Swizz 3,957 10
02/05/2004 09:34 PM

I would so love to violate Jeremy Piven.

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/05/2004 09:38 PM

If I was teh gay, him



Although, he's more fun on the show.

Declan McManus: Master....Baker 131,869 36
02/05/2004 09:44 PM

Ted Danson or Chuck Norris.

Big Chief Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/05/2004 09:46 PM

I don't have a crush, but I'd do Cathrine Bell. Or that chick from Joan of Arcadia.

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/05/2004 09:56 PM

They're hot though, you're missing the point.

Livewire 78,229 13
02/05/2004 10:06 PM

I'd have to say Julie Stewart. She's 6 years older than I am but she looks at least 10.

Eddie the impossible 252 9
02/05/2004 10:10 PM

That big black woman on Boston Public

Eddie the impossible 252 9
02/05/2004 10:11 PM

and if I was Gay. That big black man on Boston Public

Big Chief Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/05/2004 10:12 PM

Cathrine Bell is, but Amber Tamblyn isn't all that good looking. She has that "high school hottie" look to her.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 24,428 11
02/05/2004 10:12 PM

I'd do Lloyd!

Livewire 78,229 13
02/05/2004 10:12 PM

Oh! Oh! Martha Stewart! Bent over while she's mixing cake batter. Back me up, people.

Eddie the impossible 252 9
02/05/2004 10:14 PM

in the electronic section of K-Mart

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/05/2004 10:15 PM

Dude, I wouldn't Frost Martha Stewart with Virn's dick.

DemoMonkey. Accept No Substitutes. 166,252 10
02/05/2004 10:19 PM

Mag Ruffman.



She really CAN do anything.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
02/05/2004 10:21 PM

I can just imagine sex with Martha Stewart:

Yes. Put the sausage in the oven at 350. Oh, now take it out and gently roll it in the flour. Yes! Yes! Beat the egg whites with your kitchen-Aid mixer! Oh God, Yes! Flip it over and gently drizzle the sauce over it! OH YES! IT'S A GOOD THIIIIINNNG!!!

Eddie the impossible 252 9
02/05/2004 10:22 PM

You know she has been to your house when you notice a lemon wedge in your dogs water bowl

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/05/2004 10:22 PM

<action>OH MY DEAR SWEET LORD, NO!!</action>

TableTopJane 173,958 15
02/05/2004 11:35 PM

I know I've already said this, but Steve

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
02/05/2004 11:51 PM

But Steve is good looking. You're supposed to list the ugly people you want to do. If you said Steve a la Blues Clues, it would fit the thread. GoddammitShakespeareFrostEmersonbarbarastreisand

Declan McManus: Master....Baker 131,869 36
02/05/2004 11:56 PM

Mavis: I don't know any ugly people.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
02/06/2004 12:01 AM

If Alfred E. Newman was real, I would totaly compact his trash.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
02/06/2004 12:06 AM

The little guy, Dian Bachar

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
02/06/2004 12:13 AM

It's Choda Boy!

TableTopJane 173,958 15
02/06/2004 12:17 AM

Stunt Coleridge!

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/06/2004 12:24 AM

Reba McEntire. If for no other reason, just to wipe that clown-like smile off her face.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
02/06/2004 12:25 AM

I had a crush on Moon Unit Zappa when I was in high school.

Dward, True newfie, True Newbie 220 9
02/06/2004 12:59 AM

I'm totally all about the mag Ruffman....many days of watching road to avonle (is that how its' spelled) thinking PLEASE BE THE EPISODE WHERE SHE GETS NAKED....but it never happened

MissBehave 3,853 11
02/06/2004 01:00 AM

<action> Here, sook sook sook...



That swamp guy from Deliverence...the one that made him squeal like a pig.

DemoMonkey. Accept No Substitutes. 166,252 10
02/06/2004 01:07 AM

"Avonlea"



I prefer her do-it yourself shows. Not many woman can look sexy with a nail gun.



Hell, where do you think my brad nail fetish comes from?

Pubah 56,794 18
02/06/2004 01:39 AM

The tennis chick that grunts when she hits the ball.



Capriati, me thinks



Wonders, does I, if she grunts while doing other things?

