PuggyD 48,304 12
05/10/2004 10:30 PM

I don't ever wanna hear you say, "I want it that-a-way."



Tell me why.

High Priestess of Stewie: battling with Briham 58,741 29
05/10/2004 10:30 PM

How about "Ewww, that's what it looks like in the light?"

Felix 2,568 10
05/10/2004 10:36 PM

gee honey, my period is a little late this month.

Prophecy 0 0
05/10/2004 10:38 PM

I was thinking more along the lines of.... "Honey I've been thinking...."

notmynutzurface 458 9
05/10/2004 10:39 PM

Hey Nutz!! You want to come to the next gab gathering?

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
05/10/2004 10:41 PM

"That wasn't Tang."

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/10/2004 10:45 PM

I have discovered the secret to eternal life! Now kindly place my nutz on your face.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
05/10/2004 10:47 PM

"Bush re-elected in landslide -- 8 votes to 1!"

Livewire 78,229 13
05/10/2004 10:56 PM

"Sweetie, now that we've been dating for 2 years, I have a small confession to make...

I'm the tubgirl."

TheSexualNinja 1,450 9
05/10/2004 11:30 PM

"I'm leaving you because the nintendo controller can vibrate now."

DeclanMcManus: I Love Lunchw00f 131,869 36
05/10/2004 11:35 PM

Depends on time and place.



I never want to hear my cardiologist say "whoops."



I never want to hear an airline pilot say "Oh, Shakespeare."

Chickens en mis pantalones! 286,326 61
05/10/2004 11:54 PM

"Honey, who is that strange man at the door? He says his name is Trixxie..."

Chickens en mis pantalones! 286,326 61
05/10/2004 11:55 PM

Honey, I think I'm pregnant.



But I had a vasectomy.



Yeah, you did and....ummmm.....

Chickens en mis pantalones! 286,326 61
05/10/2004 11:56 PM

*beep*



Yes, Mr. Chickens, this is the free clinic, were sorry to inform you of this, but the test has come back positive.

ShaferAndrew 50 10
05/10/2004 11:58 PM

My doctor: "Well, it may be time for violent anal dilation"

notmynutzurface 458 9
05/11/2004 12:03 AM

TTJ, Nutz I now pronounce you man and wife.

john the human cannonball 13 9
05/11/2004 12:16 AM

curses on u for mentioning Tubgirl!...



The thing i never want to hear: "Oh honey, u shouldn't be so hard on urself, i didn't mean to let u know that ur brother is better in bed than you, at least i didn't tell u how good ur dad was."

The Mailman 176,432 56
05/11/2004 01:30 AM

- "I'm really sorry for the syphilis. Can we still be friends ?"

Crazyballs 11,888 10
05/11/2004 01:32 AM

John,



u rlly suk at life.plz liek, die.

WhoaDude 497 9
05/11/2004 01:35 AM

I don't ever want to hear a future girlfriend say "I'm a guy".

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
05/11/2004 02:03 AM

"Congratulations, sir. You're now an Iraqi citizen!"

Emenius 1,433 10
05/11/2004 04:07 AM

Honey, we're going to be watching Legally Blonde 2 tonight, 3 times.

JudgeJuryJane 173,958 15
05/11/2004 01:16 PM

I hate to copy soneone else's answer, but I gotta go with this one.



TTJ, Nutz I now pronounce you man and wife.

Chickens en mis pantalones! 286,326 61
05/11/2004 01:21 PM

Welcome to ABU GHRAIB PRISON

Iceman, now a n00beteran 2,131 10
05/11/2004 01:29 PM

Hello! This is the captain of the cruise ship speaking! We've encountered an iceburg or two, and we're starting to sink... Oh Wait! An overweight female passenger just clogged the hole with one of her humongous tampons! We're all saved!

Crazyballs 11,888 10
05/11/2004 01:31 PM

I think that is something you would want to hear, in that situation.

Prophecy 0 0
05/11/2004 01:32 PM

"Honey remember when we always told little Timmy not to play on the railroad tracks....."

Chance 171,270 14
05/11/2004 01:35 PM

I would hate for someone to say "You didn't earn your ottos!"

