n_sani_t 405 9
11/24/2003 03:59 PM

also on that show...



what do pepsi and michael jackson have in common?









they both come in 12 year old cans.

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/24/2003 04:03 PM

Why did the 450,000 Americans cross the road?





















Because the other side had oil.

n_sani_t 405 9
11/24/2003 04:06 PM

well.....duh!

There Is No Love For Emenius 1,433 10
11/24/2003 04:08 PM

There were tanks too!

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
11/24/2003 04:40 PM

Why did the American cross the road?











To elect a famous actor.



(*sigh* When did I forget how to be funny? Was it the same time my jokes stopped making sense?)

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
11/24/2003 04:45 PM

OK, OK! That was a mulligan! Let me try again!



Why did the perverted Canadian cross the road?











He was stuck to the chicken. . . with maple syrup!

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
11/24/2003 04:45 PM

No. . . that wasn't funny either. . .

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/24/2003 05:12 PM

Why did the American cross the road?



To get away from the gang warfare that was gripping the neighbourhood.

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/24/2003 05:13 PM

Nobody will be surprised that I have yet to find the funny.

HighSoci 30,076 18
11/24/2003 05:17 PM

Why did the canadien cross the road?













To go into the comedy club so he could find teh funny.

HighSoci 30,076 18
11/24/2003 05:18 PM

Why did HighSoci cross the road?













So he could go into the library and learn how to spell Canadian.

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/24/2003 05:19 PM

So high Soci walks into a bar.



Well, it's not so much that he walked into it, more like he didn't see it coming when I swung it at him.

Livewire 78,229 13
11/24/2003 05:38 PM

Why did the Canadian cross the road?











Because that's the direction his car was sliding.

studio 2,001 10
11/24/2003 05:40 PM

Why did the American Red cross the road?





to vote for a communist?

to get a tampon?

to ask for donations?

you make one up...

Zorboff..Zorbon...whatever! 1,592 11
11/24/2003 05:43 PM

To pick up aluminum cans.

Chi-Chi Fellipe 161,353 14
11/24/2003 05:44 PM

Why did the Canadian cross the road?



To get to the other, equally frozen, snowbanked side to buy a pack of American cigarettes.

Livewire 78,229 13
11/24/2003 06:09 PM

Why did the Canadian cross the road?









Because the government told him to.

Fluro 14,139 11
11/24/2003 06:11 PM

there are roads in canada?

juggernautbaby13 400 9
11/24/2003 06:20 PM

I had sex with a Canadian in my dream last night. Are there any weird eclectic dream reader people out there who can tell me what that means?

Livewire 78,229 13
11/24/2003 06:21 PM

I assume you could tell it was a Canadian by the firm, strong member and multiple orgasms he gave you?

Fluro 14,139 11
11/24/2003 06:23 PM

No, she could tell because his dick tasted like moose Shakespeare.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
11/24/2003 06:23 PM

Before we can read your dream, you're going to have to tell us your dream in as much detail as possible.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
11/24/2003 06:24 PM

Clearly

Fluro 14,139 11
11/24/2003 06:24 PM

We'll also have to know what you look like naked.

Eric Johnson 23,705 11
11/24/2003 06:25 PM

I am going to side with Fluro on that one, as I continue to wipe down my soda riddled monitor.........

juggernautbaby13 400 9
11/24/2003 06:26 PM

I know he was Canadian because I know who he was, and I know him to be a Canadian nationalist.



Well first we were in a movie theatre...

juggernautbaby13 400 9
11/24/2003 06:28 PM

Nekked? Well I'm 5'4", 125 lbs, I'm a 34DD, shaved, kinda short blonde-brown hair, blue eyes, what else do you need to know?

Eric Johnson 23,705 11
11/24/2003 06:28 PM

ooooh A, that's it A, right there A. Put it in my ass A I am going to put on my Goalie mask A and cast a puckshot right up your Poe A.

Fluro 14,139 11
11/24/2003 06:29 PM

Your address, telephone number, and if you are of legal age.

Livewire 78,229 13
11/24/2003 06:29 PM

Movie theatre? Oh, that must have been in Toronto. That's where the movie theatre is.

juggernautbaby13 400 9
11/24/2003 06:31 PM

I'm legal in Nevada, Georgia, New York, Virginia, California, Florida, and a couple of other random immoral states.



I may go to Trae's New year's party if the ratio of people who hate me:people who don't evens out.

PooFooMooShoo 1,445 10
11/24/2003 06:35 PM

We all hate you so I guess it doesn't matter

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/24/2003 06:36 PM

JuggyB



You're also legal pretty much anywhere in Canada. We're pretty lax that way.



