Buddha Loves Ravers ! 5,357 10
06/23/2003 04:49 PM

This thread has been done.

MonkeyFun 620 10
06/23/2003 04:49 PM

Q: What is the difference between an orange?























A: The horse has a steering wheel!

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/23/2003 04:52 PM

what the Frost? That has to be the worst joke, congrats monkeyfun.

HoOHaA 246 10
06/23/2003 04:52 PM

what the hell?



and whoops, sorry, just a lowly n00b.

MonkeyFun 620 10
06/23/2003 04:54 PM

Virn, I do it all to make you proud of your adopted nOOb.



But seriously, that is a horrid joke.

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/23/2003 04:54 PM

yeah, this thread has been done, but that was back when Gab had funny people. The worst joke from these flaptards will probably blow that one out of the water.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/23/2003 05:00 PM

q. what kind of bees make milk?













a. boobees



sadly, this is the only joke i know, bad or otherwise.

evilbunni 19 9
06/23/2003 05:04 PM

Why did the peice of bubble gum cross the road?



Cuz it was stuck to the chicken's foot!!

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/23/2003 05:08 PM

dear god, the political capcon thread is less painful than this thread already.

MonkeyFun 620 10
06/23/2003 05:13 PM

Q: What happens when you double park your frog?

















A: It gets toad.

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/23/2003 05:25 PM

Q: What did the orange juice say to the milk???

























A: Nothing you idiot! Food doesn't talk!



(you have to yell it for full sucktitude)

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/23/2003 05:27 PM

on that note, someone will do the talking muffin joke...

O Livewire, my Livewire! 78,229 13
06/23/2003 05:28 PM

(some crummy stand-up comic who's probably flipping burgers these days)



"I just got back from my Jewish-Chinese dentist, Dr. Phil Ng."

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/23/2003 05:29 PM

I LOVE THE TALKING MUFFIN JOKE!

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/23/2003 05:31 PM

I love it too.

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/23/2003 05:41 PM

True story: the talking muffin joke got me laid.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/23/2003 05:42 PM

Did you ever hear the one about the gynecologist who looked up an old girlfriend?

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/23/2003 05:44 PM

ps, not all knock-knock jokes are lame. I still laugh at:

Knock-knock

Who's there?

Dwayne

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!



Ok, it is lame, but it made me laugh so hard in grade 2 that I still have a soft spot for it.

PuggyD 48,304 12
06/23/2003 06:41 PM

How many ears did Davy Crockett have?



Three. His left, his right, and his wild front-ear!



*Puts hand cupped palm out on forehead, wiggles it furiously*

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/23/2003 06:57 PM

What does a pig put on his boo boos??



















OINKment

Trae, Mistress of the Webinet 156,785 17
06/23/2003 06:59 PM

Why did the cow cross the road??























To go to the Mooooooovie theater.

PuggyD 48,304 12
06/23/2003 07:13 PM

Did you hear that Dashboard Confessional frontman Chris Carraba recently got diagnosed with cancer?



Yeah, he's going to have to go into chEMO.



That one pisses off my brother to no end.

danny_boy 2,210 10
06/23/2003 07:17 PM

How do you fit 4 elephants into a VW bug?















2 in the front seat, 2 in the back seat.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/23/2003 07:19 PM

Did you hear that Michael Jackson was spotted in the local Wal-mart?

He heard that boy's jeans were half off.

O Livewire, my Livewire! 78,229 13
06/23/2003 07:20 PM

Q: How many Great White fans can you fit in a VW bug?















A: 102. Two in front, two in back, and 98 in the ashtray.

Oedipa Schmedipa 650 11
06/23/2003 07:45 PM

What do you get when you put a bomb under a cow?









Udder destruction!

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/23/2003 07:54 PM

Q: What's the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job?



A: I don't know.



Resopnse: Want to go to lunch?

ringworm 68,315 13
06/23/2003 08:06 PM

have been watching metal mania on vh1 classic. it's kind of hard to pin down exactly which was the stupidest joke.

Cyamarin 29 9
06/23/2003 08:10 PM

Q: What do you call a herd of masturbating cows?



























A: Beef stroganoff.

