Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/06/2004 07:14 PM

Delicious hair?



Good luck, buddy. You'll need it.

Frou Frou 156,785 17
03/06/2004 07:22 PM

Do me and all of us a favor Advice Machine. Use your tail to log the Frost in!!!oneeleven

DemoMonkey, a newbs best friend. Now in Pine! 166,252 10
03/06/2004 08:08 PM

ZB



Good choice. That's my #2 choice.



#1 is "the push", from "Firestarter". But without that annoying brain hemorrhage side effect.

The Puggy of the D: Assholier than thou 48,304 12
03/06/2004 08:14 PM

Definitely mind control. Or at least the power of suggestion. I want people to do things for me. And to me.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/06/2004 08:28 PM

I take it back, if I could have any superpower, it would be Russia. Or China. They've got great take-out.

ringworm 68,315 13
03/06/2004 08:29 PM

i'd like the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away w/ mind bullets. or the power to move you. whatever.

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
03/06/2004 08:40 PM

that's telekenesis, ringworm.

Chessmaster BobJohnson 178,045 22
03/06/2004 09:01 PM

Is the superpower to give myself more superpowers taken?

DeezNutz 808 0
03/06/2004 09:06 PM

Give myself clickies.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
03/06/2004 09:38 PM

I'd like to be able to tune my guitar worth a Frost.

NeepNeep Put da lime in the coconut, WooWoo! 35,066 15
03/06/2004 09:38 PM

The power to do all my homework from Gab.

Declan McManus: Love Makes Me Cheerful 131,869 36
03/06/2004 10:33 PM

The power to make the Emerson neighbours upstairs get quiet and stay quiet.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/06/2004 10:34 PM

Declan, if they get quiet and stay quiet, you'll only be able to use your power once.

Llama Yo Mama 7,194 10
03/06/2004 11:12 PM

When our powers combine, we summon earth's funniest champion, Captain Useless, here to waste the day away.



Incidentally, I always felt sorry for that kid on Captain Planet who had the power of heart. I mean, that power was totally useless and totally gay. I bet the other superheroes made fun of him.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
03/07/2004 12:02 AM

I'd want to be able to swim. That would be cool.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 12:04 AM

In Bio Dome, Bud learned to swim when Doyle's mom held his head under water. Just be lucky you didn't learn that way.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 12:04 AM

<action>realizes she's said too much</action>Um, not that I watch Pauly Shore or Stephen Baldwin movies or anything.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/07/2004 12:07 AM

Yeah. Don't be like the Weasel. Get proper swimming lessons from trained professionals. Patti Hearst will only teach you pain.

Declan McManus: Love Makes Me Cheerful 131,869 36
03/07/2004 12:09 AM

It's true. He doesn't swim.



There was this one time at the lake when he almost drowned.













his sorrows.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
03/07/2004 12:11 AM

I would have the power of attorney on the bill gates estate.

HighSoci 30,076 18
03/07/2004 12:29 AM

The power to be invincible and industructable. Then you wouldn't need to freeze time or anything else. Just kick ass and take names.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
03/07/2004 12:40 AM

In Bio Dome, Bud learned to swim when Doyle's mom held his head under water. Just be lucky you didn't learn that way.



I "learned to swim" by being thrown off a dock by my step-father. I still swim like someone who doesn't swim that just got thrown off a dock by their step-father.



Declan, on the other hand, swims like a fiShakespeare's unbelievable. I swear he can swim farther than most people can walk.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 12:41 AM

The gayness makes people float.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
03/07/2004 12:42 AM

I love you, Jane.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 12:50 AM

<action>rubs hands together in evil glee</action>Yes, I've almost got both brothers. Soon, the world will be mine. And then I can release my evil platypus population....

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
03/07/2004 01:10 AM

I would love to have the power to control the speech of others. It would give me great joy to make my former boss say "ca-ca poopie" (stolen from Bruce Almighty) in the next CEO's meeting!

DeezNutz 808 0
03/07/2004 01:19 AM

To shoot super sperm like Spider Man can shoot web.

Declan McManus: Love Makes Me Cheerful 131,869 36
03/07/2004 02:05 AM

Declan swims like a fish





Eh, bro, couldn't you have said like a seal, or a porpoise?

Frogtacular 173,148 25
03/07/2004 03:22 AM

Soviet Union!





nono, no.. wait.. United States!

Therlin 12,200 13
03/07/2004 03:23 AM

where di my trdurnken thread go? why is this first./?

Livewire 78,229 13
03/07/2004 04:45 AM

Beebs, if time is frozen then all atomic motion is stopped, so you could not molest the young girls because their bodies would not yield to the touch, but would be hard as glass and cold as space. And so, presumably, would the air around them and the air around you. Then you'd look pretty foolish.

