Dead Robot 67,630 16
04/12/2004 03:58 PM

Hey. See that line you're standing in front of labled "Gross, Do Not Cross"?



Could you please just step back a bit?



Ta.

superchicken 6,678 0
04/12/2004 03:58 PM

so doing this will get rid of my rash?

Dead Robot 67,630 16
04/12/2004 04:03 PM

Trim your fingernails short if you find yourself scratching irritated skin at night.



The imagery....the imagery...



"Honey, you're moaning in your sleep again."

Kittunchops 24,428 11
04/12/2004 04:04 PM

Not, it won't get rid of your rash.



I want to know if people actually "scratch" their anus. It seems that would be an extremely painful thing to do.

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/12/2004 04:07 PM

When it's in your crack that itches, why would "tight fitting" or "other materials than cotton" matter? I mean as long as you're not wearing something that rides your crack it shouldn't matter, right?



*whips out belt sander*

superchicken 6,678 0
04/12/2004 04:07 PM

you didn't read that story about bob on teh all time funny, did you?



it goes well beyond that.

Paladin Yann 24 9
04/12/2004 04:07 PM

If it itches, You gotta scratch it.

ringworm 68,315 13
04/12/2004 04:10 PM

nocturnal ass-scratching is how the cycle of pinworms perpetuates itself.

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/12/2004 04:11 PM

* Take a warm sitz bath, three times each day and after each bowel movement. Following the bath, dry the anus carefully. You may wish to use a hair dryer set on low.



Run that one past the HR department. I'm sure they can arrange for that.

Taken 270 9
04/12/2004 04:14 PM

* Control your stress. Being under stress and feeling anxious or worried can cause some people to experience skin itching. If you find you are scratching the anal area when anxious, try to take relaxation breaks throughout the day, especially before bedtime.



Okay...so then after I relax, someone will scratch my ass for me, right?



You know what we all need? A personal ass scratcher! Find a homeless person (see if you can find a really short one or perhaps a midget- sorry- "little person"), supply them with rubber gloves and there you go!

I.B.Syndrome 385 9
04/12/2004 04:16 PM

for some reason i cannot stop lauging at this sentence.....



"dry the anus carefully"



define carefully?

what are the ramifications of a non-careful drying?

how close do you place the hair dryer?

would a warm desert wind suffice?

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
04/12/2004 04:18 PM

The last warm desert wind that flowed across my anus was going the other way.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
04/12/2004 05:05 PM

If your bunghole itches, you probably aren't properly wiping.

Kittunchops 24,428 11
04/12/2004 05:18 PM

The line If you find you are scratching the anal area when anxious... intrigues me the most.



Boss: Kittuns, we need to talk about all the time you are spending on the internet.

Kittuns: Um, what time on the internet?

Boss: Well, first of all, maybe you can explain to me what Zug dot com is.

Kittuns: Ummm puts hands down the back of her pants

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/12/2004 05:58 PM

*whips out belt sander*



Why? Are you going to rub one out?

psychaholic, a bear of very little peen. 4,888 13
04/12/2004 06:00 PM

Guess I'm lucky, my anus is like iron. No itching or problems PLUS it's magnetic!

Laffy Taffy 674 9
04/12/2004 06:02 PM

I find that the best defense against rectal itching is to keep my thumb up my ass at all times.

Laffy Taffy 674 9
04/12/2004 06:04 PM

Has anyone else besides me heard of a manpon?

I.B.Syndrome 385 9
04/12/2004 06:05 PM

does anyone remember the tv show manimal?

Laffy Taffy 674 9
04/12/2004 06:12 PM

I used to watch that show, but it caused my rectal itching and I had to lodge my thumb up my ass indefinitely.

Whistler P. McManus 185,899 44
04/12/2004 10:31 PM

When it's in your crack that itches, why would "tight fitting" or "other materials than cotton" matter? I mean as long as you're not wearing something that rides your crack it shouldn't matter, right?



The bunghole needs to breathe, Chackens. I suggest cotton boxers or no drawers at all. And quit it with those skin tight jeans. You're a chick, so you won't get all the grief I do for wearing a skirt. That and no drawers, and you're well on your way to a properly ventilated poop chute.

Declan McManus: The ice in Lila's Lemonade 131,869 36
04/12/2004 10:34 PM

The Brothers McManus:



For all your Anal needs.

Frou Frou Secsi Dragon Lady 156,785 17
04/12/2004 10:39 PM

See people?



Thongs do serve a purpose!



*flosses*

Dead Robot 67,630 16
04/12/2004 10:42 PM

If it itches its infected, as my cub scout leader once told us in first aid class.

Lobster 653 9
04/12/2004 10:49 PM

nocturnal ass-scratching is how the cycle of pinworms perpetuates itself.



That sounds something the narrator for one of those Discovery Channel specials on baboons and such might say.

