No one understands me
A comedy article
by BobJohnson  178,045  22
09/21/2003 08:14 PM 506 views
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No one understands me. Or at least, no one understands any of my jokes.
For example, today at work I walked passed a booth where some guy was handing out pamphlets promising "High Paying, Rewarding, Part-time Jobs for Students!" (I work at a large university). It was a busy hallway with lots of students walking by, so this guy was working really hard in an effort to give every single person a pamphlet whether they wanted one or not. Not only did I recognize the irony of this, I also remembered the Dilbert cartoon in which Dogbert says, "Would you want career advice from someone who has to work hard?" So I stopped and talked to the guy. I explained that he would probably be able to distribute more pamphlets if he traded his little booth for a Lazy-Boy recliner. I explained that he should have a helper-monkey distribute the pamphlets for him (the monkey would also bring him iced tea as needed). That's the sort of person I want career advice from.
Unfortunately this guy didn't want my help. While he was listening to my spiel, he was looking longingly at all the potential pamphleties wandering past. When I was done he said, "Please, sir, I'm just doing my job."
When I had first confronted him, I intended to make my joke and leave. But he didn't even realize it was a joke! So I continued. I asked him why he didn't take one of the rewarding jobs mentioned on the pamphlet. "Do you get to write your salary off on your income tax? I mean, it's awfully charitable to be telling students about all these great jobs while you're stuck in one of the crappiest jobs to ever exist." The guy was now begging me to leave. I thought it was hilarious, but a nearby student yelled, "Hey! Leave him alone!"
I noticed that everyone who was walking by was glaring at me. At me! I had somehow become the bad guy!
I began to compose a speech in my mind. Had people been upset when Dave Barry asked readers of his column to call telemarketers? No! Was anyone upset when a young Franklin Roosevelt viciously attacked a guy who was passing out student-employment pamphlets? No! (Keep in mind, I was composing this in my head without access to reference material). But just as I was about to launch into my tirade, I spotted a campus security officer approaching. I quickly ran to my office.
The point is, if Dave Barry or a dead president had accosted this guy, everyone would have enjoyed it immensely. But no one understands me.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
73 votes
4.9
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20 Comments on "No one understands me"
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No_Key_Bandit 76,490  10
10/23/2003 04:33 PM
I don't get it.
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DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/23/2003 04:40 PM
It was actually Theodore Roosevelt.
Other than that, good one Bob.
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Llord 48,662 14
10/23/2003 05:04 PM
So what you're saying is...?
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Trae is a Sassy Goat 156,785 17
10/23/2003 05:10 PM
Shut up Sperel.
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RustyShackelferd 0 9
10/23/2003 05:55 PM
It wasn't that bad. But I must say HAHAHA to "Trae is a Sassy Goat"
post.
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Beeblebr0x, New & Improved 31,599 13
10/23/2003 08:11 PM
Bob, it's funny. I like it. The backlash is due to the fact that no one likes you.
Don't worry, I know how you feel.
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Beeblebr0x, New & Improved 31,599 13
10/23/2003 08:12 PM
Had Chi-Chi written this, it would have a full pee-tube and women would be throwing their digital panties at him.
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No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
10/23/2003 08:14 PM
I liked the article Bob. The "I don't get it" was my pathetic attempt to get love and attention at your expense.
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No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
10/23/2003 08:16 PM
<action>Glares at John and the "shoot down No_Key_Bandit's article team."</action>
At least your article got posted.
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BobJohnson, President of Tralfamadore 178,045 22
10/23/2003 08:18 PM
For this point forward I vow to make "digital panties" the cornerstone phrase in my lexicon. Thank you for changing my life, Beeblebr0x!
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/24/2003 12:40 AM
<action>waves at No Key</action>You're not the only one...
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Livewire 78,229 13
10/24/2003 12:52 AM
Ignore the critics. They are unthinking servants of the soulless machine. Trust the clickies. Trust the clickies.
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SargeantGiggles 0 9
10/24/2003 10:15 AM
Well, it wasn't pee your pants funny, more thought provoking funny. Also, I think you had to be there; Just one of those moments. If it's a true story, I could see how it would be VERY funny at the time, but hard to explain in a way that it's REALLY funny. Still, made for good reading over breakfast. Thanks!
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El Volante 10,315 10
10/24/2003 11:16 AM
If you had kept tormenting the guy until you got the Shakespeare kicked out of you it would be worth a clicke. You should stop being such a Poe and suffer for your art.
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wengo2578 0 9
10/24/2003 02:22 PM
I think it's totally hilarious! I love these jokes got more?
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/24/2003 02:25 PM
Sticks head in thread, smells n0ob, leaves to find N0ob-be-gone...
Oh Chance!
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Flying Hippo of doom 1,246 10
12/31/2003 08:24 PM
BobJohnson, Hippopotamus Hunter!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
<Runs through the wall comic style>
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Cheesemonger 4 8
03/14/2005 09:08 PM
Dont know why, but i sure as hell dnt understand you
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