studio 2,001 10
10/27/2003 02:43 PM

Sorry, I'm already taken.

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 02:44 PM

'No'

±½ the blackhole 1,684 14
10/27/2003 02:44 PM

"maybe latter"

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 02:46 PM

Restraining order

studio 2,001 10
10/27/2003 02:46 PM

'sorry about your scrotum'

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 02:46 PM

$300

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 02:46 PM

'maybe later' sounds too much like 'NO' to me.



Alimony

studio 2,001 10
10/27/2003 02:47 PM

'would you like to see my collection of warts?'

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 02:47 PM

I'm pregnant, it's not yours.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 02:47 PM

No, I will not swallow.

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 02:47 PM

'This is your last warning, sir. We will revoke your membership if your next tape isn't returned without "residue" on it.'

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 02:48 PM

Your brother is better.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 02:49 PM

...during sex: Honey, I'm home!

studio 2,001 10
10/27/2003 02:49 PM

'do you like the Village People too?'





















Oh wait, sorry, that's what GAYS don't like to hear, not GUYS.

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 02:51 PM

"I hate that show. It's stupid."

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 02:54 PM

I hate sports

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 02:58 PM

Do you still find me attractive?

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:01 PM

You're ugly, and your momma dresses you funny.

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 03:01 PM

"Uh-oh! My Father!"

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:03 PM

Mom and Grandma want to join us tonight.

±½ the blackhole 1,684 14
10/27/2003 03:03 PM

...

And not just for dinner.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:07 PM

You wanna do what?

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 03:11 PM

"You're going to have to get a job"

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 03:12 PM

Don't you notice anything... different?

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 03:13 PM

"What is this personal lubricant for?"

±½ the blackhole 1,684 14
10/27/2003 03:14 PM

Who is Chelcie?



and why is she on speed dial?

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:14 PM

It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno.

ringworm 68,315 13
10/27/2003 03:18 PM

that's the wrong hole.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:19 PM

paternity suit

Danny_Boy 2,210 10
10/27/2003 03:21 PM

Can I pee in your butt?

±½ the blackhole 1,684 14
10/27/2003 03:28 PM

do i look fat in this...?



No.



Your lying you SOB, YOU HATE ME

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 03:30 PM

you don't REALLY care about me.

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 03:30 PM

"Please don't get drunk and try to have sex with me while I'm sleeping"



Guys hate that.

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 03:31 PM

Can I get YOU drunk so you'll have sex with me while I'M sleeping?

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 03:32 PM

No Pubah. I don't get teh drunk.

Mossy Rock 4,125 10
10/27/2003 03:34 PM

Diagonal lines. Men HATE hearing about diagonal lines.

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 03:36 PM

'I don't get drunk'

This Space For Sale 1,684 14
10/27/2003 03:36 PM

... or anything that has to do with decorating for that matter.



Observe:



W:What do you think honey? white with diagan*BAM*



W:OWW what was that for?



M:Me no wanna decorate. Me wanna screw.

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 03:44 PM

Your dad was better. . .

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:45 PM

Your mom was better

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 03:45 PM

My dad was better





*Pubah throws up*

This Space For Sale 1,684 14
10/27/2003 03:46 PM

My Dog was better.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:47 PM

My Jelly Dong is better

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 03:48 PM

Thanks to this Herbal Essence shampoo, I don't need you anymore. . .

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:49 PM

I moonlight at Helga's House of Pain.

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 03:50 PM

"What are you thinking about?"

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 03:51 PM

"A penny for your thoughts?"

And then she doesn't give you the penny!

ringworm 68,315 13
10/27/2003 03:53 PM

bloop.

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 03:53 PM

"What do you think about having kids?"

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 03:55 PM

This one always gets them:



"I'm not your mother."

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 03:55 PM

<action>While looking into her overstuffed closet</action>

WE need to go shopping. I don't have a thing to wear.

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 03:56 PM

I'm not your mother.



