Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 11:05 AM

All this got me to thinking; does anyone really buy into the whole 'No Fear' lifestyle that the clothing suggests? I'll bet money hat 99% of the people who buy 'No Fear' clothing (and accessories!) lead boring low-risk lifestyles. I decided to write a letter to 'No Fear' as a truly "converted by their message" customer.



Dear "No Fear"

I just found your website a few months ago, and I wanted to write and tell you how your clothing has changed my life! I know your a small start-up company, so I figured some customer feedback might get you guys even more pumped up about your wicked cool products! You can even use this email in your advertising; I just have a feeling that your clothing is going to be a big hit anytime soon now! Anyways, let me tell you about me.

Just after I dropped out of College it was really hard for me to find a job (Computer Science Major, what a waste!) and my Fianc and I broke up. Things started to look up when I got a mid-level job at a Computer Company (I can't say who, dude <wink>) but I quickly realized I was the office joke! My Boss passed me over for promotion again and again, even though I was much better than all those 'graduates' he kept hiring. I never did anything about it though, just was quiet and did my job. Then, for my birthday, my Mom sent me a black T-Shirt that said 'No Fear' boldly on the back. I was blown away. I started thinking 'Damn Right!!' I had nothing to fear! The next day I went in to work wearing that shirt, marched up to my Boss on told him what I thought and that I demanded a promotion! He fired me, but it's ok, it's not your fault...he just couldn't handle my newfound intensity for life!

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 11:05 AM

Well, I said 'No Fear!' and packed my things and hit the open road (I now have a No Fear bumper sticker too!). I've taken up all sorts of hobbies now thanks to my new 'No Fear' lifestyle! I bungee-jump, I've cliff-dived, I even had some unprotected sex! It's great, you guys have liberated me from the whole sheep mentality!

I've been running a bit short on money since I only do odd jobs here or there, but its all cool. I still buy all the 'No Fear' stuff I can! I actually just bought some new 'No Fear' gear. I got your awesome 'No Fear' duffle bag and this great new 'No Fear' long sleeve shirt (excellent of course!). I wanted to ask a favor though, I only try and buy 'No Fear' clothing when I can, I was wondering if you guys were planning on making a 'No Fear' Ski-Mask and maybe a 'No Fear; Shotgun-Sling? I know I could use them, and I bet others could too!

Anyways, you guys have changed my life. I now live every day with 'No Fear'!! Thanks, you guys rock!!

Jason

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 11:06 AM

It's been a week, and they haven't written back yet. I'm hoping they will soon, I really need that Ski-Mask for my next...um...job.

WhoaDude 497 9
05/07/2004 11:11 AM

1. Why wasn't this an article?

2. Why is this funny?

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 11:13 AM

1. I'm lazy.

2. I hate you.

SpinningInInfinityJane 173,958 15
05/07/2004 11:18 AM

I gotta agree with WoahDude. This is a thread. What you have here is an article. However, you have it in the form of a thread. For some reason, I find myself wondering if you just posted it like this so you could break it up an hopefully get more than one clickie out of a person. Here's where you Frosted up-most people here can't concentrate long enou



Dude! Weezer is on the radio! If you want to to destroy my sweater...

Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
05/07/2004 11:19 AM

3. Profit!!!

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 11:20 AM

find myself wondering if you just posted it like this so you could break it up an hopefully get more than one clickie out of a person.



I just didn't feel like waiting for John to reject it...

SpinningInInfinityJane 173,958 15
05/07/2004 11:21 AM

Have you seen some of the Shakespeare he puts up? He wouldn't have rejected this. He's the man that wrote an article just to tell us how big his dick is.

Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
05/07/2004 11:24 AM

I dunno. I think John's a pretty open-minded guy. That Jeff guy, however, is quite the prick.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 11:24 AM

He's the man that wrote an article just to tell us how big his dick is.



And it took him a lead-up article to get there...

DeadMike 3,390 10
05/07/2004 11:30 AM

...they just start screaming and call the Police.



I noticed the capitalization, and wanted to inform you that they broke up long ago. So, if one of those rednecks calls them, the number will be disconnected.

SpinningInInfinityJane 173,958 15
05/07/2004 11:33 AM

<action>slips into her YAGA shirt</action>Pffft. Who wants to wear a shirt with a logo on it?

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 11:42 AM

From: customer_service@nofear.com To: "Jason Wilde"

Subject: Re: Fearless!!



This is an Automated Response, please do not reply to this message.



From: No Fear On-line (an Allied Brands Store)



Subject: Your message has been received.



A customer support representative will reply to your message within 24

hours. If you prefer to speak with a representative directly, please

call No Fear On-line Customer Service at 1-866-577-0477 Monday through

Friday from 8:00a.m. to 5:00p.m.(PST).



Oh yeah, I did get the typical lying automated response. I guess "24 hours" is just suggestive in 'No Fear' land...

A Stoat by any other name... 9,077 10
05/07/2004 11:48 AM

Keep talking about it sonny, it'll get funnier i'm sure...

DeadMike 3,390 10
05/07/2004 11:52 AM

BFB - Please take this as a compliment.

The writer of your letter sounds way too smart. The type of peckerwood redneck that would write No Fear a letter telling them that their clothing changed his life would not be nearly as lucid and well-spoken as you are. I say write them another letter and use dumb-ass phrases like "knee-high to a chiggerbug" and "wine 'em, dine 'em, 69 'em." You know the type. Just a suggestion.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 12:08 PM

Please take this as a compliment...



Hmmm...I'll have to see if Jane can give me some tips for typing while drunk...

I am not TTJane. Really, I'm not 173,958 15
05/07/2004 12:15 PM

Oooh, I can help. Here's my favorite way to start a letter-



Dear whoever,



How are you? Good, I hope. I'm finer than frog hairs.

I am not TTJane. Really, I'm not 173,958 15
05/07/2004 12:16 PM

Although, since nobody got my Many Hands make light work joke, I doubt anybody is going to get the "finer than frog hair" joke, either.

ringworm 68,315 13
05/07/2004 12:53 PM

frogs don't have hair.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
05/07/2004 12:55 PM

BFB, when I look at your article, my eyes hurt and I start to cry.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 01:11 PM

Then my job here is done.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/07/2004 02:43 PM

Ok, so, things I have learned.



1. Come off sound more retarded.

2. Submit it to John (but not Jeff!).

3. Poop.

4. Crazyballs has delicate eyes.

5. Profit!

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/10/2004 03:00 PM

Finally got an email back from 'No Fear'. Not very professional though...





From: "Ian Briggs" <disadent@rebelbase.com>

To: jasonwilde2003@yahoo.com

Subject:

Date: Fri, 7 May 2004 10:54:52



Arnt you just a witty funny little guy

Misfit 1,104 10
05/10/2004 03:24 PM

Wow BFB is hot

ringworm 68,315 13
05/10/2004 03:25 PM

he has no fear of poor spelling / punctuation.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/10/2004 03:26 PM

Wow BFB is hot



Nice! Poor guy looks like he misplaced his helmet though...



The Yahoo account is a dummy account...

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/10/2004 06:26 PM

I'll bet money hat

I wish I had a money hat..



He's the man that wrote an article just to tell us how big his dick is.

Correction: Jeff is the man who wrote an article just to tell us how big his dick isn't.



frogs don't have hair.

do so!



do SO!





DO SO!!







for now, anyway.

WhoaDude 497 9
05/10/2004 09:45 PM

"wine 'em, dine 'em, 69 'em."



Sooo, you're saying John Hargrave is a "peckerwood redneck"?