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/23/2003 08:15 PM

Mega-piss for the "Great White" line.

binnis 1,412 10
06/23/2003 08:17 PM

How do you make a tissue dance?



Put a little boogie in it.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/23/2003 11:39 PM

Guy 1: If you were camping with a friend, and woke up in the middle of the night, to find that he was ass-raping you, would you be too embarassed to tell anybody?

Guy 2: Absolutely!

Guy 3: Interesting....By the way, wanna go camping this weekend?

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/24/2003 12:58 AM

A Hillbilly get's married. On his wedding night, there's a knock on his papa's door. Opening the door, the Father of the Groom finds his son standing there, distraught.

"Whassamatter Boy?" says the father. The son answers, "Ah got sumpin turrrabale ta tell ya, Paw. That wuman Ah dun married...she's a virgin".

Without saying a word, the Father gets his shot-gun.

"If she ain't good nuff fer her own kin", say the enraged father, "she ain't good nuff fer us!"

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/24/2003 01:19 AM

Opps,

Lloyd told that on the "Funniest" thread.



I'll give ya the lint from my navel for royalities.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/24/2003 01:20 AM

That's ok. This way, people can vote for whether it's "funniest" or "stupidest".

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/24/2003 01:25 AM

Really. I want ya to have my navel lint. If not as royalties, then for being so understanding.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/24/2003 01:43 AM

Ok, I'll take it. Being both a lard-ass and an innie, my navel has more than enough room for both of our lint.

Does this mean we're going steady?

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/24/2003 01:45 AM

Uh, no!



Let's just call it something for our peace pipe.



Smoke it at your own discression.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/24/2003 01:48 AM

So we're going to have an 'open' relationship?

OK, but don't tell anyone. I don't want to get a reputation.

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/24/2003 01:52 AM

Done



You be "open" to whomever you please. I'll Frost whomever I please.



But we'll always share navel lint.

binnis 1,412 10
06/24/2003 12:09 PM

What did the guy mushroom say to the girl mushroom when he asked her out on a date?



Want to go out with me? I'm a fun-gi.

Bagpuss 1,889 13
06/24/2003 12:23 PM

What did the number 0 say to the number 8?



Nice belt.

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/24/2003 12:27 PM

I've got the absolute worst one, nothing can be worse than this one:



Anything jujube posts.

Ms. Trixxie Moon LeMay-Del la Fluentes Esq. 65,021 15
06/24/2003 01:33 PM

True story: the talking muffin joke got me laid.





Reading any ad from the Atlanta yellow pages got YOU laid.

Hot Buttered Stoat 9,077 10
06/24/2003 01:45 PM

Telling jokes can get you laid?



No wonder i'm still a virgin!

Jaco.....sigh....Jubblies 13,437 11
06/24/2003 02:13 PM

The Cleveland Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage -about 20 minutes - during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.



Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"



"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some

extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together

with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."



A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their

places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed

the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.



"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of

the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."

JayDogg in the hizzouse 23,705 11
06/24/2003 03:01 PM

If your Uncle Jack jumped on your back would you help your uncle Jack-off?

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/24/2003 03:02 PM

Of course, my Uncle Jack's old, and would have a hard time getting off.

Lloyd's Of London 48,662 14
06/24/2003 03:03 PM

Oh wait, you meant "would you help him crawl off of your back?" I thought you meant "would you let him screw you up the pooper?"

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/24/2003 03:07 PM

Did you hear how Jackie Kennedy broke her arm?



She was helping Jack off a horse.

Vlad the Impaler 19,599 12
06/24/2003 03:28 PM

"Knock-knock."



"Who's there?"



"Me."

Silly Goose 32 9
06/24/2003 03:48 PM

A couple buys this cute little dog. They take him home and two days later the dog becomes very lazy. It won't eat, doesn't bark, heck it doesn't even move at all.



So the couple decides to take the dog to the Vet. The Vet looks at the dog and then lays it on the floor. He then brings a cat into the room and sets it beside the dog. The cat crawls all over the dog for several minutes and then runs around the dog four times before the Vet picks up the cat and puts him back in his cage.



The Vet then turns to the couple and says, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your dog is dead... That'll be $225.00."



