ringworm, a dirty negro of gab 68,315 13
08/03/2003 02:30 AM

<action>drools while picking his nose</action>duh

tlaxcatl 1,423 10
08/03/2003 02:44 AM

well... you're still acting smarter than clovis

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 02:54 AM

*Holds a Star Treck Book of facts and the book How I Raped America by Bill Gates*



*And a new cell phone*

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 02:56 AM

Ooh! Hello dear, are you new?

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 02:58 AM

I missed the n00b posting for attention. My computer wasn't working. Only I just realized it was unplugged.

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 03:02 AM

I see in your profile it says you hate everyone. Surely that doesn't include me? I'm quite charming, ask anyone here. Don't ask Eric though, he might lie.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 03:10 AM

I'm already madly in love with you.



*Blows kisses*

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 03:15 AM

I see. How did you find this place? Would you like to tell us a bit about yourself? My name's Stephanie and I'm a part time legal secretary from North Yorkshire in England. I'm engaged to be married and I have 2 small children and a dog named Black Beauty. I'm 26 years old and drive a Jeep Cherokee. My hobbies are bushwalking and mountain climbing. My fiance, Brad, is in the Fire Brigade. He's been married before but she was a bitch and took all his money. I'm much nicer.



Now you.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 03:21 AM

Im a 29 year old employee at Burger King in West Chester, New York. My girlfriend is a 31 year old former puerto rican crack addict, while I'm a caucasian male, 5 foot 4 inches, 304.5 pounds. My skin is fair and I am very hairy. My hobbies include working the cash register and flipping burgers. I also like to take the public transportation and break into the library at night to use the computers. In my spare time I like to masturbate into stuffed animals. I live in Apartment B of 54th Street on Reagel Avenue.



I hope we can all be friends!

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 03:30 AM

Your girlfriend sounds lovely. Any plans to marry? Is she taller than you? Any pets to speak of? I recently acquired the management rights to a fish.

I live in a proper house with a garden and some fences.

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/03/2003 03:34 AM

Capitalize Puerto Rican, white man.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 03:34 AM

My apartment smells like sheeps blood, I think there was a satanic cult or something, but whatever. Its furnished with K-Mart furniture, blue light specials only (titters) We plan to marry after the baby is born. The baby isnt hers, its her brothers. Shes 3 feet 4 inches and we used to have a pet, fluffy, a terrier, but my wife, selis sold her in one of her relapses.

We dont have fences but we do have metal grates on our windows. Your place sure does sound nice.

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 03:44 AM

Yes, it is. I'm posh because I'm a legal secretary.

I don't believe your girlfriend is so short, unless she's really 10. 31 is just too old for short.



I used to be a sheep farmer named Patrick, but that story is for another day.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 03:47 AM

She is. She's not a midget and she is 31. Its just one day she was cracked out and got hit by a van full of rehabed persons from A.A. and lost her legs. They had to be amputated. Now she gets around on a modelracecar/woodboard. The advantage is it's speed and mobility. The disadvantage is the batteries have to be recharged every 13 minutes.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 03:56 AM

...and she can't go down stairs very well.

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/03/2003 03:58 AM

They had to amputate all the A.A. people? Wierd.

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 03:59 AM

There are more holes in your story than in Eric Nguyens underpants. Do you really expect me to believe those batteries are to be reharged every 13 minutes? You should buy her one of those posh wheelboardthingies that have a solar panel. Like on a calculator. Only much bigger, but not that much bigger because she's petite. That's French for 'shortarse'.



What is you favourite cartoon character? I'm not talking about a cartoon character you'd like an amorous liaison with.... more of a... 'hey, I really like that cartoon character in a non sexual way' type thing. I used to be quite fond of Donald Duck but now I hate him. It's a long story.



One last thing... banana milk, or chocolate?

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:04 AM

Well I did try that solar panel I dea but where we live we dont really see the sun. Our apartment is situated between 4 high rises and the sun only reaches through around 11:57 or 12:03 eastern Standard time, depending on the solar equinox. Plus the first time she went out with it it got stolen by some white kids in a van that said Fox News.

Hmmmmmm. As for my fav cartoon character, I'd have to say Jet Li, he always looked so freaking real in the movies, I never knew he was a cartoon! His niece is cool too, but takes up too much air time if you ask me.



And definately Strawberry.

