DemoMonkey, Newb Wrangler. 166,252 10
04/06/2004 10:28 PM

Try depilating with a handful of sleeping pills or a gun. That'll show him.

qLoP 451 0
04/06/2004 10:30 PM

HONEY?! YOU POST HERE TOO?!

Jawalapants 13,437 11
04/06/2004 10:31 PM

Since you're all over 18 and stuff, why don't you just go out and buy a new razor? Or yank it out of your dad's hand, ripping his flesh in the process?

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/06/2004 10:34 PM

These are asian parents. Like they'd let me leave the house for something other than school.

ringworm 68,315 13
04/06/2004 10:50 PM

could someone, properly motivated, kill themself w/ a safety razor? i expect it would be easier w/ a cheese grater.

Livewire 78,229 13
04/06/2004 10:51 PM

You should have picked white parents.

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/06/2004 11:06 PM

I have thought about that often. Would anyone like to adopt me? Or I can ask HighSoci to kidnap me.

Fistfull 144 10
04/06/2004 11:06 PM

Just grab a butcher knife to shave with.

78,229 13
04/06/2004 11:07 PM

Did someone say "adopt a teenage asian girl?"

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/06/2004 11:08 PM

From the title of this thread, you say that Asian parents are the excrement. But from your bitching about them, it sounds like they are just excrement. Are they the Shakespeare, or are they just Shakespeare?



I'm all confuzzled.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/06/2004 11:09 PM

Oh, and Nair or Nads.







Shut up. I'm married. I'm allowed to know what those are for.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
04/06/2004 11:10 PM

Go get waxed. That'll teach them.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
04/06/2004 11:11 PM

Pfft. I know what nads are for. Don't have to be married for that.

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/06/2004 11:12 PM

Sorry for the syntactical confusion there, Hammerhead, but English is my second language. I was never properly taught how to idiomatically use the word excrement.

Briham 38,843 10
04/06/2004 11:24 PM

I have a Korean mom. It can really annoying. She scolds me every day for the dumbest things. On the upside, though, it's pretty funny when she talks. For example, when she wants me to go see "The Passion of Christ," she shouts out "GO SEE JESUS MOVIE!"

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/06/2004 11:26 PM

My mom can't pronounce Abercrombie and Fitch. She calls it "Abrecomba and Bitch".

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
04/06/2004 11:29 PM

I bet she's pronouncing it that way on purpose.

DemoMonkey, Newb Wrangler. 166,252 10
04/06/2004 11:49 PM

So, we have a nubile Asian student who longs to shave her secret places, if only a dominating man would let her.



I'm fairly sure I rented that last week.

JawahPubahPants 56,794 18
04/06/2004 11:55 PM

You're (your, so Eric can understand) Asian?







HEY ERIC...

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/07/2004 12:02 AM

DM, you didn't just rent it; you own it.

DemoMonkey, Newb Wrangler. 166,252 10
04/07/2004 12:03 AM

Hell, I have the Directors Cut.

Scratchy 2,750 12
04/07/2004 12:08 AM

I am picturing Amy from Futurama. It might just be because it is on right now though.

JawahPubahPants 56,794 18
04/07/2004 12:10 AM

You mean Psyclops girl with the hot bod?

ringworm 68,315 13
04/07/2004 12:12 AM

that's leela.

JawahPubahPants 56,794 18
04/07/2004 12:17 AM

Oh...did I mention, she's hot?

Well, as hot as a cartoon can be



*Envisions Stripperella drawing a lap dance for him*

JawahPubahPants 56,794 18
04/07/2004 12:24 AM

Get your mom to say 'Holy Christ'.



Report your findings

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/07/2004 12:31 AM

The one expletive my mom uses is excrement. Only it sounds like sheet.



Heh. It's even more absurd after the swearbot has had its way with my post.