"$225.00?," screamed the outraged man. "You expect me to pay you that much just to tell me my dog is dead?"



The Vet replied, "It's only $25.00 for the office visit and $200.00 for the Cat Scan."

Cryogenically Challenged 2,531 11
06/24/2003 08:26 PM

Why is 6 afraid of 7?





Because 7 8 9.

chopacabra 81 12
06/24/2003 08:44 PM

what goes "putt putt putt BANG putt putt putt"













(insert punch line here)

Virnomine the Effluent 79,386 11
06/24/2003 09:18 PM

Here's my punchline:



A Shakespearety thread from earlier this week...

Grand Pubah 56,794 18
06/24/2003 10:41 PM

A reporter goes into the back country to interview a 110 year old man.

He finds the man surrounded with 15 children and one young (early 20s') woman.

The reporter asks, "Sir, how do you stay so spry and happy with all this work to do?"

The old man replies, "Young man, I has sex with my young wife every nite. Come round dark, one of my boys puts me on her and come round dawn, 4 of my boys pulls me off her".

Perplexed, the reporter asks, "Why sir does it only take one son to put you on your wife, but 4 sons to take you off her?"

The old man smile and says, "Cause I fights em!"

Rick_Dammit 1,183 10
06/25/2003 03:41 AM

Ive been laughing over the talking muffin joke all day. As for the worst joke. Anything my kids read off a gum wrapper or popsicle stick

Vlad the Impaler 19,599 12
06/25/2003 03:48 AM

Why is 77 better than 69? Because you get eight more.

HRH BobJohnson 178,045 22
03/02/2004 12:48 AM

A Catholic woman is praying very hard. Suddenly Jesus appears and says, "I will grant your prayers."



She responds, "Quiet, kid, I was talking to your mom."

Frogtacular 173,148 25
03/02/2004 01:56 AM

<action>checks his username</action>so that's what that number is there for.. thanks Vlad!

Doc 7,105 13
03/02/2004 01:59 AM

Descartes walks into a restaraunt and a waitress gives him a menu and he says that he needs a moment. So she comes back after a little bit and says "Do you think you are all set?" and he says "I don't think--" and he disappeared.

HighSoci 30,076 18
03/02/2004 02:29 AM

Why did the baby strawberry cry?







Because his mother was in a jam.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
03/02/2004 04:01 AM

A woman, while visiting her Gynecologist, is reclined with her legs in the stirrups when the Dr. announces, "My god you're big..... My god you're big"

The woman says, "Well, you didn't have to say it twice"

To which the Dr. says, "I didn't..... I didn't"

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/02/2004 12:29 PM

Why is baby powder white?



Black babies turn to mush when you grind them.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/02/2004 12:29 PM

How many blacks does it take to tar a roof?



One, if you slice him thin enough.

Elf 303 12
03/02/2004 02:54 PM

I may be opening myself up for some serious ridicule, but what the hell is the talking muffin joke????????????

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/02/2004 02:56 PM

Elf,



Two muffins were in an oven. One muffin said to the other, "It's getting hot in here." The other muffin said, "HOLY Shakespeare A TALKING MUFFIN!"



Love, Spicey

Gonzo 20,522 17
03/02/2004 02:57 PM

A muffin walks into a bar. He says "Ouch!"



You know... because he can talk.

Gonzo 20,522 17
03/02/2004 02:57 PM

Dammit.

Elf 303 12
03/02/2004 02:58 PM

Dear Spicey,

Thanks for clarifying that for me. I couldn't have functioned properly at work without knowing that joke.

Many cuddles,

Elf

DemoMonkey, a newbs best friend. Now in Pine! 166,252 10
03/02/2004 03:05 PM

Great. Now Spicey is going to spend all day touching his elf.

Lizzie B. does it with an axe and forty whacks. 4,212 10
03/02/2004 03:16 PM

Viscosity and poise walked into a bar...

The Puggy of the D: Assholier than thou 48,304 12
03/02/2004 03:18 PM

Thanks, Bob. Now that you've resurrected this thread and refreshed my memory, I can add the Davy Crockett joke back into my arsenal.

studio 2,001 10
03/02/2004 03:19 PM

I've got one in French:

Vous avez vu que President Bush va se divorcer?

