WORTHLESS! STUPID IDIOT YOU SHUT SMACK UP YOU! I'M 12,005 12
07/24/2003 12:15 PM

What the hell kind of caption is that?

Ducky 10,666 13
07/24/2003 12:16 PM

"we here at Microsoft have decided that the only way we're gonna continue to hold our monopoly on Shakespearety software is by selling GIRLS with it. So now, every package of Windows come complete with a GIRL. Perfect for geeks and lesbians alike! WindowsMale will be out next year, when Microsoft buys the Chippendale Corporation."

MongoLloyd 48,662 14
07/24/2003 12:17 PM

The waitresses' uniforms at Microsoft's executive cafeteria.

Eric Nguyen 23,705 11
07/24/2003 12:20 PM

I like a girl who knows how to use her box



Microsoft can definately Frost people with those boxes

WORTHLESS! STUPID IDIOT YOU SHUT SMACK UP YOU! I'M 12,005 12
07/24/2003 12:21 PM

Don't ask about the Killer App.

Trae 156,785 17
07/24/2003 12:21 PM

"No bugs in our software. Crabs yes, but no bugs. We promise."

Geekzilla 954 12
07/24/2003 12:24 PM

The Bush twins at their summer internship.

El Volante 10,315 10
07/24/2003 12:25 PM

That windowsXP box looks great on you... of course it would look alot better filed away in my applications packaging cabinet as I finished installing you.

Virnomine the Haberdasher 79,386 11
07/24/2003 12:25 PM

not the first 2003 Server crash, certainly not the last.

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/24/2003 12:31 PM

The new MicroHard campaign begins

MongoLloyd 48,662 14
07/24/2003 12:35 PM

MicroSoft introduces their latest internet capcon photo. Guaranteed clickie-free.

Virnomine the Haberdasher 79,386 11
07/24/2003 12:36 PM

I've never seen her wrestle, but I have seen her box.

ringworm 68,315 13
07/24/2003 12:37 PM

Windows Server 2003 is a multipurpose operating system capable of handling a diverse set of server roles, depending on your needs, in either a centralized or distributed fashion. Some of these server roles include:



Concubine.



Maid.



Cook.



Dishwasher.



Groundskeeper.



This product overview explains the basics of the Windows Server 2003 family and includes links to more detailed information.

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/24/2003 12:51 PM

The Blue Screen of Death has been replaced by the Red Screen of Rag.

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/24/2003 12:53 PM

Now Windows can crash your car, as well!

Rick_Dammit 1,183 10
07/24/2003 01:04 PM

In an effort to conquere all media the Olson twins have merged with microsoft

jellytot 3,504 11
07/24/2003 01:12 PM

Warranty void if box is opened.

Chi-Chi Fellipe 161,353 14
07/24/2003 02:07 PM

"Microsoft breakfast cereal is made of people!"

psychaholic, a bear of very little peen 4,888 13
07/24/2003 02:30 PM

"Finally, Woman 2.0. This one will actually not change her mind. Soon to be released, sports service pack 1."

psychaholic, a bear of very little peen 4,888 13
07/24/2003 02:33 PM

Too bad you aren't logged in nutty. That was damn funny.



Box..... Ha hahahahahaha!

Livewire, Iron Chef Canadian 78,229 13
07/24/2003 04:16 PM

Being nowhere near their time of the month, the two young women are at a loss to explain their sudden bloated feeling.

ringworm 68,315 13
07/24/2003 04:53 PM

"does my ass look big in this?"

Gyst 32 9
07/24/2003 05:20 PM

"By an secret section of Bush's 'No child left behind' act, it is now quite legal to sell your children to large corporations."

The Cow of the Future 41 9
07/24/2003 05:23 PM

the new microsoft women uniforms....

ringworm 68,315 13
07/24/2003 05:57 PM

"new and improved windows server 2003. toy surprise inside every box."



"microsoft announced its entry in to yet another market today w/ the release of hooker 2003."

