Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/26/2003 11:58 AM

let me be the first to say:



Psycho!

John Hargrave 128,746 73
06/26/2003 11:59 AM

Sexist, but funny. I've given it the coveted ZUG homepage highlight for today.



I would love to hear the female response to this article!

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/26/2003 12:04 PM

Haahaha you sit down to pee!!!





Girly man!

Aphrodite 2,261 13
06/26/2003 12:15 PM

Some women actually wash threir hands before sitting back down and eating at a resturant. Or check their hair. Or re-apply lip stick.



Or maybe we just don't find the need to break the speed barier every time nature calls.

JayDogg in the hizzouse 23,705 11
06/26/2003 12:18 PM

When I go into a stall I like to see how far back I go away from the pisser before my pisShakespeares the ground

Jay Stevens 1,010 16
06/26/2003 12:19 PM

SEXIST?!



Sounds damn close to empirical evidence to me.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/26/2003 12:50 PM

my sister Shakespeares really fast. i clocked her at under a minute one time. i don't know how big these dumps are, but even if it's just one little nugget, that's still pretty impressive.

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/26/2003 01:01 PM

I don't believe it, women don't poo. Just ask one, they don't fart either.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/26/2003 01:14 PM

no, you're thinking about michael jackson.

SweetCheeks 4 10
06/26/2003 01:41 PM

For starters, in public restrooms we always ALWAYS wash our hands and check our hair and makeup. At home, we wash our hands and then walk out. Unless going out to dinner or on a date, in which case it takes an hour +/- .6 sec.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/26/2003 01:49 PM

i've been in some public restrooms where if my dick is the dirtiest thing i touch, then i'm having a pretty good day.

O Livewire, my Livewire! 78,229 13
06/26/2003 03:36 PM

Trae's right.



REAL girls pee standing up.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
06/26/2003 08:21 PM

Yes! First article and I got front page.



Please ignore the spelling errors: four, for; due, do; I hate homophones.



I intended this as a conversation piece, but it got to be too long. I had no idea that articles were reviewed, and take a week to be posted.



Anyway, my girlfriend admitted to being embarrassed by the noise of pee hitting the water hard when she's in a public restroom. So she has to keep it to a gentle tinkle. I thought that odd, but it's not as funny as my obsession with this phenomenon...or women's private affairs in general. Next week: Tampons, A Great Substitute for Water Balloons.

Pubah the Clickie Slut 56,794 18
06/27/2003 12:03 AM

Great work

The ladies rooms I've visited (don't ask me why) look either more like a living room, or something not even a man would piss in after an all night kegger.



Couches, carpeting, dispensing machines that don't involve "ticklers". I'm suprised there's not a eunich in each stall to take care of any other "needs" patrons might have.

Sensuela LaFoofy 194 9
06/27/2003 08:44 AM

Jeepers, someone actually wrote down this train of thought!

Nice, Boots.

Daggy 86,684 14
06/27/2003 09:15 AM

Any fool knows that you can't possibly complete a crossword puzzle in under 2 minutes!

General Dan- Yes, I like Pina Colada 502 10
06/27/2003 01:12 PM

I hate homophones



you homophonophobe!

Jacobpants 13,437 11
06/27/2003 01:16 PM

I paint my toenails while im in the bathroom.

norstrin 66 11
06/27/2003 01:53 PM

Women don't belch and can't fart. If they didn't bitch they'd explode like birds on the Arm and Hammer diet.

Action Lovestick 56 9
06/27/2003 01:59 PM

I've also observed that women especially in public places do not seem happy to travel to the toilets alone, they need to get there in packs. Maybe their pee cycles become aligned like their periods but I don't believe that.



I postulate that there are longer cues at ladies loos because of this need to travel there in packs. The reason for this I theorise is that they need to hold each others panties off the floor while they pee to prevent them getting dirty. You can dispute that last one anytime if you want that's really a work in progress, proof of this has been hard to come by although arrests, beatings and threats to



'Cut my Frost-ing balls off and feed them to me with gravy and onions?!?!' (Where do they get this stuff do they make it up on the spot or do they pay a writer!!!)



have been more common. Guys don't go to the loo together unless it's on business. The specimen examination kind.... so I've read.





My point....













I don't have one stop reading already.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
03/04/2005 10:12 PM

Since this was bumped and it's the first time I've read it I'd like to add my thoughts. A) The primping does take a long time. B) Restrooms are great pickup area for women who like women and that takes time. "You have such beatiful hair, can I feel it?" "Sure! Hey, that's great perfume!" Etc. If women's restrooms weren't pretty it wouldn't happen so much, but they're often quite a comfortable place so women don't mind getting their groove on there. (Non-straight women, that is.)

millie 116,984 28
03/04/2005 10:15 PM

Also, women usually go in the toilet, instead of using the sink when there's a long line.



The sink-peeing probably cuts the mens' line in half, don't you think?

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
03/04/2005 11:34 PM

Yeah, those sinks we got in there. So weird. Theres only one tap, and I gotta hold my glass against the back wall to fill it up!

Xxara 1,114 9
03/05/2005 05:29 AM

We scratch every where and anywhere that is itchy,



Check our teeth,



Adjust our boobs so they are sitting just right to taught men's eyes. (in order to give us something to bitch about when you aren't listen and you are looking at our boobs)



We fart and/or burp,



Fix our hair,



Do make up,



Actually use the loo,



Mostly, it is just to get a break from the men we are with at the time.



That or talk about you behind your back.

Daggy 86,684 14
03/05/2005 05:49 AM

True story.





My mother in law got married when the Daglet was just 3 weeks old. You all know how big my boobs are now, back when I was breastfeeding they were Frost-ing massive. We went out to the wedding, there were 120 guests there and ONLY ONE TOILET!



So. I had to buy a bag big enough to carry my breast pump so that I could express milk every 2 hours to stop my boobs from exploding.



2 hours into the wedding, I had to go and express some milk. So there I am in this tiny cramped toilet, my dress around my waist, pumping milk into a clear plastic tube as fast as I can.

The banging on the door started after about 5 minutes, I needed at least another 10 minutes to finish the job. So I pumped as fast as I could, trouble was, I got a little clumsy as it's not really the sort of thing one can rush.

I heard desperate women outside banging on the door, someone went to get the manager because they thought someone had fallen asleep in the loo.



Next thing I know, the door opens, 20 women with crossed legs doing little dances peer inside, my dress is still around my waist, a breast pump is attached to my right nipple, and I am COVERED in breast milk.



I went home after that.