Virnomine 79,386 11
01/22/2004 09:15 AM

"I wish I'd never molested you as a child"



That was really stupid, because I liked it.

Hot Buttered Stoat - available in all good diners 9,077 10
01/22/2004 09:30 AM

"Do you want to see my puppies, little boy?"

Hot Buttered Stoat - available in all good diners 9,077 10
01/22/2004 09:34 AM

Mean old bastard never owned a damn dog...

Livewire 78,229 13
01/22/2004 09:53 AM

You guys have ruined my heartwarming Rockwellian thread with your stories of improper touching and buggery. I hope you're happy.

Hot Buttered Stoat - available in all good diners 9,077 10
01/22/2004 09:57 AM

I was talking about small dogs Livey - what the hell is wrong with you, you twisted Frost!

Virnomine 79,386 11
01/22/2004 10:04 AM

You have no idea how happy.

TheSexualNinja 1,450 9
01/22/2004 10:27 AM

"Back in my day we had it rough, we used to have to walk 48 miles to school, through the snow, through the swamp, and through the ancient boobytrapped myan ruins. It took us two days to get there. Somtimes it was so cold your balls would freeze and you had to take a seat on the radiator to thaw them out, and when you did, you got dirty looks all day because you were making the whole room smell like ham.



And if we misbehaved in school the teacher didn't send you to the principals office like they do nowadays, NO! She strapped you onto a gurney and took you down to the torture chamber where nazi doctors would experiment with you. What?! you think I lost this leg in 'nam boy!



you kids have it easy today, we didn't have fancy things like the TV. If we wanted entertainment, we couldn't watch your "law and order" on TV, NO! we had to go rob banks and kill people on our own."



I should mention my grandfather was a schitzo.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
01/22/2004 10:56 AM

"Shmodovotobits"



I have no idea what this means.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
01/22/2004 11:15 AM

Aunt Jemima Ruins ??

Crazylegs Trae 156,785 17
01/22/2004 11:46 AM

"Ow! My heart!!"



I think that was the last stupid thing he said.

Virnomine 79,386 11
01/22/2004 11:50 AM

"If we had proper birth control and decent abortions back in my day I would still be a free man and you wouldn't be here you little bastard. Fetch me the whiskey from the cellar."

Whistler 185,889 44
01/22/2004 11:56 AM

My stepfather's father was a World War I (yes, ONE) vet who suffered from bouts of depression. He used to say, "How are all my grandchildren? And Whistler?" That old Frost was meaner than his son. I laughed when I heard they were giving him electroshock therapy at the V.A. hospital.

Delicious Jane 173,958 15
01/22/2004 12:01 PM

I had a perfectly nice grandfather. He was even nice to children on the street. He's give them candy, and bring them back to his house. He'd spend hours with them in his play room. Of course, it wasn't much of a play room. Just the basement with a couple work tables and lots of tools. But he was so fun, he could think of things to do for ours down there with them. Good guy.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
01/22/2004 12:18 PM

TTJ, he didn't move a lot, from city to city perchance, did he?

Delicious Jane 173,958 15
01/22/2004 12:21 PM

Well, yeah, he did. But my parents said it was because he had so much love to share. Are you trying to make a point?

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
01/22/2004 12:26 PM

Naaaa, just recalling all the oldtimers from my own childhood.....

PuggyD 48,304 12
01/22/2004 12:27 PM

We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebeeson 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

Delicious Chickens 286,326 61
01/22/2004 12:29 PM

My grandfather had a black lab named Ogden Nash. He would go to the back door and hollar out "Come hea, Ogden Nash" full voice.



Every coon in the neighborhood would come running.

Tricky 20 9
01/22/2004 04:23 PM

my grandfather used to thump my stomach and say "sounds like a ripe watermelon" whatever that means

Punkin McDickfiend 3,585 11
01/22/2004 04:58 PM

Whenever my grandaddy gets too hot he says he's "got the thumps", which means it's time to go inside and drink a longneck Budweiser.

