Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/19/2003 09:12 PM

I tip the dumpster if I jump into it wrong.





20% for good service. I love having my butt kissed when I'm eating out.

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 09:13 PM

Ha, if I tipped I'd look like a 'merican tourist. Suckers.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
11/19/2003 09:14 PM

One of the pizza places in my neighborhood has a slogan:



Tipping is NOT a city in China.

ringworm 68,315 13
11/19/2003 09:14 PM

20-30% in a restaurant; a dollar per drink in a bar.

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 09:22 PM

I don't understand tipping. Are waiters underpaid, and the excess money taken off the food, so as to encourage the waiter to 'earn' it?

Or is it just an attempt to squeeze more money out of the consumer?

Emenius the Angry Fat Man 1,433 10
11/19/2003 09:23 PM

If the service is great I'll tip 30%. If the service is average I'll tip 20%.

If the waitress makes my peepee hard, that's 25%

If the service is Shakespearety, I tip a roll of pennies, but take em all out of the paper.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
11/19/2003 09:24 PM

I don't understand tipping. Are waiters underpaid, and the excess money taken off the food, so as to encourage the waiter to 'earn' it?

Or is it just an attempt to squeeze more money out of the consumer?



Yes.

Fig-wearing-china-man 27,000 12
11/19/2003 09:26 PM

Usually I just stick my dick in the waitresse's mouth so she can't complain about me not leaving a tip, and then I run.

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 09:30 PM

So both? Is the money taken off the actual cost of your meal or not?

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/19/2003 09:32 PM

Servers aren't paid diddly (normally). The owner of the resturant keeps the profits and expects us to support the server.

If we (the eating public) don't, no one will.



Flip side: You'll get much better service once you've gained a reputation as a good tipper (no peeing in food, dropping the bread they serve you or wiping their butt with your napkin).

Emenius the Angry Fat Man 1,433 10
11/19/2003 09:34 PM

Usually I just stick my dick in the waitresse's mouth so she can't complain about me not leaving a tip, and then I run.



Unless she bites down, then she gets at least a small tip.

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 09:35 PM

That's disgusting.

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 09:36 PM

Jaggy, I love you, even though I've never sen you before and you've never seen me, I feel a connection, and not even in that stalkerish way.

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 09:41 PM

Leave me and my children alone.

Livewire 78,229 13
11/19/2003 09:42 PM

Your father has brought great dishonour to your family name. I recommend giving the waiter a brisk blowjob and an apology.

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 09:45 PM

You have children!!??!!??



Hmmmmmmm, looseness? Good or bad?

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 09:47 PM

Tight, and they're staying that way thank you very much.

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 09:48 PM

God! I'm so sorry, I'm an Emerson!







I mean how's your ASS?

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 09:50 PM

How old are your children?







(This thread might have just been Nerd-Jaggy jacked, sorry for the inconvienance, at least it's better than Pubah-jacobpants)

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 09:52 PM

I don't like you. Where's Pubah? It's *fun* to jack a thread with him.

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 09:56 PM

I'm a nice guy, charasmatic, good looking, young, intelligent and just an all around great guy?



What's not to like?





I say you give me a try, it can be like a dating game show, except without the annoying host.



Sound good?

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 10:01 PM

No.

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 10:04 PM

I'll pay you.

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 10:05 PM

I'm listening...

Moshroom 4,125 10
11/19/2003 10:06 PM

The ultimate in irony - a JP thread getting Nerd/Jaggy jacked.

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 10:08 PM

Get out of my thread you penis mongrel.







OK, here's the deal, I give you 200 dollars per word, and then every click you get I'll give you a flock of camels and a herd of meese (plural for moose).



Capisce?

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 10:10 PM

I'll start as soon as I get the first 5 words paid for in advance.

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 10:12 PM

<action>Tries to make a good decision</action>



I don't think I should do this, it's kinda cheap to get you to talk to me by paying.



*SIGH*











You accept PayPal?

Emenius the Angry Fat Man 1,433 10
11/19/2003 10:15 PM

Can't you just call a 900 number like the rest of us d... would if we were pathetic?

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/19/2003 10:17 PM

He's paying two large a word? I'll stay quiet for $20 per post.



And I DO accept pay pal.

