Gavvo 1,789 12
05/13/2004 02:01 PM

Isn't that the spray thing?

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 02:01 PM

Oh and what kinda freaked me out is that you had to go in there totally naked. So I spent my lunch naked. NAKED!

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 02:03 PM

Yes- you go in this little booth wearing only a hair net. A machine sprays you up and down for like 15 seconds. When it stops you turn around and it sprays you for another 15 seconds. Really neat.

Gavvo 1,789 12
05/13/2004 02:04 PM

I have to wonder about the no clothes thing... Everybody usually has some sort of tan line anyway, does it affect the material or something?

Pants 14,252 17
05/13/2004 02:06 PM

I hate to break it to you but the Sun that's outside, it's free.

It's true. 100% free

Gavvo 1,789 12
05/13/2004 02:08 PM

They did a news special on that thing last summer around here, looked weird...

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/13/2004 02:11 PM

They also did it on an episode of "Friends" where Ross kept not turning around at the right time so by the end he was like, black on the front side but totally pale in back. And he was wearing swim trunks during his tanning session, so I'm forced to assume that the tanning booth operator lied to you about the naked part for his own sick purposes. Hell if I know what those purposes are, though, cuz <insult about Chance's looks deleted so as not to be a total dick>.

DeadMic 3,390 10
05/13/2004 02:12 PM

My wife, DeadTonya, is a redhead, so she can't tan using the 100% free sun. She does the Mystic tan all the time, and I think it looks great.



She usually supplements it with a self tanner, like Banana Boat or something, but only to get the spots that the spray nozzle misses.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/13/2004 02:14 PM

She usually supplements it with a self tanner, like Banana Boat or something, but only to get the spots that the spray nozzle misses.



Psst...she's masturbating.

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 02:15 PM

I hate to break it to you but the Sun that's outside, it's free.

Yes its free, but Its bad for you. Not to mention the fact the reason I've never had a tan isnt from lack of trying. I burn, bubble, peel and turn white again.

DeadMic 3,390 10
05/13/2004 02:16 PM

Psst...she's masturbating.



No, she uses her vibrator for that.

styrofoam peanut 4,212 10
05/13/2004 02:17 PM

Yes, because if it is on Friends, IT IS DEFINITELY TRUE!

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 02:18 PM

Yes it turns your underwear and bra brown.

Oh and Puggy- post a pic and then we will see who needs some work done.

Only those who have posted a pic are aloud to comment on my failure to please the beauty gods.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/13/2004 02:19 PM

Yes it turns your underwear and bra brown.



Well, since you're already halfway there...

styrofoam peanut 4,212 10
05/13/2004 02:20 PM

Puggy, you suck. Go watch Dirty Dancing with your mother.

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 02:23 PM

Puggy dear, its Chance. Remember me and our 4 hour tour? We are friends honey which means you leave the fat and ugly jokes about me in your diary. One day I'll find that diary though and then all hell will break loose!

Pants 14,252 17
05/13/2004 02:23 PM

I burn, bubble, peel and turn white again



I'm right there with you. I'm still peeling from 3 weeks ago but if I took my shirt off I would be sure to burn out your retina from the reflection.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/13/2004 02:25 PM

Dear Diary,



I'm sorry for all those hateful racist things I said about you. Everything's changed; I'm in love... something you would never understand you dirty, dirty, dirty Jew diary. Just kidding, just kidding.



--Jerri Blank

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 02:25 PM

DeadMike- I'm a redhaed also, with freckles. I also have the palest skin imaginable.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/13/2004 02:26 PM

I have a friend who's part Irish, part albino. She wins.

DeadMic 3,390 10
05/13/2004 02:29 PM

DeadMike- I'm a redhead also, with freckles. I also have the palest skin imaginable.



Well, if you're planning on having any kids, have them with a Mexican.

They willbe the most beautiful children ever.

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
05/13/2004 02:32 PM

I have a friend who's part Irish, part albino.



So she has red hair and pink eyes? Is she a Powerpuff Girl?

ringworm 68,315 13
05/13/2004 02:32 PM

you're not tan - you're dirty. wash that Shakespeare off.

Pants 14,252 17
05/13/2004 02:35 PM

Well, if you're planning on having any kids, have them with a Mexican.

They willbe the most beautiful children ever.






Yeah, great the kid will be a beautiful drunk that won't speak english or bathe.

DeadMic 3,390 10
05/13/2004 02:37 PM

I know a few redheads that speak english and bathe everyday and don't drink.

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 03:02 PM

you're not tan - you're dirty. wash that Shakespeare off.