What a turn-off.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:56 PM

...and then she said to me that he cheated on her and I said no way and she said yes and then I said that she should leave the bastard and she said that she went out the next night and Frosted as many guys as she could which ended up to be about 12 and then she said that...

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 03:57 PM

<action>Pubah's Brain Explodes</action

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 03:59 PM

There's no more beer in the fridge.

Lila the Twaffle 78,550 13
10/27/2003 03:59 PM

Heh - Pubah's brain exploding is an action.

Eastside Chickens 286,326 61
10/27/2003 04:00 PM

"What's this little file "Gablanta Photos"?"

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 04:01 PM

Who is Trae?

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 04:01 PM

No. It's not cold in here.

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 04:02 PM

There's no beer in the fridge, but here's a diet coke, you need to lose a few pounds anyway."

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:02 PM

I think we should have your sister over for a threesome...

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 04:03 PM

Ewwwwwwww!

Eastside Chickens 286,326 61
10/27/2003 04:03 PM

I think we should have your brother over for a threesome.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:04 PM

I don't eat meat, killing animals for food is cruel...

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 04:04 PM

"Do you like felching?"

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
10/27/2003 04:05 PM

"I think you've proven to me that I want to be a lesbian"

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:06 PM

Have you ever considered you might be gay?

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 04:06 PM

So, circumference is Pi multiplied by the diameter, right? Oh. . . who are we kidding. . . it's practically zero!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:08 PM

I think that we'd have a better relationship if we cut out sex altogether...

Lila the Twaffle 78,550 13
10/27/2003 04:11 PM

I love you...like a brother.

salvage semi-lurks 28,986 12
10/27/2003 04:12 PM

Hold on a second, let me masturbate, maybe we can salvage this thing.

























and yes that's why that's my name.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:12 PM

We need to talk

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 04:14 PM

"You're done already?"

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 04:16 PM

Do you mind if I wash my hair while we have sex? I don't want it to be a total waste of time.

Kittuns the Bavarian. 24,428 11
10/27/2003 04:17 PM

Do you mind if I wash my hair while we have sex?

I've acutally said that.



And



I've read a magazine while having sex too.









What??!?

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 04:21 PM

She's a witch! Burn her!

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
10/27/2003 04:23 PM

"Remember that scene in Austin Powers the spy that shagged me when felicty has to put a track on fat bastard? can we re-enact that one ? "

Trae is a Sassy Goat 156,785 17
10/27/2003 04:24 PM

"That's not a door handle, that's my penis."

juggernautbaby13 400 9
10/27/2003 04:26 PM

Can you take me to school tomorrow morning?



or



Can you pick me up from school this afternoon?

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:27 PM

And this one time, at band camp...

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 04:29 PM

I thought I recognized you! You're one of my Dad's friends!

Zorboff 1,592 11
10/27/2003 04:30 PM

At the bar...

Can I push your stool in for you?

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
10/27/2003 04:30 PM

"You look like Ben Affleck in the light, but David Letterman in the dark"

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:31 PM

*walking down the street in NYC*



"Lets see, I've done him, and him, and him, and those two, and him and her, and him, and him, and her, and them, and that group, and those construction workers, and him, and her, and him..."

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 04:33 PM

can't we just be friends?

BobJohnson, Menshevik Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 04:34 PM

Thanks. I needed that 'cause I read that unprotected sex can clear up AIDS.

Mythology: Your trusted No Name Brand 4,891 11
10/27/2003 04:35 PM

that was ok, but your best man was much better at it

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/27/2003 04:41 PM

"Shouldn't we wait until it gets hard?



Oh."

studio 2,001 10
10/27/2003 04:46 PM

The rabbit died.

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 05:14 PM

I love you...I'm just not IN love with you

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/27/2003 05:15 PM

"The horror.



The horror."

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/27/2003 05:19 PM

"15."

























(and if you think that one should be in the other thread, shame on you.)

