Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/20/2003 03:49 PM

"If we find either of them, I'm going to crush their heads, just like the Kids in the Hall."

Chingas 23,705 11
06/20/2003 03:51 PM

Well, let me point the problem out for you..........

ringworm 68,315 13
06/20/2003 03:51 PM

if my dong were any longer than this, we probably wouldn't need to bomb the Shakespeare out of weaker countries to make me feel like a real man.

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 03:53 PM

"...and this bit here we can give over to all those funny tribal people who keep hanging around."



"The Iraqis?"



"They have a name? How sweet."



Yeah, other than COLLATEREL DAMAGE, Mr. Genocide 2003.



--A

ringworm 68,315 13
06/20/2003 03:53 PM

i was about this close to going totally apeShakespeare if john didn't change the front page capcon.

MonkeyFun 620 10
06/20/2003 03:55 PM

And then I said "Will that thing even shoot enough spunk for you to felch?"





*bah*

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 03:59 PM

Thanks John, you saved us from ringworm spraying crap everywhere...



so ringworm could spot crap everywhere.



--A

ringworm 68,315 13
06/20/2003 04:01 PM

not me, rumsfeld. lame as it was, it's another caption.

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:01 PM

Spout, even.



*sigh*



--A

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:02 PM

Check.



Wow, I mistook you for Rumsfeld.



I don't think I can do anything short of anal violation with a taser to match that...



--A

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/20/2003 04:04 PM

Whats with the signature



--A ???



Please to be explaining.



Oh, AND:



"You come this close to me with that garlic breath and this press conference is over, George."

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:12 PM

A is for Araknyd, kids.



B is for a lot of words the Swearbot isn't going to like, so I'll leave it there.



It's just an unconscious thing, like my nervous tic, stutter, and itchy trigger finger.



--A

MIPO 363 9
06/20/2003 04:21 PM

"I'm about this close to going code orange all over these bia-ches."

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:22 PM

we knows what it stands for, we just finds it irritatin'

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:26 PM

"A toast! To my imaginary friend, Mister Sprinkles, without whom, none of this would have been possible."

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/20/2003 04:27 PM

A. You don't have to sign your posts.

B. The swearbot is optional and you can turn it off.

C. Welcome to Zug

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:29 PM

Oh, dear. I'm sorry, I didn't intend to be annoying here, which makes dog-eat-dog philosophy look like corporate teamworking.



--F

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/20/2003 04:29 PM

It's not your fault. I'm a bitch and everything annoys me.



--U

Chingas 23,705 11
06/20/2003 04:29 PM

"my impersonation of bill clinton after he put the cigar in her poosay........................

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:31 PM

A. I don't have to be one-hundred percent mentally stable, either.

B. I wasn't aware of that. I thought you could only change the format it displayed in?

C. Cheers.



I'm damned if I'm gonna get tagged a n00b here. If you all band together and throw me out for being an annoying Frost, that'll be better than forumist elitism. Not that I give a flying Frost about n00bs, I just don't wanna be one ;)

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/20/2003 04:32 PM

It's not your fault. I'm a bitch and everything annoys me. You could have saved a lot of effort in typing that and just stated: "I'm female"...

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:32 PM

Just for the pretty bitch, I'll stop signing.



Not gesturing, though. *flicks the v's and grins*

Chingas 23,705 11
06/20/2003 04:33 PM

Dude, you been here for three hours and your making demands already who brought you in John himself?

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/20/2003 04:33 PM

Araknyd, lose the smileys dude - that's a frikkin big no no here...



Oh, and if you want to avoid elitist regulars bashing n00bs, I suggest you go elsewhere.



Just do what I did, and simply pretend that you've been here all along, and not just registered a day ago...

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:34 PM

Women. *sigh* Lucky them, just cos their bodies aren't built properly, they get to kill and maim without retribution.



Oh, for mammaries!



--A

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/20/2003 04:36 PM

Dude, you type faster than a courtroom minutes recorder on acid...



Chill.



Shakespeare, my pizza's burning

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:36 PM

He's clickie frigid too.

Only ever given one pee-suck, so far.

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:36 PM

Right, sorry everyone - and take pleasure in that, cos it doesn't come along every day.



You lot seemed to be a very bitter crowd, so I thought some casual and aimless vituperation would slip me seamlessly into the community - it hasn't, so I'll quit now. Terribly sorry all.



And thanks for the hints about smilies. I'm tainted with MSN.

