Dear Mr. [name],



I am applying for the position of Governor of Vermont. I am hardworking, diligent, and I like Howard Dean.


I've pasted my resumé below this e-mail. I am willing to go to college if it's necessary and you pay for it, and I am willing to move to Vermont.



Thank you for considering my application.



Sincerely,



Neil G. Boars

Dear Mr. [name],



I am dissapointed that I have not received a reply yet. I need a reply very soon since I have also applied to be governor of other states although Vermont is my first choice.



Thanking you in advance,

Neil G. Boars

To Whom It May Concern,



I am applying to be Premier of Prince Edward Island. I am hardworking, diligent, and I eat lots of potatos (I don''t like Atkins even though I''m a little chubby).



I think you will find that I am able to balance your budgets without raising taxes or making cutbacks. I am a man of the people. I am willing move to Prince Edward Island. I have pasted my resumé below. Feel free to contact me with questions and such.



Thanking you for the interview in advance,



Neil G. Boars

Dear Premier Binns,



I am applying to be the next Premier of Prince Edward Island. Don't worry! I can wait until you're finished with your governing and then take over. Or maybe I could just be your advisor and tell you how stuff should be done.



My resumé is at the very bottom of this e-mail. (You have to "scroll" down since my previous e-mails to officials at PEI are underneath this and I don't know how to get rid of them).



Please respond as soon as possible since I need a job soon. I'm against welfare and times are tough. I'm not sure if I can afford to turn down other jobs while I wait to hear from you.



Sincerely,

Neil G. Boars

John Hargrave 128,751 73
04/23/2004 05:12 PM

"I am willing to go to college if it's necessary and you pay for it"



Classic.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
04/23/2004 05:15 PM

Yeah...so...look a flower!

Chili McChillChill 8,880 12
04/23/2004 05:20 PM

I liked the way that Pat Binns seemed to regret the fact that the premiership of a province actually requires an electorate. It would be so much easier if the beer companies would just appoint someone.

Misfit 1,104 10
04/23/2004 05:23 PM

With that resume, all you need to do is become an alcoholic and you're a shoe in to replace Ralph Klein as Premier of Alberta.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
04/23/2004 05:26 PM

"Nearly employee of the month once."



Come to Alabama Bob. The weather is nice, and no one here is ever employee of the month! You're a shoe-in.

Fratberry 282,615 53
04/23/2004 05:38 PM

Bob doesn't understand our football. He'd never fit in over in the motherland.



Funny stuff, Bob. I think you're too intelligent to be regularly employed.

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
04/23/2004 06:01 PM

So your name isn't really Bob Johnson?



Very very very funny stuff. Best article in a while.

Kittunchops 24,428 11
04/23/2004 06:08 PM

Your best bet from Dictatorship is to start off small. I heard that comunism heavily endorses dictators.



Find a small island that you can quickly take power of with the items in your pocket (be sure to bring a lighter).

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
04/23/2004 06:14 PM

Dictatorship - Helping protect the public from their own stupidity

High Priestess of Stewie is the bane of Briham 58,741 29
04/23/2004 07:00 PM

Hi Bob, Stewie here.

Being the High Priestess of a like minded userper, I have some tips for you. I got these from Stewie-God while smoking a bowl with the oracle. Tips for being an Evil Overlord. Trust me buddy, follow these steps to evil dictatorship, and you've got it made. *winks*

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
04/23/2004 07:02 PM

Lloyd,



Neil Boars is a fake name I created for the purpose of this article. (Since I'm applying for real jobs too, I didn't want a fake resume floating around the internet with my name on it).



Although, you'll notice I only half-answered your question.

Mr_PeaCH 253 9
04/23/2004 07:09 PM

Now Niels Bohr *is* a guy that I'd want to be dictator... so thanks for ruining his future chances with your little prank, wise-ass.

High Priestess of Stewie is the bane of Briham 58,741 29
04/23/2004 07:26 PM

Bob, Stewie again. Listen, I just got a message from Stewie-God (that or it's the salsa music my roomie is playing). He wants to help you some more. You seem to be in favor of Stewie-God. Live long and multiply.

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
04/23/2004 11:06 PM

I just e-mailed Premier Binns the link to this thread. I hope he reads Chili's comment.

PatTheGreat 948 9
04/23/2004 11:55 PM

Um, to get rid of all the other e-mails in your reply, you go to "Options" and uncheck the little box.

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
04/24/2004 12:16 AM

Thanks. I'll pass that information along to Neil.

Whistler P. McManus 185,899 44
04/24/2004 11:06 PM

Heh heh. Neil and Bob. Heh.

Whistler P. McManus 185,899 44
04/25/2004 11:26 AM

Dude, would a person with a high school diploma and work experience only in fast food who thinks that you can just "apply" for elected positions write with proper grammar and spelling?



Tool.

117,736 36
04/25/2004 11:35 AM

What are we doing tomorrow night, Bob?

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
04/25/2004 11:42 AM

being a relatively accomplished linguist I find it painful to the comic process when I am reading the joke and I see grammatical erros in the phony letters you sent.



Nothing makes me happier than to see someone point out someone else's errors, and in doing so, misspelling "errors".

Frogtacular 173,153 25
04/25/2004 04:01 PM

I thought he was talking about the homosexual undertones in Bob's letters, which I also found to be rather sophomoric.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
04/25/2004 05:27 PM

I quit. BobJohnson is the undisputed winner of the universe.

Ice Cream Headaches 0 10
04/25/2004 09:58 PM

Bob, it's easy to be elected dictator. Just get 33% of the vote like Hitler did in 1932.

BobJohnson, Lord Protector of the Realm 178,045 22
04/26/2004 03:30 AM

If I don't get 100% of the vote, heads will roll.



You have been warned.

ringworm 68,315 13
04/26/2004 03:40 AM

i'm glad i don't vote.

iceftsman 2,131 10
04/26/2004 10:12 AM

All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survice make your time.

Cheesemonger 4 8
12/12/2004 05:55 PM

No chance to seve ice?

What a pity.

All this time I thought I had no chance to survive.

Rаt 2,085 9
12/12/2004 06:37 PM

<action> clicks the white space next to Lloyd</action>



Nothing makes me happier than to see someone point out someone else's errors, and in doing so, misspelling "errors".



Heh