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/11/2004 01:36 PM

I would hate for someone to say "You didn't earn your ottos!"

Scotty, the overweight biotechnician 5,349 10
05/11/2004 01:37 PM

"I'm leaving you for your brother."

Sexual Harassment Panda: All Natural Goodness 181,718 70
05/11/2004 01:37 PM

<action>says</action>



You didn't earn your ottos!

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
05/11/2004 01:38 PM

"Of course it's a Penis. I'm a man."

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
05/11/2004 01:41 PM

Mr. Bandit, I'd like to discuss your obvious pornography addiction.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/11/2004 01:42 PM

"Ha Ha, I'm not 14...I'm an FBI agent!!"

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
05/11/2004 01:54 PM

Satan: Welcom!

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
05/11/2004 01:55 PM

Satan was never a good speller.

Prophecy 0 0
05/11/2004 01:56 PM

I won't even drink water from a well let alone.....

Fratberry 282,615 53
05/11/2004 01:58 PM

Why don't you "move up a floor"?

Scotty, the overweight biotechnician 5,349 10
05/11/2004 02:01 PM

"Jihad Jihad Jihad!!"

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
05/11/2004 02:01 PM

I'll bet you're wondering how I knew your ass was sore.

JudgeJuryJane 173,958 15
05/11/2004 02:06 PM

You're pregnant? Well, that's bad timing, because I've discovered that I'm in love with your best friend's wife. We want to be together, and I'm moving in with her tonight. Good luck with our two kids.





Frost YOU DAVID! I'll get you back for this!



Thebest thing I've heard-

"Honey, it seems that when I moved in with her, she gave me herpes"



Ha ha! You dumb bastard.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
05/11/2004 02:10 PM

"I only like to cuddle."

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/11/2004 02:13 PM

"What the Frost are you doing?"

"I want to cuddle"

<SLAP>

"Fag."

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
05/11/2004 02:25 PM

Someone you know, has something they want to tell you, and we want to invite you to come to Chicago and be our guest on, The Gerry Springer Show, so they can break the news !

Scotty, the overweight biotechnician 5,349 10
05/11/2004 02:26 PM

Clickie for the Boondock quote.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
05/11/2004 02:31 PM

"When you were born, the doctors told us we had to make a decision, boy or girl."

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/11/2004 02:32 PM

Clickie for the Boondock quote.



Clickie for getting it...

Gonzo 20,522 17
05/11/2004 02:33 PM

* Knock! Knock! Knock! *



"Goatse-gram!"

Pants 14,252 17
05/11/2004 02:34 PM

"Are you in yet?"

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
05/11/2004 02:37 PM

"You're not really captain Picard from Star Trek."

Scotty, the overweight biotechnician 5,349 10
05/11/2004 02:38 PM

"Allow me to introduce you to your cell-mate. Scotty, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, Scotty..."

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
05/11/2004 03:07 PM

I don't think you would have a problem unless your a little boy in which you wouldn't be going to prison anyway.



Besides If he bothered you could punch him in his million dollar face.

Whistler P. McManus 185,899 44
05/11/2004 03:38 PM

"We've been reviewing our secret surviellance tapes..."

Pants 14,252 17
05/11/2004 03:42 PM

"With this ring I thee wed."

Hardrockwank 642 9
05/11/2004 03:46 PM

Don't worry, I've seen smaller.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/11/2004 03:49 PM

"Hey, let's cut off his head"

Hardrockwank 642 9
05/11/2004 03:50 PM

Slightly attractive girl whom you are having sex with..."Spank my hairy ass!"

Bankey 70,843 10
05/11/2004 03:52 PM

"I've decided to transfer ownership of ZUG.com to Deutsche Bahn AG"

deenky, creating confusion worldwide 164 10
05/11/2004 03:54 PM

After research into George Bush's education we have discovered he has recieved his degree here:

http://www.affordabledegrees.com/

BooBooKittyFuck 173,958 15
05/11/2004 03:57 PM

At your six month check up-



Remember when we told you that brain tumor wasn't malignant? Well, there was a screw up in the lab.



Doctor, how much longer do I have?



5..4..3..