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:37 PM

that goes for Rummy as well as Araknyd, who does type way to fast.

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:37 PM

Damn straight I'm frigid! I've already pissed you people off, I thought voting would be like sucking my own pistol!



Damn straight I type fast, I visited Yahoo chat, and the scars still twinge on cold nights.

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/20/2003 04:37 PM

I don't know about the rest of you but I think he's a Brit and he's intelligent so I'm gonna leave him alone.



I say again: Welcome.

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:38 PM

"way to fast" meaning congrats on the hunger strike, we're all rootin for ya.

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:39 PM

Lady Deathstrike's with me. Come on guys, at least I haven't resorted to asking what you guys are listening to now, and other such forum bumfluff.

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/20/2003 04:40 PM

You're damn right he's a Brit - the wit and sarcastic flair shines from him!!



It's something in the water here.



And Trae, methinks you likes him! I'll stab myself with a fork to avoid the jealous pangs....

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:41 PM

*ahem* Cap Con thread?

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/20/2003 04:41 PM

Oh... yer...



"I pulled Saddam's long johns down, and I Shakespeare you not. It was theeeeeeees big..."

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:42 PM

Don't worry Stoat, I'll send her some pictures. Problem solved...



Trae, I'll throw in the acid eye bath for half-price too.

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/20/2003 04:45 PM

Will someone please turn off the oxygen on Breathless please? Who's the one who woke her up?

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:46 PM

I'm not sure - apparently my citizenship is still in that gray area between execution and simple deportation.

Araknyd 173 10
06/20/2003 04:46 PM

Shakespeare, and I encouraged her. Sorry Trae, I'm going to have to drink that acid...

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/20/2003 04:49 PM

How about you construct a coherent sentence?



Sorry. Saucer of milk for table 2 please...

Chingas 23,705 11
06/20/2003 04:50 PM

If you got a toungue like this then all the women on gab will love

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:51 PM

Shouldn't that be black from africa?

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/20/2003 04:53 PM

That was a stretch, Froggy.

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:55 PM

"You know what? This is the world's smallest violin, playing for all the dead camel jockeys."

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:57 PM

Sorry Trae, I'm wicked hungry so I'm a little fogged, and yet I'm soooo lazy. Sooner or later something's got to give.

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/20/2003 04:57 PM

No...please...don't...

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 04:59 PM

Trae, you crack me up goddamnit.

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/20/2003 05:00 PM

breathless, you can stick your racist joke up your ass... No one's interested....

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 05:03 PM

The best soul brother joke was told to us by an African and a very good friend.



all my best friends are black, really, so it's like, ok, right?

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 05:08 PM

"Me and Frogpop are gonna head over to Stop and Shop. They've got those, like, Minimuffins in the bakery? I love those things."

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/20/2003 05:14 PM

omigawd! Front page! FRONT PAGE!

Good riddance Political Cap Con! Mwuaahahhahaha!

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/20/2003 07:34 PM

This news conference is over.

I've got a turtle head this long and it's really hard to answer questions on world conquest right now.

16 9
06/20/2003 10:06 PM

This claw here is what we plan to kill Saddam Hussein with.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/20/2003 10:19 PM

and so the cycle begins anew.



tune in 6 weeks from now for the next exciting frontpage capcon.

Someone's Money 16 9
06/20/2003 11:10 PM

"Yes, we've finally found Mariah Carey's talent. It was found early this morning in the pants of an Iraqi, and it was about this big."

Livewire, licensed BastardTron 3100 technician 78,229 13
06/20/2003 11:53 PM

Stressed, overworked, and smelling of banana daiquiris, Donald Rumsfeld threatens reporters with an imaginary handgun.

Queen of Pixies 21 9
06/21/2003 02:27 PM

"I'm squishing your head, and yours, and yours!" *laughs insanely*

Lintlizard 4 9
06/22/2003 10:39 PM

"In other news, President Bush is this close to learning how to spell 'nuclear'. Any questions?"

Clinticus 0 9
06/23/2003 11:42 AM

"...and when I took out my Pocket Rocket, I realized it was only this big, boy was I surprised, I figured it would be spunkier than that?!?"

O Livewire, my Livewire! 78,229 13
06/23/2003 10:54 PM

The Political CapCon was overwhelmed with ultra-funny comments about Shakespeare-ing, and this one is rapidly filling up with side-splitting small peepee jokes.