Briham 38,843 10
04/07/2004 01:40 AM

Heh, my mom always swears at me in Korean. Half of my very small korean vocabulary is swear words.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
04/07/2004 01:46 AM

While on vacation I was playing ping-pong, and an elderly Japanese lady in very bad broken Engrish asked to join in. She did the whole bowing to each of us thing, and then proceeded to put on a stunning display of elderly prowess. God damn, that old lady put paddle to ball quite well.



And, she was good at ping-pong too.

JawericNguprinahajujular 23,705 11
04/07/2004 11:08 AM

Uh <action>Combs hair pulls out kamaboko slippas and tea set</action> Hi! would you like some tea and then some Sucki uh I mean Sake??

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/07/2004 12:01 PM

I dated a Korean girl (2nd gen. immigrant) who was model gorgeous but had the flattest chest I've ever seen on an adult girl.



I was just digging the world experience with no complaints at all when she asked me if she should get a boob job. "nooo" I sez. Love it just the way you are. And she did look hot as hell in a pair of jeans and one of my white business shirts buttoned way too low.



But, like an idiot, I got to thinking a week or so later with the wrong head and mentioned some boobage might be nice.



She dumped me for one of my drinking buddies.

Mr. T's Daddy 64 9
04/07/2004 01:29 PM

I had to butt in... My parents (and therefore I, as well) are Asian. Strangely enough, they do not seem to be from the same stock as those of the thread initiator. From an early age, they've encouraged me to engage in premarital sex, colorfully describing it as a "try before you buy" plan as if it were 500 hours of free AOL or something.



Totally unsolicited, my dad bought me various adult-themed magazines including, but not limited to Playboy and Hustler. It's a wonder I didn't turn into a total perv. After a while, my dad decided that magazines were not enough sufficient "education" and bought some "tasteful" porn videos and books on successful application of sex techniques by Sue Johanson (the Old Canadian Sex Lady or OCSL) for my edification.



Suffice to say, I didn't tell them when I lost my virginity. They would have absolutely gone bonkers and tried to throw a party (I'm not kidding, they tried to throw one when I told them two years later).



Growing up in Brazil during my peak teenage years (read: horny) and being one of the few guys in my international school not to embrace the Unholy Trinity of Star Wars, Star Trek, and D&D, I guess I got to fulfill my parents' commandment to sample as many girls as I could.



If you could believe it my parents were not the weirdest Korean parents I knew. Another Korean dad who worked with mine took both his sons to be deflowered by prostitutes.



While all of this might sound pretty exciting way to be raised, it was overbearing in its own way. At one point, I decided to rebel by concerning myself with a possible career in priesthood (it never came to be). Then again, with my ultra-conservative grandparents on the prowl, checking out "potentials" to be my bride and preserve their master race...it might have been a blessing to grow up with ultra-liberal parents providing a good if dangerous balance.



--The End

Chili McChillChill 8,880 12
04/07/2004 01:32 PM

Wait a minute, another chink? What the hell! We are being overrun, people.

Chanceroni Babalabotcho 171,270 14
04/07/2004 01:37 PM

I thought Mr. T was black. You claim to be his daddy? I think you sir are a liar!!

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
04/07/2004 01:41 PM

He may not be a liar. Mr. T's momma may have had a vacation in Brazil, you know.

Whistler P. McManus 185,899 44
04/07/2004 01:41 PM

I don't know if you've heard this, Chili, but people say that they're good with the computers.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
04/07/2004 01:48 PM

If my parents had tried to sell sex like 500 free hours on AOL, I would have gone into the priesthood.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
04/07/2004 01:49 PM

Then you could get all the tender young ass you want!

DemoMonkey, Newb Wrangler. 166,252 10
04/07/2004 02:12 PM

So THAT'S what all those round shiny things with the holes in the centre were for.



I thought they were CD-ROMM's.

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/07/2004 02:21 PM

This just in from Mr. T's Daddy's Daddy (he asked me to post this for him):



"Re so grad he no turn out swishy boy. We give he rots and rots of pron to try an steer he to real girlrs. It ras touch and go for a while there, but he okay joe after all."