Livewire 78,229 13
03/07/2004 04:50 AM

I'd like the power to turn myself and/or anything else invisible for as long as I want.



I'd spend all day turning cars invisible at the mall and watching people run around trying to figure out where they parked.



Oh, and watching people crash into the invisible cars because the space looked empty. Then I'd turn the car visible again. That would be awesome.

Gonzo 20,522 17
03/07/2004 05:09 AM

I'dlike the power of cheese.

Jantastic 10,022 10
03/07/2004 05:15 AM

Damn, Gonzo. I've been giggling at that for the last five minutes.

Livewire 78,229 13
03/07/2004 05:18 AM

If anyone is worthy to possess the power of cheese, it's Gonzo.

0 9
03/07/2004 08:57 AM

I would have to say telekenesis because then you would only be limited by your imagination

Fearsome Orange 262 13
03/07/2004 09:18 AM

I'd like the power to charm the socks off of ANYONE.

DemoMonkey, a newbs best friend. Now in Pine! 166,252 10
03/07/2004 02:32 PM

12d6 No Normal Defense Ranged Killing Attack, Area Effect, No Ranged Modifier, Affects Desolid, 0 Endurance Cost. Defense is "Willing to Sleep With DemoMonkey".

Shayrose 195 10
03/07/2004 04:30 PM

The freezing of time is very attractive to me. I'd finally get enough sleep.

Zorboff..Zorbon...whatever! 1,592 11
03/07/2004 04:31 PM

I want the ability to point at anyone and give them instant and lasting "Ice Cream Brain Freeze".





Most of you would suffer dearly.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
03/07/2004 05:44 PM

I'd also like a switch I could throw that would put me into a nice, restful sleep for 8 hours.

Gonzo 20,522 17
03/07/2004 05:57 PM

Maybe Grey Goose will start a "Switcher" campaign like Apple?

Gonzo 20,522 17
03/07/2004 07:24 PM

I just re-read my post, and read it as "Grey Goatse".



Heh.

Lucky Bastard. 151 9
03/07/2004 07:45 PM

To shoot super sperm like Spider Man can shoot web.



Are you sure you want to go swinging from building to building by your penis?



That sounds like it could cause some strain.

Declan McManus: Love Makes Me Cheerful 131,869 36
03/07/2004 07:45 PM

Grey Goatse.



In other words: Marilyn's nightmare.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 07:51 PM

Spiderman-not the first guy to end up with sticky hands after using the web.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
03/07/2004 09:04 PM

There's no way TTJ came up with that herself. Who did you steal that from? Really.

TabulaRasaJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 09:06 PM

You're right. I didn't come up with it. I heard it from my dad. But chances are he got it from someone else.

TabulaRasaJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 09:08 PM

And for the record, I do manage to get a few clicks on my very own. My brain does kick in every now and then and produce an original thought.

Nerd in a Bunker 27,000 12
03/07/2004 09:11 PM

I wish I could kill people over the interweb.



Mgross, you are the first to die.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
03/07/2004 10:39 PM

I'd just like to have a decent credit rating. Or the mind bullets thing, if i couldn't get the credit rating thing.

Pubah Deeply Regrets 56,794 18
03/10/2004 11:43 AM

<action>He hasn't mastered the power of invisibility and flight</action>

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 02:09 PM

If I was invisible

Then I could just watch you in your room

If I was invisible

I'd make you mine tonight

If hearts were unbreakable

Then I can just tell you where I stand

I would be the smartest man

If I was invisible

(Wait..I already am)



I'm still kind of bothered that Clay has a hit from a song talking about watching people when they don't know it.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
03/10/2004 02:20 PM

I'd like the power to constipate others!



...oh wait. Gonzo already got the power of cheese didn't he?

Geidi 268 9
03/10/2004 02:40 PM

Telepathy is about what I would want.

The Dude 152 9
03/10/2004 02:40 PM

To Shakespeare on cue...

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 02:43 PM

Dude, I think you should change your name before fire comes raining down on you. You, sir, are not the Dude.

PuggyD 48,304 12
03/10/2004 02:44 PM

I'm just waiting for him to do this. <action> abides

The Dude 152 9
03/10/2004 02:44 PM

Or the ability to shake my wee-wee after I pee-pee and not get weiner juice all over my khakis

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 02:46 PM

Dude, don't make me rename you. Trust me, you won't like being known as donkeyrapingShakespeareeater. Change it. Please?

The Dude 152 9
03/10/2004 02:49 PM

You're entering a world of pain.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
03/10/2004 02:51 PM

Watch out Jane! I think he means it!







</whiny Bitch>

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 02:53 PM

You have no frame of referance.

