URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL!
A comedy article
by MongoLloyd  48,662  14
07/24/2003 11:22 AM 315 views
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I'm sure everyone gets these e-mails, from someone claiming to be the child of some former dictator or something. They ask for you to give them your bank account number, and promise to deposit money into it for you to invest on their behalf, and you get to keep a percentage! What a great deal!
I recently received one of these messages, and I thought it would be fun to play with them. Here's the message I got:
Dear Sir/Madam
I have to open up to you with the trust that this issue shall be keeped a
toped secret, I am DEMA MOBUTU the child of late president MOBUTU SESEKO of
the Federal Republic of Zaire,(now Democratic Repulblic of Congo,under the
leadership of Joseph Kabila).I presume you are aware there is a financial
dispute between my family(THE MOBUTU)and the present civilian government.
This is based on what they believe as bad and corrupt government
on my late father part.May his soul rest in peace.
Consequently, I am here in Holland with my family as a political refugee .
But we cannot do business here in Holland and some few countries of the
world because of the new friendly relationship between the present
government and the western world.As you might have heard, how a lot of my
fathers bank account in switzerland and some other countries has been
frozen.
Following the above mention reason,I am soliciting for your humble and
confidential assistant to take custody of TEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS
in CASH (US$10,000,000.00 CASH ),also to front for me in the area of
business you desire profitable. This sum of money has secretly been
deposited into a confidential Diplomatic company,where it can easily been
withdrawn or paid to a recommended beneficiary. The funds will be released
to you by the company based on my recommendations,on that note you will be
presented as my business partner who will be fronting for me and my family
in any subsequent ventures.I sincerely need this assistance from a credible
person to be able to file in claims for this amount and as well save it for me.
Total lost.To show my preparedness and appreciation to conduct this
transaction,I shall give you 25% of the funds. and any profit realized in
the process of investment of the funds will be shared by both of us, and 5%
shall be set aside to offset all expences incured after we have finalise
this transaction.
Please,I need your entire support and co-operation for the success of this
business ventures,your utmost confidentiality and secrecy is highly
required,due to my family present predicament. I sincerely will appreciate
your acknowledgement as soon as possible.
Yours truly,
DEMA MOBUTU.
Here's the reply that I sent:
Dear Dema,
I am so glad that you finaly contacted me. I must admit that it is terribley exciting to have received an e-mail from someone of your stature. The child of an ex-president! Wow. I'm not certain how you got my address, but you sure came to the right guy! LOL!
Your story breks my heart. I was not aware of the financial dispute between your family and the government, but it seems so unfair! Those goverment people. So nasty! I'm all for sticking it to the man (I download MP3s all the time, and I also jaywalk). Leave it to Government officials to defile the memory of someone who is no longer here to defend himself. :(
Of course, I'm not trying to paint all government people with the same brush. Your father (may his soul rest in peace) was obviously a fine gentleman. He raised such a polite and caring child, how could he not be?
How are you enjoying Holland? I was there once. Trust me, you should try the Grasshopper Cafe! Did you know they let you smoke drugs there? :} Of course, I live in Canada, and they are de-criminalizing it here, but over there, it's so common to just go into a cafe and order a big bag of maui wowie (hopefully not with any labrador in it! LMAO! That's a Cheech and Chong joke. Do you like Cheech and Chong? I LOVE them! ROFLMAO).
Also, you can pay to have sex with women in windows!!!!1 Thankfully, they close the curtains before the love-making begins. HAHA! Can you imagine my big, hairy butt stuck in the window for all of Amsterdam to see? HAHAHAHA! LOL! :)
It's a shame that you can't do business there. You could invest in the drugs and prostitution! Is it because of George Bush? He's mean. Just to spite him, sometimes I imagine having anal intercourse with another man *blush*. Really, I'm straight and like women, but I think that just because I know it would make George Bush mad.But I'm a Christean, so I would never do that. I only love women. LOTS OF 'EM!!! LOL! ;-}
Now, to the good stuff. Ten million dollars is a lot of money. Of course I'll help. If I understand your request properly, you'll put the money into my account and I'll invest it as I see fit? Then you'll let me keep 25%?
SUH-WEET! BABY! I'm Gonna Be Rich!
Here's what I suggest: I could invest in SUYT. Have you heard of that? Let me know what you think of that.
Also, are you a man or a woman? If you're a woman, do you have a webcam?
Remember, SUYT!
I'll wait to hear back, to see whether you are interested in SUYT.
Your new best friend :) LOL!!!
M.L.
I'm so excited to see if they get back to me!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
42 votes
5.0
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14 Comments on "URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL!"
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escape from the flying nun 1,412  10
08/14/2003 09:48 AM
hehe. everyone that does this is labeled an idiot but...
FIRST TO POST!
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Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
08/14/2003 09:54 AM
Don't worry about it, flying nun. You were already labled an idiot.
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Mookie on Wheels 17,582 13
08/14/2003 09:55 AM
You ever try Grasshopper's "Bubble Gum?"
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ringworm 68,315 13
08/14/2003 09:58 AM
i usually ask them to send the money to my paypal account.
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Chi-Chi Fellipe 161,353 14
08/14/2003 01:24 PM
Amsterdam is so rad. It's the raddest place on earth!
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Frogpop 173,148 25
08/14/2003 03:23 PM
Exquisite use of the Mr. Frownie emoticon. You're a sensitive and compassionate man.
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Virnomine 79,386 11
08/15/2003 04:19 PM
thanks, couldn't remember the name of that site. I can't believe how far he gets with those guys...
Mr. Bukkake is classic.
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Chili the Barbarian 8,880 12
10/28/2003 01:41 PM
In light of Lloyd's most recent foray into the world of email fraud, I thought I'd bump this article. It made me have thoughts about having anal sex with another man, even though I would never do that because I am STRAIGHT.
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DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/28/2003 01:54 PM
Great use of AOL (Africa On Line) speak. Clickie for you.
Aside to Chili: Don't worry. Homosexuality is like cooties. You can only catch it by having sex with a GAY man. Doing it with another staright guy is perfectly safe.
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DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/28/2003 01:55 PM
"straight".
>sigh<
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Chili the Barbarian 8,880 12
10/28/2003 01:56 PM
<action> Thinks back to gablanta, curses himself for combining benadril and alcohol. </action>
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ringworm 68,315 13
10/28/2003 01:58 PM
the rufies didn't help, either. sorry about that.
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PatTheGreat 948 9
04/08/2004 04:23 PM
"Show Us Your Tits"
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