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 04:08 AM

<action> pulls up a chair, puts some popcorn in the microwave </action>

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:10 AM

<action>Eats Beebles popcorn, pulls up 78 inch Plasma TV</action>

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 04:14 AM

That's too bad those fox news guys stole your girlfriends wooden board type thing. The solar panel could also have been used for heating small amounts of water just in case she was planning a long trip and wanted a coffee but she couldn't get up the steps at starbucks or wherever you americans are buying your 'latte to go' from this week. But since she no longer has that model... feh. Have you considered the dynamo as a back up system for the ineffectual batteries? You can power a small light from the dynamo too. Very handy if she wants to pop out for a loaf of bread after dark. Also, you might want to add some reflective strips for decoration.



Strawberry eh? You're a Frost-ing maniac!



Another question..... pizza or curry?

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 04:14 AM

Hey, thats MY popcorn, assgoblin.



Get your own here.

ringworm, a dirty negro of gab 68,315 13
08/03/2003 04:16 AM

who the Frost keeps clicking his crap? garagegrrl, say something. you're making me nervous over there.

ringworm, a dirty negro of gab 68,315 13
08/03/2003 04:16 AM

and show me your tits.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:20 AM

I will not be Goat Se'd! Sorry my friend but thats not my type of popcorn.



Well I Don't really like Starbucks because any type of coffee product gives me explosive diarhea on the spot. The worst part is when I only get a wiff of the coffee, then i just have the squirts or the runs. But O well, water is OK for me.

I've been shopping around for more effective ways for my girlfriend to move around. My latest Idea is a Skateboard with a firing grappling hook, to latch onto cars for easy speed. I've had trouble with the release knob and have lost many a neighbor child volunteer to septa. When I get that problem solved I'm sure it could be a keeper!



Pizza or Curry..........Hmmmmm........... I'd definately have to go with cheesesteak on that one. With extra horseradish and eggs.

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 04:24 AM

I'm sorry, I must have confused you with someone else. Your popcorn is here.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:25 AM

Hahaha no stileproject either, both were weapons of mine in a early time!

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:32 AM

...and its ok to put that cheese wiz stuff on also, thats some good Shakespeare!

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 04:37 AM

You know they sell wheelchairs now?

You could always go to a hospital at night... you know, when you're not at the library... and steal one of those beds on wheels, I think that would be a much more comfortable alternative to a wooden board. Plus, you'd save money on flowers and chocolates because giving her a bed on wheels shows her that you care. Actually, I wouldn't mind one of those myself, because flowers make me sneeze and everybody knows I don't like chocolate. I didn't want to get out of bed today becuase it's cold and windy but I had to, because I had housewoek to do. If I'd had a bed on wheels I could have achieved both these things. There's nothing wrong with my legs though.... well there is that birth mark that shaped like a coffee jar behind my left knee, but thats a story for another day. I'm just lazy, it's a well known fact that legal secretaries are inherently lazy. Especially posh ones.

I don't know what cheese steak is but it sounds really fatty, you should probably know I'm a bit of a health nut.



Are you a cat person by any chance?

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 04:39 AM

Yeah, he's got pointy little ears and whiskers. Definitely a cat person.



Oh, and he Shakespeares in a sandbox.

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/03/2003 04:40 AM

Mmmmmmm..... cheesesteak with extra horseradish and eggs

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:47 AM

Do you know what would happen if she rode a wheelchair out there without 44 inch Silver always spin Rims? Or without the custom sound package and embroidered seats? I would be the laughing stock of the city! No, I don't have that type of money, so I'll have to make do.



I'm sorry about your birthmark, I have one on my penis. It looks like mickey mouse except when I'm excited then it looks like a '02 Corvette Z06, with custom hood scoop and dubs.



I'm not a cat person sorry, bad experience when I was younger, the cat ripped off both my ears, so I dont have ears. And I dont have whiskers either, every other part of my body is hairy, not my face. My face was thrown into a pit of scid when i was in chemical science class and i have never had any hair, sorry.



So I'd have to say a monkey, with red suspenders and yello monkey shorts.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:48 AM

<action>Sheepish</action>

But I do Shakespeare in a sandbox, our bathroom overflowed.

ringworm, a dirty negro of gab 68,315 13
08/03/2003 04:55 AM

maybe it's just the alcohol talking, but you're about to be upgraded to nemesis status. you will be the beeblebrox to my virnomine, the mechanic to my everyone on gab.



be funny or shut up, please.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 04:57 AM

I'll shut up, being funny takes too much work and is for losers, ecspecially if you're a stomach parasite.