Taking the concept to the next level, I think the next one should focus on the hilarious differences between New York and Los Angeles, or airline food.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/23/2003 11:30 PM

i suppose i should be ashamed to have started the trend. it really was the cheap and obvious way out, and for that, i apologize to everyone.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/24/2003 01:34 AM

defense secretary donald rumsfeld demonstrates how quickly he can make a booger disappear by simply rolling it about between his fingers.



i was trying to go for something relating to the viscosity of semen here, but i couldn't turn it in to a coherent sentence.



eh, i got nothing.

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/24/2003 06:43 PM

I move that if there is another penis caption, this gets shut down.



Anyone?

ringworm 68,315 13
06/24/2003 06:53 PM

second

Lintlizard 4 9
06/25/2003 03:28 AM

third

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/25/2003 03:31 AM

carried.

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
06/25/2003 03:47 AM

"My name is Donald Rumsfeld and I am of the belief that my penis is only as large as the space I am indicating between my thumb and forefinger."

Asherah 21 9
06/25/2003 06:14 AM

All we need is this much oil, and then we'll leave, I promise!

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/25/2003 08:44 AM

Oh wait, here's one:



"Yes, indeed, Condoleeza has a penis, but it's only this big."

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/25/2003 09:19 AM

and yet when gardenback says it, it happens to be funny...

psychaholic, a bear of very little peen 4,888 13
06/25/2003 04:24 PM

"I crush your head of state."

psychaholic, a bear of very little peen 4,888 13
06/25/2003 04:28 PM

A little harsher than mine, but same message.

Swizzle 3,957 10
06/25/2003 07:59 PM

"No foolin', the fatty George rolled was this effin wide!!"

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/25/2003 10:06 PM

"According to our best intelligence we believe that the new Harry Potter book will be about this thick. God willing, George will finiShakespeare just in time for the next one."

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/25/2003 10:08 PM

"...oh, and penis penis penis."

Jacobpants 13,437 11
06/25/2003 10:11 PM

As you may know after the hour long session last night, my fingers are stuck like this.

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/26/2003 06:15 PM

Iraq's names were this long before, so we're going to simplfy it and break the country up into 2 countries and name them North and Central.



we're working on renaming the towns too, to names like big, little, and Shakespearehole. No more confusing strings of consonants.

Johnny 0 9
06/26/2003 09:46 PM

"Ladies and gentlemen, off the record, if my penis was this much bigger, by golly I'd be president."

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
06/26/2003 09:55 PM

"My penis is hilariously small. In fact, it is the size of the space between the two fingers that I am holding up at the moment."

ringworm 68,315 13
06/26/2003 10:05 PM

"i've got a huge penis. really, it's like this wide."

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
06/27/2003 12:47 AM

Ooh, an interesting variation.

Sally Struthers' Grandma 260 9
06/27/2003 06:07 AM

"Ok, everyone. Before we go any further ya'll must make pincers and say...altogether now..."Plankton, you will never get the Krabby Patty secret recipe!"...good...but now just the left side of the room..."

Swizzle 3,957 10
06/27/2003 02:51 PM

"I'm about this close to stopping the car and making you walk home George."

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/27/2003 05:33 PM

By the way, did I mention my penis size yet?

Action Lovestick 56 9
06/28/2003 07:44 AM

"You guys should have been there. It was amazing we had to spread Saddam's sphincter that wide to find some weapons of mass destruction. And the French still didn't believe we saw what we saw.



Colin thought it was horrible but George and I weren't really phased. To be honest I kind of liked it reminded me of when I first met Reagan."

Action Lovestick 56 9
06/28/2003 07:59 AM

"The nipples were that big, and shaped like a Sharon Fruit. It was bonkers. Man I love those Senate Congressional Meetings"

Action Lovestick 56 9
06/28/2003 08:15 AM

Sorry peeps these probably aren't funny but what hey I'm feeling inspired... Or may be lonely....





"The wife like's them this size and I do too but the dog's not a fan."

Fluro 14,139 11
06/28/2003 08:23 AM

*Post exceeds my moral tolerance*





God, Gab is working its black magic on me. Normally I wouldnt have even thaught of that.

Fluro 14,139 11
06/28/2003 08:39 AM

Im using linux. Im on a messageboard at 11:38 on a saturday night. Yes, Im single.

Fluro 14,139 11
06/28/2003 08:43 AM

actully i have an excuse.