High Priestess of Stewie: battling with Briham 58,741 29
05/11/2004 03:57 PM

Trae: Hey guys, I'm really a man.

Briham, Self Proclaimed King of the Pig n00bs 38,843 10
05/11/2004 06:20 PM

Actually, I lied, I'm only 14 years old.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/11/2004 06:25 PM

Actually, I lied, I'm only 14 years old.



You're not an FBI agent by any chance, are you?

Chili didn't do it. 8,880 12
05/11/2004 06:44 PM

"Hmm. Well, let me get the ultrasound so we can see just how many babies are in there."

Prophecy 0 0
05/11/2004 07:44 PM

"Sorry Mr. Adams, but there seemed to be a mix up with your chart and the other patient's chart you share a room with...but the good news is I just saved 15% by switching to Geico."

Marilyn 12,471 13
05/11/2004 08:01 PM

Thank you for showing me your breasts but I'm going to have to give you a speeding ticket anyway.

Pat The Great 948 9
05/11/2004 08:04 PM

Phone rings. . .



Can you hear me now?

Marilyn 12,471 13
05/11/2004 08:08 PM

Phone rings. . .



Twinkle twinkle little star...



...Up above the sky so high, like a diamond in the sky...

Briham NLI... Just kidding 38,843 10
05/11/2004 08:11 PM

Phone rings...



Seven days...

Marilyn 12,471 13
05/11/2004 08:13 PM

Phone rings...



Can I speak to Anita Tinkle.

Pat The Great 948 9
05/11/2004 08:14 PM

Hey! I started a fad!

Marilyn 12,471 13
05/11/2004 08:16 PM

And ended it.

Briham NLI... Just kidding 38,843 10
05/11/2004 08:23 PM

Marilyn's right. You ruined the fad. The magic is gone now. I demand you flagellate yourself in repentance.

Swizz tiene trastos en su tronco 3,957 10
05/11/2004 09:48 PM

"Aw Shakespeare, the condom broke. Good thing the pill works"*



and



"Wow, you could have 10 lb. babies, no problem!"**



*heard that one, on a sweaty night full of grunting



**heard this one nine months later, also on a sweaty night full of grunting

salvage semi-lurks 28,986 12
05/11/2004 10:03 PM

"This is the warrant, we'll be digging up your yard and crawl-space. Is that your clown suit sir?"



"Did I say virgin? I meant pre-op, I always get those confused."

Admiral Obvious 1,412 10
05/12/2004 12:34 AM

"Me and and your dad used to have anal sex all the time!!!"

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/12/2004 03:37 AM

flap YOU DAVID! I'll get you back for this!



haha, ringworm's in trouble..

Sour Cream and Chive Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/12/2004 03:44 AM

You: "Dad, I thought you and mom were retired."



Your dad: "We are son, but I've been pimpin' your mom out on the weekends to help pay the bills."

Sour Cream and Chive Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/12/2004 03:47 AM

"Honey, you know that thing I'll never let you do? Well, I let your sister do it with a strap on last night."

Chickens en mis pantalones! 286,326 61
05/12/2004 10:03 AM

*doorbell rings*

*door opens to this kid*



Hi, Mom tells me you're my dad. Can I move in?

Iceman, now a n00beteran 2,131 10
05/12/2004 10:11 AM

The doctor says I'm pregnant, with 9 children.

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
05/12/2004 01:49 PM

"Hello, is this Lloyd?"



"Yes."



"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE WON 5 MILLION DOLLARS!"



"WOW! YAY! WOOOHOO!"



"Now, Mr. Smith, we just need to confirm your address before we send the cheque."



"Wait a second. My last name isn't Smith."



"Oh? Sorry, wrong number."

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
05/12/2004 01:50 PM

You know honey, I've been getting a lot of those junk e-mails about penis enlargement. Do you want me to forward one to you?

Sour Cream and Chive Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/12/2004 02:12 PM

"Boy, you sure got a purty mouth"









(unless I'm watching that movie)

Prophecy 0 0
05/24/2004 01:33 AM

"No problem, I forgot all about this place til the other day."

Wondershark 279 10
05/24/2004 02:36 AM

bvvvzzzzzzzzmpfp!



I hate when people do that.