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 10:17 PM

What's pay pal? Send NZ cash to:



Marian Witham

c/- Kapiti College

PO Box 2003

Ruamati

Kapiti

NEW ZEALAND

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 10:19 PM

Sent, It should be there in a few years (I tied it to my dogs back and he has to swim)

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 10:20 PM

Did I mention he only has 2 legs?

Emenius the Angry Fat Man 1,433 10
11/19/2003 10:28 PM

And also, he's not a dog, he's a small child, with floaties

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/19/2003 10:36 PM

What's the exchange rate in teh New Zealand?

What do you call your money for that matter? Pounds?

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/19/2003 10:37 PM

Wait...does one tip at Steak and Shake?

Isn't that a McDonalds with more chrome?



The one on 291?

Underpaid Nerd 27,000 12
11/19/2003 10:38 PM

VAGINA!

Jaggy Pants 11,895 13
11/19/2003 10:40 PM

I think we're 50 something cents to your dollah.

We have dollahs too, silly.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/19/2003 10:41 PM

What can I get for bus tokens and food stamps though?

ringworm 68,315 13
11/19/2003 11:56 PM

a ride to and from the grocery store and a block of cheese.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
11/19/2003 11:59 PM

I don't think I'd tip at a Steak and Shake. Steak and a Blowjob on the other hand....I'd leave a nice big warm tip for that.

BobJohnson, Bastard Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/20/2003 12:10 AM

Wow. You guys must be rich. I usually only tip 15%. Unless I'm drunk, in which case I will tip a cow.

BobJohnson, Bastard Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/20/2003 12:11 AM

(No, I never have.)

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 12:46 AM

Yes you have (tipped a cow).

How else could you have Frosted it.

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 12:51 AM

You grab it by the tail and...uh..nevermind.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 12:55 AM

Lucy, you'd do a cow, but you won't do your mom?



They're one in the same, aren't they?

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 12:56 AM

Pubah! I've never seen your mean side.



I like it.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:01 AM

I'm ashamed of myself. I'm having a bad week. I guess mean Pubah snuck up on me.

I apologize...



*Begins doing 100 punishment push-ups*

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:03 AM

It's okay Pubah. No one minds if you abuse Lucifer.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:04 AM

67, 68, 69...ah sexty-nine...70, 71, 72....

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:04 AM

No Sympathy For the Devil

BobJohnson, Bastard Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/20/2003 01:05 AM

Geez. If you're going to mean, at least be funny-mean, not evil-mean. (I almost cried at your cow Frost-ing comment. It brought back some painful memories). For example, if you use the word sodomize this week, you're practically guaranteed a clickie from me.



Try saying things like, "Pubash sodomizes Lucifer with a broom stick" or "Bob Dole sodomizes self for fun and profit."

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:07 AM

97, 98, 99, 100



Sodomize is such a vulgar word.

Jannie 10,022 10
11/20/2003 01:09 AM

And yet, strangely erotic.

BobJohnson, Bastard Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/20/2003 01:10 AM

Delicious broomstick.



There! That would have been funny!

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:12 AM

Somehow when done to a woman, anal sex dosen't really seem like sodomy.





Jannie, you're being a lusty vixen this night.

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:14 AM

<action>sodomizes Pubah with Jacko</action>

Jannie 10,022 10
11/20/2003 01:16 AM

Pubah: I am a lusty vixen every night. You are just rarely here to witness it.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:17 AM

<action>Pounds Lucifer into the ground with Mikes Monkey</action>



Beat iiiit,

Beat iiiiit

No one wants to be defeated!

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:18 AM

Too bad you're not a lesbian, Jannie...

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:18 AM

Sorry Janie, they kick me out of the library before things really get crackin here.







Its hard to compose MJ songs while listening to The Police.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:19 AM

If you two did ME while you did each other, is that 'lesbo'?

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:21 AM

No, that's pity.

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:21 AM

And it would be a shame, too.

BobJohnson, Bastard Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/20/2003 01:22 AM

Don't forget disgust.

dinesh 24,862 16
11/20/2003 01:23 AM

20% standard. 25% for excellent or hot service.



there's an awful lot of people saying 20+ % here, which doesn't jive with the rest of the world. perhaps gabbers are both more selfless and hotter than the average Frosto.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:23 AM

call it what you want...

