I have nothing but love for my buddies, but I know that they're going to kill me. I don't know when or where, but it will happen. I am a moderate prankster in my group of friends, but these two were my best ever. These two friends of mine, I'll call "Mike" and "Ike." Mike is now a cop, and Ike is still in college. The first prank was pulled on Mike, with the help of Ike.
We all used to live in the same dorm, and would take up residence in the dorm's computer lab to play games, chat, etc. One night we were sitting all at the same table. Ike was at a computer next to me, and Mike was sitting across from Ike facing us. We weren't doing anything important at the time, and I was talking to a girl on a messenger that I'd met online. I asked her if she was interested in having a little fun at my friends expense and she was game. I gave her his messenger name, and told her to say hi. Ike didn't know what was going on, until I messaged him and said that I was going to get Mike.
Mike was surprised when a girl he didn't know messaged him. Of course he had to brag about it to us, so I innocently asked him what was up. They started a conversation, him responding to her, and her having the right answers, supplied from me. He was under the assumption that she was a friend of a female friend that he was kind of interested in, and that this girl was secretly interested in him, but didn't know how to tell him. She would ask a question, I'd ask what she asked, he'd respond, I'd find out his answer, and would tell her what to say. He thought that our female friend was supplying the answers. The only thing he didn't catch on to, was that some of the answers she wouldn't have known. This went on for over an hour. I would always ask his response and tell her what to say.
Finally, Ike suggested that I wrap it up, as he would be crushed and pissed that I'd done this to him. I let it go for a little while longer, and wrapped it up by having her ask him why his friends were laughing. He got this real puzzled look on his face. He asked her what she meant, and asked us if there was a hidden camera in the room. I told her to say it again, and he looked at us, we were laughing our asses off. It was then he realized that we'd done this. He completely lost it. His response was that he never, ever would have thought that we'd pull something like this. It was such a let down that this girl didn't actually know him, that she was from another college altogether. He plotted murder, he vowed revenge, he laughed his ass off that he'd been got.
I guess that it really was one of those "You have to know the guy and have had been there" things. But it was so blatant, and in his face that he didn't question it. But that's not the best.
I waited a couple of years before I tried again. I knew that the computer girl trick was still in the back of their minds, so I needed to make sure that what ever I pulled, would go through flawlessly, and not be questioned. Then, the perfect opportunity jumped in my face.
I was up visiting my then fiancee, when she was still in college, and decided to drop in on my buddies, since I hadn't seen them in a while. She knew about the whole computer prank, and we were joking about it, thinking that we needed to do something else. We couldn't think of any thing that would have the impact, until I thought about our marriage. I'd asked Mike to be my best man in my wedding, and Ike was to be a groomsman. But they still thought that the wedding was at least a year or more away. This was perfect. It was diabolical. It was devious. They'd love it.
We went up to Mike's dorm room, and had him call Ike over. When Ike came in, we told them that we wanted to forgo the wedding, and elope, now, tonight. I said that through my preacher dad, that I knew a preacher in town that would do the marriage on the fly and help get the license. This completely floored them both. We went out of the building, so they could get a cigarette, and comprehend this. They proceeded to "give me a talk" about all of it. If I really wanted this, if there was a reason, was she pregnant, were we stoned. These were just some of the questions they asked. I, with a straight face, lied about it all, saying that the ultimate reason was that we just were tired of waiting.
After all of the questions and the talking, they agreed that if my heart was in this, if there was no other way, that they'd agree to be the witnesses. It was priceless. They were putty in my hands. And I was about to turn it all into one big pile of BS. I wanted to say something, I wanted to blurt it all out. But I knew that it had to go this far for it to truly work.
They both had errands to run for about 20 minutes, so my fiancee and I took a drive to talk and set up the next part. We arrived back at Mike's dorm room, where he, his girlfriend, and roommate were all there. I let it stew for a few minutes, while they all contemplated it over a pizza. I then set it up thus.
"You know, I was watching the Man Show the other day, when they had a segment about how guys have this incessant need to screw with their friends. Different pranks, bets, all around stupid crap that 'I'll give you five bucks if you do this,' and the like. They actually gave a guy ten bucks to eat a big stick of butter. Another guy came on and showed his breast implants that he got a thousand bucks to keep them for three months. He liked them so much, he kept them. But that's not the point. The point is that, we, as guys, have a need to give as much crap to our friends as we can. And now...Gotcha!"
He looked at us. His girlfriend looked at us. His roommate looked at us. They all had this shocked, dumbfounded look on their faces. Then Mike dropped his head into his hands. He kept repeating, "You got me again...I can't believe you got me again." It was classic. But that's not all. Ike was not in the room. He didn't know. Now it was Mike's turn to return the favor for Ike's involvement in the computer prank.
We kept it rolling. Mike called Ike over again. My fiancee, Mike and I went outside, and we were going to carry on like we'd done it. Without him. We were now married, and Mike was congratulating us, and pouring it on thick. He even handed me his credit card and told us to use it for our "honeymoon." We explained that we were going to get a hotel room and have our first night, and from there, just travel for the weekend. But this was hush-hush. We were still going to have the wedding later, but just for the family, we wanted all of it to be a secret.
Then Ike got a bright idea. He was going to call another friend of ours. "Hey, his family have a cabin in Michigan. You could be there in a couple of hours. I'll call him and get him to let you use it. It'll be perfect."
I looked at Mike. Mike looked at me. We needed to stop him. We needed to tackle him and take his cell phone from him. We let him call. There was no going back. We held our breath as the phone rang, and we thanked God no one answered. Our friend would have no idea what the hell was going on. And there would have been no explaining it to him. But we would have had fun making it grow if he'd answered.
We decided that this was enough. Ike was hell bent on making our "honeymoon" better. If it hadn't been for the fact that it was all a huge lie, I would have taken him up on the offer. But it had to end. I set him up the same way I did Mike. The whole deal about The Man Show. The need for guys to pile as much BS on our friends, and the fact that this, too, was a huge load of BS. He almost fell over. He sputtered and stammered, and muttered horrible things about me and my parentage, and everyone else in my family tree. And the fact that Mike had helped. That was icing on the cake. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Mike had gotten Ike back for the computer. And I force fed them the most BS they'd ever taken. They ate it up like it was the sweetest apple pie they'd ever tasted. My friends trust me way to damn much. And I love them like brothers.
As of yet, I have still not been got. They're going to have to plan for weeks, nay months, to get me. And I'll be waiting. Because if they do, they'll know that I'm going to up the ante once again.
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