The Annual Meeting.
A comedy article
by No_Key_Bandit  76,490  10
10/29/2003 05:18 PM 357 views
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"Make sure to mark your calendars for the annual strategic planning meeting!" the memo reads.
Other than wasting a day eating free doughnuts, I see no purpose for this meeting.
This is an annual event that the CEO puts on to make it seem like our ideas are really being heard and appreciated; so he can go back to doing whatever-the-hell he wants to while saying that [insert issue here] was addressed.
All of our little problems will be solved by a fifteen to twenty-minute PowerPoint presentation. It's better to be a good speaker and have cool attention-grabbing graphics than actual relevant content in your presentation. Being that I am in desperate need of a new laptop, I'm thinking about hiring some exotic dancers with automatic weapons to give mine. Two years ago the entire event was marred by a presentation that consisted of two words on a brightly colored flashing background. This presentation almost caused a seizure in an epileptic member of the audience. It was cut short and we were told that from then on all presentations would be made using PowerPoint only. (So much for the exotic dancers.)
The free food and beverages are the real draw to this event. I have noticed some unwritten rules of food in these meetings. As they progress, people will get up, retrieve one doughnut and sit back down to eat it. This progresses until there is one doughnut left. That last doughnut may as well have anthrax on it, because no one will touch it. Oh... there are always some lurkers, looking inside the box, looking around, realizing that if they take the last doughnut everyone will know. Then finally, sadly going back to their chair and sitting down. Dejected, forlorn, life askew. No doughnut. I think the doughnut companies ought to put a plastic doughnut in the box. Then whomever wants the last one can say, "oh! I thought there was one left."
Then there are the coffee vultures. These are the people who circle the coffee machine waiting for some other schmuck to make coffee. Then they swoop in, drink it all and leave. I've been thinking of installing a webcam focused on the coffeepot. Whomever takes the last cup of coffee will get his photo posted on the bulletin board along with some demeaning caption like, "child molester" or "doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom."
The meeting will last all day and awards will be given for the best presentation. I have a feeling that I won't be receiving the award this year as "Misti" the 26 year-old silicon-transplant recipient from Marketing will probably neglect to wear undergarments for her presentation... again.
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Hilarious
16 votes
4.9
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3 Comments on "The Annual Meeting."
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0 votes
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Hammerhead 59,399  14
12/19/2003 05:25 PM
Uhh, ok.
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0 votes
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Declan McManus: The Laundry Wizard 131,869 36
12/19/2003 05:32 PM
In every enterprise of more than five people, there is always a "Misti."
She can be "Haylie," "Lianne," "Kendra," or "Kaytee," but she still will be one with her sister "Misti."
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0 votes
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dinesh 24,862 16
12/19/2003 06:10 PM
heh, plastic doughnut.
Is there anything they can't do?
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