Calamity Jane 173,958 15
01/22/2004 05:02 PM

Hey Tricky, when your grandfather thumped your stomach and said it wounded like a ripe watermelon, what he really meant was those salty white seeds he had you swallow were starting to sprout.

Fratberry 282,615 53
01/22/2004 05:02 PM

I'm from the south, so the last stupid thing my grandfather said was:



"Hey y'all! Watch this!!"

Chance 171,270 14
01/22/2004 05:15 PM

I'm from Kentucky- so my grandfather was my uncle.

butternuts 14,362 10
01/22/2004 05:22 PM

I never knew either of my grandfathers. One died before I was born (or shortly afterwards, he was in Ireland anyway and I never met him) and the other was in some sort of crazy home until he died in 1994, all alone. I never met him and my Dad had no idea where he was.



Thanks for bringing it up.

Chinkin's 23,705 11
01/22/2004 07:10 PM

Eric SAN!!!!



Yoooou get good grades, or you go to dojo and give me twenty backflips

MissBehave 3,853 11
01/22/2004 07:17 PM

My Grandpa used to say, "Come on, I'm not going to try anything, I just want to touch it one time".

Datei nicht gefunden! 12,005 12
01/22/2004 07:22 PM

"You're...standing...on my...oxyg..."



What the Frost is an oxyg?

TheSexualNinja 1,450 9
01/22/2004 07:28 PM

In bed my grandfather always used to say "Oh yeah! More! give it to me!"



Man, that old coot really loved it when we made him breakfast in bed.

Neurosis 109 10
01/22/2004 08:03 PM

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

Pubah 56,794 18
01/22/2004 09:06 PM

Who are you?



Who am I?



Why are my depends wet and smell of urine?

279 10
01/23/2004 02:31 AM

My grandfather never said anything. He would just do his mime act and kick my ass once in a while. That's how I became a shark.

Wondershark 279 10
01/23/2004 02:35 AM

Okay, TF? What happened to my status as REGISTERED USER? Anybody know why I'm logged in, but there's no record of what I said, and no rating?

Wondershark 279 10
01/23/2004 02:36 AM

Nevermind, cookies. MMMmmm.

Livewire 78,229 13
01/23/2004 02:37 AM

Your grandchildren will have no trouble coming up with stupid stuff their grandpa said.

MIPO 363 9
01/23/2004 04:43 AM

I love you

sandman 0 9
05/21/2004 05:44 PM

mine always said if you were my kid you would be dead by now

Chickens en mis pantalones! 286,326 61
05/21/2004 05:47 PM

Gross thought of the day: One day, your grandfather looked at your grandmother and said, "ummm, I'm gonna get me a piece of that fine ass."



Your grandparents going at it in the back of an old Buick.



Enjoy.

Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
05/21/2004 05:49 PM

My grandfather used to say funny things like:



"Why do you little Frosters have to bump 4-month old Frost-ing threads?!"

JudgeJuryJane 173,958 15
05/21/2004 06:13 PM

"Damn it girl, I said cup my balls, not squeeze them. And open your mouth wider-you're scraping"

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
05/21/2004 06:18 PM

My grandparents never really got a good grasp on English.

My grandmother says things like:

"No sweat off my balls"

"Well he can just lick my ass"

"You won't find hair between my teeth"

The Llama lurves Orlando Bloom 7,194 10
05/21/2004 07:08 PM

The only English word my grandpa knows is "Yes." Which has gotten him into some compromising situations when he visits the U.S.

SAVIORA 666 10
05/21/2004 07:09 PM

My Granddads never said anything stupid to me...they just sat there and rotted like any old corpse.

monday 484 9
05/21/2004 07:14 PM

my grandpa,"are your hands clean?"

my grandma,"yes!"

my grandpa,"good.i needed someone to scratch my ass."

monday 484 9
05/21/2004 07:17 PM

monday,"grandpa,look Susie signed my year book."

grandpa,"so,Jesus singed mine."

monday 484 9
05/21/2004 07:21 PM

monday,"yo, mike these are cool skulls on your book shelves.who's are they"

mike,"this big one is my grandpa,and the smaller one is when he was five."