NON!, vraiment?

Si, parce qu'il n'aime pas saddam!



It is a stupid joke, trust me.

Scotty Snuggleduck 5,349 10
03/02/2004 04:56 PM

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?





They taste funny.

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
03/02/2004 07:51 PM

There's a big moron and a little moron on the edge of a cliff.

The big moron falls off, but the little moron doesn't. Why not?



Because he's a little more on!

Fluro, Frontier Psychiatrist! 14,139 11
03/02/2004 11:21 PM

So, this baby seal walks into a club





Two nuns are cycling down a cobbeled road. one says "I've never come this way before" and the other one says "Yeah, must be the cobbles"

Pubah 56,794 18
03/02/2004 11:23 PM

Nerd opens his mouth and talks





You did say STUPIDest, didn't you

Adrian, Trae's love clown. 13,341 13
03/02/2004 11:31 PM

Whats the difference between a circle?



They both curve to the left, right?

Adrian, Trae's love clown. 13,341 13
03/02/2004 11:32 PM

If that gets a single click I am going on a nation wide killig spree.

Doc 7,105 13
03/02/2004 11:32 PM

HAHAH

Adrian, Trae's love clown. 13,341 13
03/02/2004 11:38 PM

Say your prayers, Doc......I'm gonna suck your one good eye from it's socket while your dead body is still twitching.













Then, I'll rape you.

Doc 7,105 13
03/02/2004 11:40 PM

At least do me the courtesy of a reacharou*BLAM*

Adrian, Trae's love clown. 13,341 13
03/02/2004 11:42 PM

That goes without saying. What kind of hearthless bastard do you think I am?

Doc 7,105 13
03/02/2004 11:43 PM

What interior furnishings have to do with this I have no idea.

Adrian, Trae's love clown. 13,341 13
03/02/2004 11:46 PM

HAHA!

Daggy 86,684 14
03/03/2004 12:00 AM

Knock knock



'Whos' there?'



The interrupting sheep.



'The interrupting sheep w.........'













BAA!!



















































I'm nothing if not relentless.

Fistfull 144 10
03/03/2004 12:32 AM

q: ask me if im a rabbit

reply: are you a rabbit



a: pfft... no.

Admiral Obvious 1,412 10
03/03/2004 02:20 AM

What kind of man can screw in a light bulb?



A white man, because he has a small penis.

WhoaDude 497 9
03/03/2004 02:38 AM

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?



A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin !



Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?



A: Have you ever tried to iron one?



Q: What is grey and not there?



A: No elephants.









And he disappeared in a puff of logic...

Jaggylioness 11,895 13
03/03/2004 04:39 AM

What do you call a blind deer?



No idea.

Jaggylioness 11,895 13
03/03/2004 04:40 AM

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?



Still no idea.

Geidi 268 9
03/03/2004 04:49 AM

Hi, first post... Here's a bad joke...

-----------------------------

Q.) How many Psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Reply.) How many?



AR.) 8



2nd Reply.) Why 8?



A.) Don't over analyze



-----------------------------

SpaceMunkey 36 9
03/03/2004 04:50 AM

Two guys walk into a bar and one says to the other, "Oh, you didn't see it either huh?"

Geidi 268 9
03/03/2004 04:58 AM

One more..

---------------



A Rabbi, Monk, Preacher and Satanist walk into a bar. The bar tender turns to the door and says



"Get out of my bar I don't want THAT joke in MY bar."

---------------

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/03/2004 10:03 AM

Why don't midgets use tampons?





They'd trip over the string.

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
03/03/2004 11:53 AM

What do you call a dog with no legs?



Who cares? It's not like he's going to come when you call anyway.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/04/2004 02:16 AM

Ok, both the jokes I had posted above had a bunch of pee in them. Now, there is NONE.



What's the matter, Emerson? Thirsty?













How do all Ogden Nash jokes start?



<looks over left shoulder, then right shoulder, then left shoulder again>

NeepNeep Put da lime in the coconut, WooWoo! 35,066 15
03/04/2004 06:22 AM

Jaggy, I posted that weeks ago. I got more clickies for it then you. Hah!

