Sweet Sweet Mizz Swizz 3,957 10
03/06/2004 10:36 PM

Mine's three-years-old.

Frou Frou 156,785 17
03/06/2004 10:36 PM

Forgetting you had your boyfriend tied up and leaving him in the room while you talk on the phone for hours



I didn't forget.

DeezNutz 808 0
03/06/2004 10:41 PM

Godot

The Puggy of the D: Assholier than thou 48,304 12
03/06/2004 10:42 PM

Senior year. Spring Formal. I'm eating out Missy Kurt in her brother's car. She's laying across the back seat, and I'm half-hanging out of the car, my knees on the ground. She's flailing around, and she knocks the parking brake off. The car starts rolling down the hill, and my right knee is cut up all to Shakespeare like a kiddy's scissor class cut it up for paper dolls.

Livewire 78,229 13
03/06/2004 10:47 PM

Either I'm having deja vu, or we had a similar thread before, because I remember posting something similar. But I can't find it so here it comes again:



In the midst of some fierce thrusting, I accidentally pulled out, and on the next thrust I hit solid bed and damn near snapped my dick in half. I cried. The end.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
03/06/2004 10:48 PM

So was that it, Puggy? Was that the time that did it for you? Dirty stinky Poe made you gay?

DeezNutz 808 0
03/06/2004 10:49 PM

In highschool, me and my girlfriend decided to try something new. In my jeep in the parking lot, I decided to try some good old fashion anal sex. It started out fine, until she started to tell me to stop, but dont pull out. Confused, I decided to pull out. What was the forst that could happen? Well, my pee-pee wasnt the only thing that came out.



I can never have sex again.

The Puggy of the D: Assholier than thou 48,304 12
03/06/2004 10:51 PM

You see this? That's the farthest I can move my neck to the right Sophomore year, I'm going out with Maria Bennert, and for six months, I'm going down on her, and not a damn thing's happening. Then one night, I change a position, or vary my lapping-speed, and suddenly it's a whole new world. She's moving around, convulsing, breathing heavy. And her legs are pressing against my ears so tightly that I don't hear her father come into the room. He grabs my hair...and he pulls me way back, hard.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/06/2004 10:51 PM

Livewire, if it's been done before, I'm sorry. I haven't been here long. That, and I'm usually drinking when I'm on GAB, so I don't remember much.

The Puggy of the D: Assholier than thou 48,304 12
03/06/2004 10:52 PM

TTJ, I really think you should stop...drinking.

Felix 2,568 10
03/06/2004 10:55 PM

One of my ex girlfriends pissed in my face while i was eating her out. She said it was not intentional, she couldn't help it...but i have my doubts to this day. of course she could have squirted, but she never did before or after. hmmmm.

MissBehave 3,853 11
03/06/2004 11:01 PM

A girl once bit off a guy's penis when she had an epileptic seizure while giving him head.

Declan McManus: Love Makes Me Cheerful 131,869 36
03/06/2004 11:01 PM

One time, in college, I was beveraging rather seriously with a mixed group of friends.



I woke up the next day with a dreadful hangover, and in bed with .....a woman.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/06/2004 11:02 PM

<action>runs to snopes, realizes she doesn't care enough to search</action>I'm calling BS. I'm sure I read that there and it was false.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/06/2004 11:03 PM

Um, that was to MissBe.

Llama Yo Mama 7,194 10
03/06/2004 11:04 PM

I once spread peanut butter on an ex-boyfriends balls, and his dog got a hold of him. He was walking carefully for weeks. It was cruel, but I dumped him afterwards, cuz I wasn't sure he could ever have children.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
03/06/2004 11:05 PM

<action>looks at Puggy's watch.</action>Holy Shakespeare, is that the time? We've gotta beat traffic.

Nerd in a Bunker 27,000 12
03/06/2004 11:05 PM

I once made a girl cum 5 times in a row instead of 6.



God I'm an Emerson.

Frou Frou 156,785 17
03/06/2004 11:05 PM

Ok fine. There was this one time where my b/f dared me to do my worst with the cat-o-nine tails.



I did what he asked, broke all nine tails on his ass and left him with welts. He knew better next time.

MissBehave 3,853 11
03/06/2004 11:06 PM

Yes, I know. It was just a parody post from the last time we did this thread. Nobody noticed.

