Callie Mollari 14,455 13
03/04/2003 02:23 PM

"Martha Stewart Perishes in Freak Glue Gun Accident"

Maynard The Bagger 3,203 10
03/04/2003 02:24 PM

Christians Wrong.

salvage: Nuttbutter's Pimp 28,986 12
03/04/2003 02:28 PM

Hyper Brained Monkey Mankind's New Master

Stinky 7,952 12
03/04/2003 02:36 PM

"Prima Nocta declared!"

Declan McManus is dancing on broken glass,barefoot 131,867 36
03/04/2003 02:39 PM

``Saddam, bin Laden Surrender``

Mythology: The miz-speling Legeng 4,891 11
03/04/2003 02:40 PM

"George Bush Found to be Idiot, Presidency handed over to Zug"

El Volante 10,315 10
03/04/2003 02:41 PM

Saddam, Bin Laden MAKE OUT.

Maynard The Bagger 3,203 10
03/04/2003 02:42 PM

"Microsoft IE 7.0 allows actual food to be shared via the Internet. Virtual tea-parties now possible!"



"Major security hole found in Linux. All computers with Linux installed rendered useless"

Stinky 7,952 12
03/04/2003 02:42 PM

"Cancer believed to be edible and quite delicious"

Sleestack 30,342 13
03/04/2003 02:49 PM

"Bill Gates trapped in own home for 2 months due to blue-screened Win2000 servers, forced to eat MonkeyBoy Balmer to survive."

Maynard The Bagger 3,203 10
03/04/2003 02:50 PM

"Kate Hudson, Jullianne Moore, Britney Spears impressed by Zug user Maynard the Bagger. Vow to have giant drunken orgy with him and then get the hell out wihtout any of the snuggling crap."

Sleestack 30,342 13
03/04/2003 02:50 PM

Sleestack Declared Incredibly Cool Dude



-Hot Chicks Decide To Dig Him

Sleestack 30,342 13
03/04/2003 02:51 PM

You go to hell, Maynard! You go to hell and you die!

Maynard The Bagger 3,203 10
03/04/2003 02:51 PM

"Lucas apologizes for Jar Jar. Hires Quinten Tarentino to write and direct Episode III"

Maynard The Bagger 3,203 10
03/04/2003 02:55 PM

"Bonky declared Queen of America. Congress replaced with spoonless blue monkeys. Texas renamed 'Ice Cream Cone Land' Tic Tacs new national currency. France told to stop that bad bad very bad thing they're doing with porkchops."

El Volante 10,315 10
03/04/2003 02:56 PM

Size really doesn't matter... really... fer sure.

Mythology: The miz-speling Legeng 4,891 11
03/04/2003 02:56 PM

Woman shocks world, says to husband "I'm wrong, you're right"

salvage: Nuttbutter's Pimp 28,986 12
03/04/2003 02:56 PM

Onion Writers Start This Thread on Zug

"We're right out of ideas!" they say.

Mythology: The miz-speling Legeng 4,891 11
03/04/2003 02:57 PM

in a related story, husband dies of shock

Callie Mollari 14,455 13
03/04/2003 03:00 PM

"Bonky declared Queen of America. Congress replaced with spoonless blue monkeys. Texas renamed 'Ice Cream Cone Land' Tic Tacs new national currency. France told to stop that bad bad very bad thing they're doing with porkchops."



Maynard forced to salt his food before tasting it!

Maynard The Bagger 3,203 10
03/04/2003 03:01 PM

"Canada annexed. Ottawa to become Disneyland North. Yukon to hold giant slave labor camp. Christine "Moose" McGlade becomes governor of 51st state. Quebec paved."

Mythology: The miz-speling Legeng 4,891 11
03/04/2003 03:05 PM

"Humor found on ZUG, drought ended"

Mythology: The miz-speling Legeng 4,891 11
03/04/2003 03:05 PM

"Hargrave goes to Walgreens, Nothing happens"

Declan McManus is dancing on broken glass,barefoot 131,867 36
03/04/2003 03:06 PM

Vin to Therlin: ``Marry Me or I Suicide``

salvage: Nuttbutter's Pimp 28,986 12
03/04/2003 03:12 PM

Cure for Cancer: Smoking!

Sleestack 30,342 13
03/04/2003 03:15 PM

Horseman of Apocalyse Dies

-Remaining Three Plan Memorial Reunion Tour

SheCabbage 5,200 13
03/04/2003 03:24 PM

McDonald's Confesses: "We Made People Fat On Purpose"

- It's fun to watch them waddle

Stinky 7,952 12
03/04/2003 03:26 PM

"Soylent Green Is People! PEOPLE!"

Bonky 75,728 15
03/04/2003 03:33 PM

"Bonky to throw Monster Party on April 5th; Details to Follow"







HEY! That was the headline today!

Sleestack 30,342 13
03/04/2003 03:34 PM

"You've Got Something On Your... Yeah... No, Up a Bit... You Got It."

Bonky 75,728 15
03/04/2003 03:42 PM

Only blue fuzzy monsters are allowed at my party.