Incidentally, most skillful attention grabbing for today. Kudos.

juggernautbaby13 400 9
11/24/2003 06:37 PM

I wear a size 5?

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/24/2003 06:39 PM

Really? What a coincidence; so do half the men on this board.

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/24/2003 06:46 PM

I know him to be a Canadian nationalist.



Mel Hurtig?

juggernautbaby13 400 9
11/24/2003 06:47 PM

nope.

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/24/2003 08:04 PM

Or by "Canadian Nationalist" did you mean nutbar?

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/24/2003 08:07 PM

Or rambling fool?

The Great Vogonsky 20,522 17
11/24/2003 10:41 PM

Why did the American cross the road?



Money.

Staff 136 9
11/24/2003 11:04 PM

Why did the Chinese guy cross the road?



Cause he saw what happened when his buddy just stood there.

Pubah 56,794 18
11/24/2003 11:55 PM

Why did the Pubah cross the road?





Cause he saw a 5foot 4inch, 34DD blonde on the other side.



"Well hellooooooo there. Do you like cookies?"

BobJohnson, Babysitter Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/25/2003 12:00 AM

Why did the Newfoundlander cross the road?







TO CLUB A BABY SEAL TO DEATH!!! BLOOD EVERYWHERE! THERE IS NO GOD! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY!



(And I bet you all thought I was going to make an Employment Insurance joke. Shame on you!)

BobJohnson © 1980, RAMJAC Corporation 178,045 22
11/25/2003 04:28 PM

Why did the Earthling cross the road?









He was foolish!

John Chickens Bigbootay 286,326 61
11/25/2003 04:30 PM

<action> clubs the "foolish earthling" jokes to death with a club.

BobJohnson © 1980, RAMJAC Corporation 178,045 22
11/25/2003 04:34 PM

<action>appologizes in advance for this post</action>

Why did Chickens cross the road?







To get Limbaugh some OxyContin!

n_sani_t 405 9
11/25/2003 04:39 PM

John Chickens Bigbootay clubs the "foolish earthling" jokes to death with a club.



chickens, i think bob's already done.

n_sani_t 405 9
11/25/2003 04:41 PM

ah...done that...done THAT...done that



damn

BobJohnson © 1980, RAMJAC Corporation 178,045 22
11/25/2003 04:41 PM

Why did n_sani_t cross the road?









To shut up if he knows what's good for him!

BobJohnson © 1980, RAMJAC Corporation 178,045 22
11/25/2003 04:42 PM

Why did BobJohnson cross the road?









'Cause Mahas still aren't working!

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/25/2003 04:51 PM

Why did the foolish earthling cross the road?



Who cares you incompetent dolts! Deathguard! Seize him!!



SEIZE HIM!!!

Revolutionary Chickens 286,326 61
11/25/2003 04:56 PM

I had to click the Chickens cross the road joke.

Zorboff..Zorbon...whatever! 1,592 11
11/25/2003 05:03 PM

Molsen.









Canadian for urine.

BobJohnson © 1980, RAMJAC Corporation 178,045 22
11/25/2003 07:48 PM

Why did the American cross the road?





'Cause, even after 24 American beer, he still could!

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/25/2003 09:33 PM

Good one, eh!

BobJohnson © 1980, RAMJAC Corporation 178,045 22
11/26/2003 01:11 AM

Why did Goatse cross the road?











I don't know, but it sure wasn't to get a laxative.

Staff 136 9
11/27/2003 12:45 AM

Why did Plato cross the road?









You fool, roads weren't invented yet!

Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
11/27/2003 06:47 AM

Why did the gabber cross the road?



Because the gabber in question was a whiney elitest hate-monger who had yet to grow up and would rather spew his incoherent childish teen angst all over the HOB forum instead where people enjoyed the idiocy? *rimshot*









Okay, seriously, though, had to comment....



I'm legal in Nevada, Georgia, New York, Virginia, California, Florida, and a couple of other random immoral states. You're legal in arkansas. 14 and up is legal in arkansas, because they no longer have statutory laws, just carnal knowledge. No you don't want to know why, or how I know this. And no, it wasn't a come on. I like skinny, short, dark-haired girls, but anything over a C is pretty much a waste since I'm not into titty-Frost-ing (ha-ha, blow me swearbot), and lets face it, you've got a pink frying pan for a forehead, chica.

Hollis 7,284 14
11/27/2003 09:14 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".

Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
11/27/2003 09:39 PM

You're one of those Frostnuts who tries to get books banned in schools, aren't you?