I call it 'lifetime fantasy fulfilled'



Ladies?

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:26 AM

Don't forget disgust



...and dillusion.

BobJohnson, Bastard Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/20/2003 01:27 AM

<action>sodomizes Bob Dole with a delicious broom stick</action>

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:28 AM

Ooh! The LFF!



<looks to Jannie for help>

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:29 AM

LLF?

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:30 AM

'lifetime fantasy fulfilled'

Jannie 10,022 10
11/20/2003 01:31 AM

<action>hurriedly buttons shirt</action>



What? Did I miss something? Sorry, Bev and I were...having a meeting.

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:31 AM

The Lesbian Licking Fund. Its like a coffee fund at work, but we use the proceeds to bribe co-workers to go lesbo for our viewing pleasure.



You should start one at your work place.

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:32 AM

It's LFF. Ass.

BobJohnson, Bastard Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/20/2003 01:33 AM

<action>kills himself</action>

Suicide note: I just didn't want to live in a world where women throw themselves at Pubah over me. Good-bye, cruel world! Tell Jan I will be sodomizing her from heaven. . .

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:34 AM

I'm gonna LFF your ass in a minute young lady if you don't watch your mouth.

Jannie 10,022 10
11/20/2003 01:34 AM

Oh, Bob. We all know you're not going to Heaven.

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:34 AM

I'm curious about what that might entail.

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:35 AM

*tail

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:36 AM

Bob's death has gotten me all...excited.

This calls for another meeting.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:36 AM

<action>Gently stops Jannie from unbuttoning her shirt</action>



Oh my dear, don't let me stop you. I'll just be over in the corner eating (Ginger Snaps) until you're ready for me.

Lucifer 5,260 10
11/20/2003 01:37 AM

That's for me to know and you to find out. But I'm going to bed now to have wet-dreams about it.

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:40 AM

No, Miss Librarian lady! Ten More Minutes...please?



I'll clean the floors. I'll wash your windows. Awwww come on...Bev and Jan were getting ready to



OUT OUT OUT!

R.I.P. BobJohnson 178,045 22
11/20/2003 01:41 AM

We had joy we had fun we had

Seasons in the sun

But the hills that we climbed were

Just seasons out of time

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:43 AM

...Goodnight Jannie it's hard to die

While all the birds are singing in the sky...

R.I.P. BobJohnson 178,045 22
11/20/2003 01:43 AM

[insert a bunch of necrophilia jokes here]

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:44 AM

[Insert a barbed broomstick into Bob's anal orifice]

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:47 AM

"The Lesbian Licking Fund. Its like a coffee fund at work, but we use the proceeds to bribe co-workers to go lesbo for our viewing pleasure.



You should start one at your work place."



I think Satan was onto something. Besides me.



I think he meant that you guys should start pooling together your money to buy 2 tickets to the next GABevent.

<winks at Jannie>

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:50 AM

I'll come by and pick you up in my Gremlin. Nebraska isn't too far out of my way.

Shaken Beverage 2,715 9
11/20/2003 01:51 AM

Where do you live anyway?

Pubah, Lord of the Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 01:53 AM

I come from the noplace and go to the nowhere...

Frogpop 173,148 25
11/20/2003 02:18 AM

20-30% in a restaurant; a dollar per drink in a bar.



ditto

Daggy 86,684 14
11/20/2003 04:21 AM

Never buy a mermaid a pair of tights.

Pr0n 1,722 11
11/20/2003 08:38 AM

sodomy and buggery are different.



same hole, different sex.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/20/2003 08:49 AM

Is tipping customary in both cases?

If so, what is the proper amount?

Or

Do you just throw them a big wad when you are finished ?

Eric Nguyen 23,705 11
11/20/2003 10:25 AM

I used to be a server in a upscale Hotel Restaurant. We would always add the Gratuity into the check. Some patrons would not be aware of this and leave a tip at the table as well. Then there's those that argue that the service was not worth 15% and bitch all the way out the door. My opinion on tipping........







































COOK YOUR OWN DAMN FOOD!!!!