Laffy Taffy 674 9
04/12/2004 11:17 PM

Have you ever seen a baboon's ass???

Lobster 653 9
04/12/2004 11:18 PM

I have. That's why I don't partake in anal scratching.

Marvin the Martian 275 9
04/13/2004 12:33 AM

Heh, Lobster has a baboon ass.

Lobster 653 9
04/13/2004 12:34 AM

It's name is Mickey.

Mr.Glass: The World's First Smartmonaut 25,340 11
04/13/2004 12:39 AM

What if I'm not the one scratching my anus?



See, there's this guy at work...

Marvin the Martian 275 9
04/13/2004 12:40 AM

Yes?

Mr.Glass: The World's First Smartmonaut 25,340 11
04/13/2004 12:45 AM

Let's just say I don't like to point fingers.

Laffy Taffy 674 9
04/13/2004 12:48 AM

Is a thumb considered a finger?

Phuc 237,915 21
04/13/2004 08:19 AM

There's a big difference between anal itching and rectal itching.



Anal, you can rub against the edge of your chair and at the worst, get a skid mark.



Rectal requires insertion. This opens up a whole can of worms.

Lila as Tyrone Biggums 78,550 13
04/13/2004 08:25 AM

You know you're comfortable in a relationship when you can scratch your ass in front of your loved one. We acheived this level about a year ago and he has progressed to also scratching his balls in front of me as well.

All this and we still find each other sexually attractive. Humans are weird.

Phuc 237,915 21
04/13/2004 08:29 AM

Lila, honey, scratching balls is as essential to the male's daily survival as breathing air. Ass-scratching is deviant behavior that we must avoid at all costs and, when absolutely necessary, must be taken care of in privacy.



You do not graduate from ass-scratching to ball-scratching.



...unless, of course, you're talking 'bout buttocks only. If it's just that, you're relationship is sound and blessed by most major denominations.

Lila as Tyrone Biggums 78,550 13
04/13/2004 08:31 AM

Of course I mean buttocks only! I can't see myself hiking up the skirt and giving the anus a good once-over while anyone is in the room, much less my love.



Great. Now this thread has made my ass itchy.

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/13/2004 10:47 AM

Have you ever seen a baboon's ass???



How tall are you?

Laffy Taffy 674 9
04/13/2004 11:13 AM

Tall enough to know what I like! OH yeah.

67,630 16
04/13/2004 11:16 AM

<action> bursts through wall</action>



What? Did someone call me? Was it you?



You know it takes me a full 30 mins to get here. I have to take the crosstown bus!

Scratchy 2,750 12
04/13/2004 11:24 AM

Rectal itching? Tell Declan to wash his hands next time.

DIDDLE QUEEN 156,785 17
04/13/2004 11:32 AM

<action> notices post above, sings



"It's the Itchy Scratchy showwwww!!"

Kittunchops 24,428 11
04/13/2004 12:20 PM

<action>sets her blow dryer on high</action>

C'ome here trae...

Pubah, Now With Limited Access 56,794 18
04/13/2004 01:48 PM

DeClan is the SCRATCH for that itch



*Looks at Trae and get a bad case of Seven Year Itch*

Scratchy 2,750 12
04/13/2004 01:52 PM

The cure for rectal itching:

Tiny tiny slippers for your gerbils.

Trixxie teh Scientist 65,021 15
04/13/2004 04:08 PM

I used to free ball alot, and the crotch of my jeans and slacks would wear out rapidly. I finely determened that I must have some kind of caustic rectal discharge.

Pubah is not Himself These Days 56,794 18
04/15/2004 04:10 PM

<action>He's George Brett, scratching his ass with pine tar</action>



I used to have hemorroids,



But they're all behind me now.

csme 15,189 12
04/15/2004 04:25 PM

I just drag my bare butt across the floor, that does the trick.

S H P 181,718 70
04/15/2004 04:26 PM

The cure for rectal itching:

Tiny tiny slippers for your gerbils.



This advice from a guy named Scratchy?

Chickens- the Garden Center's Bitch 286,326 61
04/15/2004 04:33 PM

I'm glad to see that inside jokes are still alive and well on Gab.

Scratchy 2,750 12
04/15/2004 04:37 PM

I think that makes me the most qualified here on the issue...



Wanna smell my thumb?

Pubah 56,794 18
04/20/2004 07:56 PM

Go ahead Scratchy, suck it



You know you want to

Frogtacular 173,153 25
04/21/2004 12:51 AM

nocturnal ass-scratching is how the cycle of pinworms perpetuates itself.



alas.. this is not the only time in my life I've ever come across that little factoid.

SAVIORA 666 10
04/21/2004 01:07 AM

*shoves her ointment back in the drawer*







My hero!

Knewt the Cute Noiseless Mute 159 10
04/21/2004 10:44 AM

i'm gettin' a goatse vu



ahahaha!

haha! please kill me! hahaha!!

aaaaaaah....