I thought you liked it dirty Worm.

Gonzo 20,522 17
05/13/2004 03:11 PM

Yes... the sun is very dangerous. I can see how having a machine spray chemicals - ones that will damage your clothing - all over your body must be so much saver.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
05/13/2004 03:14 PM

I just use shoe polish myself.

20,522 17
05/13/2004 03:20 PM

Well, now, lookie-here Andy!

Molly Whittaker 156,785 17
05/13/2004 03:26 PM

You have to be sure to exfoliate Chance, or else you'll look like a mutant Michael Jackson spotted kiwi, as it wears off.



Me? I tan very easily.

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 03:30 PM

Yes... the sun is very dangerous. I can see how having a machine spray chemicals - ones that will damage your clothing - all over your body must be so much saver.



Its a vitamin spray, but thanks for your concern.



Trae- yes I will, and he also told me to moisturize in the morning and before bed.

Molly Whittaker 156,785 17
05/13/2004 03:33 PM

I find that jizz is a good moisturizer. Get a facial, let it dry and peel off.



Instant masque!!

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 03:36 PM

So your saying if I ask for a pearl necklace tonight, I might get one?

Molly Whittaker 156,785 17
05/13/2004 03:37 PM

with matching earrings if you play your cards right, sister!

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 03:38 PM

I have so much to learn.

Chit4Brainz 178,742 15
05/13/2004 04:10 PM

Soon to be widely available, as Earle Schieb is getting into that action I hear.

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 04:17 PM

Its been 3 hours since my spray down. I would have to say I'm looking mighty tanned. Maybe I'll wear shorts tommorrow without the fear of blinding someone from the white glare.

Hardrockwank 642 9
05/13/2004 04:19 PM

I remember my ex doing that Mystic tan stuff. She left brown footprints allover the carpet afterwards.

Chance 171,270 14
05/13/2004 04:20 PM

<action> Lowers bucket </action> You are suppose to put the lotion on the feet.

Hardrockwank 642 9
05/13/2004 04:29 PM

Hmmm...she always was bad at following directions. Such as directing on how to give a handjob ended up with me getting an indian burn.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/13/2004 04:35 PM

Was she talking on the phone?



No?



Then why the hell was she giving you a handjob?

Hardrockwank 642 9
05/13/2004 04:37 PM

For some reason she had levels to go through.



-Hanjob

-Oral

-Sex

-Anal???

-Dominatrix???

Hardrockwank 642 9
05/13/2004 04:37 PM

-handjob*

HisBoyElroy 10,621 13
05/13/2004 04:43 PM

see, now look what you did. you went and ruined a perfectly good wookiejob joke.



way to go, Emerson.

Chance 171,270 14
05/14/2004 09:10 AM

Chance

So your saying if I ask for a pearl necklace tonight, I might get one?

Molly Whittaker

with matching earrings if you play your cards right, sister!



O.k this is a little freaky. Last night when I got home my mother had left me a pearl necklace with diamond accents with matching earrings!

So mom how long have you been reading my sick posts?

11,888 10
05/14/2004 09:12 AM

Three months, dear.

Chance 171,270 14
05/14/2004 09:22 AM

LIAR! My mom doesnt know how to use a computer! HA!

Molly Whittaker 156,785 17
05/14/2004 10:43 AM

Yeah but I bet she gives a mean blowjob!

Crazyballs 11,888 10
05/14/2004 10:51 AM

Hell yeah she does!

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
05/14/2004 12:29 PM

I wonder if the chemicals in the Mystic Spray are anything like what they use to tan leather.



Hey Chance, mind if I gnaw on your skin to find out?

Chance 171,270 14
05/14/2004 12:33 PM

I might taste a little sweet and sour.

BTW my next appointment is in 30 minutes.

Molly Whittaker 156,785 17
05/14/2004 12:33 PM

Spicey should change his name to Frisky McHaggis

Chance 171,270 14
05/14/2004 12:34 PM

Yeah but I bet she gives a mean blowjob!

Only when she takes her teeth out.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
05/14/2004 12:36 PM

There is no better pleasure than when an old lady gives you a mind-blowing gummer.

Chance 171,270 14
05/14/2004 12:44 PM

Coincidence- Trae knew I was getting a pearl necklace with matching earrings yesterday. Now she knows (or is maybe bragging) about my mother (which I'm thinking may be Trae) gives great head.

So Trae (if thats your real name) how many fingers am I holding up? What year was I born? Who is the president of the Acadamy of model Aeronautics? Why is the sky blue and the grass green and brown? Last but not least, why can't I tan???????