Pubah, Bitter Protector of Bonky's Hair 56,794 18
04/07/2004 02:44 PM

You should have picked white parents



Yea, they'd just increase your death benefit and let you 'do your own thing'



Wouldn't want to hurt your self-image or anything

S1mpleton 373 9
04/07/2004 02:59 PM

My parents are 'old-school', meaning they walked 10 miles to school in 6 feet of snow uphill both ways, and went home for lunch; and my mom calls the cat a Poe still.



Funny to hear her screaming HERE Poe Poe Poe at the top of her lungs 9 oclock at night. Good thing they live in the country.

JawericNguprinahajujular 23,705 11
04/07/2004 03:10 PM

I am the True what?

I am the True Fu-Chink

I am the True what?

I am the True Fu-Chink



I don't know anyone in my family any Cousins, Aunts or Uncles that experienced that kind of childhood. We were all beat into getting good grades and excelling in everything we did. I didn't get into drugs and sex till College and even then my parents had some type of hold on me then. But I thank my parents for my healthy income and my boat and my bike and my SUV(sorry Trixx) and my excuse for why my kids must not follow in my footsteps and become Actors and musicians instead.

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/07/2004 04:39 PM

Since were on the subject of gooks, my best friend and college roomy was out to follow my lead and have the asian experience, so he starts dating this girl who ended up in the mid-80's girls of the ACC spread in Playboy. If anyone can get me a copy or a scan of the oriental looking girl with the see through Carolina jersey it would be much appreciated. A scan would be sufficient. I think she was just sitting in the bleachers showing her tatas through the shirt, but it would make for excellent blackmail.



Anyway, what made the whole thing funny is twofold. A: he loved having teh sex with her, cept for the cronic halitosis. Dead cat was the particular odor I think he mentioned. Also, there was this one time, she was giving him teh head and she stopped just long enough to remind him he promised not to cum in her mouth.



He muttered "Sure, I wi...." just as he blew the back of her head all over our living room wall.



So much for promises.

Phuc 237,915 21
04/07/2004 06:24 PM

Chix, you will get the ass-whipping of a lifetime. I will use my slope martial arts (the real Shakespeare, not that fake crap that the gweilos learn and get a black belt in two years) to tenderize your flesh before ripping your still-beating heart out before your eyes.



You used the O word. You are on the fecal roster, never to leave it.



My gook dad taught me some sick sick karate. One of the advantages to being Asian. We all know karate.

Eric Nguyen DAMMIT!!!!!!! 23,705 11
04/07/2004 06:37 PM

Get him Phuc!!!!!!!!!



I will back you up with my Drunken Monkey style

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/07/2004 06:48 PM

Guys, I don't think I'm going to do hamster style anymore.

Eric Nguyen DAMMIT!!!!!!! 23,705 11
04/07/2004 06:50 PM

If you do doggystyle then I will grant a n00b pardon

Sanford 1,636 10
04/07/2004 07:08 PM

I'm now going to become one of those new age girls who doesn't shave anything.



It's interesting that the "new age" is very similar to the "stone age."



In any case, take the shoelaces off of your shoes and leave the shoes outside your bedroom door. Then lock your door and stay completely silent, no matter how much knocking and screaming occurs.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
04/07/2004 07:17 PM

I grew up with neighbors that had a Japaneese mother, who was raising the two boys by herself. She worked like hell but was so cool, cleaning their rooms, making their beds and cooking three meals a day as well as holding two or three jobs. She made a point to always take them on a trip every summer and brought me along one summer as they were going to Disneyland in L.A. (we are in S.F.)