Bagpuss 1,889 13
03/04/2004 08:05 AM

What's E.T. short for?







He's only got little legs.

Geidi 268 9
03/04/2004 09:05 AM

Q.) What did Tarzan say when he saw Elephants coming over the ridge?



A.) Hey look there are some Elephants.

---------------

Q.) What did Tarzan say when he saw Elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the ridge?



A.) Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

---------------

Q.) What is the difference between Plums and Elephants?



A.) Plums are purple.

---------------

Q.) What did Jane say when she saw Elephants coming over the ridge?



A.) Hey look, here comes some plums. She is color blind...

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/04/2004 09:09 AM

What's the Mexican weather forecast?





Chili today, hot tamale.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 09:10 AM

Worst joke ever. I am not color blind. I just happen to hate some colors more than most, and I choose to pretend they're not there. Like those damn black people. And those yellow people. And those red people. In my little world, we're all white.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/04/2004 09:13 AM

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?





















Nacho cheese, bitch!

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 09:17 AM

No such thing, Spicey. All cheese is my cheese. You may not realize it yet, but all cheese is mine. While I'm thinking about it, hands off the sour cream, too.

Geidi 268 9
03/04/2004 09:18 AM

Even butt cheese?

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 09:19 AM

Yes, Heidi, even butt cheese. But just because it's my cheese doesn't mean I have to eat it. I may use it to throw at you.

Geidi 268 9
03/04/2004 10:23 AM

*ducks*

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 10:24 AM

No, you can keep the ducks. I just want the cheese and the sour cream. Wait a minute. Is the duck made of cheese?

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/04/2004 10:36 AM

Knock knock



Who's there?



Isador



Isador who?





Isador made of.....wood?

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 10:46 AM

What's the only kind of wood that doesn't float?















Wood with a heavy rock tied to it. (I bet you thought I was gonna say Natalie again)

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 10:48 AM

And because I love to make fun of dead people-

What do you call a dog with wings?

















Linda McCartney

Eric Deveruex 23,705 11
03/04/2004 10:51 AM

What did Snow White say to Pinnochio when she sat on his face?







Lie to me, tell me the truth, lie to me, tell me the truth, lie to me lie to me lie to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Bagpuss 1,889 13
03/04/2004 10:55 AM

What do vegetarian worms eat?









Linda McCartney.

DeezNutz 808 0
03/04/2004 10:57 AM

Knock, Knock



Who's there?



Godot



Godot Who?



Exactly



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Im crazy funny! This is wild stuff!

Geidi 268 9
03/04/2004 11:07 AM

Q.) What does a shotgun sound like in Seattle?





A.) cobaing! cobaing!

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 11:08 AM

Holy Shakespeare Heidi. From here on out, I will call you Geidi out of respect. Well, at least until I get distrac



Ooooh. Something shiny. Come look, Heidi.

Geidi 268 9
03/04/2004 11:14 AM

::Follows YableYopKane to see the Shiny thing...::

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/04/2004 12:44 PM

What goes spic-spic-spic-CHINK!...nigganigganigganigga ...spic-spic-spic-CHINK!... nigganigganigganigga?













































































A lawn sprinkler.

godot 15,434 11
03/04/2004 12:50 PM

Wow! You talk about me making jokes a person's expense - you're making jokes at the expense of at least a billion people.



Do you have some goal in spreading your racisim or are you just an ignorant Frost?



I guess it's easier to tell jokes here than huddle with your little white friends and all look over your shoulders right before you tell the joke...



I hope you go to jail.



I hope you have to toss a "spic's" salad.



Get your ass kicked by a "chink"



and end up a "nigga's" bitch.



By the way. Do you know what sound it makes when it's broken?



spic spic spic



--- chink ---



GOOK GOOK GOOK GOOK

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/04/2004 12:54 PM

Well, Mr. I DIDN'T READ THE TITLE OF THE THREAD, this is a stupid thread, which is why I posted jokes that I thought were STUPID.



That is why I wouldn't post a joke such as,



Q: Who's the biggest dipShakespeare flaptard on Gab?



A: Godot.



