The Hermanator!
A comedy article
by No_Key_Bandit  76,490  10
01/02/2004 03:02 PM 418 views
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He stands almost statuesque in the doorway of my cubicle. His eyes are focused on mine in an unblinking stare that I cannot break. Fear clouds over my heart and I begin to sweat. I have been targeted for...
HERMANATION!
He begins to speak. "...So then he said, 'You'll need two coats of driveway sealer if you want this to seal correctly.' That's when I said, 'No way I'm gonna pay, blah blah blah blah blah..."
In truth, Herman is a really nice guy. Quite unlike many of the back-stabbing, worthless idiots that are employed here, Herman actually works. Herman isn't catty. If Herman says he'll do something, then by goShakespeare gets done! Herman's only real fault is that he can talk--for hours--about the most boring subjects you can possibly imagine.
I have a look of desperation on my face. The fight-or-flight instinct tries to take over. I don't have any lead pipes or grenades in my cube, so the "fight" part is out. As Herman is blocking the entrance of my cubicle, I can't easily run either. I glance at the cubicle wall. Hmmm... soft. I could distract him and maybe gnaw my way to freedom. A co-worker (Brian) notices my dilemma, he quickly goes into an empty cube and dials my number. As I pick up the phone, Herman leaves. "Is he gone?" asks Brian. "Yeah, thanks!" I say. We both hang up. Brian returns to his cubicle. I return to work.
The Hermanator is on the move. Scanning... scanning... he moves to Brian's cubicle. Oh no! Got to save him! I dial Brian's number. His phone rings and he picks it up. Herman stops talking, and sits in Brian's chair. Brian and I try to wait him out. No good. The Hermanator is patient. He will win any war of attrition. I hang up. It looks like it's all over for Brian. But then... wait! It's Misti, the silicon transplant recipient from Marketing! She glides over to Brian's cube. She is wearing her I-want-you-to-my-bidding outfit. It consists of a white silk shirt with about two buttons near the bottom and a short (yet barely professional) skirt. "Herman..." she coos. "Do you know how to change the printer ink thingie?" She flips her long brown hair over her shoulder revealing an ample amount of cleavage. "SURE!" Herman almost yells. He bolts upright and knocks the chair over. "OH! Uh... Sorry Brian. Uh... I'll tell you about this later." "OK!" says Brian. Probably not today though. This morning, I noticed a large number of boxes on Misti's desk that needed to be taken to another building, and it's raining.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
34 votes
5.0
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8 Comments on "The Hermanator!"
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0 votes
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John Hargrave 128,746  73
01/14/2004 04:27 PM
Every office has a Herman.
Sadly, not every office has a Mitzi.
First to post.
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Crazylegs Trae 156,785 17
01/14/2004 04:31 PM
My office has at least 3 Hermans and 2 Ednas. If there's a Misti I haven't seen her.
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Sexual Harassment Panda 181,718 70
01/14/2004 04:36 PM
The Herman in our office THINKS she's a Misti.
But she looks more like an fat ass.
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Sexual Harassment Panda 181,718 70
01/14/2004 04:37 PM
or even A fat ass
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shoelace414 10,080 13
01/14/2004 04:38 PM
Have you checked the mirror, Trae?
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studio 2,001 10
01/14/2004 04:39 PM
YOU are Misti Trea.
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no_key_bandit 76,490 10
01/14/2004 08:20 PM
She appears in the company product catalog. I'm not sure why they cut her head off, but this is my view of her anyway.
>*< safe for work.
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Pr0n 1,722 11
01/14/2004 08:23 PM
i'd buy that.
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