Pubah, Poster of the Stupid 56,794 18
09/03/2003 02:27 AM

Don't do it!

Horses are almost as heavy as cars and have their own brain.

You - "Jump Seabiscuit...jump"

Seabiscuit - "You gotta be out of your rabbid ass mind. You jump the mutha-Frosta!"

Hammerhead 59,399 14
09/03/2003 02:28 AM

It's been a long time, and I never knew the whole story, but back in middle school, I heard something about a kid in my middle school that went to a summer camp that had horseback riding...the day they did it, he didn't wear shoes, and tried to pleasure the stud with his toes. He was kicked out of the camp for that. Sicko

Hammerhead 59,399 14
09/03/2003 02:30 AM

My only real experience was riding a rent-a-horse at a state park on the group riding trail.

Pubah, Poster of the Stupid 56,794 18
09/03/2003 02:31 AM

Horses smell fear

and 'citified' people. Take up dog sledding or something.

Pubah, Poster of the Stupid 56,794 18
09/03/2003 02:54 AM

You'll thank me tomorrow.

Livewire 78,229 13
09/03/2003 03:00 AM

It tastes kind of like beef, but tougher.

Frogpop in a box 173,148 25
09/03/2003 03:12 AM

Take up dog sledding



Do I look like a Jacobpants?

Besides, dog sledding probably works better when there's snow, like up in Canadia.

Frogpop in a box 173,148 25
09/03/2003 03:22 AM

opening tonight, Frogpop T Gabber stars in: Zugstore Cowboy.

DJ Funk Master Stoat 9,077 10
09/03/2003 07:09 AM

I always wanted to fly when i was a kid. I used to dream of sailing through the air, on a bed of air, swooping low to the ground, and soring at incredible speeds.



One day as a child, at my grandparents farm house, I ventured into the paddock next door. A giant beast ambled towards me, with almost a smile on it's face. I stoked his nose, then fearing it's size, turned to leave. The horse promptly turned around and kicked me square on the ass. I rocketed 8 feet away, wailing like a banshee the whole distance to crash heavily into mud and horse Shakespeare.



Flying sucks.

Frogpop in a box 173,148 25
09/03/2003 07:26 AM

The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and then miss at the last second. Horseback riding is likely to be more painful.

Frogpop in a box 173,148 25
09/03/2003 07:37 AM

We are quite likely to start off with a good deal of grooming and bridling lessons and it will be some time before we do any riding at all. So Stoat, don't think I haven't considered to "Hoof to the head!" factor.

DJ Funk Master Stoat 9,077 10
09/03/2003 08:03 AM

Jus' lookin' out fo' yo' back, bra...

DJ Funk Master Stoat 9,077 10
09/03/2003 08:03 AM

That's 'bra' as in 'brother'.



Don't want you to think i'm calling you a brassiere...

don't mind me, I'm just another Frog 173,148 25
12/11/2003 05:18 AM

So today was our last class of Beginner 1 Equitation and I am now teh 1337 h0rs3 rid3r. Simpsons fans will be pleased to know that, of the 5 different horses that our class used this semester, my clear favorite is named Princess.



I may have some footage of today's class that I can put up later for you all to laugh at.

Jannie 10,022 10
12/11/2003 05:24 AM

Did you turn in that paper I wrote for you? And if so, did you leave in the multicolored exclamation marks?

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
12/11/2003 05:25 AM

undergraduate curriculum



Now let's get this straight. . . are you a grad student or an undergrad student?

don't mind me, I'm just another Frog 173,148 25
12/11/2003 05:30 AM

sorry Jannie, no. It was great, but I'm sure they'd accuse me of copying off of Jacobpants.

don't mind me, I'm just another Frog 173,148 25
12/11/2003 05:33 AM

I wish I could post it here, but without the fonts and colors it just wouldn't do it justice.

don't mind me, I'm just another Frog 173,148 25
12/11/2003 05:34 AM

and Bob, yes.











