Fluro 14,139 11
02/09/2004 01:00 AM

Your bra is on too tight.

PuggyD 48,304 12
02/09/2004 01:03 AM

Don't make fun of him, he'll lactate.



Oh, wait, maybe that's the chest pains. Do you need someone to milk you?

Livewire 78,229 13
02/09/2004 01:03 AM

One of the warning signs of a heart attack is denial.



Dude 1: "You're having a heart attack."

Dude 2: "No I'm not."

Dude 1: "OH MY GOD, HE'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!!!!"

ringworm 68,315 13
02/09/2004 01:05 AM

i just tell myself that this is a normal part of the aging process. you get used to it.

HighSoci el guapo! 30,076 18
02/09/2004 01:08 AM

if you want to cure your chest pains, start having the 500lb woman on the bottem when you decide to go down on her instead of having her sit on your chest

Fluro 14,139 11
02/09/2004 01:21 AM

I'd also reccomend using a smaller battery, not a truck battery with those nipple clamps

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/09/2004 01:37 AM

I also noticed that my face is flush. Maybe its menopause.

DemoMonkey. Accept No Substitutes. 166,252 10
02/09/2004 01:38 AM

Fratberry



Heart attacks are not always a singular event; they are a process that can last hours.



If you have any thought that you might actually be suffering from one, go to the hospital immediately. Any delay can cause further damage to your heart.



And if you're pranking us, so be it. I'd rather look foolish than do nothing.

Father Dave Murray, all God, all the time... 622 13
02/09/2004 01:40 AM

think someone should call and get help for Fatberry?

Livewire 78,229 13
02/09/2004 01:40 AM

I think we're all jaded since that time when Chickens "died".

Fluro wearing the coat he borrowed from James Dean 14,139 11
02/09/2004 01:41 AM

Isnt he a bit young for heart attacks?

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/09/2004 01:42 AM

No prank. I'm really having the pains. At least it hasn't gotten any worse but the pain is coming and going like an old man with an enlarged prostate. I'm just having a hard time believing its anything more than a muscle pull or bad clams or something.



Heh, clams.

Pubah 56,794 18
02/09/2004 01:44 AM

Mr. Berry of Frat,

If you're having REAL pains, why are you wasting time talking to us.

Call Mookie, he'll be right over to preform the autopsy...uh...surgery.





Seriously, if you're THAT concerned, go to the nearest hospital.

DemoMonkey. Accept No Substitutes. 166,252 10
02/09/2004 01:45 AM

Read the link from Dr. KillYou, it's actually excellent.



No-one would be more amused by your death than us. Don't give us the satisfaction.

Father Dave Murray, all God, all the time... 622 13
02/09/2004 01:46 AM

The lady two houses down just went tits up. Heart Attack she was 29, she jogged every morning.

Livewire 78,229 13
02/09/2004 01:47 AM

I had massive chest pains due to an anxiety attack. The symptoms I had were exactly the same as a heart attack:



numbness in the hands and fingers

cold sweats

chest tightness and eventually severe pain

dizziness

shortness of breath

total denial (didn't seek medical help until I was literally unable to move)

Supreme Big Chief Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/09/2004 01:47 AM

The lady two houses down just went tits up.



And this is news, why?

Livewire 78,229 13
02/09/2004 01:48 AM

And this is news, why?



She usually likes to be on top.

Father Dave Murray, all God, all the time... 622 13
02/09/2004 01:49 AM

I had an anxiety attack one time.. I was Frost-ing my girlfriend and her husband came home early.

Father Dave Murray, all God, all the time... 622 13
02/09/2004 01:50 AM

tits up = croaked, dead, with us no more, the big dirt nap, worm food, etc...

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/09/2004 01:51 AM

I'm calling our pre-cert now. I really just don't want to go to the "what's your Frostin' emergency" room.

Supreme Big Chief Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/09/2004 02:04 AM

You're new, aren't you?

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/09/2004 02:20 AM

Well, looks like I'm going to the emergency room afterall. The wife is driving me. I'm really gonna bust a nut if I end up paying a ton of money just for a pulled chest muscle. Lucky for me though, I'll already be at the hospital.



I wonder what the treatment is for a busted nut?



See ya later.