Ive got a 40 degrees c temperature, the flu and cellulitus in my knee. Im missing out on either a frinds random party, or a family friends 21st. A winnar is not me. Im frikin glad that im not spending tonight in a hospital.

Action Lovestick 56 9
06/28/2003 08:45 AM

Where are you on planet Earth at at 11:39 your time Fluro?



I'm in sunny Angleterre (England). It's 12:45 over here.

Fluro 14,139 11
06/28/2003 08:49 AM

New Zealand

Frogpop 173,148 25
06/28/2003 09:22 AM

40 degrees sounds really cold to me.. silly Celsius..



It's going to be in the 90's here again. Doesn't that just blow your metric minds!?

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
06/28/2003 01:23 PM

"Me llamo Donaldo Rumsfeld, y mi pinga es este larga."

Sally Struthers' Grandma 260 9
06/29/2003 03:30 AM

"I like big butts and I cannot lie...but only this much."

Fluro 14,139 11
06/29/2003 04:43 AM

"Frost the west side, side represent, Ogden Nashes!"

Fluro 14,139 11
06/29/2003 04:44 AM

or... "This much effort went into the windows cbaricter map"













Screwit, im booting into linux now.

Lion 4 9
06/30/2003 01:46 AM

Yes the rumors are true. <reporters are horrified>

There is, in fact, a 7-11 right here.

Poowad 24 9
07/01/2003 10:46 AM

The claw!

Poowad 24 9
07/01/2003 10:49 AM

He's about this big and I call him Gerby. Have you seen him?

Icehole 0 9
07/01/2003 11:41 AM

I have about this much patience left for you little reporter monkeys, so I'm done here.

Chi-Chi Fellipe 161,353 14
07/02/2003 03:00 PM

"penis Coleridge weiner wang willy wee-wee pee-pee peener dick schlong tallwhacker"

Mr. Gardenback 8,660 11
07/03/2003 02:04 AM

Congratulations SVT Princess, you have won the caption contest!!!

Columbocube 13,428 12
07/03/2003 02:33 AM

heheeheohhohohhohohhehahaahsaaaaahhh.

Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
07/04/2003 05:11 PM

This was funny at first. The problem is that they JUST WON'T DIE!!!!!!!!!!!



Not unlike myself.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
07/07/2003 11:55 PM

<action> sorry to keep it alive, but...</action>



It's mostly Maui Wowie, man, but it's got about this much Labrador in it, man.

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/09/2003 01:31 AM

"When you come from Texas, they're usually this big!"



new CapCon please..

ringworm 68,315 13
07/09/2003 02:04 AM

five bucks says yahoo news exists solely so we can make dick jokes here.

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/09/2003 02:06 AM

and silly me.. I sold my 2 shares after loosing $350.



DAMN YOU YAHOO!

ringworm 68,315 13
07/11/2003 12:22 PM

those last two would only have been appropriate captions if he actually had his dick whipped out for all to see. you've worded your captions as though he had just proven something, but everyone knows that a simple hand gesture proves nothing.

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/15/2003 02:40 AM

Bush indicates that, while things are not yet back to normal

in Iraq, we are seeing some small signs of improvement."

rabidllama 896 10
07/15/2003 02:46 AM

I stepped on a rusty screw ... upon explaining it to the doctor my fingers and facial expression have locked and not changed for weeks-- i beg of you to stop the laughing

MongoLloyd 48,662 14
07/15/2003 10:26 AM

President Bush demonstrates to journalists exactly how much of his job he understands.

Trae 156,785 17
07/16/2003 04:39 PM

ATTENTION ALL NOT LOGGED IN PEOPLES:





You don't get credit for crap unless you log in.

Rick_Dammit 1,183 10
07/16/2003 04:51 PM

This was the first thread I ever posted to ...then I logged on



Go ahead hit me with the n00b stamp again.....*sigh*

HeatherGaye 520 10
07/17/2003 02:13 AM

Iraq isn't really that big, is it. Look how far it is into central Iraq...did we really need all those armies? Couldn't we just reach over with a baseball bat?

Rick_Dammit 1,183 10
07/18/2003 01:27 AM

"now, the women are children in this area here, will not have it so good."





What?

Duff The Tragic Wagon 24 9
07/18/2003 05:55 AM

"And We join President bush Who now Would like to be called 'The claw' "

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
07/18/2003 11:12 AM

This thread offends me.



Can't someone kill it? Along with all other caption threads?