Foolish Earthing.

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
12/11/2003 05:34 AM

Answer me, Frog. I'm trying to establish a "paper" trail to guilt someone into hot anal sex.

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
12/11/2003 05:35 AM

Alright, sorry. I was slow posting.



However, it was an "or" question.

don't mind me, I'm just another Frog 173,148 25
12/11/2003 06:09 AM

I am teh Undergrad, again/still.

Revolutionary Chickens 286,326 61
12/11/2003 06:37 AM

My wife's father was an excellent horseman, but as he got senile, he forgot that he was ageing and tried to jump this one fence he had done many times in his youth, but was thrown and killed.



Then my daughter, whom I spoiled ridiculously, was riding the pony I had given her for her birthday.



She thought it could jump like the big horses but she ended up going into the bushes and we lost her too.



I was so upset I left my wife and went to Atlanta to my whore first love and left my wife to run Tara all by herself.

don't mind me, I'm just another Frog 173,148 25
12/11/2003 08:06 AM

touche.

Trae LaTrash 156,785 17
12/11/2003 08:37 AM

Very nice Chickens, very nice.

*I am not Tubgirl! I promise* 171,270 14
12/11/2003 09:33 AM

Now here's a little story I've got to tell

About three bad brothers you know so well

It started way back in history

With Adrock, M.C.A., and me - Mike D.

Been had a little horsy named Paul Revere

Just me and my horsy and a quart of beer

Riding across the land, kicking up sand

Sheriff's posse on my tail cause I'm in demand

One lonely Beastie I be

All by myself without nobody

The sun is beating down on my baseball hat

The air is gettin' hot the beer is getting flat

Lookin' for a girl I ran into a guy

His name is M.C.A., I said, "Howdy" he said, "Hi"

*I am not Tubgirl! I promise* 171,270 14
12/11/2003 09:33 AM

He told a little story that sounded well rehearsed

Four days on the run and that he's dying of thirst

The brew was in my hand and he was on my tip

His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry he asked me for a sip

He said, "Can I get some?"

I said, "You can't get none!"

Had a chance to run

He pulled out his shotgun

He was quick on the draw I thought I'd be dead

He put the gun to my head and this is what he said,

*I am not Tubgirl! I promise* 171,270 14
12/11/2003 09:34 AM

"Now my name is M.C.A. I've got a license to kill

I think you know what time it is it's time to get ill

Now what do we have here an outlaw and his beer

I run this land, you understand I make myself clear."

We stepped into the wind he had a gun, I had a grin

You think this story's over but it's ready to begin

*I am not Tubgirl! I promise* 171,270 14
12/11/2003 09:35 AM

"Now I got the gun you got the brew

You got two choices of what you can do

It's not a tough decision as you can see

I can blow you away or you can ride with me" I said, I'll ride with you if you can get me to the border

The sheriff's after me for what I did to his daughter

I did it like this, I did it like that

I did it with a whiffleball bat

So I'm on the run the cop's got my gun

And right about now it's time to have some fun

The King Adrock that is my name

And I know the fly spot where they got the champagne."

We rode for six hours then we hit the spot

The beat was a bumping and the girlies was hot

This dude was staring like he knows who we are

We took the empty spot next to him at the bar

M.C.A. said, "Yo, you know this kid?"

I said, "I didn't." but I know he did

The kid said, "Get ready cause this ain't funny

My name's Mike D. and I'm about to get money."

Pulled out the jammy aimed it at the sky

He yelled, "Stick 'em up!" and let two fly

Hands went up and people hit the floor

He wasted two kids that ran for the door

"I'm Mike D. and I get respect

Your cash and your jewelry is what I expect"

M.C.A. was with it and he's my ace

So I grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face

The piano player's out the music stopped

His boy had beef and he got dropped

Mike D. grabbed the money M.C.A. snatched the gold

I grabbed two girlies and a beer that's cold.



