See? Becausse that joke is accurate, funny, and definitely not stupid.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/04/2004 12:54 PM

I can't believe y'all didn't like the dog with Wings joke. Because, you know, she was a dog. And she was in the band Wings with Paul? Oh, Frost it.

godot 15,434 11
03/04/2004 12:56 PM

Zaphod Beeblebrox - you must have absolutely no sense of humor - or completely lack reading comprehension. Are you really that big of an idiot or do you just play one on gab?

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/04/2004 12:57 PM

If I have offended any wetback mexicans, slanty-eyed chinks, or dirty Ogden Nashes, I am sorry. You can stop with the mahs now.

studio 2,001 10
03/04/2004 02:12 PM

What's the difference between the pope and your boss?



The pope only wants you to kiss his ring.

Eric Deveruex 23,705 11
03/04/2004 02:14 PM

Did you hear about the Kidnapping in the park yesterday?





No my goodness what happened?





They woke him up

Admiral Obvious 1,412 10
03/04/2004 02:31 PM

What is a duck's favorite snack?







Cheese and Quackers.

DeezNutz 808 0
03/04/2004 06:29 PM

Two peanuts were walking through Central Park. One was assaulted.



Ha

DeezNutz 808 0
03/04/2004 06:30 PM

Q:Have you heard about the new pirate movie?

A: Its rated "Arrrrr."



Where do I get this stuff? This is wild.

godot 15,434 11
03/04/2004 06:32 PM

Hmm



A vibrator attempted to shake an old woman down in Central Park.



Why did it do this?



It was almost out of Battery.



HAR HAR HAR

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
03/04/2004 06:34 PM

A girl walks into a bar and the bartender says, "You dirty whore, we told you NO SKANKS!"

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
03/04/2004 07:16 PM

Man: Doctor, I can't seem to stop singing "The Green Green Grass of Home," what's wrong with me?



Doctor: Sounds like you may have Tom Jones Syndrome.



Man: Is that common?



Doctor: It's not unusual.

SpaceMunkey 36 9
03/05/2004 05:33 AM

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?



A: Ground Beef







Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door?



A: Matt

superchicken 6,678 0
03/05/2004 05:45 AM

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says "we don't serve ham sandwiches here!"



The ham sandwich replies "That's ok, because I want a hot dog."

Hot Singapore Chow Fun Trixxie 65,021 15
03/05/2004 09:51 AM

How do you get to the O.J. web site? ///\\\Esc





How do you get to the Fag web site?

C:Enter:###

Stoat - Shake me, shake me like a British nanny 9,077 10
03/05/2004 12:23 PM

What do you call a quadreplegic in a bed of leaves?



Russel



What do you call a quadreplegic in a swimming pool?



Bob

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
03/05/2004 12:47 PM

A salesman is stranded on a country road when his car breaks down, knowing he wont be able to fix it, opts to walk down the road to a farmhouse. Arriving at the door he knocks and calmly waits. In no time an elderly man answers.

"Good afternoon sir, my car broke down, could i perhaps spend the night here?"

"No problem," says the old man, "But dont let me catch you trying to have sex with my son!"

"I'm sorry," interrupts the salesman, "But i think im in the wrong joke!"

Jantastic 10,022 10
03/05/2004 01:43 PM

What's brown and sticky?





















A stick.

ringworm 68,315 13
03/05/2004 01:45 PM

or a turd.

I want pubes! 12 9
03/05/2004 03:26 PM

Two guys walked into bar, the third one ducked.



I laughed for hours!

Hot Singapore Chow Fun Trixxie 65,021 15
03/05/2004 04:24 PM

Two Irish guys walk past a bar



















































































































































Yeah, Right!

Flying Hippo © 2004 1,246 10
03/05/2004 07:46 PM

"Knock Knock"

"whos there?"

"interupting sheep"

"interupting sh-"

"BAAAHHH!"

mytoasthadnoears 12 9
03/05/2004 07:51 PM

yawn

36 9
03/06/2004 04:47 AM

what goes in hard but comes out soft and sticky?



chewing gum

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/28/2004 09:48 AM

What do you call a boomarang that doesnt come back when you throw it?