Along with going to Disneyland she arranged for us to hit a number of southern California hot spots, one of which was Knotts Berry Farm, (another less well known amusement park) only she couldnt pronounce it perfectly, her version sounding more like, Nuts Verry Firm. Well you can imagine how popular that was to three boys aged 15-11, so we steered the conversation in that direction as often as we could just to hear her say, "No tomorrow is the Nuts Verry Firm, today is japan center in the downtown Ross Angress" you stupid.....I tell you one hundred times .... Bacca ! (means stupid in japaneese)

The Llama-nator 7,194 10
04/07/2004 09:51 PM

My eyes were all swollen this morning from crying yesterday, and I couldn't open em all the way. I was a walking Asian joke.

Pubah, Bitter Protector of Bonky's Hair 56,794 18
04/07/2004 11:21 PM

<action>Comforts the Lless than Lluquacious Llama</action>



Why de tears little duppy? Dry your eyez now...Don't worry, Be Happy.



Remember, soon you'll be choosing retirment communities for your strict parents...it'll make you smile again.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
04/14/2004 06:06 AM

I've discovered that there are cost savings involved in kidnapping or abducting Asians.



I don't have have to buy blindfolds to keep them from seeing where I'm taking them - Dental floss works perfectly well.

Phuc 237,915 21
04/14/2004 08:21 AM

Get him Phuc!!!!!!!!!



Him?!!?



...d'oh.

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/14/2004 09:48 AM

What O word did you find offensive, mongolian horde boy?

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/14/2004 09:50 AM

And I'm a purple belt in Shotokan Karate before you get all grasshopper on me. Plus I'm a southerner, so I'll also sic the dogs on ya boy.

G.I. Stoat - 5 dollah! LONG TIME! 9,077 10
04/14/2004 09:57 AM

I can't read one of Eric's posts without thinking of HIM

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
10/12/2004 02:42 AM

<action>rips out his own eyeballs</action>

Oh God, the ignorance!

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 02:44 AM

Do they often say.. "Teenk of all dose pu keedz in Iraq woo huv noting tu eat. EAT YU SHWIMP WOLL BICH!

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 02:53 AM

Maybe she was in shock because you left it on.



Asian chicks are hot.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
10/12/2004 02:54 AM

Look Chrystie, the llama and I are two separate entities. She is an only child. I am not. She is full asian, but not korean. I'm half korean. I did Shakespearety on my grades, and I still got into Northwestern, so I'm sure the Llama can get into an excellent college as well. At very least, it'll be better than the one you'll go to. Get your facts straight before you make a list, you already look like enough of an idiot with your nonsensical postings and misuse of capitalization.

In conclusion, Frost you.

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 02:55 AM

<action> approaches chrystie with ice cube in hand which falls and breaks </action>



Now that we broke the ice, wanna Frost?

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:04 AM

All this asian hostility is making me horny. Can you claw at each other with school girl uniforms on?

Dogs Akimbo 211,379 32
10/12/2004 03:05 AM

<action>waggles eyebrows</action>Hey, Chrystie, wanna be a single entity?

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:06 AM

Damn you Akimbo, I was here first!

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
10/12/2004 03:06 AM

Yes, it is true that there are multiple ways of sounding smart. Digging up a 6 month old post to add an idiotic list, in all caps, on a website that despises people who type dumb Shakespeare in all caps, is not one of the ways of sounding smart. Also, as I said, your list isn't accurate. It's assuming numerous things, including: A. That Llama and I are the same person, B. That we are illegal immigrants, C. That we are Korean. Finally, I judged your intelligence based on your actions and your posts, and it seemed to me that a community college was your destination. Now be a good girl and have sex with teh porn producer.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
10/12/2004 03:07 AM

Goddammit Porn Producer, I added the "Mr." to my name in order to show that I am male. Are you sure you want to see a fat man in a skirt?

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:09 AM

Yes, have teh sex with me. I'll slap you with my edumacashun stick across your head!

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:11 AM

<action>thinks ... ponders ... (hamster running hard around wheel)</action>



How big are his titties and do they make school girl uniforms in his size?

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
10/12/2004 03:13 AM

My man boobs are very large and I wear XL men's siz-Wait a minute! I'm not performing for a dude! I have some dignity you know!