Sorry this had to be done.

Trixxie (Starbuck) Thibedeaux 65,021 15
12/11/2003 09:35 AM

to share your equestrian experiences



I steped in horse Shakespeare, once.

Virnomine 79,386 11
12/11/2003 09:46 AM

well there was this one time I was drunk and horny in a field...



Oh wait, that was a cow, nevermind.

*I love Trixxie- that is all* 171,270 14
12/11/2003 10:01 AM

I love that song Tubgirl You are so clever for posting it!

Virnomine 79,386 11
12/11/2003 10:05 AM

yeah, tubgirl kicks ass! she's almost as cool as chance.

Jerked Chickens 286,326 61
12/11/2003 10:27 AM

Trae- that little recount had no reference to you at all.

Jerked Chickens 286,326 61
12/11/2003 10:28 AM

All characters are fictitional and resemblence to anyone's online persona is strictly coinkidink.

Trae LaTrash 156,785 17
12/11/2003 10:32 AM

Now, you put up a disclaimer.



It's ok Chicky I didn't think it had to do with me: you know I'd never charge you. I got the GWTW reference, duh.

Declan McManus: Undercover Chef 131,869 36
12/11/2003 11:29 AM

Trae, you look lovely in that dress made from your draperies.





Chickens...you ain't no Captain Butler. But, you'll do.

Frogtacular 173,148 25
03/25/2004 03:58 PM

My Little Pony Update:



Hi gang! I just got back from riding class and exactly 1 hour ago I had my first ever solo flight. My horse this week, Paco, and I were heading for a jump, only, at the last second, Paco decided that he'd rather not jump, if it was all the same to me, and that I'd be fine on my own. And so, I was horseapulted through the gate as gracefully as a sack full of defrosted butterball turkeys, executing a summersault in mid air, and landing on my frogbutt on the other side of the jump.



You may commence laughing at my pain...





nnnnnnow.

Frogtacular 173,148 25
03/25/2004 04:05 PM

p.s. I think it was God smoting me for my "typing with your eyeballs" post.





What a Coleridgesucker.

Frogtacular 173,148 25
04/05/2004 07:17 PM

quick question: Is it "wrong" to be sleeping with one's riding instructor? She's an undergrad, not a professor, but it is still a graded class..







Oh, no reason.

Dr. Crazyballs 11,888 10
04/05/2004 07:25 PM

Is it wrong to run a stop sign?



Only if you get caught.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
04/05/2004 07:33 PM

Not wrong, as long as your feet never leave the stirrups

Frogtacular 173,148 25
04/05/2004 08:04 PM

because that would be in international airspace, and the repressive morals of the United States need not apply?



sure, I'll buy that!

Declan McManus: Bonky's personal chef and shopper 131,869 36
04/05/2004 10:59 PM

I'll be glad when Frogsplendid is through with thi sammed class.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/05/2004 11:04 PM

I will admit that I didn't care enough to read this whole thread. I mainly wanted to stop by and tell Chance how much I love her. I can't believe it took someone that long to post the Beastie Boys song.

Livewire 78,229 13
04/05/2004 11:56 PM

riding instructor



'nuff said.

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/06/2004 12:11 AM

Last summer I volunteered at a camp for kids with physical and mental disabilities (yes, seriously, and no, I didn't make fun of them). One of the activities was horseback-riding. The campers would sit on a horse, an instructor would lead the horse around a little trail, and two counselors would side-walk, holding onto the kid by his/her shoulders and knees so that he/she won't fall off.



At counselor training, they had made it very clear that under no circumstances were we to let go of the kid while side-walking, which included no stepping around poop. So the first time I side-walked, I was prepared to step in horse excrements; after all, I was wearing old tennis shoes, and side-walking meant I could get a break from my camper.