Chili the Barbarian 8,880 12
11/20/2003 11:52 AM

I usually tip between 15% and 20%. But I pretty much always tip, since my own restaurant working experience taught me that the tip (where I was working) is split between the wait staff and the kitchen staff, including the poor mexican shlub who is burning his fingerprints off in order to get the dishes clean. So unless the place really screws up, I usually tip.

John Chickens Bigbootay 286,326 61
11/20/2003 11:57 AM

Eric, my problem with that is that you didn't do that much more work, probably less, than flo at the local diner, yet she gets 20% on $5 and you get 20% on $150.

The Ass-Whisperer 15,434 11
11/20/2003 12:01 PM

i leave a take-a-penny - leave-a-penny coin tray every time i go out - oh and i start it off with the pennies in my pocket

Declan McManus, Common Welsh Green 131,869 36
11/20/2003 12:09 PM

I always tip, and no less than 20%. Oftentimes, 35%. Rarely, 50%. One time, 100%



In the States, waiters and waitresses are given half the minimum wage. Minimum wage is unlivably small.



It is not as easy as it looks. A lot of restaurants no longer have dedicated table bussers, so, in addition to taking the order and serving the order, the waiter/ess has to clean and set tables, restock salt, pepper, sweetner, and other side work.



It is not as easy as it looks.



A good waiter/ess has to be part salesperson, psychologist, traffic cop and pack animal.



They cannot snarl, even if the customer is being a true EMERSON, they cannot haul off and belt unruly running, shouting children, however desperately said child(ren) needs to be belted....



And in the restaurant I worked in for a summer, you needed to blow the owner weekly.

John Chickens Bigbootay 286,326 61
11/20/2003 12:11 PM

And in the restaurant I worked in for a summer, you needed to blow the owner weekly.



You just thought that was a requirement for everyone.

CheesyCrackers 144 9
11/20/2003 12:12 PM

Otherwise he'd deflate?

CheesyCrackers 144 9
11/20/2003 12:14 PM

damm you chickens...

ok then



"When are you going back to your parents restaurant?"

The Ass-Whisperer 15,434 11
11/20/2003 12:14 PM

i tipped a hooker $3 for swallowing...

Declan McManus, Common Welsh Green 131,869 36
11/20/2003 12:20 PM

I wasn't the only one slobbering on Erick's knob.

Whistler 185,889 44
11/20/2003 12:21 PM

I love the logic of people like Asswall's father, "The system is unfair to the waitstaff, so I'll screw them even further by not tipping." I guess even if it's illogical, it's easier to accept than, "I'm a lousy cheap Frost who shouldn't eat anywhere you can't supersize your meal."



In the U.S., waiters can be (and generally are ) paid less than minimum wage.



So, JP, good luck getting a decent Christmas gift out of your tightwad prick of an old man.

Trixxie The Swamp Monkey 65,021 15
11/20/2003 01:36 PM

20% for great service, 40% if the waiter lets me give him a blow job, 60% if he creams on my fresh green salad.

Chi-Chi Fellipe 161,353 14
11/20/2003 01:40 PM

People in my home town are crusty bastards set in their ways. So one year the tip jar at the ice cream place said "Do you fear change? Than please leave it here."

The Ass-Whisperer 15,434 11
11/20/2003 01:41 PM

ok - here's a serious question - what do you do at places like Sonic - or SouperSalad - or Ponchos - where all they do is bring your drinks - or just drop your food off -



how much do you tip?

Trixxie The Swamp Monkey 65,021 15
11/20/2003 01:44 PM

I don't tip fast food, I will tip a buffet 1 at most 2 dollars if the server does anything to piss me off though, forget it.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/20/2003 03:16 PM

what do you do at places like Sonic - or SouperSalad - or Ponchos - where all they do is bring your drinks - or just drop your food off





Avoid them , at all costs !

John Chickens Bigbootay 286,326 61
11/20/2003 03:22 PM

Yeah, but Trix, that Sonic chick risks her life every time she straps on her rollerblades to bring you your tater tots...



And what's 20% on $5 you cheep bitch? A dollar?

John Chickens Bigbootay 286,326 61
11/20/2003 03:29 PM

and the important thing to remember about tipping is to hit them fast then get out before the bull figures out what is happening.