Oh wait, you are.

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 04:58 AM

I was just thinking the exact same thing. I think I might actually prefer clovis.



Oh, I have no idea what you're talking about. Virn likes me!



Hey, at least I know in this brief moment in time, I am ranked funnier for the month than he is.

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 05:02 AM

Let me get this straight. You have a plasma screen tv and yet you do not wish to fork out for a wheelchair with a portable dvd player and global positioning system? Either you're slightly mean or your girlfriend isn't very attractive. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm quite ugly myself.

I'm sorry to hear that a cat ripped your ears off, does that make you deaf now or can you hear through the holes on the sides of your head? I'm finding it hard to understand, please elaborate for me.

Also I am saddened to hear of your unfortunate face.... Eric will be able to commiserate with you on that one when he gets here. However, you might be able to answer this question for me. What is the chemical symbol for iron? I think it's Fe but my grocer seems to think it's D. There's a couple of pineapples riding on the correct answer so a speedy reply would be appreciated.

Monkeys make me uncomfortable for some reason... mainly because I have nightmares about one particular monkey.... let's call him.. 'black beauty'........ in the bad dreams he Shakespeares a lot and then dies and some chinamen dig him up from his grave, it's all very complicated, I'm thinking of seeing a counsellor about it.



Have you ever gone mental yourself at all?

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 05:07 AM

You seem to have "misunderstood" me, It was beeble's plasma screen, I merely moved it from the other room.

My girlfriend is quite ugly, but thats not all that matters, before she had throat cancer I enjoyed her conversations very much. Now I have to strain to hear her but usually she gets the point across.



I have gone mental on myself and tried to get on Queer Eye for the Straight guy. They never did get back to me though. Thank God they didn't, that would have been embarrassing. But I feel beter about myself, ecspecially after I exfoliate my skin each day.

702 10
08/03/2003 05:09 AM

black beauty the monkey is died. his head has been impaled on the penis of an officer in the chinese army

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 05:11 AM

No, no the chemical symbol for Iron Is FKR. I'm positive and 101% sure. Definately FKR.

black beauty 68,315 13
08/03/2003 05:12 AM

roger that, sockk. it is a cold day for pontooning. repeat, it is a cold day for pontooning.

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 05:13 AM

Black Beauty!



You're alive! You're alive!

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/03/2003 05:14 AM

See, Nerd... Humorous juxtaposition is good, but only in moderation. You need to use it sparsely, throwing a dash of it here or there, sometines along with or right next to hyperbole.



For further reference, check out http://www.somethingawful.com . The site operator, Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka usually writes articles with the absolute most use of these tools anyone should use. He does a great job, but he doesn't overdo it.



For example, if I'm going to write something that has a list of three or more items in it, I'll completely leave juxtaposition out of the post, and save it for the third item on the list. (i.e. "so in my bookbag, I had the normal things a 2nd grader would bring to school... you know... pencils, wide-ruled paper, fifth of Jack... the standard stuff."



For some reason I can't quite put my finger on, "wide-ruled" is mildly funny, too, as would have been "loose-leaf" if I'd used that instead. I think it goes back to how, as children, we blindly accepted these stupid terms adults spewed at us like a probation-era gangster's tommy-gun spewed bullets haphazardly.



Now I'm just rambling.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 05:15 AM

OMFG, I understood, about 2 words in that entire thingy.



But I do own a machine gun...

ringworm, a dirty negro of gab 68,315 13
08/03/2003 05:17 AM

shut the Frost up, chemical symbol for iron.

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 05:17 AM

I do know how to write as you specify.

You take:

Your own writing talent and a handy word processor,



Some helpful hints from well placed friends,



And smear the finished product with human feces.

Correct?

ringworm, a dirty negro of gab 68,315 13
08/03/2003 05:18 AM

and you did not just say OMFG. back to aol w/ you, nessie.

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 05:18 AM

Oh I see. Sorry for the confustion, I was distracted by the popcorn. Popcorn enrages me for some reason, I think it's the hard little bits that get stuck in my upper plate and irritate the hell out of me.