Dward, True newfie, True Newbie 220 9
02/06/2004 03:06 AM

Tis true....especially when she's wearing the robe at the end

Big Chief Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/06/2004 03:23 AM

She's not on t.v. but there's a woman at the Aventis that I donate plasma at that if neither one of us were married, and I turned off the lights, she has a hardbody that I want to break in half. She's about seven inches shorter than I am, and she's about ten or fifteen years older. She's not ugly, but she's about a four.

Chickens a la King 286,326 61
02/06/2004 04:07 AM

You guys are all secretly gay, right? Cause you all seem to be coming out in here.

Nachos 57,521 23
02/06/2004 06:58 AM

I've now got an image of Bob selling blood on the back market to some shifty looking guy in a used Toyota....standing next with a tube running from his arm through the window into the footwell....both Bob and the blood guy looking around as Bob's sweet, sweet life juices slowly change ownership....



I'm sure the dude also pays in Crack, but I don't see Bob hitting the Rock too often....

Nachos 57,521 23
02/06/2004 07:00 AM

And for the record...Ellen Degeneres, if we were in the non-gay universe....



Kill me now....

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/06/2004 05:41 PM

Spicey, you are a sick individual.



I less than three you.

PandaGirl, Harrasment not included 181,718 70
02/06/2004 05:46 PM

Andy Dick

Eric JuJawahalar Monkey 23,705 11
02/06/2004 08:26 PM

Martha Plimpton

Frogpop 173,148 25
02/06/2004 08:30 PM

George Plimpton

Eric JuJawahalar Monkey 23,705 11
02/06/2004 08:51 PM

Actually one time I was asked to hold someones chips, I put them in my back pocket and accidentally sat on them and crushed them.

Mexicam 59 9
02/07/2004 01:56 AM

Eh, sitting on chips is a thing of the past. Nowadays, I pin the bag of chips down and elbow it and twirl it into a submission move, until it crinkles and begs for mercy.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
02/07/2004 02:01 AM

Maggie Wheeler

Frogpop 173,148 25
02/07/2004 02:03 AM

Sie ist verboten!

Mexicam 59 9
02/08/2004 01:29 AM

I love the part that says, "You don't have permission to access /images/people/1/6/50-2062.jpg on this server."

It's fantastic.

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/08/2004 01:32 AM

I love the part where you don't know how to copy and paste the link in order to view it.

Mexicam 59 9
02/08/2004 01:34 AM

I'd do Monica Lewinski. just to show her that sex doesn't have to come through an affair.

ringworm 68,315 13
02/08/2004 07:40 AM

the girl who does the glad freezer / trash bag commercials.

Bonky 75,728 15
02/08/2004 11:06 AM

I can't remember his name . . . Squeamish found it for me once, he's the late forties blonde guy with a raspy voice that was in the brief series The Agency, he was in that retarded meteor movie with Bruce Willis....and he played some bad guys before that, I think.



Also, Val Kilmer. I mean, COME ON! I heard he seldom bathes!

Bonky 75,728 15
02/08/2004 11:07 AM

OhhoOOHOOH! I forgot, Wes Studi! YUM!

Trixxie The Swamp Monkey 65,021 15
02/08/2004 11:54 AM

The red power ranger

PuggyD 48,304 12
02/08/2004 12:07 PM

Which red power ranger?



Because Austin St. John wasn't too bad looking.

PuggyD 48,304 12
02/08/2004 12:09 PM

I'm gonna admit it. I have a thing for Zach Galifianakis, Donal Logue, and Jimmy Kimmel.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
02/08/2004 12:10 PM

Golem.

Just Bunny 5,695 11
02/08/2004 12:17 PM

Kyle Gass

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
02/08/2004 01:00 PM

Scarlett Johansson, I'm not an Indie producer with a movie I could cast her in, so I don't stand a chance. But, huuuughhhhh, what I wouldn't do for just a kiss.

Bonky 75,728 15
02/08/2004 01:18 PM

I also forgot, the guitarist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.



Drugs is bad, mmkay?

404: Punkin Not Found 3,585 11
02/08/2004 01:52 PM

ADA Jack McCoy. Up to but not including 4 times.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
02/08/2004 03:23 PM

I heart you, Ducky. I still have a thing for Drew.

Declan McManus: Master....Baker 131,869 36
02/08/2004 03:57 PM

I'm only about 45-55 minutes (depending on traffic) south of Cleveland. Just sayin'.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
02/08/2004 04:33 PM

I have a crush on the girl from the commercial for the stuff. Tee hee!