A stick

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/28/2004 09:52 AM

A priest, rapist, and child molester walk into a bar... and that was just the first guy

Don't touch me there, Mr Worthington 1,889 13
05/28/2004 10:08 AM

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?







I don't know.







Of course you don't know! Cos you weren't there, man!!!

Sheldwyn 14,626 9
05/28/2004 10:52 AM

There were two cows sitting in a tree. A submarine goes by. One cow says "why always me?"

Sheldwyn 14,626 9
05/28/2004 10:55 AM

Two penguins were on an ice floe when it started to break. As they were drifting apart one penguin shouts "I love you!" and the other replies "Mashed potatos!"

I want Billy Boyd on my Table Top 173,958 15
05/28/2004 01:02 PM

What's the most important letter?















V-it is, after all, the center of gravity.

GoBanana 590 10
08/10/2004 08:15 AM

Shut up.

GoBanana 590 10
08/10/2004 08:21 AM

What do you do when an epileptic has a fit in a bath tub?



Throw in the laundry.

GoBanana 590 10
08/10/2004 08:22 AM

Why did Susie fall off the swings?



because she didn't have any arms.

The Merry Snork 45,655 12
08/10/2004 08:28 AM

Susie fell off because TTJ wasn't paying attention.

GoBanana 590 10
08/10/2004 08:29 AM

Dont make fun of Susie dude, she doesn't have any arms FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!

The Merry Snork 45,655 12
08/10/2004 08:32 AM

It's funny that Bagpuss had the same IP for a whole year. And that he can't remember his GAB password.

ithurts2cu 190 9
08/10/2004 08:34 AM

This has to be the worst joke i have ever heard ...







How many Jews can you fit in a convertible?





two in the front, three in the back , and six million in the ash tray

Apollo 8 8
08/10/2004 10:56 AM

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

JittaUK 44 8
08/10/2004 11:08 AM

knock knock

who's there?

banana

banana who?

knock knock

who's there?

banana

banana who?

knock knock

who's there?

banana

banana who?

knock knock

who's there?

orange

orange who?

orange you glad i'm not a banana?

JittaUK 44 8
08/10/2004 11:10 AM

pickled onions, thats a joke of my childhood - DONT RUIN IT FOR ME!!

Gopher 570 10
08/10/2004 12:34 PM

Why can't frankenstein have any kids?



Because his nuts are in his neck.





What did the irish lamppost do when the dog pissed on it?



It pissed on the dog.



Sing-A-Long



If you go down to the woods today

You're sure for a big surprise

If you go down to the woods today

You'd better believe your eyes



Your mom and dad are having a shag

You uncle Bob is sucking his knob

And your auntie flo is ahving a go

with the milkman













thank you

Lord Dyran 6,040 9
08/10/2004 01:28 PM

What happens if you walk barefoot in Hell?



Your soles/souls get burnt!

the ghost of eddie albert 26,981 11
05/31/2005 02:45 PM

A penguin was driving through the desert when the engine light came on. He stopped at the next service station, and was told the wait would be about 15 minutes.

There was an ice cream shop next door, and it being a hot day, the penguin went over.

He ordered vanilla, and had it put in a bowl (no hands, ya know)

He stuck his beak right in and ate it all.

The penguin went back to the service station where the mechanic told him- "it looks live you blew a seal"

The penguin said, "Nah- just eating ice cream"

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
05/31/2005 02:50 PM

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?



A: Mega Sourass



Fags have Sour Asses? Who knew!

Pubah, The Incurable 56,794 18
05/31/2005 02:56 PM

There once was a gabber named Clovis



If you'd been here last year, you'd knowthis



He slipped off his knob,

Pissed off Gabmob



And finally got Frosted with nokiss

Dogs Akimbo 211,379 32
05/31/2005 03:02 PM

Why did the pervert cross the road?

the ghost of eddie albert 26,981 11
05/31/2005 03:04 PM

he was stuck in the chicken

gwallaia 3,510 12
05/31/2005 03:13 PM

Q. What does the Pillsbury Doughboy have in his pants?



















A. Donuts

Trixxie 65,021 15
05/31/2005 03:16 PM

People think the Megasoreass was the only gay dinosaur but they are wrong, there was also the Lickalotapus.