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
10/27/2003 05:26 PM

"Of course it's a penis, I'm a man."

Mookie Unrepentant Voyeur 17,582 13
10/27/2003 05:34 PM

Girl: Are you angry?

Girl: Are you angry?

Girl: Are you angry?

Girl: Are you angry?

Girl: Are you angry?

Girl: Are you angry?

Girl: Are you angry?



Guy: YES, NOW I'M Frost-ing ANGRY!!!



Girl: Why do you get so hostile when I ask if you are angry?

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 05:35 PM

I was just playing

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/27/2003 05:36 PM

"It's pronounced 'sig-moid-oscopy'"

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 05:37 PM

What the hell is sigmoidscoping?

Llordie Llove Us 48,662 14
10/27/2003 06:15 PM

Awww...isn't it cute?!

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 06:16 PM

Let's stop at the jewlery store!

HighSoci 30,076 18
10/27/2003 06:20 PM

"please deposit another $4.99 or this call will be cut off"

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/27/2003 06:21 PM

"I've only ever had one man before you. His name was Hargrave."

HighSoci 30,076 18
10/27/2003 06:25 PM

"....and on the charges of sexual intercourse with an 90 year old vegatable in a wheel chair, the court finds the defendant guilty and...."

HighSoci 30,076 18
10/27/2003 06:26 PM

"honey i've been thinking"

Pubah 56,794 18
10/27/2003 06:28 PM

What? You don't have any MONEY!?

HighSoci 30,076 18
10/27/2003 06:28 PM

"and she doesn't eat that much and you will hardly know she is here"

HighSoci 30,076 18
10/27/2003 06:30 PM

"for the last time... NO! I won't stick that in my mouth, I don't care what it tastes like I'm not swallowing it, and keep that out of my ass"

Crazy Eddie's Last Hurrah 236 9
10/27/2003 06:36 PM

Is it in yet????



or







Are you done yet???

HighSoci 30,076 18
10/27/2003 06:37 PM

"I do"

HighSoci 30,076 18
10/27/2003 08:05 PM

HighSoci this is for you.



Hammerhead 2003

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 08:15 PM

Anything said by HighSoci...

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 08:23 PM

Please step out of your vehicle, sir.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 09:13 PM

Full body cavity search.

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/27/2003 09:37 PM

"Honey, I read this quiz in Cosmo..."

Hammerhead 59,399 14
10/27/2003 09:41 PM

Just heard from my significant other:



"But honey, why would you want to watch wrestling when we can watch figure skating?"

BobJohnson, Tiger Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
10/27/2003 09:42 PM

THEIF!

Zer0, almost number one 52 9
10/27/2003 10:01 PM

"Honey, I got a 'change.'"

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
10/27/2003 10:08 PM

"You got reel purty lips for a city boy."

Trae is a Sassy Goat 156,785 17
10/27/2003 10:24 PM

"You Frost just like my Daddy."

Mossy Rock 4,125 10
10/27/2003 10:26 PM

"Congratulations! It's a girl!"

Trae is a Sassy Goat 156,785 17
10/27/2003 10:29 PM

I am a sick, sick girl.

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 10:31 PM

You know, Johnson... this is my LEAST favorite part of my job.

Frogpop - unpacked. 173,148 25
10/27/2003 11:26 PM

Do you like my hair better now, or before?

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
10/27/2003 11:41 PM

I am a sick, sick girl.



No, we like that one.

Gonzo! Where is my automobile? 20,522 17
10/27/2003 11:44 PM

I don't know what's wrong with it. That 'Check Oil' light's been on for a few weeks. Is that bad?

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/05/2003 03:00 PM

"What do you mean you didn't know I was a man? Your friends obviously did!"

Ghost of 20Chickens 286,326 61
11/05/2003 03:08 PM

<action>after looking up from giveing her the best oral orgasim of her life



Oooooo. That was sooooo good, only I hate to tell you, but now that I see your face, I can tell I may have....started.