Philly Cheesesteak Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/21/2004 07:23 PM

Please STFU.

Lila the Betrothed 78,550 13
05/21/2004 07:44 PM

<action>sobs

My grandfather just died and he wasn't able to speak 10 years before his death.



Thanks for rehashing this for me this evening.

The High Priestess likes her Orlandos naked 58,741 29
05/21/2004 07:47 PM

My gandpa says Jesus is a commie.

Philly Cheesesteak Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/21/2004 07:50 PM

Lila, you forgot to say "Jerk!"

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
05/21/2004 07:55 PM

My grandpa died before I was born.

Eduardo, Lord of the Platypi 52 9
05/22/2004 03:39 AM

"Did you have fun at Disneyworld while you were in Illinois?"



"You see, if you stomp on the ground hard enough, you'll give the moles headaches."



"Dammit, now I've got to take the dog to the lake so he can Shakespeare because he ate the ice out of my screwdriver."



My grandfather was a full-blown alchoholic.

Miracles 22,430 0
05/22/2004 03:51 AM

"I'm takin' you to the Coleridge fights. Don't cry and don't tell your mother."



I actually went to see Coleridge fights. Pa-Paw would always pick up a Racing Form while we were there to bet on horses too.



Yikes!

superturkey 6,678 0
05/22/2004 05:11 AM

windex!!!



fixes everything.

ShaferAndrew 50 10
05/22/2004 09:40 AM

Happy Brithday Thread!!!!!



You're now officially four months old. That really raises the survival rate of our threads. What's the oldest thread that someone can dredge up?

Hypersmack 56 9
05/22/2004 09:51 AM

This is hyperspaz!



*Lifts leg and pees on thread to mark his scent.*

superturkey 6,678 0
05/22/2004 02:48 PM

<action>smacks hyper with a rolled up newspaper</action>

NotaHacker 2,598 9
05/23/2004 01:06 AM

"It's just like pooping backwards."

i dont even change my UNDERWEAR this often! 1,850 10
05/23/2004 02:07 AM

"be careful not to trip over that cord over th--"

Mofo Baggins <FrGr> 10,950 10
05/23/2004 02:29 AM

<action> is posting despite the little voice in his head telling him not to. </action>

Try this one:



Alakazip, Alakazam,

Son-of-a-Bitch and God Damn,

Highty-Tighty, Christ Almighty,

Ra, Ra, Ra.... Shakespeare!



Apparently it's a chant that was big way back when. He says it when he's pissed, that is, drunk of his arse, not angry.

ringworm 68,315 13
05/23/2004 03:57 AM

diabetes in the blowhole!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/23/2004 04:00 AM

I barely knew my grandfather. He died when I was eight. Thanks for dredging up old repressed memories, ass.





Oh, wait, I have another one. He doesn't say much ever since his jaw was blown off in the Great Qfargtin War.





No, that was on t.v. Carry on.

BobJohnson, Shark Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
05/23/2004 04:37 PM

I can't think of anything stupid my grandfather used to say, but I do know that he refused to join the Legion after WWII since they called each other "comrade."



Although I understand it was a symbolic gesture on his part, I'm pretty sure the communist ranks among old military men are pretty thin.

salvage semi-lurks 28,986 12
05/23/2004 06:03 PM

"You're in my will."



Followed by:



"I need my heart medication."

Sir Clovis 1,465 9
05/23/2004 06:45 PM

"Well back in my day...oh Shakespeare...not again can you hand me one of those depends over there and I'll be done in a jiff." I sure do miss that old Froster.

cheesestick 0 8
06/15/2004 08:28 PM

why are people so fascinated with the penis game? all you do is say "penis" and whoever says it the loudest wins.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/15/2004 08:42 PM

i think you just answered your own question there, chief.