Pubah 56,794 18
02/09/2004 12:53 AM

Queen Latifa!

I soooo want her to CRUSH me with that powerful body!

Jajoba 1,357 10
02/09/2004 08:05 AM

Mike Myers.



Sorry, but I'd do him.



Also...Vinnie Jones. Definitely. Before Mike. Definitely.... yum.

Chickens a la King 286,326 61
02/09/2004 08:07 AM

I've been struggling with this one for days now. The "your friends would laugh at you for doing her" thing has me stumped.



Everyone I come up with won't pass that filter. I keep thinking of my friends going, "yeah, I can see how you would want to do her."

Bonky 75,728 15
02/09/2004 08:31 AM

Thank you, Timmy!

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/02/2004 10:38 PM

B .. B .. B .. BUMP!

Errol 10,584 9
08/02/2004 10:47 PM

The only one that I can think of that others don't is that hot is Donna from that 70's show. mmm. Fiery Redheads.

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/02/2004 10:49 PM

I had a crush on Penny from Inspector Gadget.

Jantastic 10,022 10
08/02/2004 11:41 PM

I was actually going to start a thread about this very subject, but now I don't have to. Mine is Norm Abram, from New Yankee Workshop and This Old House. There's something about a man who works with his hands. . .I just want to lay him down in a pile of sawdust and have my way with him.



Nobody would be able to hear our screams over the whine of a compound miter saw.

Livewire 78,229 13
08/02/2004 11:45 PM

Oh yeah, forgot one. Rosanna Arquette, back in the day. She looks kinda wrinkly these days.

The High Priestess Buttercup 58,741 29
08/02/2004 11:46 PM

I'll confess. I don't have any crazy crushes, but I'll do anything to or for a man in period breeches. Perferable riding breeches, early to mid 1800's. That tight soft linen streched over a great pair of man legs.......I think I need a minute by myself.

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/02/2004 11:49 PM

Planer!? I hardly know *RRRRRRREeeeeeeeeERRRRRReek*

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/02/2004 11:54 PM

Get out of the way, you people! I'm talking to Jannie, here.





but riding breeches, you say..? hmm..

The High Priestess Buttercup 58,741 29
08/02/2004 11:55 PM

Oh yea, Ooh yeaa, OOOOOHHHhh YES!

















Ren faires are hell for me.

Proud Elitist 2,629 9
08/02/2004 11:59 PM

Unexplainable crushes, eh??



how about Anita's Crush on me?

PuggyD 48,304 12
08/03/2004 12:05 AM

Oh, we can explain that. Vicodin cut with speed.



Also, I have a crush on the dork who hosts "Street Smarts".

meancoffeebean 348 8
08/03/2004 12:06 AM

earnest p. worrel

Proud Elitist 2,629 9
08/03/2004 12:07 AM

Ben Stein

Lauren The Great 221 8
08/03/2004 12:12 AM

Proud Elitist

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/03/2004 12:13 AM

Ben Stein's money.







</too easy>

SpiceyToppedJane 173,958 15
08/03/2004 12:21 AM

I've said this many times. But I'll say it one more time.



I love the dorky guys. I mean the really dorky guys. My favorite man in Lord of the Rings? BIlly Boyd. That's right. I liked Pippin more than Orlando Bloom and Frodo.

TheFoye 55,700 16
08/03/2004 12:38 AM

The fat black chick from Road Trip!

Frogpop 173,148 25
08/03/2004 12:40 AM

Lila was in Road Trip?

Proud Elitist 2,629 9
08/03/2004 12:40 AM

<action>can't believe no one has professed their love yet</action>



tubgirl

TheFoye 55,700 16
08/03/2004 01:07 AM

I would do Lila as well. ALL night looong!

daisypie 49,378 9
08/03/2004 01:38 AM

Marge Simpson







Oh, yeah, like the thought hasn't crossed your mind at least once!

Humphrey B Bear 51,764 12
08/03/2004 01:53 AM

Michael Jackson. I'd Frost his skinny black

I'd Frost his skinny white

I'd Frost his skinny ass.

Pistol luvs you with bullets 10,071 9
08/03/2004 04:03 AM

Huzzah for Pippin love. If only I could give you more clickies, STJ.