Llama's mostly llurking now 7,194 10
10/12/2004 03:15 AM

Wow Briham. Thanks for the chivalrous defense of my intelligence. Wouldn't it just break your heart if I told you I'm planning to drop out of high school my senior year so I could move to Hollywood and be a star!!

Gabe the Merciless 9,232 13
10/12/2004 03:16 AM

CRAZY REDNECK! YOU COME TO MY HOUSE, SEE WHAT IT LIKE TO LIVE IN POTTERY BARN CATALOG.

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:17 AM

Well then, can like you lose your dignity for a sec and hold the camera while I ass-bang Chrystie here. Maybe she'll go tubgirl on us.

Llama's mostly llurking now 7,194 10
10/12/2004 03:17 AM

But a good education can get you a good job, and then you can be rich, and when you're rich, you can buy love and even Orlando Bloom. Right? Because that's why I've been working my ass off in school.

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:20 AM

There's a lot of "Barely Legal Teens" in high school. That's reason enough to never drop out.

Dogs Akimbo 211,379 32
10/12/2004 03:20 AM

Chrystie, darlin'?



That big ol' key on the right side of your keyboard labeled Enter can be useful in making ranting and raving more readable.



They're called paragraphs, but you can use more than two of them...

Gabe the Merciless 9,232 13
10/12/2004 03:21 AM

While you're at it, why not throw in some punctuation and capitalization, just for fun.

Humphrey B Bear 51,764 12
10/12/2004 03:25 AM

Q. How do you know when an Asian has burgled your house?













A. When you get home the laundry's been done, you computer's been upgraded and the Froster is still trying to back out of your driveway.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
10/12/2004 03:28 AM

Hmmmm... I suppose I did come off sounding arrogant by boasting my college. I'm not usually condescending towards people, but I can not stand people who make fools of themselves. You see, you are under the assumption that your list is comedy gold. I, for one, didn't laugh at all, and in my experience, no one here ever finds that sort of thing funny. I've looked atmy behavior. I suggest you do the same with yours.

Llama's mostly llurking now 7,194 10
10/12/2004 03:31 AM

Lucky bastard. You actually get to see stuff since you're only half Asian.

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:33 AM

<action> walks with head down </action>

So does this mean I'm not getting any Asian Action?

Miracles 22,430 0
10/12/2004 03:47 AM

Chrystie, just have sex with me and let the Producer film it. He will feel a part of it and I can post about someone other than turkey.

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 03:57 AM

Um no, How about just me and you have sex Miracles sweety. We'll set up a tripod and eliminate the need for a 3rd.



Awwwww....



teh porn producer & Miracles

Miracles 22,430 0
10/12/2004 04:00 AM

Uh oh. TPP is trying to get me to back off of Chrystie.



Don't listen to him, girl. And, I swear I will never post what we do on GAB!

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 04:03 AM

I think the "ass-bang" part scared her away. So since she's not here anymore, whadya say Miracles, wanna knock boots with the ole Producer?

Miracles 22,430 0
10/12/2004 04:10 AM

"knock boots" How dare you! I am a lady. I make love on trampolines in the rain. I am teh lover - not the Trae.

teh porn producer 7,627 9
10/12/2004 04:13 AM

I am teh lovah as well. Just one equipped with a 7 inch ramming iron. It might make a hole through said trampoline though.

Miracles 22,430 0
10/12/2004 04:46 AM

Oh boy! Chrystie come back and get with TPP! He is ready for a go.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
10/12/2004 07:32 AM

But a good education can get you a good job, and then you can be rich



"Nigga no go to school, nigga no get a job. Nigga no get a job, nigga no get a BMW 7 series! Nigga!"

rudolph the red-nosed retard (TFN) 1,412 10
12/10/2004 09:46 PM

Is it my fault that whenever someone puts extra Rs in sentences to make it sound Asian, it sounds in my head like Scooby Doo.