The Dude 152 9
03/10/2004 02:53 PM

How about his dudeness, or duder, or el duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

DemoMonkey, a newbs best friend. Now in Pine! 166,252 10
03/10/2004 02:59 PM

"The Poster Formerly Known As Dude" has a nice ring to it.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 02:59 PM

Look at me! I managed to skip over a BL quote without clicking! I feel so proud.

Frogtacular 173,148 25
03/10/2004 03:01 PM

me too! ..but only one.

PuggyD 48,304 12
03/10/2004 03:04 PM

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. "BL" is my least favorite Coen brothers movie. It's not bad, but it just really isn't up to par.

ringworm 68,315 13
03/10/2004 03:10 PM

it's overrated.



as for the name, whay not just "a dude." you can maintain your dudeness w/o getting anyone's panties in a bunch. this reminds me of people who post to technical boards w/ names like "zero cool" or "acid burn."

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 03:12 PM

I like having my panties in a bunch, thank you very much.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
03/10/2004 03:14 PM

Only when you sit on the washing machine, TTJ.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 03:15 PM

I'm a Hoover. I use a vacuum, not a washing machine. Duh.

studio 2,001 10
03/10/2004 03:24 PM

I would want the power to brad nails.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
03/10/2004 03:26 PM

A Vaccume? That must suck.





</obvious>

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
03/10/2004 03:26 PM

"people who post to technical boards w/ names like "zero cool" or "acid burn."



When I post to technical boards, I usually use "cardinal number indicating the absence of any or all units under consideration...cool"

Crazyballs 11,888 10
03/10/2004 03:27 PM

can I have that "e" back?

qLoP 451 0
03/10/2004 05:22 PM

I'd want the superpower to force you to vote this funny

Pubah Deeply Regrets 56,794 18
03/10/2004 05:46 PM

<action>He (and QueLop) dosen't have the superpower of Teh Funny</action>



But we try

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/10/2004 05:47 PM

<action>hugs Pubah</action>Don't worry, Pubes. You're nothing like that fart knocker.

Luscious E 23,705 11
03/10/2004 07:17 PM

I want the Wonder Twins powers

But I would want a hot chick for my partner.



Her: Form of a slippery wet super Model!!



Me: Form of a white guy with proper englis hand a big dick!!!

ringworm 68,315 13
03/10/2004 07:21 PM

proper englis



no comment.

Luscious E 23,705 11
03/10/2004 07:24 PM

See how bad I need these powers? I would use them for the good of mankind and the prosperity of Sex

Munkus 2,801 10
03/10/2004 07:47 PM

if i had the power to slow down time i'd use it when filling up my car with petrol, that way id never put in 10.01 worth and then feel like my life had ended because i didnt have any loose change

Soma Roma 347 9
03/10/2004 08:40 PM

I'd be immigration dude.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/10/2004 08:45 PM

Immigration Dude sucks. Justice Guy would totally make him die of the Plague.

Marilyn 12,471 13
03/10/2004 08:48 PM

I would like to have the ability to make coffee into earth worms, and then back again.



I am so not explaining this, so don't even ask.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/10/2004 08:50 PM

It's obvious that you would feed the coffee worms to the fish and then turn them back into coffee so that the fish would be all hyper and get heartburn.



It's perfectly logical.

Gonzo 20,522 17
03/10/2004 10:53 PM

Some hot Wonder-Twins art... scary, ain't it?

Luscious E 23,705 11
03/10/2004 10:59 PM

That's cool!





Where's the monkey though?

SpecialKake 55,555 14
03/10/2004 11:07 PM

The power to change the word of god.





I'm so pissed you can't link to it. That would have been a great contest. . .

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/10/2004 11:16 PM

Link

SpecialKake 55,555 14
03/10/2004 11:17 PM

good one.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/10/2004 11:21 PM

That's an actual quote from an actual preacher man that I heard back when John Bloom (aka Joe Bob Briggs) was doing "God Stuff" on the Daily Show. Oh how I miss that segment.

Lunchboxers, not briefs 14,650 10
03/11/2004 01:07 AM

100th to post!!!!!!!1!



/lame

Frogtacular 173,148 25
03/11/2004 01:28 AM

something tells me that tag won't stay closed for long..

Pubah 56,794 18
03/11/2004 11:41 AM

If you could have a superpower



I'd want the United States of America



No one would kick sand in my face anymore...

*Presses Red Button*

iceftsman 2,131 10
03/17/2004 10:09 AM

perhaps...the power of viagra

Genevieve Blaisener 16 9
03/17/2004 12:04 PM

I would have the power to shoot huge fire balls into the sky. They wouldn't be very useful, but it would sure scare the crap out of people, wouldn't it?

claysae 0 0
03/17/2004 12:13 PM

Lick my own balls.