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/24/2003 06:03 PM

When I heard windows server 2003 was getting a make-over, this isn't what I had in mind.

rabidllama- the hated newbie 896 10
07/24/2003 06:05 PM

These two ladies upgraded their life from office employees... to office employees WEARING OUR BOXES. Just think of what we can ugrade your life to!

ringworm 68,315 13
07/24/2003 06:20 PM

if you think that's something, you should check out the triple-xbox booth.



<insert random line about DirectXXX, ActiveXXX, WindowsXXXP, blah blah blah>

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
07/24/2003 07:16 PM

Sorry fellas, this is as hot as chick geeks get.

Livewire, Iron Chef Canadian 78,229 13
07/24/2003 07:18 PM

How to tell the job market is overloaded with skilled workers: This is entry level for an MCSE.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
07/24/2003 07:22 PM

Fine print in the Microsoft College Scholarship Program:



Upon graduation, Microsoft will become, at the discretion of Microsoft, the trustee of a) your soul, b) your dignity, and/or c) your freedom.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
07/24/2003 07:24 PM

The promo for "Girls Gone Wild at Microsoft Co."

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
07/24/2003 07:27 PM

Two typical blonds. They think that if they close their eyes, no one will recognize their picture.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
07/24/2003 07:28 PM

Cover art for the Microsoft Lesbo Lounge DVD.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
07/24/2003 07:33 PM

Debby in Acquistions forgot to place the order for the oversized sumo-wrestling suits. Here we see Debby and her secretary Malinda in makeshift costumes. LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLE!

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
07/24/2003 07:34 PM

I have to go pee. You coming Debby?

Chi-Chi Fellipe 161,353 14
07/24/2003 09:29 PM

Wow, a repeat post in under 20! That's gotta be a new record.

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
07/24/2003 10:26 PM

"In the year 2003, Microsoft intrduced the dancing operating system boxes. Several years later, such ads were outlawed, and they began their 'Microsoft: Come to Server Country (TM)' campaign.



By 2013, the Infrastructure Architect General required a warning label to be added to each package, one example of which has been preserved:



'INFRASTRUCTURE ARCHITECT GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Using Windows Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Node's Stability.'



Still, due to the forced upgrade path, and the ease with which script kiddies thought they would 'look cool' if they used Microsoft's products, usage of the Windows system still continues today, despite the risk of homogenaety and chronic bloat disease."

GibletNugget 2 12,005 12
07/24/2003 10:28 PM

The Killer App is the vagina!

GibletNugget 2 12,005 12
07/24/2003 10:29 PM

eh? eh?

GibletNugget 2 12,005 12
07/24/2003 10:30 PM

Oh, right. You didn't ask.

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/25/2003 02:15 AM

Show Us Your Bootdisk!

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/25/2003 02:21 AM

-We make floppies a thing of the past...



-No more 3.5" floppies, we cd all the way...



-You aren't really paying for the product as much as you are paying for the packaging



-How will they breathe once the cellophane goes on



-Ok, I've seen your box, now show me your titties !!

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/25/2003 02:26 AM

Windows Server 2003: This time, we left a backdoor entry ON PURPOSE!

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/25/2003 02:38 AM

Don't judge a product by it's box, judge it by it's legs

Doc 7,105 13
07/25/2003 02:51 AM

"Milk and Cheese emerge from their chrysalis. Who knew?"

Livewire, Iron Chef Canadian 78,229 13
07/25/2003 02:52 AM

D'you think this photo has made the front page yet? I bet this photo has made the front page.

Doc 7,105 13
07/25/2003 02:53 AM

DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME SAY MILK AND CHEESE EMERGED FROM THEIR CHRYSALIS?? THE CONTEST IS OVER I WON

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/25/2003 03:35 AM

they dont exept 3 and a half inch floppys.







...think about it

Doc 7,105 13
07/25/2003 03:36 AM

Well that beats mine.