TheSexualNinja 1,450 9
02/09/2004 02:21 AM

Good luck!



Of course, we expect a funny article about hospitals when you return.

DemoMonkey. Accept No Substitutes. 166,252 10
02/09/2004 02:39 AM

Now this (on a side note) is the real argument in favour of complete socialized medicine.



Regardless of the systems drawbacks (and there are many) the idea of "I wont call the hospital, it might be nothing and I really can't afford a false alarm" would never even occur to a Canadian. And I'm certain that saves lives.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
02/09/2004 03:43 AM

I'm betting on an anxiety attack. I saw Fartberry's pics (recently added to the photo album), and he looks like a high-stress type of guy. Too bad they can't give him some medicinal marijuana.

Declan McManus: Master....Baker 131,869 36
02/09/2004 03:48 AM

A pound of Dean and DeLuca's city roast decaf that it's something cardiac.



If I am not teh winnar, you get lemon bars.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
02/09/2004 03:48 AM

I think Fartberry just has gas.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
02/09/2004 04:12 AM

You're on, Deccles!

Fluro wearing the coat he borrowed from James Dean 14,139 11
02/09/2004 04:33 AM

Frat's having a pain in the chest

in the brest

His wife told him to make a will

it was for the best

He drank the arsnic, now in peace he will rest

He had the urge to molest

and violate

His parole, by moving west

the girl scout came into his house, an uninvited guest

you can guess the rest

His wife did too...

now skyward points his brest.

Fluro wearing the coat he borrowed from James Dean 14,139 11
02/09/2004 04:34 AM

I cant believe i signed up for eternal damnation for a crapy poem.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
02/09/2004 04:39 AM

Don't call it a crappy poem - call it rap!

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
02/09/2004 06:30 AM

I'm so glad he took the time to post on GAB before he went to the ER.

DemoMonkey. Accept No Substitutes. 166,252 10
02/09/2004 06:54 AM

Gab saves marriages and lives.



But it can't stop a good wrist shot to the upper left.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
02/09/2004 07:04 AM

Some guys will go to great lengths to get out of doing their share of the housework, I swear.....

In fact he had just gotten started cleaning the toilet, added some Ajax, poured in a bit of Clorox to fool the wife with that sparkling white look, began to scrub a bit, and Blammo !! chest pains etc... hmmmm....

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/09/2004 08:21 AM

You people suck, why didn't you tell him to get on the webcam and chat about him dying? That would have been hardcore.

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/09/2004 08:38 AM

Well, sorry to inform you it would appear I'm not dying afterall.



Their diagnosis: esophageal spasm

My diagnosis: Bull Shakespeare.



I think its a muscle pull. Hell, what do I know? I'm doped up on toradol and morphine. All I know is that I spent damn near SIX hours in the local ER.



I'm saving the heart attack for when I get the bill.



I'll expand on this wonderful event later. Right now I've got to get some s.......ZZZZZZZ

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/09/2004 08:40 AM

Oh, and not a single clickie? Damn, kick a brother when he's down.













































Oh, right. I forgot for a second. Nevermind.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
02/09/2004 08:42 AM

Congratulations on the morphiene.

Cravin Moorhead 3,307 12
02/09/2004 09:57 AM

I've kinda lost touch with Zug, is Fratberry, Tommy the Dingleberry's identical but different twin or a whole new breed of berry here?

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
02/09/2004 12:33 PM

A turd is a turd. But this one isn't Nutbutter to my knowledge.

DemoMonkey. Accept No Substitutes. 166,252 10
02/09/2004 01:10 PM

Fratberry



Get well soon. It degrades the aesthetics of my cruelty to mock someone who's under the weather.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
02/09/2004 05:25 PM

I'll be watching the mail for my lemon bars, Declan.

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/10/2004 11:36 AM

Whistler, you may have been right. It may have been anxiety. But, all I know is that I'm here at work today and I still feel like dump. The chest still hurts and its still hard to breathe, walk or talk (to the delight of all those around me).



Herb wouldn't have been a bad idea, but the morphine was amazing. Kudos to the nurse for the second helping. I think she felt bad that we had to wait around for so long.

Fratberry 282,615 53
02/10/2004 11:37 AM

Herb=weed, not some weird guy named Herb who likes to offer up a sponge bath to anybody.