Chance 171,270 14
05/14/2004 01:52 PM

Just recieved my second spraying. Getting darker as I type. I will keep everyone updated on my tanning results, maybe before and after pictures to follow if I take enough Xanax.

Gavvo 1,789 12
05/14/2004 02:12 PM

This whole conversation, I keep thinking of the movie Soul Man. This could get real interesting...

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
05/14/2004 02:13 PM

Just recieved my second spraying



I haven't been following this thread. What's it about? I assume from that post that Chance has fleas?

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
05/14/2004 02:16 PM

What's it about?



Gang-Bangs.

Chance 171,270 14
05/14/2004 02:26 PM

I have a disease called albinoassidis. Also known as the OppositeMichaelJacksonidis". I am currently being cured.

Molly Whittaker 156,785 17
05/14/2004 03:24 PM

I just came back from my second tanning session. I'm all toasty brown, no tan lines and I think I'll only need one more session to be set for Summer!

Spicey McHaggis 117,736 36
06/19/2004 11:28 AM

Oh and what kinda freaked me out is that you had to go in there totally naked.



It says here that underwear or bathing suit is optional. You just wanted to give them a show!



Now where are the pictures?

Declan McManus, Investigative Cook 131,869 36
06/19/2004 03:56 PM

I wonder if it's like the car wash, or if they actually use fresh spray for each tanner????

Livewire 78,229 13
06/19/2004 04:03 PM

So I spent my lunch naked. NAKED!



*turns green, puts down the chips*



Please continue, you're helping my diet.

Lunchbox 14,650 10
06/19/2004 04:30 PM

There's this place called Tanfastic near where I live in san antonio, and one time I dated this ditsy bitch for a semester and she went there religiously for a period. She was completely orange. You see why I went for guys? Guys don't do this kind of stuff--at least not to the point of orangeness.

Livewire 78,229 13
06/19/2004 05:39 PM

If you tan until you're orange, I think you're entitled to "visible minority" status.



Affirmative action!

Lunchbox 14,650 10
06/20/2004 12:50 AM

tards shouldnt get special privileges.

Anita Blake 6,762 9
06/20/2004 12:52 AM

Affirmative action?! Man, don't get me all riled up about that. I'm liable to get on my soapbox here shortly.

Anita Blake 6,762 9
06/20/2004 12:54 AM

Wow,if this tanning procedure works as good as she says it does, I might give it a try. I'm so white, I'm neon clear. I'm liable to blind people with my thighs.



That doesn't speak well for me, considering I'm Hispanic. Living in the Caribbean at that.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/09/2005 01:56 PM

You know, I'm pretty sure they weren't suggesting you go into the sun, so why don't you quit bitching.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
04/09/2005 02:44 PM

I'M suggesting he go into the sun.

Jo-kr 0 8
04/09/2005 03:18 PM

I have a strange affliction whereby my sunburn turns into a lovely golden tan, with a light spreading of peeling upon my shoulders. Thus in one day, 8 if you take the peeling into account, I am now dark enough to pass as Emanuel, the Spanish Stud. But fatter. More of a El-Rolo than an El-Dorado so to speak.



This liquid tanning thing sounds great, but "stand and spread-em" sounds so cliche. I'd develop a system where you're picked up by a machine then repeatedly dunked into a vat of the stuff, like the fat doughnuts we all are into the coffee cup of life.



And i keep wondering why i got fired from my last job :(

Dogs Akimbo 211,379 32
04/09/2005 04:38 PM

<action>Then shalt thou post to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt post, and the number of the posting shall be three. Four shalt thou not post, neither post thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third post, be reached, then pressest thou thy Holy Submit Button towards thy thread, which, being lengthy in my sight, shall maha it.</action>1. Kingfish: Well, now, lookie-here Andy!



Don't you hate it when Jack Benny doesn't log in?





2. You see why I went for guys? Guys don't do this kind of stuff-



It is a well-known fact that gay men do not bother with personal appearances.





3. I'm Irish-American. I don't tan, I stroke. -George Carlin

Loociam Straw - Under Metamorphosis 97,833 37
04/09/2005 06:28 PM

Haven't you heard? Carolyn Hax says that pasty is in!

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/09/2005 07:25 PM

What does exfoliate mean? Is that like deforestation?

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
04/09/2005 08:28 PM

Donk, a girl really ought to do both before applying any self-tanner type thing. Scrub the hell out of your skin first so it doesn't dye patchy and shave first so you don't immediately afterwards shave off your tan with your old-growth forest.



The more you know.