Declan McManus: Love Makes Me Cheerful 131,869 36
03/06/2004 11:06 PM

Thank you for that charification, Janey.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/06/2004 11:12 PM

I would never call BS on you, Declan. I loke you too much.

Declan McManus: Love Makes Me Cheerful 131,869 36
03/06/2004 11:47 PM

I loke you too, Janey.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/06/2004 11:49 PM

Who knew?

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
03/06/2004 11:59 PM

Well since much of my more experimental, sexual behavior, took place in the midst of my drfinking/drugs years, I wish that I could chat with all my past partners and run this one by them,, cause I am sure there are a few I completely wiped from memory but here is one I wish I forgot.



Thought I posted this one in some other thread, but I found nothing. I was returning from a concert of some friends of mine that had just gotten their big break and played a pretty prestigious music hall in the city (San Francisco) and my Girlfriend at the time was pretty young and had a curfew time that was long past when we finally got out of the show. So I am zooming across the Bay Bridge to get back to the east bay, and she realized she was going straight home, so she decides to help me out of my pants and ease my tension while I drive... Well it failed to ease my tension and instead it managed to tripple it, as I heard the sound of metal to metal and snapped out of it enough to realize i had just made contact with the Frost-ing bridge. I hit a shoulder or curb first and that let the air out of two tires, and one hard-on real fast. Funny part was there was a huge tow truck on the scene before I even had my pants back up I think, and he told me that he was able to see in through my sunroof a ways back, and decided to follow, as he felt I might be soon needing his assistance.

Fratberry 282,615 53
03/07/2004 12:00 AM

Ok, here goes.



My first wife and I had moved into an apartment in a middle Georgia town next door to my cousin. We didn't have a lot of money so we postponed any trip type honeymoon until later in the year. About a week or so before the wedding my cousin and a friend of mine helped move my furniture into the apartment. It was a loft apartment with just the bedroom upstairs. The stairs were steep. The bed was a queen size oak monster. It was central Georgia in the summer heat. My friend and my cousin, exhausted, put the bed together.



So our wedding night was spent at this apartment. We were in the middle of the throes of passion when WHAM, the bed falls completely apart and the mattress and box spring kind of tilted to one side and then hit the floor.



My cousin, who was next door at the time just started laughing. We could hear him through the common wall (these were Shakespearety apartments). Needless to say, we didn't finish things that night. But we did have a good laugh.



After I cussed and stomped, damned my cousin and my friend to an eternal fiery hell, and fixed the bed, that is.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 12:01 AM

And by assistance, he meant sweet ass Frost-ing.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
03/07/2004 12:34 AM

Mrs. W. had a bed with a cast-iron frame in the apartment she lived in before we got married. So one night we were romping in that bed, and decided to flip from the male superior position to the female superior position. Instead of rolling side to side, I picked her up by the hips and flipped us over backwards (it was a narrow bed, you see). So with her weight now on top of me, I fall back onto the bed and whack the back of my head against the cast iron footboard.



There was no bleeding and the concussion was fairly mild.



A couple of weeks later we were hitting it doggy style and her hands must have slipped because she fell forward and hit the same place with the top of her head. She got a nice lump there, but didn't lose consciousness.



We wear hockey helmets to bed now.

Felix 2,568 10
03/07/2004 12:39 AM

damn, that bed sounds like something out of a Stephen King novel. I'd give it the old HeeveHoe.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
03/07/2004 12:40 AM

I thought someone was gonna have my ass that night for sure, but the old tow truck driver worked for Cal-Trans, and when the Highway Patrol rolled up, they knew I was drunk, and were ready to take me away, when the tow truck driver took them to the side and I guess explained what he saw, cause I saw a bunch of them laughing, and stepping back and looking at me, and then her, etc...

Not sure what he said, but they came back, and uncuffed me, and allowed me to ride with the tow truck driver and my GF to the other side of the bridge, where I thanked him endlessly

Crazyballs 11,888 10
03/07/2004 12:43 AM

"Oh my god your a VIRGIN!"



"No I'm not..."



"MEOW!