Thanks.

BleedsBlueAndOrange 642 10
07/20/2003 12:41 AM

...Well first, we tried the North,



but now, we'll try Central.



Thank you.

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/20/2003 08:15 AM

pfft, no one even got my "Bush indicating elements of erection" joke. Flaptards.

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/20/2003 06:42 PM

"this is just like WWII, exept for 1 tiny thing, we KNEW the germans had weapons of mass destruction"

Livewire, Iron Chef Canadian 78,229 13
07/20/2003 11:49 PM

pfft, no one even got my "Bush indicating elements of erection" joke. Flaptards.



The joke being that it's not Bush in the picture? I thought you were probably drunk and didn't want to embarrass you. I'll go back and give you a click for it.

Livewire, Iron Chef Canadian 78,229 13
07/20/2003 11:52 PM

Hm, I didn't see the linked image before. Now I'm the one who appears drunk.



It's now a capcon within a capcon, like Russian nesting dolls.





We are in dire need of a new non-US-politics-related capcon. (and screw you capcon haters, I like them!)

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/21/2003 12:27 AM

..see because Rumsfeld is indicating at small, mostly horizontal penis, while Bush is making a slightly larger gap and it has gone mostly vertical, so, depending on orientation.. oh screw it.



I like capcons too, but maybe the frontpagers should be changed every two weeks..



just like underwear.

Rick_Dammit 1,183 10
07/21/2003 03:11 AM

"I once posted to a zug thread this long"

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/21/2003 03:13 AM

"and even with the usage of Viagra its only this big"

Gonzo the Rabid Ribbity Rabbit 20,522 17
07/22/2003 01:38 AM

"And he goes around the maze, trying to stay away from the ghosts, and he wats dots like this: Wacka-wacka-wacka-wacha!"

ScottHasel 51 9
07/22/2003 06:30 PM

I Shakespeare myself

n_sani_t 405 9
07/23/2003 02:12 PM

well, that was embarrassing. anywho...vote for the noob!!





well, we thought they had weapons of mass destruction...turns out they were dildos this big.

n_sani_t 405 9
07/23/2003 02:18 PM

"say hello to my leetle frendz!...leetle frendz? where the hell are...damn it!"

Livewire, Iron Chef Canadian 78,229 13
07/23/2003 06:07 PM

Qusay and Uday have been reduced to chunks no bigger than this.

MongoLloyd 48,662 14
07/23/2003 06:08 PM

*snap*

*snap*

*snap*

"oh the shark has, such pretty teeth dear...

sing along with me

and snap your fingers, baby"

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/23/2003 08:41 PM

"unless you hand over all of you weapons of mass destructioin ill be forced to torture you with:



THE CLAW!!!!!!!!!

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/25/2003 04:12 AM

Secretary Rumsfeld comes forward with startling new reports of shrinkage.

President Bush is horrified by the Secretary's public candor.

ringworm 68,315 13
02/18/2004 09:35 PM

MY PENIS IS THIS BIG!!!

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
02/18/2004 09:37 PM

Oh no you di'n't!

TableTopJane 173,958 15
02/18/2004 09:47 PM

Wormy, your penis is not that size.

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
02/18/2004 10:46 PM

"So, what I did was I put my thumb in her Emerson and this finger in her Poe and.... hey is that camera rolling?"

ringworm 68,315 13
02/18/2004 11:18 PM

i had significant shrinkage.

Peccavi 2,263 10
02/18/2004 11:42 PM

Shrinkage? Isn't that with laundry or something?

Ralphedelominius 44 8
05/12/2005 12:55 PM

"Bababooey bababooey Howard Stern's penis bababooey!"

ringworm 68,315 13
12/22/2005 05:21 AM

bump.

It's beginning to look a lot like Frogpop 173,148 25
12/22/2005 05:53 AM

You're fired.

Jax In The Tesseract 8 12
06/02/2010 07:10 AM

"It's only this big. So there is NO way that the President had a woody when he disembarked the chopper. I know - TRUST ME, I know..."



"Damn Left-Wing Conspiracies"

Jax In The Tesseract 8 12
06/02/2010 07:10 AM

"I knew the damn pretzel thing wouldn't work. Laura and I were this close and DAMN if he didn't walk in..."



"Perhaps if I just focused on the twins..."

Jax In The Tesseract 8 12
06/02/2010 07:10 AM

And yet you posted it anyway?