Bonky 75,728 15
03/04/2003 03:42 PM

"Mutant Penguin/Human Hybrids found in NY sewers. Local nerd questioned."

red the opinionated 600 16
03/04/2003 03:44 PM

Scientists shock world: Money really DOES grow on trees!

red the opinionated 600 16
03/04/2003 03:44 PM

Your face really WILL freeze like that!

red the opinionated 600 16
03/04/2003 03:45 PM

Poopy baby diapers cure for hole in the ozone!

salvage: Nuttbutter's Pimp 28,986 12
03/04/2003 03:46 PM

Red Bald Monsters bused into Bonky's Party by National Guard

Bonky 75,728 15
03/04/2003 05:18 PM

"Adam Beach and Ed Kowalczyk fight for the affection of unidentified female in Texas."

Bonky 75,728 15
03/04/2003 05:20 PM

"Oregon Woman Wins Lotto: Stuffs Cheez Whiz in Mouth"

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
03/04/2003 06:05 PM

Jon Belushi Rises from Dead, Devours Lorne Michaels



Joan Rivers Admits: "I am Fueled by the Blood of Virgins"



Ink Shortage Strikes Amer

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
03/04/2003 06:10 PM

<action>pops his head out of a locker</action>Jim you have won my undying affection for your mention of Christine "Moose" McGlade.







Oops, no, this is just the introduction to the opposite sketches.

AmyPoo , bitch goddess 2,710 12
03/04/2003 08:18 PM

i miss that show.

salvage McBitch Bitch 28,986 12
03/04/2003 08:21 PM

Shot in Ottawa

You may remember me from such films as ZUG 4,643 11
03/04/2003 08:24 PM

That doesn't make it good.

salvage McBitch Bitch 28,986 12
03/04/2003 08:26 PM

Darrr I heard dat!

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
03/04/2003 09:11 PM

'Suicide is miracle cure for cancer!'



'Death found dead today after a combination of tuberculosis and a bullet in his skull. Wife mortified.'

Declan McManus is dancing on broken glass,barefoot 131,867 36
03/04/2003 10:54 PM

Michael Jackson Dead!





.....But Nose Survives!

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/04/2003 11:48 PM

Heh, MJ'S nose have been dead for ten years, amigo.

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/04/2003 11:49 PM

"Female orgasm a myth! Men all over the world sleeps guiltless"

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
03/04/2003 11:57 PM

What do you think's in the burgers?

Adrian Von Buttcrack 13,341 13
03/05/2003 12:08 AM

"Archaeologists finds proof of religion being 2000 year old April fools prank"

Mythology: The miz-speling Legeng 4,891 11
03/05/2003 12:12 AM

"Owen Wilsons acting talent located"

Dags 86,684 14
03/05/2003 06:27 AM

"British teen banned from comedy website. World in uproar!"

Dags 86,684 14
03/05/2003 06:27 AM

"It IS 2!"

You may remember me from such films as ZUG 4,643 11
03/05/2003 07:25 AM

'British teen won't leave! Comedy website in uproar!'



Related stories:



'John is really slow.'

Bonky 75,728 15
03/05/2003 08:47 AM

Who's the British teen around here? Jellytot is only 3.

General Dan- Yes, I like Pina Colada 502 10
03/05/2003 10:51 AM

Man robs gun store with knife

General Dan- Yes, I like Pina Colada 502 10
03/05/2003 10:55 AM

France acknowledges that they are not a world superpower anymore

Feeble, Iraqi Weapons Inspector #27 32,400 15
03/09/2003 07:24 PM

"Dubya resigns. 75,000,000 liberals rejoice for .1 second, then realize that Dick Cheney is now President."

salvage: Steam Powered Cat Skinner 28,986 12
03/10/2003 08:43 AM

Dick Has Heart Attack Right After Taking Oath of Office.



Liberal part-ay continues.

She-bot 909 13
03/10/2003 09:16 AM

New Medical Report Finds Heavy Petting Not Linked To Communism



or is that



New Medical Report Finds Heavy Petting Linked To Communism?

Pubah the Thread Killer 56,744 18
06/03/2003 01:30 PM

"Elvis and Tu-Pac Alive...Release Album Together"

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/03/2003 03:35 PM

And for a moment I thought Jim was posting again.



Bummer.

Pubah the Thread Killer 56,744 18
06/03/2003 03:40 PM

Sorry to disappoint you. I thought it was a good thread.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/03/2003 04:02 PM

It was...



it was.





*cries*

Pubah the Thread Killer 56,744 18
06/03/2003 04:06 PM

Touche' Ms. Cabbage



It was

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/03/2003 07:28 PM

Majority of hot chicks surveyed admit to thinking that fat, sweaty guys are hot!

ringworm 68,315 13
06/03/2003 07:41 PM

Michael Jackson dies on toilet.

hotchilimatt 2 9
06/04/2003 09:54 AM

micheal jackson dies after sneezing due to plastic explosive had been placed in his nose by mistake of plastic surgen

Pubah the Thread Killer 56,744 18
06/04/2003 10:31 AM

New Zug Policy...Gabbers Paid to Start Threads

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/04/2003 02:39 PM

Here's a pretty good headline, and it's even real!

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/04/2003 02:40 PM

"though he was not seriously hurt, the 56-year-old performer said the mishap left his nose quiet swollen."



Who hires these stupid frickin writers?!

Neepneep, Como conolo quieres? 35,066 15
06/05/2003 08:19 AM

"The artist formaly known as NeepNeep persuades John to get jiggy with the personalised icons"