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
03/07/2004 12:50 AM

Dude, I passed on sleeping with a bunch of chicks that I might not have if I knew we could use hockey Gear.....Like a Goalie Mask.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
03/07/2004 01:21 AM

This has got to be the funniest thread ever.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
03/07/2004 02:48 AM

I had a really bad sex mistake once. . . .I meant to have sex with this 6 foot beautiful blonde goddess. . . I ended up having sex with a 600lb. bland beautician. Go figure, there's a difference.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 12:42 PM

Silly fools, actually posting your stories. Thanks, I've got my masturbation material for the next month now. I love free porn writings.

Shayrose 195 10
03/07/2004 01:26 PM

When Goldshlager first came out I did a bunch of shots one night and woke up with my barback. He was wearing only socks and I was wearing my panties. I gave him a lift home and I had no idea if we had sex or not. I was looking around for evidence(used condom, wet spot on the bed, semen in my vagina) but there were no signs of anything.

He called me the next day and we went out on a DATE, then went to my house and had sex that I remembered. We had a casual dating and sex thing for a year or two. I never asked about that first night and have never drank Goldschlager since.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/07/2004 01:28 PM

Pfft. Everybody has a drunk story where they can't remember if they had sex or not, right? RIGHT?!?

Punkin-zirra 3,585 11
03/07/2004 01:33 PM

Wait... you're supposed to REMEMBER sex? oh. yeah. I knew that.

DemoMonkey, a newbs best friend. Now in Pine! 166,252 10
03/07/2004 02:18 PM

If you're going to smear honey all over someone and lick it off...pick someone with a small surface area.



I still can't look at a beehive without becoming both naseous AND aroused.

Shayrose 195 10
03/07/2004 03:01 PM

I guess it's so common to get drunk and forget sex that nobody wants to hear about it.



OK I was having sex in a candlelit room in the doggy-style position. The light shifted and I glanced backwards to see my partner preparing to drip hot wax on my butt--without letting me know. When he saw the murder in my eyes, he put the candle back on the dresser.



Now I have nothing against a little wax drippin', my peeve was that he was going to do it without my knowlege. I guess the element of surprise would have caused me to clench up and give him a nice squeeze.



Moral of the story-if you can't see your partner during sex, just make sure you can see both of their hands.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
03/07/2004 04:03 PM

One time I was banging this chick from the bar doggy style. She let out a fart. I couldn't believe the stench, but I kept plowing away anyway. I was just about to shoot my wad when I realized she covered my lower waist in Shakespeare, al-la Tubgirl.



To this day I can't take a dump without getting aroused.



Disclaimer: this entire post is made up

Lunchbox, cub extraordinaire 14,650 10
03/07/2004 06:16 PM

well aside from the first time i had sex with this girl (it was my very first time, but it was the first time with this particular girl) and i came before i was even all the way in, my most memorable sex goof-up was when i tried to be a porn star.



so i told my gf that i kind of wanted to pull out and cum on her chest...because, you know, why not. she was surprisingly receptive to the idea, so she let me. so im sexing her with a condom on (its the only way to go), and as im on the brink, i pull out, try to pull the condom off, but it is stuck. i tried this the next night and had the same things happen: i ended up cumming in the condom outside of her vagina...which isnt the most optimal thing.



maybe i need bigger condoms, or, like, tear-away condoms.

Lunchbox, cub extraordinaire 14,650 10
03/07/2004 06:17 PM

(it was my very first time, but it was the first time with this particular girl)



correction: it was NOT my very first time, but it was the first with this one girl...



im an idiot

ringworm 68,315 13
03/07/2004 06:37 PM

that's why they need condoms w/ zippers. what the fucxk is up w/ shooting your load all over someone's chest? the internet has almost completely ruined porn for me.

arkansassy 291 10
03/08/2004 02:06 AM

Why didn't you just dump the contents of the condom onto her chest? That would be sexy? Wouldn't it?

Fearsome Orange 262 13
03/08/2004 09:51 AM

My gf at one time tied me up, then proceeded to take so damn long with me that I ended up having to pee really badly before we were done. After gritting my teeth for a while I finally told her I had to go, but she had tied the knots so well she couldn't untie me.



Instead of getting scissors or whatever, she decided to leave me there and got a pot for me to piss in.



Needless to say, if I hadn't been high at the time I would never have been able to get back into the mood.