Doc 7,105 13
07/25/2003 03:38 AM

They don't take, or they don't come with three and a half inch floppies?















Thank you, I'll be here all the week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Poowad 24 9
07/25/2003 06:15 AM

This end up.

Do not open with box cutters.

Poowad 24 9
07/25/2003 06:16 AM

Fully upgradable!

RabidChickens 286,326 61
07/25/2003 09:43 AM

no thank you. i prefer to try and think inside this particular box

ringworm 68,315 13
07/25/2003 10:34 AM

...think about it



that is at least the third post in recent days that has been suffixed w/ "think about it."



there is very little chance that any of these are going to just fly right over someone's god damned head, so please quit telling people to think about it. if someone doesn't get it, i'm sure they will think about it of their own free will w/o your impassioned pleas for them to do so. if they do get it, then they don't need to think about it.



thank you.

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/25/2003 10:35 AM

Windows Server 2003, where you get served.



Finally a Winblows product I may want in my house !!

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
07/25/2003 10:39 AM

I understand that Microsoft is now outsourcing its tech support to Bishop Don Magic Juan.

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/25/2003 10:42 AM

Very good spicey !!! I tried the veal, are you here all week? *clickie*

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
07/25/2003 10:45 AM

Yeah, and I may even be here next week. Word of caution, though: That's not really veal.

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/25/2003 10:46 AM

is it windows server 2003 ?

n_sani_t 405 9
07/25/2003 11:42 AM

"i'm a server, she's a server...wouldn't you like to be a server too?"



~groan~

Virnomine the Haberdasher 79,386 11
07/25/2003 12:05 PM

just a warning, this is the front page capcon, so it will be Shakespeare in about 10 minutes.

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/25/2003 12:07 PM

been awhile since I got to a home page with front page capcon Shakespeare on it, it's refrshing....

Virnomine the Haberdasher 79,386 11
07/25/2003 12:09 PM

holy jumping Frost-ing jesus, what the hell are you blathering about? speak the english much?

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/25/2003 12:12 PM

sometimes when he jumps to much, his foot gets caught on his robe and he falls down, it's funny as hell, where the devil has all the hot babes...except reese witherspoon who is in limbo, unless the light is right, then in heaven.

ringworm 68,315 13
07/25/2003 12:16 PM

no, reese witherspoon is an angel in heaven. she had sex w/ the devil (as played by harvey keitel), and 9 months later another cookie-cutter sandler movie was born.

Smulzie 980 9
07/25/2003 03:05 PM

Now with better plug and play support.



(repeat for the rating of the funny)

WORTHLESS! STUPID IDIOT YOU SHUT SMACK UP YOU! I'M 12,005 12
07/25/2003 03:18 PM

For some reason I read that as "plug and spray," and I thought it was a takeoff of the previous post. But it turns out I imagined it.

Sensuela LaFoofy 194 9
07/25/2003 03:26 PM

Plug and splay, or is it the other way "round? Hmmm...

vballgurl 4 9
07/25/2003 11:43 PM

And now windows has its own version of the happy meal, with a prize in every box.

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/26/2003 02:06 PM

'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.



I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.



Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.



I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/26/2003 02:07 PM

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.



I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system.



I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.



The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/26/2003 02:07 PM

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else.



One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.



Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.



I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
07/26/2003 02:38 PM

You forgot to leave in the multiple message headers "FW: FW: RE: FWD: This is funey!!1!" and all the "> >>> >"s.

MongoLloyd 48,662 14
07/26/2003 04:14 PM

Guys! YOu have to read this! SO TRUE! LOL!

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/26/2003 04:43 PM

i had to cut those out, it would have taken 100 posts if i left in all that Shakespeare....



im off to check my mahas,

but always remenber, to post spam!!!!! ahahahahahahahahaha

*runs away laughing*

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
07/26/2003 04:49 PM

you bastards not a single maha??????i need to get to 175 you sons of bitches

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/26/2003 04:56 PM

Sorry, I've joined Mahanon.