Don't ask me how I know this.

Mr. Goo 712 10
11/05/2003 03:14 PM

Nobody mentioned teh Fight Club!





"I haven't been Frosted like that since grade school."









"I'm leaving you! I heard you were a Pedophile!"







Of course, your reply is "Ooooooooooh! Big word for a NINE YEAR OLD!"

n_sani_t 405 9
11/05/2003 03:22 PM

i had girlfriend that came home and told me that she noticed a tire had gone flat at work and could i fix it? i said sure, but how'd you get home, you didn't call. she said she drove home, i said 'so it holds air for a little while?', she said, i don't know, i didn't fill it up.



i went outside and the rim was ruined. she'd driven 15 miles from work to home on a flat driver's side tire.

Fratberry 282,615 53
11/05/2003 03:57 PM

1: That's not how your father/my daddy used to do it.



2: Honey, does this make my ass look big? (answer: Nope, your great big ass does.)



3: I want a divorce. (after uttering answer to number two and, actually, a relief to hear)



4: HERE COMES THE PAIN!!!

Fratberry 282,615 53
11/05/2003 05:26 PM

Wow its as big as a peach!

I am Captain-Obvious 1,412 10
11/05/2003 05:52 PM

"100 dollars"

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/05/2003 05:57 PM

" You have my plane tickets? Good. Oh, by the way, that picture I emailed you wasn't really me..."

Fratberry 282,615 53
11/06/2003 12:38 AM

Your prostate, I mean.

Joe The peacock 2,857 10
11/06/2003 03:31 AM

*BARF*



And yes, I have heard that one.

Teh Baby Jebus (Just Hangin' Around) 19,242 12
11/06/2003 05:10 AM

"Hi, I'm with the home for unwed mothers..."

Teh Pr0n Fairy 1,722 11
11/06/2003 05:26 AM

"i'm sorry, i thought this was the girls' locker room."



then she leaves.

Mister666 12 9
11/06/2003 05:37 AM

Me - Do you happen to have any STD's?

MyEx - Actually, I just found out I have warts.

Teh Baby Jebus (Just Hangin' Around) 19,242 12
11/06/2003 05:53 AM

"Four inches is actually quite pleasing [snicker]

Teh Baby Jebus (Just Hangin' Around) 19,242 12
11/06/2003 05:53 AM

Not that I've ever heard that one...











































































Really.



























































No, really.































































Damn.

Mister666 12 9
11/06/2003 06:09 AM

I'm saving myself for marriage.

Mister666 12 9
11/06/2003 06:09 AM

(Attractive well-dressed women knocks on your door and you answer it)

Sir, have you accepted jesus christ as your personal savior?

ShortBus 58 9
11/06/2003 06:44 AM

Boy, you sure do got a purty mouth. c'mon, squeal for me piggy. WEEEEEEEEE! WEEEEEEEEE!





(Oh come on, how could you not get a deliverance referance in there already???)

Teh Baby Jebus (Just Hangin' Around) 19,242 12
11/06/2003 07:11 AM

Your secret santa is The Rockin' Donkey.

Fratberry 282,615 53
11/06/2003 12:12 PM

Hey, nice Coleridge! (in the men's room).

Fratberry 282,615 53
11/06/2003 12:14 PM

Hmm, that's nice but why don't you move up a floor?

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/06/2003 12:27 PM

"What oil light?"

Eric Nguyen 23,705 11
11/06/2003 12:29 PM

My Dog wears pants

ShortBus 58 9
11/07/2003 06:30 AM

You, me and your mom are going to be on Jerry Springer next week...

ShortBus 58 9
11/07/2003 06:32 AM

Is it supposed to look like that??

Emenius 1,433 10
11/07/2003 02:42 PM

Awwww, how cute, it's a second belly button.

Mr. Goo 712 10
11/07/2003 03:00 PM

"We need to talk"



"I need to tell you something, but I'm not sure how"



During sex:

"Where's the remote?"



"Zzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Feudal Lloyd 48,662 14
11/07/2003 03:01 PM

We don't do enough thing together. I noticed that a new yoga studio opened up around the corner!

Eric Nguyprin 23,705 11
11/07/2003 03:04 PM

Eric,Stop crying you little bitch, you're acting like your mother.

Fluro exceeds your moral tolerance 14,139 11
11/07/2003 03:06 PM

"Sierra Oscar Four One requesting backup" god I hate that one.

n_sani_t 405 9
11/07/2003 03:08 PM

you....*sniff*...don't love me...*sniff sniff*

Feudal Lloyd 48,662 14
11/07/2003 03:11 PM

Her: *pointing at a hot chick on tv* "Do you think she's pretty?"



My Brain: (God, how do I answer this? If I say "yes" she might simply say "me too!" Then again, she might say "What? She is the exact opposite of me!" If I say "No" she might say "Me either" and give me the sex, or she might say "You're just saying what you think I want to hear.")



Me:"Can I get you a drink?"

14,139 11
11/07/2003 04:49 PM

There's been this annoying little light that comes up in my car for the past coupple of weeks, it looks like a can of oil, do you know what it means?

Chance 171,270 14
11/07/2003 04:55 PM

I just want you to hold me tonight.

MultipleSifl 0 9
11/09/2003 07:01 PM

*after walking around the corner in a store and seeing some goofy looking guy*

Oh crap. Uh...if he says anything about snowballing him last week, it's a lie!

BobJohnson, President of Tralfamadore 178,045 22
11/09/2003 07:07 PM

"I thought we'd try a little role reversal. . .

Oh, come on! I already bought the strap-on!"

orangepeepee 8 9
11/10/2003 05:06 AM

OH, How disgusting could it be... you have one.

orangepeepee 8 9
11/10/2003 05:10 AM

The guy right before you said it tasted fine!

Lunchbox regrets posting when hes drunk 14,650 10
11/10/2003 05:13 AM

"Lines Guys Hate to Hear"



"this thread will stay on the board another week."



arg.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/10/2003 05:52 AM

Guess who I bumped into at the grocery store today ?

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/10/2003 05:54 AM

Good Morning !!



Do you know what today is ?

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/10/2003 05:57 AM

(on the phone )



You say : "Who is this"



she says : "Well who do you think it is"

ShortBus 58 9
11/10/2003 06:03 AM

Hey, your sister called earlier...









WAIT, you don't have a sister

ShortBus 58 9
11/10/2003 06:17 AM

Look muchachos, a leetle white boy, all by his lonesome. Well leetle white boy say hello to my leeeetle friend.

Feudal Lloyd 48,662 14
11/10/2003 06:55 AM

Oh sorry, hun. Didn't I tell you that my pimp made me increase the price this week?

181,718 70
11/21/2003 01:15 PM

"my mother's moving in"

"i dunno, what do you want to do?"

"sure you can put it there. let me do you first."

Lloyd's Ship Registry 48,662 14
11/21/2003 01:18 PM

"Guess what I bought today?"

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/21/2003 01:28 PM

"NEXT!"

Emenius the Angry Fat Man 1,433 10
11/21/2003 01:58 PM

"What did you do to my Teddy Bear!?"

The Ass-Whisperer 15,434 11
11/21/2003 02:28 PM

"twins"



or



"i used to like the taste of cum - but i don't anymore"

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/21/2003 02:29 PM

or "I slept with Ass Whisperer once, but SWEAR it was only once honey!"

studio 2,001 10
11/21/2003 02:51 PM

"You will have to be accompanied by your parole officer on your trip to Bangkok"

(Staying at the Bangkok Kinder-Care Hilton of course...[I can't wait for HER video to be leaked out on the net!]))

The Ass-Whisperer 15,434 11
11/21/2003 03:09 PM

see above for a perfect trifect of unfunny...