Stinks of Mediocrity 1,200 9
08/03/2004 06:06 AM

Bea Aurther of Golden Girls fame. Man, how hot are pantsuits?

newwave 45,912 10
08/03/2004 11:07 AM

OK, I just popped 3 boners reading that last post.

alispring 24 8
08/03/2004 11:18 AM

Joe Dirt when he's working the Tilt-A-Whirl at the carnival.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
08/03/2004 11:22 AM

Henry Rollins



I would think he would be...err...a bit intense?



Who would I secretly do?

It would have to be Michelle Tractenberg, I know, she is hideous...but I would manage.

(Chris Garrett) Jacques Strap 86,932 12
08/03/2004 11:25 AM

1. Natalie Morales (MSNBC)

2. Contessa Brewer (MSNBC)

3. Sara Evans (singer)

4. Kate Beckinsale (Actress)







wait....this is getting long......I'll save time and say:



Pulse....and must have to sit to pee....



although one or both of those can be "optional"

Lord Dyran 6,040 9
08/03/2004 11:31 AM

Kate Beckinsale in tight pleather was the only good thing about Underworld.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/03/2004 11:34 AM

Kristen Johnston or "sally" from 3rd rock from the sun. She's butch and sort of man-ish, but certain magic happens on those long nights when nothing good is on.

Underwhere? 101,368 77
02/13/2005 04:46 PM

Steve Buscemi and/or Christopher Walken

Dweezil Meniketti 77,546 17
02/13/2005 04:48 PM

Does Moon Unit Zappa count?

dropkick brody 43,090 12
02/13/2005 05:38 PM

<action> gazes dreamily </action> Owen Wilson, Mike Dirnt, and Brian Molko. What a double decker fantasy sammich that would make.



I wanna be the cheese!

Lunchbox 14,650 10
02/14/2005 03:36 AM

<action>hits Ctrl+F, searches "lunch"...no results. Searches "box"...no results. Cries like a drag queen with a broken heel whose Diana Ross backup tape jams. Mascara runs. It runs.</action>

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
02/14/2005 09:19 AM

<action>leaves Lunchbox's cake out in the rain

Lunchbox 14,650 10
02/15/2005 11:03 PM

<action>still crying, trying to find a feather boa long enough to hang himself.</action>

dont cry for me, GAB. I'm already dead (sexy).

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/15/2005 11:15 PM

Lunch, my crush on you can't be called unexplainable. You are hot like fire (which I've said on record in the past).



I don't think my GAB crushes count as weird. You can't tell me differently!

Loociam Yofada 97,833 37
02/15/2005 11:17 PM

Not the actor, per se, but the character Horatio Cane on CSI:Miami. The guy looks like a leprechaun, but I would so do him.



Also, when Alan Rickman played the Colonel on Sense and Sensibility. Yummy.

Loociam Yofada 97,833 37
02/15/2005 11:51 PM

I totally forgot! Conan O'Brian. I don't know what it is about these leprechauns. I guess its because they are magically delicious.

Sylvester 4,465 9
02/16/2005 02:02 AM

Laura Prepon



She went from the most gorgeous creature on TV to circus freak with one bleach job.

Miracles 22,430 0
02/16/2005 02:06 AM

I'm saying it again, but logged in...



Christopher Walken

or - give me that big thick neck

Henry Rollins



Uh-huh!

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/16/2005 11:50 AM

George Eads character "Nick Stokes" in CSI.



Hot like fire.

gokijin 139 8
02/16/2005 12:59 PM

I would do Catherine Bell and Kate Beckinsale!

Mrs.JM 24,693 8
01/19/2006 08:50 AM

I would so love to violate Jeremy Piven.



Ditto. Adam Brody too. Bam Margera.

Dangeo 2,691 13
01/19/2006 11:11 AM

Who would I secretly do?

It would have to be Michelle Tractenberg, I know, she is hideous...but I would manage.



She looks to be about 12... just your speed there sicko.

trojandoll 3,467 8
01/19/2006 11:59 AM

Dan Aykroyd, though he's a little on the old side now. Oh, and all the guys TTJ said.

gwallaia 3,510 12
01/19/2006 04:50 PM

This is an interesting question. I'll have to go with Endora from BeWitched. I'm not sure if it was her red hair and heavy eye make-up, but I know the fact that she was a mean witch turned me on.



The thought that she could turn me into a frog or a donkey if I did not do exactly as she wanted was kind of turn on.



Samantha is the obvious choice to fantasize about but she was a nice witch and besides, I had too much repsect for Derwood to fantasize about his wife.