TabulaRasaJane 173,958 15
03/08/2004 09:53 AM

And the moral of this story, boys and girls, is that being high takes away all knowledge of right from wrong.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 24,428 11
03/08/2004 02:03 PM

One morning I was driving down my street on an errand to pick up my junky ex boyfriend's Krispy Kreme doughnuts when I noticed something in the middle of the road that looked like a tire jack. I didn't really look to hard to try and figure out what it was because if I wasn't back in 15 minutes with the Kreme's it'd be a black eye for me.



There is an "Adult Bookstore" around my old house. It was pretty mellow, patrons were usually discrete. The neighborhood I lived in was very family oriented and generally quiet.



When I drove back home, Kreme's in hand, I noticed a small group of women gathered around where I saw the tire jack. The all had a look of awe, disgust and facination. What I had thought was a tire jack was actually a large, black strap on penis.



I drove by again later that day to get a closer look but alas, it was gone. It makes me wonder which one of the housewives took the initiative to "take care of" it.

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
03/08/2004 02:16 PM

So once you found out it fell out of your car, did you go back and get it?

TabulaRasaJane 173,958 15
03/08/2004 02:18 PM

Kittuns version of heaven-where the streets are paved with dildos.

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
03/08/2004 02:19 PM

Black dildos at that! Watch out Pubah!

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
03/08/2004 02:20 PM

<action> leaves thread before she makes the sweet loving to TTJ and ruins another thread </action>

Poopie PooterPants 56,794 18
03/08/2004 05:35 PM

Nothing to fear from Kittuns. She can borrow me ANYTIME!

Eric Deveruex 23,705 11
03/08/2004 07:32 PM

Alright, so here is goes,

I was going to town on this chick(that sounds so cliche')I had been performing the "Toungue Tornado" on this girl for about ten minutes she was pushing my head down on her snatch so hard I thought I was going to be swallowed in, all the way down to my knees. Anyway she cums and I get up and proceed to the bathroom, And start giving myself the pep talk in the mirror; "You're the man!!!" "You ate that Shakespeare like a champion" when finally I look up and notice there is blood all over my face!!! I start to puke and get disgusted when after about five minutes of cussing her out and washing my mouth out with soap I realize I got a bloody nose from her pushing so hard down on my head!!!

godot 15,434 11
03/08/2004 07:36 PM

One time.





I had sex.





I'm sure she still has nightmares.

Eric Deveruex 23,705 11
03/08/2004 07:39 PM

Why don't you ask her when she brings your laundry back

Sanford 1,636 10
03/08/2004 07:42 PM

This brings back bad memories, but one time, I forgot to de-seed the watermelon.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 24,428 11
03/08/2004 07:49 PM

Sexidents.



I keep on seeing that as the title.

Sanford 1,636 10
03/08/2004 07:51 PM

Sorry, that's my fault. I didn't fold it back. I think everything is a MAD magazine. You should see my poor pets.

SANDOS FANITA 60 10
03/09/2004 04:06 AM

I dated this girl who, I think read in a magazine that pulling my nuts during felatio is supposed to be pleasurable. Well, she starts pullin the hell outa my boys... so I peed in her mouth.

Frogtacular 173,148 25
03/09/2004 04:10 AM

This post exceeds your moral tolerance.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
03/09/2004 05:14 AM

"EVERYTHING'S bad if you remember it!"



I PREFER to be drunk. .. I never remember her bored sigh. God, I hate that sigh.

Peccavi 2,263 10
03/09/2004 10:46 AM

My senior year in high school, I had been going steady with my girlfriend for almost a year, but had not rounded the bases with her yet. I figured the ideal time to make my move was just before senior prom.



Trying to be romantic, I left a scavenger hunt of sorts throughout my house, and as she followed the clues they eventually led her to my bedroom. There I was standing, with candles lit, rose pedals on the floor, and me with fluorescent marker on my chest that read "Prom?" She said yes, and everything was just rosy. Eventually things started getting hot and heavy.



Caught up in the heat of the moment, I did not notice how close the candles were to the edge of my bed. And as the bed was shaking, so was the drawer next to my bed which the candle was on. No sooner than two minutes into things.... the candle fell over towards the bed and landed on my back. Screaming in agony from the pain of melting wax and flame on my bare back, I suddenly jolted up and cried out.



My girlfriend did not see the candle, and had no idea why I was acting that way. Figuring I was just trying to impress her, she started to copy me in screaming out also. Things became infinitely more awkward than painful at that point.