"One Thread at a time"

0 9
07/26/2003 10:46 PM

"Microsoft attempts to market toward kids this Halloween with their 'Microsoft is cool' costume line"

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
07/27/2003 11:55 AM

No matter what kind of box it comes in, there's someone out there that calls it "the bitch".

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/27/2003 04:47 PM

Microsoft Introduces the followup to X-box, with the XX box, available for windows servers 2003

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/27/2003 04:48 PM

Trae & Trixxe model the new line of hardware clothing from Microsoft. Also available in OEM (Without the box)

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
07/27/2003 04:48 PM

Damm the no edit function !!



Trae & Trixxe model the new line of hardware clothing from Microsoft. Also available in OEM (Without the box)

HeatherGaye 520 10
07/27/2003 08:56 PM

The publicity stunt was abandoned when a number of Windows users were rushed to hospital with their testicles caught in their disk drives. Previously the problem had just been restricted to Linux users.

fl9ip 0 9
07/29/2003 03:00 PM

This is frosting Frost Shakespeare bastard

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
07/29/2003 03:03 PM

Indeed.

Ducky 10,666 13
07/29/2003 04:48 PM

heheh, frogpop, you da bomb

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/29/2003 05:45 PM

backatcha Ducky!

20,522 17
07/29/2003 05:55 PM

This version has a Plug and Play layer!

Maurice de L'Ivewire 78,229 13
07/29/2003 11:11 PM

I like how every front page Capcon gets one recurring theme over and over and over.



Bush: "I Shakespeare my pants."

Rummy: "My penis is only this big."

Windows Wenches: "Plug and play!"



We've covered poopoo, peepees, and now fornication. What's next on the list?

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/29/2003 11:17 PM

Fatties?

Frogpop 173,148 25
07/30/2003 12:05 AM

only when we get a new capcon..

K'Bantar 0 9
07/30/2003 12:08 AM

Um... hello, is this thing on?



Riding the bandwagon of ten years ago, Microsoft-ers Restaurant opens. With yet another example of misunderstanding the appeal of Hooter's, Gates unveils his servers uniforms.

BleedsBlueAndOrange 642 10
07/30/2003 12:22 AM

microsoft: "you'll just love getting into our box"

Highlander 1 9
07/31/2003 11:30 AM

The 180-day trial version now available in 'Blonde'.

MongoLloyd 48,662 14
08/01/2003 12:27 PM

Now with plug and play features so well-designed that even someone with a dick as small as Donald Rumsfeld can enjoy them.

Herr Fritz von Livewire 78,229 13
08/02/2003 03:50 AM

Testimonials: "I was so impressed I Shakespeare my pants while stepping off the plane." -George W Bush

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/02/2003 03:53 AM

"The user manual is about thiiiis thick." - Rummy

Ndstill 33 9
08/02/2003 08:39 AM

Don't let the attractive packaging fool you- the product may contain nasty viruses.

MongoLloyd 48,662 14
08/02/2003 10:30 AM

"Dude! You're right! It was so gnar-gnar that I Shakespeare my pants too!"

-Chi Chi

The Cow of the Future 41 9
08/05/2003 12:52 PM

ha you cant see my fat butt now!

Mr. Slappy 6 9
08/06/2003 05:58 AM

I hope no one else said this...

"If we crack their security protection we can share them with people all arround the world."

johnny o 4 9
08/06/2003 06:50 PM

Microsoft's newest technology direct from Silicon Valley

Virnomine 79,386 11
08/06/2003 06:52 PM

hey, who is reader SG that suggested this? we need to kick their ass.

Mookie on Wheels 17,582 13
08/06/2003 07:07 PM

YES! You are too Frost-ing late. He gave the prize to one of these undersexed nerds already.

Fluro 14,139 11
08/09/2003 12:38 AM

"That hargrave guy should really kill this cap con."

