Villains
A comedy article
by Dead Robot  67,630  16
04/07/2004 10:42 PM 450 views
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One of the first memories I have is the Disney movie 101 Dalmatians. I was 9 or so when I first laid eye on Cruella DaVille. Cloned from Phyllis Diller, Cruella scared the crap out of me. Her boisterous attitude, the long cigarette, the out of control hair, all combined to remind me of my mother. But seeing how this is an article about Disney villains and not some pseudo Freudian inner sexual rant, I will continue.
There are strict rules about how we perceive a villain in the Wonderful World of Disney. The fastest way I can describe it is this: they're either male or female. Congratz, you say! Hear me out:
The Men. All Disney male villains MUST have a British accent. Why? Because to Americans, a good North London born and bred voice sounds pompous and condescending. There's also the whole pseudo-gay thing that many men associate with an educated English accent but I will get into that later.
Proof? Here are some prime examples:
Jafar (Alladin): Can you say Joan Crawford in reverse mandrag? The droll downcast eyes and harsh uplighting in every scene would make any drag queen jealous.
Scar (Lion King): Voiced by Jeremy Irons. Remember him? Dead Ringers? Creepy.
Professor Rattagan (The Great Mouse Detective): Need I say more about Vincent Price?
Judge Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame): The most sexually fragmented character ever created by Disney. Don't know him? Maybe you remember his voice as MegaByte from Reboot? Or even more obscure as Chairface Chippendale from The Tick? No? How about the voice of The Supreme Being from Time Bandits? He has a silky commanding voice and deserves better work than the crappy video games he's been voicing lately.
Sir Hiss (Robin Hood): Not so much Brit Evil than creepy smarmy sounding snake. Snake=Penis. More on the sex stuff. Promise.
So here's where I mention that Disney was making movies for white, middle class boys. Anything that makes a white middle class boy nervous makes a great villain and usually unawaken sexual feelings does a great job. With that said, lets talk about...
The Women: In the Disney universe, female villains are either emaciated or extremely fat and are always Vamps. They entice unbudded desires out of sexually immature children, confusing the crap out of them and making them . They're manic and have violent mood swings, going from sultry seductress to exploding volcano of ire in seconds (like mom, but I digress). For example:
The Witch (Snow White): A fine start to all of Disney's villains by creating this rather anti-Christian device of black magic.
Malificent (Sleeping Beauty): Joan Crawford again! What is it with everyone fearing large shoulders, smoldering eyes and wicked lips? In the end she's run through with a sword while she's a dragon. I will just shake my head at the sexual imagery here.
Ursula (Little Mermaid): Fat. Pat Carrol. Shakes rump a lot. Fearsome.
Madame Mim (Sword In the Stone): I chose her because she's prime cross over material: British accent AND a woman. Actually Martha Wentworth was born in NYC but she did a great job with the voice.
So Villains from Disney are designed to instill two things: a sense of hatred via their pompous overbearing accent and a vague sexual fear, either by grating against our orientation or by confusing us with unleashed passions.
Now can we talk about my mom?
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Side-splitting
31 votes
5.0
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0 votes
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Flourescent Sombrero 91,274  10
04/21/2004 04:46 PM
... fist to.. post?
Now, can we talk about my mom?
These polaroids are worth a thousand words
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0 votes
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No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
04/21/2004 04:47 PM
I think I saw your Mother in a movie! It definitely wasn't a Disney movie though.
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butternuts 14,362 10
04/21/2004 06:02 PM
It isn't just Disney. Mr. Slate gives me confused feelings in my pants.
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0 votes
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Lunchbox 14,650 10
06/02/2004 07:08 PM
excellent observations DR.
this is sort of along the lines of what im going off to study in grad school.
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0 votes
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Pat The Great 948 9
06/02/2004 11:01 PM
<action>looks back at his white, middle-class yearbook photo.</action>
Well, this article explains a lot.
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