After explaining to her what had happened, we got a good laugh out of it... I guess it gives new definition to the phrase in flagrante delicto.

DeezNutz 808 0
03/09/2004 10:48 AM

Is it considered sex when you have your dog lick peanut butter off your nutz?

Felix 2,568 10
03/09/2004 11:00 AM

only for the dog.

joel1207 86 10
03/09/2004 11:09 AM

Yeah...make sure to be courteous and return the favor.

Chickens- Coming in from out of the Cold 286,326 61
03/26/2004 07:23 AM

I have the same story as Eric up there, only no bloody nose.



And it happened at band camp. And my assitant DM was watching from outside the room through the cracked blinds so there where witnesses and stories.



I wish I was joking.

Incognito Stoat - Blends in like bad wallpaper 9,077 10
03/26/2004 08:15 AM

This is my story...

Starrett Precision Tape 1,768 12
03/26/2004 11:43 AM

I like the use of "nose bleed" as a gentle euphemism for "menzes."

Chickens- Coming in from out of the Cold 286,326 61
03/26/2004 11:45 AM

I actually contemplated for a moment whether I should give birth to this unholy leviathan.



Possibly the best comedy word picture in history.



I also loved Lord of the Feces. Your high school english teacher would be proud.

Hyperspaz - Buck, Buck Champion of the World! 959 9
07/03/2004 09:27 AM

I was young, in my late teens. My girlfriend and I decided to try getting it on in the car. So we pulled into a park, known for being car sex central, found a nice quiet spot and started our business. Windows started getting fogging, car was shaking and noises were being made. We both has a happy ending, her first of course, it was perfect.



Afterwards, we got our stuff back together and I started the car and the defrost to clear the windows. As the windows were clearing, we found an audience, a bum/homeless looking guy sitting at the base of a tree right in front of us. We figured he likes it here at the park, free live porn. I was very happy the windows had fogged up, I am just not sure at what point they were in full camo. We left promptly and decided to never do the park sex again.

Misplaced 89 9
07/03/2004 04:20 PM

My parents were freshly married when one day my dad was laying on the couch watching tv... naked. My mom was acting the part of Susie Homemaker, cleaning and vacuuming. As she neared the couch with the vacuum, she thought she'd have a little fun with my dad, so she took the attachment off the hose. Next thing she knew, she heard something like "schluuurp" as my dad's member was sucked into the vacuum. She only tugged a few times before realizing it'd be better to turn off the vacuum, *then* pull.



After they had us kids, it wasn't as easy to find time to get frisky, so they'd tell us to go watch tv because they had to "talk". On one such occasion, we were sent off to the television, but not too long into the act, they heard giggling.



My dad said, "who's in here?"

"I heard what you said!"

"What did you hear?"

"You said you were going to suck Mom's knuckles!"

Munkus 2,801 10
07/03/2004 06:44 PM

i used to go out with this fat piece of Shakespeare and one time i got toally wasted and we did it in the back of her car down some scary-ass back-road.Well anyway basically i got seasick with all the stomach rolls flobbing around underneath me and possibly the beer a little bit and then i had to go stand outside naked and spew on the floor.

Not exactly what a girl wants to hear when you've just finished but tough Shakespeare shes a whore!

PotatoCouch 14,056 9
07/03/2004 06:55 PM

My bf and I were doing a scene in which he cut my clothes off... I was "struggling" and knocked the scissors, cutting his arm instead.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
01/03/2005 09:21 PM

I don't know half these people but this is some funny stuff.

Declan McManus 131,869 36
01/03/2005 09:43 PM

And in my case, perfectly true!

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
01/03/2005 09:47 PM

Declan, at least now nobody can tell you that you don't know what you're missing!

JustPlainDave 3,588 9
01/03/2005 09:53 PM

I guess the element of surprise would have caused me to clench up and give him a nice squeeze.





wow, that;s like the non-violent version of the donkey punch.....

When I think about you I touch myself 15,189 12
11/25/2005 09:41 PM

Best sex stories thread EVAR!

lupience, Wearing jammies all day 26,981 11
11/25/2005 09:44 PM

Is this thread about sex?

lupience, Wearing jammies all day 26,981 11
11/25/2005 10:11 PM

Just 2 nights ago I was sauteeing, blending, baking and using my cuisinart. I had sprigs of fresh herbs and spices, my chefs knife, and an agenda.



