Sour Cream and Chive Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/16/2004 02:31 PM

A farmer was out mowing his alfalfa one afternoon when he had the sudden urge to pee. He rounded one corner, shut off his tractor and walked over to the edge of the field by the treeline and whipped it out.



As he relieved himself, he stirred up a yellowjacket that was pollinating the flowers. The yellowjacket was startled into stinging the farmer right on the head of his dick. The farmer yelped in pain and tried to figure out what to do, when he rememberd that milk will stop the pain of a yellowjacket sting.



He hopped back on his tractor and drove to his house, rushed inside and poured a glass of milk, in which he stuck his stinging willy.



About this time his teenage daughter walked into the kitchen, and upon seeing her father like this, got a bewildered look on her face.



The farmer said, "Now I know you've seen one of these before."



"Yes," the daughter replied, "but I've never seen one being reloaded."

peter changes his name and cracks himself up. 1,850 10
05/16/2004 02:32 PM

if only that really happened.

peter changes his name and cracks himself up. 1,850 10
05/16/2004 02:33 PM

for both of them.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/16/2004 11:04 PM

Spiteful bump.

Dudergator ate WhoaDude 497 9
05/17/2004 01:07 AM

Well at least that gumbo/ice cream joke made sense, unlike the last one.

Bad Donkey 19,242 12
05/17/2004 01:13 AM

Doy doy doy

Briham 38,843 10
05/18/2004 07:35 PM

A guy walks into the grocery store and tries to buy some dog food. The cashier is a real douchebag and asks: "Do you have a dog?"

Guy: "Yeah"

Cashier: "Where is it?"

Guy: "At Home"

Cashier: "Well, unless you show the dog, I can't sell you the food?"



The next day the guy comes back and tries to buy some cat food. Pretty much the same thing happens. The cashier won't let him buy it unless he proves he has a cat.



The third day, the guy comes in holding a brown paper bag. He opens it up and tells the cashier to put her hand in the bag. She says "It's warm and moist."

The man says "I need to buy some toilet paper."

Pat The Great 948 9
05/18/2004 08:43 PM

True Poop Story:



Back in the early days of the U.S. space program, any time an astronaught wanted to take a crap in space he had to empty his bowels into a little plastic bag, and then label it for study back on Earth.



You see, scientists had no idea what weightlessness would do to a human digestive system, so they just wanted to find out.



But then one spaceman got sassy. He managed to bring up some Coco-powder, and once in space, put it in a plastic bag, and sent it down with the rest of the poo.



ThiShakespeare the headlines:

"ASTRONAUGHTS CAN'T DIGEST CHOCOLATE IN SPACE!"



The scientists then banded the Space jockeys from chocolate. All the stores had mysteriousely taken it off their shelves, and don't even think about the NASA cafeteria.



But the astronaughts wanted their chocolate. The original perpetrator tried and tried to convince the scientists that it was all one big prank, that he had given them coco-powder. But they wouldn't believe him.



So one day, he called all the scientists together and told 'em to bring his Chocolate poo. He brought a glass of milk. With NASA's scientific community watching, he mixed coco powder and milk, and chugged it.



The scientists were pretty convinced it wasn't poo.



All spelling mistakes are intentional.

Daggy 86,684 14
07/25/2004 01:35 AM

bmup!