However, I ended up having to do more than step in horse excrement. On one lap around the track, the horse decided to relieve itself. And of course, it was a boy horse, meaning his urine stream was directed in a unique direction, namely upon me. And I just had to stay there and take it.

Frogtacular 173,148 25
04/06/2004 12:36 AM

Sorry Decles, I have a feeling this thread will continue to get bumped from time to time. I'm already in a whole other class, and will likely be in more. Rather than make a new useless thread for every horsy thing that comes up, I'm collecting all my sucky stories in one place, for your gabbing convenience.



well.. maybe not yours, but somebody's.

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
04/06/2004 05:50 AM

llama, i woulda dropped that cripple like a two week turd.



ain't no horse pissing on me unless i'm getting paid for it.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
04/06/2004 06:49 AM

Somewhere in the animalnet there is a forum where a stable horse is posting about how he had to take tards that Shakespeare themselves and drooled all over, for these slow ass walks every day in the hot sun.

Then he explained, "Until one day, the person that was proppin the tard up was this college chick that was cute as hell, wearin tight ass little shorts, and you know how cute some human chicks ass's look in shorts like that right?" Well right in the middle of the hike, I spotted my chance and just cut loose and gave her a golden shower like you wouldn't believe, and she had to stay there and keep the tard from bonkin his head"..........

"God that made that whole summer just seem worth all that Horse Shakespeare I had to endure"....



and today he is an amimalnet legend !

Frogpop 173,148 25
02/04/2005 01:33 AM

Here's your semiannual equestrian update.. (I know you've just been dying to hear about it..)



So! I've been promoted into the next level of classes. After 2 semesters in Beginner Two, I'm now ready to bump bellies with the big boys (well.. small girls) in Intermediate One!



As this was a late change to my schedule, I even got to ditch my crusty old Advanced Financial Reporting class in order to move to my new riding class! That's not just awesome.. that's BobJohnson-awesome. However, my new classmates are likely to be more viscous and primadonnical than ever before, and, I'm ashamed to admit, my catfighting skills are a tad bit rusty.



So would you recommend eye-gouging or hair pulling first?

Or should I just punch the mean girls in the ovaries?

DirtyHermit 858 9
02/04/2005 03:13 AM

So would you recommend eye-gouging or hair pulling first?

Or should I just punch the mean girls in the ovaries?



Get the horse to kick 'em, but make it look like the horse wanted to so you don't get into trouble.



The best way to win a catfight is to make it look like the other person gets blamed for it.

DirtyHermit 858 9
02/04/2005 03:16 AM

The best way to win a catfight is to make it look like the other person gets blamed for it.



"it look like" and an "s" slipped in there. These pills really are something else.





The should have read:

"The Best way to win a catfight is to make the other person get the blame for starting it."

DirtyHermit 858 9
02/04/2005 03:17 AM

The should have read:



"The" instead of "That" ?



Aw Frost I give up.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/04/2005 03:36 AM

quick question: Is it "wrong" to be sleeping with one's riding instructor? She's an undergrad, not a professor, but it is still a graded class..



How's that working out?

Frogpop 173,148 25
02/04/2005 04:10 AM

Well, she graduated last spring, so she ain't my teacher no more.

Frogpop 173,148 25
02/04/2005 05:10 AM

CATFIIIIGHT!!

Frogpop - doin' a heck of a job. 173,148 25
11/03/2005 01:37 AM

Look at em go!

one two



I got blurbed! Read about it here.



Latest show last week.

Frogpop - doin' a heck of a job. 173,148 25
11/03/2005 01:39 AM

Thanks Diana

Diana Matronic 57,804 108
11/03/2005 01:41 AM

No prob Bob.

Declan McManus as 'Thack Sweeney.' 131,869 36
11/03/2005 07:34 AM

Well, that was two years ago. Things change.

Jax In The Tesseract 8 12
06/02/2010 07:10 AM

It's the morning. Thanks Mechanic.