Nothing was going to get in the way of my manic preparation of Thanksgiving dinner. NOTHING



I commanded the kitchen like a Yellow Jacket controls meat at a picnic. I had all the right cooking gadgets, all the right booze, all the right music, and the phone was off the hook.

I stirred. I baked. I browned.

I wrapped everything in tin foil to refrigerate properly.



I GABbed. And drank. And cooked.

I was preparing myself for an olympic cooking event.



I got horny.



I gave my husband a superior "Happy Thanksgiving Blowjob".





He came, I gagged- and then proceeded to puke all over him.





Then I cleaned it all up.



Later that morning when the dear hubby woke up he thanked me for the wonderful head, and strutted about. He thinks he's too 'big' for me to swallow.

lupience, Wearing jammies all day 26,981 11
11/25/2005 10:19 PM

This was dumb.

































































And stupid.

lupience, Wearing jammies all day 26,981 11
11/25/2005 11:02 PM

God I wish I could click my own posts.

gwallaia 3,510 12
11/26/2005 12:27 AM

I once dated a girl who had ugly feet with thick yellow toenails. I always tried to put her toes out of my mind when we were having sex because Mr. Happy would go limp if I ever thought about them.



We were banging one night and I'm closing my eyes thinking of Angelina Jolie when her big toe caught a scab on my leg and ripped it off.



I yelled out and Mr. Happy took the night off.

lupience, Just might wear jammies all weekend. 26,981 11
11/26/2005 12:28 AM

That was no accident.

larkknot 3,359 10
11/26/2005 12:30 AM

We decided to have sex outdoors. In July. In Florida. That was sexual intercourse #4 of the day. We got dehydrated. Definitely not on purpose, so that counts as an accident, right?

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
11/26/2005 12:31 AM

Lupe, you had me at blowjob.











And you lost me at puke.

lupience, Just might wear jammies all weekend. 26,981 11
11/26/2005 12:36 AM

Well, no. A person should salivate a bit during "The Act", swallow it, thus preventing dehydration.



If after three days of frequent sexual orgasm you feel 'dry', then that would be a possible accident.











and odd.

Robin® 14,626 9
11/26/2005 01:35 AM

SR and I broke the bed he had slept on since he was a child.

Millie 116,984 28
11/26/2005 01:36 AM

I got poked in the eye once with a penis. It gave me a black eye.



I would tell the whole story, but it isn't that interesting.

Holiday Spiced Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
11/26/2005 01:38 AM

Can I give you one to macth the other?

Millie 116,984 28
11/26/2005 01:39 AM

It was about 20 years ago, SR.



I think it's healed now.

Holiday Spiced Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
11/26/2005 01:41 AM

Oh so you want 2, I'm not going to complain.

Millie 116,984 28
11/26/2005 01:42 AM

Sigh.

Holiday Spiced Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
11/26/2005 01:45 AM

You can scream too, I like that even better.

Robin® 14,626 9
11/26/2005 01:47 AM

With the gift from the best man at our wedding, I'm sure we'll have more stories to add later.





<O>

lupience, Just might wear jammies all weekend. 26,981 11
11/26/2005 01:48 AM

bummmp.

Holiday Spiced Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
11/26/2005 01:49 AM

I have to retract that last statement, Robin is upset... Now I don't even have a blanket to use on the couch.

lupience, Just might wear jammies all weekend. 26,981 11
11/26/2005 01:55 AM

Serves you right, you native.





















bump.

Whistler P. McManus 185,889 44
11/26/2005 02:03 AM

I would tell the whole story, but it isn't that interesting.



Oh, I don't know. Give us a try. Tell the story. Slowly.

Holiday Spiced Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
11/26/2005 02:08 AM

She went to bed, in just a big sexy t-shirt.

Yorkie Destructor: Mix 'n Match 60,724 12
11/26/2005 02:12 AM

Oh, I don't know. Give us a try. Tell the story. Slowly.



Now tell it quicker. Quicker! Now slowly again. A little slower.



Yeah, like that.

Chit 178,742 15
05/11/2006 02:17 AM

OK, this is a classic and on my top 5 list.



I'm sure some of our more recent arrivals have an embarrassing story they want to share with the rest of us.



So after honoring us old timers with orbs....here is your chance.