Oh dear, your girlfriend has certainly been through the wars, hasn't she? Has she got one of those toy microphones that she presses to her neck in order to sound like a dalek? I find those help in situations where you find yourself with a holey cancer eaten voicebox. Still, she sounds like a real trooper, but she's lucky to have a caring boyfriend like yourself to drag her around the park on sunny days.

Just a question, enquiring minds wnat to know..... when you exfoliate.... do you lose bits of your face due to the horrific acid incident? I think a good moisturiser would help, try Avon. They have some moisturisers... and at Christmas they also have unusual gifts for family members and stocking fillers for the kiddies.

Chin up dude.

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/03/2003 05:19 AM

LOL. U Rt! I jus B-ing sillee!1!!

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 05:22 AM

Daggy, why encourage him?

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 05:23 AM

wat? u guyz dont use aol terms or smilies ;) I thought u did :( LOL I guess I was wrong!!1 I should have seen itt LOL LMAO ROFLMAO

I'm sry i shouldve known, ur serious right, well i gtg, since my time limit is up loL!!!!!!1!



Thnks for evrything i gtg brb l8r k grl?







Frost-ing idiots

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 05:25 AM

I wish they had a button that just inserted the middle finger.



Wham! I'd use it right there, and WHAM! Right there also.



WHAM!

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 05:26 AM

What does OMFG mean? I know LMAO means leave me alone okay. I get that a lot.

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 05:27 AM

When Virn gets here you're in for a big ol' heap a trouble.

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/03/2003 05:28 AM

It means "Oh My Frost-ingod"

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 05:28 AM

Time to leave (Kapwing!)

Gonzo Booky Doog 20,522 17
08/03/2003 05:29 AM

Good luck with your surgery.

Daggy 86,684 14
08/03/2003 05:44 AM

HEY!



That guy owes me two pineapples!

Mookie on Wheels 17,582 13
08/03/2003 05:46 AM

Daggy wins a reprieve for you all. Trae's new alter ego is cool tool. I've released your family pets from their cages.

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/03/2003 06:06 PM

Jesus Daggy Christ. I leave for a day-and-a-half and you guys just let my can get stolen by some.. some NERD!? And who, in the name of Hargrave, keeps giving clickies to this flaptwat!?



Gah!

Pfft!

and double-Feh!

WannaSeeMyNerd 27,000 12
08/03/2003 06:11 PM

This is not your can sir! This is my can and there are some major differences, such as a slight difference in color and size, where my smile is slighty less pronounced then yours. A ratio discretion of .0000034



Duh! We could all se that, Poo head!

Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/03/2003 06:28 PM

In the name of all that is holy and good, will you shut the Frost up, please?

ringworm, a dirty negro of gab 68,315 13
08/03/2003 06:33 PM

here's my can.

Virnomine the Haberdasher 79,386 11
08/03/2003 06:35 PM

heh, you've got a maha-ass

Teh Lovely Daggy 86,684 14
09/27/2003 09:33 PM

Where's my Frost-ing pineapples!!!???

Nerd: Hand Crafted with Care 27,000 12
09/27/2003 09:36 PM

Wow this thread is ridiculously old.





And yes I sent those of which you speak. I sent them Air jamaica to save cost, which might explain the delay.

Teh Lovely Daggy 86,684 14
09/27/2003 09:41 PM

So! Are you still with the midget or have you moved on to loftier things.





















Where's Eric, I need a cuddle... ERIC!!!!

Mr.Glass' Appendix 25,340 11
09/27/2003 09:41 PM

I hope he says somethign witty like; "You rang?"



Or or... "I am summoned."

Nerd: Hand Crafted with Care 27,000 12
09/27/2003 09:45 PM

Actually the afore mentioned people are dead, I killed them and took all of their things of value.



This was not one of those things.

Teh Lovely Daggy 86,684 14
09/27/2003 09:49 PM

Hello. I obviously was adding to a thread because this little window is open. However, I got distracted by a phone call and went to feed the bird. Now I don't know what I am replying to.... it's a bit like a lucky dip really.

I'm going to click the yellow submit thingy now and look for some panadol.

Have a nice day, lots of love from daggy.

Frogpop the Snowman 173,148 25
12/30/2003 06:50 AM

That guy owes me two pineapples!



Found a pineapple for you, Daggs.

Frogpop the Snowman 173,148 25
12/30/2003 07:02 AM

..not to mention that Asian broad who stole your oven mitt.