BobJohnson, Lurker Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/28/2003 02:06 AM

Hmmmmm. . . In that case. . .



Why did Hollis cross the road?









Her feet were cold and the road was a comfortable 451 degrees!

Hollis 7,284 14
11/28/2003 11:05 AM

Actually, I'm one of those Frostnuts that reads the banned books in class just to piss the teacher off.

Hapag-Lloyd Group 48,662 14
11/28/2003 11:43 AM

I think Hollis is Canadian Alliance MP Larry Spencer.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/28/2003 12:00 PM

And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.





Does this mean that all African Americans are gay ?

Hollis 7,284 14
11/28/2003 12:33 PM

Ay carumba people, I thought that you would think it was funny!

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
11/28/2003 12:49 PM

It's all funny to me, but I'm finding I am "Easy" that way !

BobJohnson, Tiger Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/28/2003 03:46 PM

I repeat, 451 degrees!

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/28/2003 04:17 PM

And of course, that's 282.55 deg. Fahrenheit for you Americans.

Hollis 7,284 14
11/28/2003 04:42 PM

Woo hoo! I got a clickie!

BobJohnson, Tiger Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/28/2003 04:46 PM

<action>is shocked! . . . He assumed DemoMonkey would be the only one to realize that that was specifically meant to mean Fahrenheit!</action>

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/28/2003 04:50 PM

Bob



Of course I do. Bradbury was one of the standards of my youth. Dark I am, and golden-eyed.



That's why my comment was funny.



Incidentally, you should check out a little movie called "Equilibrium" if you get a chance. Fahrenheit 451 crossed with the Matrix. Very neat.

BobJohnson, Tiger Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
11/28/2003 04:59 PM

Will do.



Maybe it'll even be on TV sometime. The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.

I'm a Lucifer Wannabe 15,434 11
11/28/2003 05:06 PM

why did jesus cross the road?









cause he was nailed to the chicken

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/28/2003 05:09 PM

Perhaps.



I don't try to describe the future. I try to prevent it.

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
11/28/2003 05:28 PM

Why did the dinosaur hunter cross the road?



I don't know, but stuck to the bottom of his boot, embedded in the mud, glistening green and gold and black, was a butterfly, very beautiful and very dead.



"Not a little thing like that! Not a butterfly!" cried Eckels.



It fell to the floor, an exquisite thing, a small thing that could upset balances and knock down a line of small dominoes and then big dominoes and then gigantic dominoes, all down the years across Time. Eckels' mind whirled. It couldn't change things. Killing one butterfly couldn't be that important! Could it?



His face was cold. His mouth trembled, asking: "Who - who won the presidential election yesterday?"



The man behind the desk laughed. "You joking? You know very well. Deutscher, of course! Who else? Not that fool weakling Keith. We got an iron man now, a man with guts!" The official stopped. "What's wrong?"



Eckels moaned. He dropped to his knees. He scrabbled at the golden butterfly with shaking fingers. "Can't we," he pleaded to the world, to himself, to the officials, to the Machine, "can't we take it back, can't we make it alive again? Can't we start over? Can't we-"



He did not move. Eyes shut, he waited, shivering. He heard Travis breathe loud in the room; he heard Travis shift his rifle, click the safety catch, and raise the weapon.



There was a sound of thunder.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
11/28/2003 05:57 PM

Why did the Canadian cross the road?





To get a better job, decent health care, more entertaining entertainment, and to bang some really good (shaved) Poe.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
11/28/2003 05:58 PM

Why did the American cross the road?





To buy pot.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
11/28/2003 05:59 PM

Damn swearbot. I want to say pusssssy god damn it.

There Is No Love For Emenius 1,433 10
11/28/2003 06:10 PM

Ah, 451 degrees, the temperature at which books burn. I love that book.

Nerd, the one from New Kids 27,000 12
11/28/2003 11:53 PM

I don't know you, but I hate you already.

Zorboff..Zorbon...whatever! 1,592 11
11/29/2003 12:28 AM

...eat Shakespeare?







Cause there was no American food around!

There Is No Love For Emenius 1,433 10
11/29/2003 12:41 AM

I suppose Shakespeare would be a better alternative than canadian food

Whistler 185,889 44
11/29/2003 01:53 AM

5'4, 125 lbs, double D? You sound fat.



Not fat, really. Just kind of loose and jiggly looking, with a thin layer of cottage cheese over the belly, hips and thighs.



Plus the fivehead, and the post-menopausal boob droop.

Pr0n 1,722 11
01/14/2004 08:32 PM

well i'm wearing a toga.

Pr0n 1,722 11
01/14/2004 08:33 PM

does that make me cool?