Millie 116,984 28
05/11/2006 11:29 PM

Chit, how did you get half a click up there? I've never seen a half-orb.

gobadine 2,737 10
05/12/2006 03:25 AM

the current mrs gobadine once squeezed the base of my totem so hard that I passed out. woke up a few mins later, only to find she had thought i had fallen asleep and was sulking with me.... that was the last time i let her give me a hand job.

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/12/2006 10:18 AM

I've got three. On one occasion a few years back I was giving my boyfriend at the time road head. He wasn't handling the car too well, so I suggested he pull over, but he assured me everything was fine. A few seconds later, I hear him say "oh Shakespeare!" just in time for him to slam on his brakes and send me careening into the dashboard. I smacked my head on the steering wheel pretty hard, but after pulling into a library parking lot I finished him off anyway.



The second one happened a few months ago. Me and my partner were at a cabin. We were going at it doggie style and he thrusted so hard I hit my head on the wall with a lot of force and blacked out.



The thrid one isn't as bad. I was giving my partner a handjob in the car (while I was driving) and a guy in a Budweiser truck honked and gave him a thumbs up.

Sarah (Formerly Molotov Cocktail) 30,601 8
05/12/2006 07:50 PM

I was in high school giving my new boyfriend a BJ in his basement. It was before anyone had ejaculated in my mouth before, so when he did, it surprised me, so I spit it out and started coughing. He went upstairs to get a towel, and his mom asked if I was ok, because she heard me coughing.



"Oh, she was just drinking her Sprite and she choked on it."



So his dad said, "Yeah? I think she was choking on something else."



I wasn't allowed over there anymore.

Chit 178,742 15
05/12/2006 08:29 PM

What kind of a dad was that.





My Pop would have given you full time rights to the guest room for being such a good sport.

xKamasutrax 171,270 14
05/12/2006 08:38 PM

I dont know if I typed this up there, cause im not reading this whole thing again but when I was preggo, I puked on my mans junk while giving him head. It was chunky.

xKamasutrax 171,270 14
05/12/2006 08:41 PM

Oh I forgot to mention it was spaghetti.

Millie 116,984 28
05/12/2006 11:17 PM

Were you wearing green eyeshadow?



(I may have written that before, too, but I don't feel like reading the thread.)

Sarah (makes a mean french toast) 30,601 8
05/13/2006 12:49 PM

My Pop would have given you full time rights to the guest room for being such a good sport.



would have meaning DID!

Lupience loves Irises. 26,981 11
05/13/2006 01:47 PM

Back in '79, when my husband and I first met we were out riding horses along the edge of some farmer's garden. It was a beautiful day, so I decided to show him my riding skills and stripped naked on horseback. He thought that was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, so he jumped off his horse, and pulled me off mine. In a flash- he was naked too, and we were rolling through the grass doing the sex thing. Our horses were grazing and one of them snapped his head up and nickered--the farmer was coming! Mr Lupience got to his pants and dressed quickly, but my clothes were scattered all over, so I hid behind my horses leg! I was a thin young thing back then, but not so I could be sheilded by the leg of a horse. Mr. L went up to the farmer and told him not to come any closer- our horses bite. The farmer was blushing furiously, but agreed- he didn't want to get bitten, and left.

Not that this is an embarrassing story, just a bare assed one.

Sarah (makes a mean french toast) 30,601 8
05/13/2006 03:48 PM

I dutch-oven my boyfriend whenever I get the chance.



He thinks I'm soo classy.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/13/2006 04:35 PM

So I'm guessing then that sex is the accident with you?

Nachtluce 63 8
05/13/2006 06:54 PM

I had just met this girl at a coffee shop, and we went for a walk, then a drive. The drive ended parked in a dark and secluded area. We moved to the backseat and she started to give me head. Sometime during I noticed a light. It was the screen on my cellphone, which I grabbed and turned off.







The next day my Mom (I still lived at home) asked me if I had called home last night, because they had received a strange phone call. They could here noises in the background but nobody said anything.











I think it was years before I forgot to put the keyguard on again.

Pram Sandwich 80,705 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

I accidentally picked my ear with my finger and stuck it in my girl's mouth once...



























While we were cuddling after sex. Does that count?

Pram Sandwich 80,705 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

I missed the garbage can and landed a condom in her sink once, too. Right on her dishes.

Pram Sandwich 80,705 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

No, I do sex to people on purpose.