The Top 10 Reasons Women Take So Long in the Bathr
A comedy article
by Freeze Dried Instant Coffee  10,327  12
06/26/2003 12:42 PM 345 views
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(A response to What the Heck are Women Doing in There? by Boots at the Boar)
1. Our clothes are typically more complicated to remove and re-apply than men's clothing. Our clothes have stubborn zippers that zip on the side or in the back. And God forbid you walk out of the stall with the back of your skirt or dress tucked into your pantyhose.
2. Have you ever tried to put on pantyhose in a hurry? Ever tried to take them off in a hurry? 'Nuff said.
3. We have to wipe. Most men shake. If we tried to "shake" we'd hurt ourselves and make dents in the stalls.
4. When using public potties, most women opt to "hover" rather than make contact with the seat. And not many women are fond of "paper ass gaskets."
5. When hovering, it sometimes takes a few minutes to "summon" the pee, unless we have to go REALLY bad. In this case, it sometimes takes a second or two to get comfortable enough while hovering to open the flood gates.
6. Yes, we do sometimes perform beauty rituals in the bathroom. A touch up of the lipstick, a dab of powder on the nose, or a quick brush or fluff of the hair. But we must do this because you were so kind to point out that huge zit we so desperately tried to hide.
7. Sometimes we talk about you while we're in there. And believe me, the conversations can be juicy! (This is why women potty in pairs.)
8. Since most men think the idea of women farting is gross, sometimes we have to go in the bathroom to fart. And as someone mentioned in an earlier thread, you can be sitting at the dinner table and be on the verge of exploding but get up to go to the bathroom to fart, and the urge completely goes away when you touch the bathroom door.
9. We wash our hands. We know that toilet paper isn't made of Kevlar. When we're going to eat and we have to pee, we wash our hands. We highly recommend this behavior to you so that you won't mix smegma with your mashed potatoes.
10. If the bathroom is really nice, we sometimes admire the decorum and think of ways to con you into purchasing decorating items so that our bathroom at home will look as good if not better than this bathroom.
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Side-splitting
25 votes
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11 Comments on "The Top 10 Reasons Women Take So Long in the Bathr"
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John Hargrave 128,746  73
07/10/2003 09:41 AM
Awesome. I'm glad someone took me up on my challenge to present the female point of view.
The mystery is now solved.
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RabidChickens 286,321 61
07/10/2003 10:11 AM
Plus, since they ordered a small salad to try and con us into thinking their upkeep will be minimal, there is a guy in there selling pizza slices.
This explains:
A. how you keep your weight up on nothing but small salads.
B. Why women take their purses to the bathroom (to pay the pizza guy).
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Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/10/2003 10:59 AM
We also have a candy machine!
So, NEENER!
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Trixxie 65,021 15
07/10/2003 11:08 AM
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, actually I kind of have Number 2 down to and art, Number 2. on the list not Number Two, You Poo brains.
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Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/10/2003 11:10 AM
bows to Trixxie
You are more of a woman than I, my dear.
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Trixxie 65,021 15
07/10/2003 11:12 AM
Sigh it's my curse, More Woman than you'll ever be, and More Man than you'll ever experience.
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Trae, Rabid Mistress 156,785 17
07/10/2003 11:17 AM
Yeah whateva
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Chi-Chi Fellipe 161,353 14
07/10/2003 03:07 PM
Women don't fart, they fluff.
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Brutus the Bichon 136 9
07/10/2003 03:40 PM
We also have to check and recheck to make sure there is not a random piece of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of our shoes before exiting the bathroom.
There is nothing more attractive than a roll of charmin trailing behind as we gracefuly make our way back to the table.
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Virnomine the Haberdasher 79,386 11
07/10/2003 03:47 PM
You said smegma like it's a bad thing...it's quite nutritious and depending on who you Frost and your bathing habits can have quite an interesting flavor.
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Vlad the Impaler 19,599 12
07/10/2003 03:50 PM
It tastes like Marzipan.
or so I hear.
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