and called him on it. I told him the company had a zero-tolerance policy on theft, and I could get him fired. Well, he was pretty close to retirement, and he didn't like that one bit, so he told me it would be awful hard to tell the boss he was stealing if my jaw was wired shut. I said those sounded like fighting words. He agreed. I didn't even see the butterfly knife he carried, but the next thing I knew, it was buried in my shoulder up to the hilt. "YOU BASTARD!" I cried, tumbling to the floor, but he was already on me, hitting me in the face with a three hole punch. When he shattered my nose, I'd had about all of that I could take, let me tell you, so I pulled the .38 snubnose I carry out of my boot holster and fired three rounds into his right leg. I nicked his femoral artery and he passed out from blood loss.





I think my prank made the paper.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 01:25 PM

I think soaking the ham in laxatives would have been funnier.

Miss Trixxie(Amateur Physiologist )LeMay 65,021 15
03/14/2003 02:16 PM

With the exception of a very few bitter, old, dried up, frustrated Carrolls, If I sent a sexual explicit email to another departmental co-worker by acciedent, they'd say either good-one, or at the worst, take me aside personally and say, I didn't appreciate that, do not do it again. What kind of a sorry excuse of a human being derives comfort from getting someone fired for doing something relatively harmless by acciedent ?

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 02:17 PM

Someone who eats the ham out of a ham sammich, that's who!



Or Bonky.

Miss Trixxie(Amateur Physiologist )LeMay 65,021 15
03/14/2003 02:19 PM

oh and to take up for the HR department, if they had done nothing, dried up bitter Carroll women who reported Trae gets a huge sexual harassment settlement against the company for not firing Trae.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 02:21 PM

My point is that they're all spanking it at work to WWE.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/14/2003 03:41 PM

Yeah, um...that's pretty funny. Putting trash in someone's cube unawares.

If at First You Don't Succeed, Trae, Trae Again 156,785 17
03/14/2003 03:47 PM

Oh, see that's the thing Trixx... it wasn't really a sexually explicit email. It was a guy putting lotion on his hands...it was implied that it was other body parts, but never showed said body parts.



It's around here on GAB somewhere and you can see what I mean.



I'm glad I'm not at the company anymore anyway. They've had 3 layoffs since I left last year. Company is going down the toilet!

pianomikey 201 10
03/14/2003 04:01 PM

ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease can i can i can i?



























SHUT UP NOOB



</hypocrisy>

Miss Trixxie(Amateur Physiologist )LeMay 65,021 15
03/14/2003 04:08 PM

I get the jest of it, the thing is, it was suggestive enough so that if the company had not fired you. Bitter, dried-up Carroll could have sued and would have won a lawsuit against the company for not protecting her from "an environment in which she did not feel comfortable" the third federal dafinition of sexual harassment.

Just imagine I have a name 12 10
03/15/2003 04:44 AM

This is not only good on co-workers, but any other person you choose. First, make a voodoo doll of a particular person at your work. Then, go up to the person and right in front of them, start stabbing the thing with a pin. If the voodoo doesn't work, and they laugh at you, just take the pin and stab them in the same spot as you did the doll. That'll teach them.

AmyPoo , bitch goddess 2,710 12
03/15/2003 04:49 PM

geez, the only thing we did was put signs on people's backs saying "WARNING: EXPLOSIVE GAS" and let them walk around for an hour until some dumb customer told them about it.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/17/2003 12:03 PM

I thought this was a pretty good office prank.



Worksafe.

5461 1 10
03/24/2003 06:28 AM

The voo-doo doll prank is truly

priceless. A must-try in my office

Livewire 78,229 13
03/29/2003 02:32 PM

It's almost the big day!



A few years ago I worked in an office for a coke-snorting homicidal maniac who also very coincidentally happened to be a raving homophobic. He would hypothesize often about who in the office he thought was gay. He also used to spend lots of time in the bathroom stall sucking cocaine into his sinuses.



I bought some candy lips at 7-11. After carving some grooves into them to give them a more realistic texture, I put lipstick on them and pressed them on to the toilet seat in the stall where the boss usually sat. It left a realistic "kiss" imprint on the seat.



He freaked out and started ranting to the assistant manager. It was really funny until he started shooting everyone on the office.

SaltyDave 3,588 9
08/26/2004 02:12 PM

Best Office prank ever...get a fish from the market and put it in someone's hubcap....the fish starts ro rot and smell and they dont know where it's coming from....

TheProfessorJohn 1,146 8
08/26/2004 02:28 PM

I once rearranged the keys to the community computer's keyboard and spelled out obscene words and such.



On another occasion, I put sardines in the air-fresheners. Brilliant because an air-freshener is the last place you'd look for a bad smell to come from. I also took the liberty of opening up "new" air fresheners and adding sardines to those too, then resealing them . . . so adding air-fresheners would make it worse.

TheProfessorJohn 1,146 8
08/26/2004 02:29 PM

Maybe the best thing I did was re-hyperlink every IE Favorite on the office community computers to http://goatse.ck

Superfly 1,145 8
08/26/2004 05:58 PM

Of course everyone has done the ol' Ipecac in the coffee right. Great way to get a half day at work. Even better if you leave an envolope in the breakroom with a mysterious white powder...

Katsmeow 2,401 10
08/26/2004 06:20 PM

I havent been on Gab for a while due to being laid off from my job. As some of you may remember my boss is an Emerson.



So before I walked out on that last day I did what I could before anyone saw me. I changed my boss's precious screen saver to a black background with yellow type that said Frost You Emerson in the largest font possible and locked it with a password. I havent heard from him so Im sure he was able to fix it but it still made me feel better.