BleedsBlueAndOrange 642 10
08/10/2003 12:23 AM

"We're usually pretty square, but i like her box, and she likes mine"

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/11/2003 02:46 AM

..but I thought that they lost their jobs? How do you explain that one, Miss Marple?

Virnomine 79,386 11
08/12/2003 10:21 AM

for the love of god, make it stop!

RapidChickens 286,326 61
08/12/2003 10:30 AM

You're missing the whole point of the front page link into (currently) this thread. It's like a gateway drug for n00bs. They post here a couple of times, and the ones with the cajones to register step a little deeper into the water, and the ones who survive the initial feeding frenzy, become regulars.



I've noticed the n00b increase started about the time John started these front page "featured" threads. John's trying something that actually brings people in instead of running them off.



Good move.

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/12/2003 02:05 PM

and yet, they also suck my will to live.

NoNameGeek 4 9
08/12/2003 08:05 PM

Crack in the box

Feeble, Iraqi Weapons Inspector #27 32,400 15
08/15/2003 04:43 PM

I used to say nothing good ever came out of a Microsoft box.

After seeing that pic, I'd like to come INTO a Microsoft BLAM!

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/15/2003 06:28 PM

<action> begins twitching involuntarily.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
08/15/2003 06:30 PM

<action>begins twitching voluntarily.</action>

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
08/18/2003 01:57 AM

God bless America! It's amazing what $8.50/hr will buy you these days.

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
08/18/2003 03:13 AM

In a desperate move, Microsoft releases their next version of Tron ahead of schedule.

mouseman55 0 9
08/18/2003 12:46 PM

"Bill Gates would get off on this"



(not the gurls just the softwear)

78,229 13
08/19/2003 01:49 AM

Two young blondes are dressed up like Microsoft NT server 2003 boxes at a trade show.

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
08/19/2003 02:04 AM

So two women dressed only in software boxes walk into a bar...

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
08/19/2003 08:00 PM

If you don't buy them, Bill Gates will have sex with them. Do you want that on your conscience?

norstrin 66 11
08/23/2003 07:13 PM

Our products have Frosted your boxes, now you can Frost ours.

ehrhardt 0 9
08/28/2003 01:59 PM

hmmm, fork a child or spawn a thread...

psychaholic, a bear of very little peen 4,888 13
08/28/2003 06:08 PM

Cute chicks, but they're squares, man.

straydog1980 1 9
08/30/2003 05:30 PM

The user interface is prettier than the two pigs in the boxes, we swear!

LoveTheMonkey 1 9
08/30/2003 08:18 PM

From the bringers of "The Blue Screen of Death" comes Women now with more bugs and random crashes then ever before.

ElChingon 56 9
09/03/2003 11:49 AM

The New WindowsServer2003 will help you with all of your needs, computer related or not.

ElChingon 56 9
09/03/2003 12:42 PM

Unfortunately we(Mircrosoft) are still in the developement stages of Brain 1.0. Until this program is fully developed these servers are completely usless.

psychaholic, a bear of very little peen 4,888 13
09/03/2003 12:46 PM

HA, servers.



Poonserver 2003, enterprise edition.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
09/04/2003 06:11 PM

Babbs and Sheila thought they were going to be the "Reeboks" spokesmodels. Unfortunately they are the "Re-box" spokesmodels.

Elfer 57 11
09/04/2003 07:07 PM

"...In another story, the picture seen above has caused users of GAB on the website Zug.com to completely run out of funny ideas. For some strange reason however, the users have decided to start spewing out dozens of unfunny comments instead. Researchers say that the sudden change in humorousness is due to the overall Frost-ing stupid choice of picture. Now here's Diane with the weather. Diane?"

sockk action 702 10
09/06/2003 05:30 AM

micr0$ucks si putt1ng teh ladys in tehir b0XXXes for tehy R teh f4g0r7s.

sockk action 702 10
09/06/2003 05:32 AM

use whatever voice you use for Jeff K when you read that