54,807 10
11/20/2003 03:46 PM

I love you Chickens

John Chickens Bigbootay 286,326 61
11/20/2003 04:09 PM

someone had to do it

eli gefiltefish 89 9
11/20/2003 04:44 PM

If you will allow this small but somewhat significant point from not only a n00b per say, but an alum of cow tipping's ground zero,Oklahoma State University.



Relatively small cows only, Never, ever a bull.

Gonzo 20,522 17
11/20/2003 05:22 PM

I tip about 20%-35% or more for excellent service. For standard service, 15%. For poor service (no matter the excuse), I tip nothing. If the place is understaffed, that's an issue for the servers to take up with the management, not me. (Half the time, servers try to send each other home to get more tables for themselves anyways. Again, not my fault.)



For drinks, I tip a bartender $1 per.



For pizza delivery, never more than $2 and change. Less than that if I think of this webpage in the time I'm waiting for the pizza to show up.

dinesh 24,862 16
11/20/2003 07:07 PM

people will pay for pizza with CHECKS?



heh, here's a good one. the site talks about how not all drivers are dumb.



1) Can't do simple math ($6 of $207).



2) "Your correct."



3) Still can't do math. $75 on $207 is like a 35% tip! Are they on drugs?

ringworm 68,315 13
11/20/2003 07:45 PM

what's the custom for tipping a cab driver? i usually end up doing a third to half of the fare, just because i don't know what i'm supposed to do, and i don't expect they'll give me a straight answer.

Pubah Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 07:48 PM

The cabdrivers I've had the misfortune to deal with are cooks.



If I tip at all, it's 'keep the change' for a 9.95 fare





I hand em a 10

Pubah Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 07:49 PM

crooks!!! I ment cRooks...





I'm of to tip myself over a cliff now.

Lloyd's Ship Registry 48,662 14
11/20/2003 07:54 PM

I usually tip waiters, waitresses, bartenders, cab drivers and barbers 20% because it's easy to calculate. If I liked them I'll add to it, but at random, not really calculating a percentage.

Lloyd's Ship Registry 48,662 14
11/20/2003 07:57 PM

Except for that one guy who got lucky when my brain stopped working. The bill was $50 and I gave him $100 and when he brought the change I meant to leave $15 for him. When he came back I meant to say "just give me $35", but said "just give me $15" by mistake. My wife gave me a funny look, and I realized what I had done but couldn't say "no, I was just teasing." We both laughed and the waiter thought I was flirting with him.

Pubah Pants 56,794 18
11/20/2003 09:17 PM

Tipping can be good...

A local greasy spoon I frequent (and routinely tip well) straight hooked me up with a double order of artery hardener when I only ordered a single portion.



Rest assured, tightwads don't get such prefferential treatment.



Moral of the mercefully brief story? Tip well in places you plan to frequent.

Emenius the Angry Fat Man 1,433 10
11/20/2003 11:04 PM

It's really not nice to talk about prostitutes likes that.

Trixxie The Swamp Monkey 65,021 15
11/21/2003 09:52 AM

If a cabbie is honest, and the ride is enjoyable, I'll tip up to 5 dollars. If I can tell he is ripping me off, and the ride is Shakespeare, cab stinks, cabbie is hocking luggies, ect, I'll give him one or two dollars. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule for cab tipping, I think it's more of a laws of supply and demand sort of thing.

CheesyCrackers 144 9
11/21/2003 09:55 AM

Dunno about tipping them, but if you hurl in the back of a taxi, you tend to get where you are going mucho quicko



Warp speed Mr Sulu...

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/21/2003 10:00 AM

I have a simple rule for tipping cab drivers.

The more vowels they have in their name, the bigger the tip !

The Ass-Whisperer 15,434 11
11/21/2003 11:10 AM

what kind of loser would you have to be to hang out at the pizza driver homepage?

dinesh 24,862 16
11/21/2003 11:24 AM

slightly more of a loser than hanging out at the high school level comedy website.

The Ass-Whisperer 15,434 11
11/21/2003 11:40 AM

is this a highschool level comdey website!!!?



any girls in texas want beer?

Chili the Barbarian 8,880 12
11/21/2003 12:42 PM

Do you tip for take out? I never do with my own money, but when I am paying with the corporate card I always tip $5.00 when I pick up lunch. Corporate spending can be fun.