Dogs Akimbo 211,379 32
05/31/2005 03:16 PM

No, no, no...



The line is, Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.



He's a pervert and references to naughty bits get more laughs.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/31/2005 03:16 PM

Let's start a parody thread about raising money to get superturkey to the ZUGfest.

gorckat 41,132 13
05/31/2005 03:17 PM

he was stuck in the chicken



Ollie Frosted Chickens?



Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? It was dead.



What'd the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?!

The SuhYpa Variety Hour 5,547 9
05/31/2005 03:26 PM

What's green and has 5 wheels?





Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Dartful Todger 159 7
05/31/2005 05:16 PM

Why did the plane crash?



Because the pilot was a tomatoe.

OffCenter Johnson 2,735 9
05/31/2005 06:38 PM

What did the farmer say when he lost his trator?







where is my tractor?

OffCenter Johnson 2,735 9
05/31/2005 06:40 PM

How do you know when an Elephant has been in your home?









His tricycle is parked outside

Son of Dad 4 7
05/31/2005 06:57 PM

Q: How many kids with 'ADD' does it take to change a light bulb?







A: Wanna go ride bikes?

rwong 26,981 11
05/31/2005 07:25 PM

how do you know if you have an underbite?



When you're eating Poe, and it tastes like Shakespeare.



Why do women have legs?



'Cuz otherwise they'd leave a trail like a snail.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/31/2005 07:27 PM

How many EMO kids does it take to change a lightbulb?





Frost it. Let those pussies cry in the dark.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
05/31/2005 07:34 PM

Hat, may your tube runeth over...

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/31/2005 07:50 PM

I doubt it will. It's a fairly good joke, amongst a thread full of stupid ones.





This just in:

"Stupid babies need the most attention!"

</simpsons>

rwong 26,981 11
05/31/2005 07:52 PM

But I thought the thread was for stupid jokes...



How many new Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb?



None of your Frost-ing business.

Chance 171,270 14
05/31/2005 07:56 PM

A mathematician wandered home at 3 AM. His wife became very upset, telling him, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!" The mathematician replied, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."



bada bing bada boom.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/31/2005 07:58 PM

GONGGGG!!!!!!!one

Chance 171,270 14
05/31/2005 08:04 PM

WHAT PART OF P=[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND??

Hey, I believe it did say stupidest joke eh?

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
05/31/2005 10:20 PM

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one are and a 2 foot salami under the other. She puts the poodle on the bar, the bartender says

"I suppose you won't be needing a drink?" The naked lady says.

"OH Shakespeare!"

rwong 26,981 11
06/01/2005 12:32 AM

My favorite flick!

I'll pay a dollar to anyone who knows the rest of that joke!

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
06/01/2005 12:44 AM

Truth be told there was never an end to the joke, except "I forgot my pencil" it was something written for Judd Nelson to say while he crawled though the ceiling.

rwong 26,981 11
06/01/2005 12:46 AM

No Shakespeare? I've been wondering for sooo long.

Now I can make other people crazy, pretending I know what the rest of the joke is.

I feel I owe you a dollar.

Thanks.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
06/01/2005 01:01 AM

Gee a whole dollar.

rwong 26,981 11
06/01/2005 01:07 AM

buy yourself something nice.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
06/01/2005 01:12 AM

Can't you just give me some beads?

Steaming Pile 298 9
06/01/2005 01:36 AM

I used to know a hilarious phone joke where the punchline is you hang up on the person. Wish I could remember the set-up.

Big headed child 282 9
06/01/2005 03:50 AM

Q: How many Great White fans can you fit in a VW bug?















A: 102. Two in front, two in back, and 98 in the ashtray.











Livewire, you do realize that only adds up to 100 right?

I'm smart. And my mom tells me I'm special.

Sylvester 4,465 9
06/01/2005 03:54 AM

Ingredients of Viagra



4% aspirin

6% ibuprofen

90% Fix-A-Flat

Big headed child 282 9
06/01/2005 04:05 AM

My friends and I used to yell this one randomly throughout the day:







What's brown and sounds like a bell?















DUNG!!!